Power of Happiness

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“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” – Dale Carnegie

Many of us think of happiness as a fleeting image. We are at an amusement park, on vacation or some other entertaining venue or event, which induces us to be in a state of happiness.

The power of real happiness has little to do with our environment or circumstances. It is a daily choice.

For years, I kept waiting for the day to come when I could be happy. I thought it meant clearing away all the heaviness inside of me. I figured I had too many “shoulds,” in my life that came before happiness, until I discovered that happiness is there even when life feels like it’s not cooperating.

In choosing happiness, it’s to choose well-being. It’s to acknowledge all parts within ourselves in harmonizing or at least, being copacetic with each other. The internal battle is not being fought, because one part of me is not trying to banish the other parts.

To get rid of any part of ourselves doesn’t contribute to wholeness. In happiness, it is to know things aren’t always in complete agreement, but it is to trust that they can co-exist without there being a struggle. Control is not necessary when it comes to the outside or other people, happiness is felt in letting go.

Even when I have things going on in my personal or professional life that I want to be more satisfactory than they currently are, I make a choice. I can either go down the road of feeling futility, disappointed or just wrung out. Or, I decide to focus on something that feels good, even if it is allowing myself to sit for 5 minutes and reconnect to me and what I want.

If we make our minds up to be happy rather than concerned about things, which are problematic, we may actually come out with better solutions when the time is right.

How many of us spend hours wasted on thinking of a future problem, something in which we currently have no power to change or solve, and come to find that it was all a waste of “thinking, or obsessing?” It pays off to set our minds to happier thoughts, rather than the familiarity of the punishment in our thinking.

Some of us feel we must only think of solving problems. If there’s not a problem , we’ll create one.

It’s something to keep us in our comfort zone of familiarity. Choosing to think happier thoughts, requires effort. It is not easy to shift, but when we start thinking we’re okay as we are, that life is okay as it is and that whatever happens around us is okay too, we automatically become happier.

“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.” – James Oppenheim

Creative thinking comes from letting go of the type of thoughts, which weigh us down. When we start to feel heavy, holding the reins emotionally, we can change the direction. We can acknowledge whatever is making us feel like mud and still choose to re-focus on creating more well-being.

If we want to manifest the best life possible, it pays to focus on what we want rather than on what isn’t working. The more creative we are, the greater our sense of well-being.

When we are in this lighter, more buoyant space with our emotional state, our actions can more easily match to carry us to the goals we say we want. Sometimes, our actions must come first and then the change of thoughts will follow.

For myself, it really is about shifting what I am doing. If I start to feel crappy for any reason, I ask myself do I want to dwell here? The familiarity of the old wallowing feelings start to surface and I literally have to disengage and ask myself, what would give me joy right now? What would be in alignment with my goals? And I shift into action first, I start writing or doing something creative. If my thoughts move first, I look at something, such as my vision board, or think of what I want. Anything to break up the downward spiral…and re-focus on my sense of well-being.

The more connected we are to all parts of ourselves, the less we lose touch with that sense of good feelings in ourselves. Even if we’re momentarily thrown for a loop, the happiness we have at the base of our feelings, never really goes away.

 

 

Power of Gratitude V

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Sometimes I hear, “Have an Attitude of Gratitude,” with the purpose of helping me manifest what I want; have more peace, feel more open and overall, less frustrated with my current lot in life.

And at those times, when I’m most frustrated, I find it difficult to really step out of my comfort zone with it’s revolving thoughts! It’s a merry-go-round in my head! Trying to figure out why, I’m stuck in a place once again, in which, I’ve visited many times, over several years.

Now most people can relate to frustration being a difficult emotion to step out of and stop, cold turkey.

There is a certain comfort to old thoughts and lashing out at the Universe, as to why things are once again headed in an unwelcome direction. I know, because I’ve found it the most challenging time to have any gratitude for anything.

Most negative emotions can wrap us up in their clutches, making it feel impossible to be released.

We don’t get relief, so easily as to just say words of gratitude, oh no! It’s the same thing with positive affirmations, even if the words come out of our mouth, does it match our truth? Does it match our energy, our intention, our feelings?

Just saying words with no real meaning attached to it, gives us no power. It keeps us powerless, especially if the force of our anger or unhappiness is behind it.

In some of my more recent challenges, the ones, which I didn’t understand their significance or reoccurrence, I discovered something new. I came to understand my value.

People can say how wonderful we are, they can slather us in praise, and we can even look in the mirror and say, “Hmmm…not bad,” but these sentiments are not necessarily indicative of how we value ourselves.

In the past, I believed I had to work super hard to get value. I also believed that everything in my life had happened as either a reflection of me or that it was a lesson I wasn’t getting! This trifecta of thoughts would come up every time a past result, seemed to be my present outcome. I’d think of how I handled it differently, how I acted differently and how I thought differently, so how could this possibly be happening?

It dawned on me one day.

Deep inside, I felt, I did not deserve my circumstances, that in this particular event, I embraced my value. I saw where I was responsible, where I had done everything I could think of and it still had poor results. This was not a reflection of me at all. I stopped beating myself up with those recurring thoughts and felt peace.

And what does this have to do with the power of gratitude?

In the realization of my own value, came an opening. All the responsibility I carried for the external circumstances, the outcome, of all that occurred, had dropped from my shoulders. The barriers of blame, I held against the Universe and myself started to crumble. I was able to feel my way into gratitude.

Gratitude is about the present moment, not the future. When it comes to being personally-empowered, all we can be connected to in the mind, body, spirit department is now.

We can be grateful for what is and where we are today. When we value ourselves, our gratitude is clearer and less tinged with what we don’t have in the moment.

If we take a few minutes to really look at a situation, in which we’re held hostage and feel gratitude is the last place we can actually touch, it’s important to stop for a second and ask ourselves, “Have I done everything, I believe can be done in this situation, with the knowledge I have right now?” If the answer is yes, (and it usually is when we’re frustrated), then seeing where we’re applying unnecessary pressure on ourselves for the present situation to be different is key.

Where does that come from?

Once we see why we need the validation of a situation to turn out right, we can gain clarity on our actions and our value. Once we really start honoring our value, we can feel grateful for exactly what is in our lives. We can look at the frustrating situation and know that it’s teaching us gratitude. It’s taught us that there is freedom from the murkiness of believing life has done us wrong, or we’re wrong.

I can be grateful right now for all that is in my life. It allows me to be accepting, and not in such a hurry. I can look at the past and feel thankful for the experiences, which have brought to the place of value I feel in myself.

The power of true gratitude is a feeling of softening, because it connects us to a greater source than ourselves. We’re not so worried and caught up in what might never happen.

Gratitude allows us to connect to our creativity. When we are in this space of freedom, connecting to the creative within us, it opens a door to new thought. We gain a new approach and an opportunity to lessen the intensity of our circumstances, enough so, that our actions coming from gratitude can lead us to a completely different place than we are today.

Thanking every experience and person, past or present for their contribution to helping us discover our true value, places us squarely in an empowered space.

Links to the four other posts in this series:

The Power Of Presence

The Power Of Balance

The Power of Abundance

The Power of Insecurities

 

 

Power of Insecurities IV

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Sounds like an oxymoron, right?

Most of us think there is nothing powerful about insecurities, in fact most of us want to hide them.

We go to great lengths to cover up the less than the desirable in ourselves, only to have those insecurities finding their own weird way to be expressed. When we ain’t looking or wrapping ourselves tight enough, an insecurity might slip out the back door!

Unfortunately, when the insecurity is unleashed in this manner….it tends to be an extreme or come off in a way that makes others want to run far away from us.

Feeling needy and insecure is not a bad thing. Hiding is what makes it an issue.

There is power in sharing our insecurities and how or why, we feel needy.

Every human being on the planet has insecurities. It’s part of our make-up to varying degrees. Those who have felt the most shame about their insecurities, tend to not only hide them more often, but overcompensate or under-achieve in just living their lives.

The most obnoxious or forceful person in the room is not at ease with his or herself and therefore will make someone else the object of negative attention. If they take the attention for themselves it’s to boast of their accomplishments or to point out how others do not measure up!

We’ve met people like this or perhaps, at times we’ve been this person. There is nothing powerful about the position, because it never fulfills us. It never can bring a sense of connection and happiness inside of us, when we are so disconnected from our truth.

When we connect to our truth, which is, each of us has insecurities, then the power is in accepting them; it becomes an invitation. Other people do not connect emotionally to our perfection and “no problem,” persona. They may keep us at arm’s length. Most of us are attracted to people who have issues too.

This doesn’t mean it’s time to throw all of our insecurities on the table and complain about them. On the contrary, it gives us and others’ the opportunity for our insecurities to not make out lives so complicated.

When others who know and love us are aware of our insecurities, they can make it easier rather than more difficult. Wait, what am I saying? Yes, I know some people think their insecurities can be used as a weapon against them, right?

Well, it’s not true when we accept our insecurities, first. If I’ve no problem with feeling a lack of confidence or trust in myself in certain areas, then it won’t matter if someone else minds. Why would it?

We cannot change our insecurities by force. Through accepting them, they become less toxic and problematic in our relationships.

If we’re lucky to have a partner, who is in tune with his or herself, then we can help each other to become more empowered with each of our insecurities.

Just because we’re told someone has an insecurity, doesn’t mean we solve it for the other person.

If we try to fix the insecurity of our partner, then two things are happening…the first is we are focusing on them, not our own stuff and this can become a problem in the relationship. We may take a superior stance or by making them our project, or trying to please them, so they’re okay. Our partner is not helped, because they will become reliant on us to provide that missing ingredient.

And what happens when we’re too tired to fix them or they want too much? All hell breaks loose, right?

Secondly, it’s not the eradication of insecurities that creates a healthy relationship with others. It’s the acceptance and ownership of our shit. If I can own that I’m provoked at times by my insecurities, it means I’m responsible for me. I’m not denying it or blaming someone else, I’m understanding my triggers and why I feel the anxiety or neediness. And of course, having a partner who is mindful, helps too.

If we know each other’s insecurities, it can be a place to grow.

We can be supportive of each other when we need to and yet, we don’t have to tell someone what to do or how to feel. We can offer our silence, our love, our words of encouragement. We can be genuine and have a conversation about it, without giving up our power to our partner to make them feel better.

If you’ve missed the first few posts on this series, here are the links:

The Power Of Presence

The Power Of Balance

The Power of Abundance

 

 

 

 

The Power of Abundance III

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The power of abundance would seem obvious to most of us. The more abundance of things we deem as good, would put us in a position of power, right?

An abundance of health, wealth, love, peace, happiness, friends, food, etc… is what most of us would find very satisfying, perhaps even fulfilling.

“Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns it calls me on and on across the universe.” ~John Lennon

As human beings, we always have a desire for more. More life, more love, more affection, more money, more laughter, etc…

We can deny the desires, but why should we say “no,” to what we really want? If we want to live in the country, travel, get married, etc….and we’re not doing it or moving in the direction of it, we have to ask ourselves, WHY?

Abundance is unlimited, scarcity is limited. Abundance breaks the rules, scarcity colors within the lines. Abundance is relaxing, scarcity is constricting. Some of us feel guilty wanting more for ourselves and others believe we don’t deserve our dreams….and as long as we live in guilt or undeserving energy….we will continue to set up situations, which highlight scarcity.

Abundance did not come to me easily. I was not brought up to believe love and money grew on trees (but they do provide for both) and that you had to work super hard to rub two nickels together.

“Not what we have, but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.”
~ Epicurus

Getting to a place of allowing abundance in our lives can feel like we’re breaking all sorts of rules.

We may abide by certain philosophies, which allow us to honor reasons to stay in scarcity. The power of abundance is scary, because it’s unlimited.

If the Universe is made up of a creative energy that has an intelligence, a sort of matching us where we are energy….and our energy is about manifesting through thought and action, wouldn’t the Universe mirror it back to us? As humans we have no control over timing or what an outcome actually looks like, but if we believe in the power of abundance we can approach it as a wide-eyed child.

Often life throws us a curve ball, but what if we approach dire or troubling situations from an unlimited, abundant perception? It could allow us to find the opportunity in a crisis.  

If we create rather than compete, we’re focused on the value of abundance–creating more rather than in scarcity, taking what someone else has in their possession.

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” ~ Albert Einstein

If more life is the goal of every living thing in the universe, we have to get clear on what keeps our “thinking,” in scarcity. Where are we limited and when did we come to believe this as our truth?

“Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.”
~ Wayne Dyer

The moment we engage in what we love, we are creating, when we’re creating…..we’re living in abundance. If we want to be in the Power of Abundance now, what can we do?

1. Believe there is more rather than less for everyone. There is no competition.

2. Find what you love to create and start creating, even if you think you are not any good at it, do it with love and do it often.

3. Once you are in the habit of creating with love, believe in the abundance of it, focus on it with a goal (even if the goal is just more time to do what you love) meaning look for opportunities to come from what you love. They will.

4. From abundance the opportunity to give and receive fully, becomes easier. We energetically connect to more when we get out of our own way and include others.

Watch life change, as you become more accustomed to the unlimited, the possibilities that may have seemed impossible in the past, are now your reality.

If you missed the first two parts in the series, please click the links below:

Power of Presence I

Power of Balance II

If you’re interested in upping your abundance level, please contact me Tracy AT tracycrossley.com

The Power of Balance II

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I want to say that the “power of balance,” out of all the titles in this series may be the most difficult to maintain in life….but I think that may just be, because it is the most difficult for me. 

When we are in balance, it feels like we’re in the flow, right? Our energy is in a good place, we’re giving and receiving without depletion or overwhelm. We have time for what really matters and feel rested in our daily life.

On those days, in those moments, we probably say something like, “Life is good.” We feel a sense of all being complete in the world and then the next moment or perhaps, the next day we lose our balance again.

Life throws many curveballs and it’s so easy to slip off into the commotion or being caught up in deadlines, commitments, stress or the fear of, “what if,” that our ability to stay connected to ourselves and life is greatly diminished.

Maintaining balance, like all true power is an inside job. Whatever is going on around us doesn’t have to control us. We can be actively engaged in creating our own world, at our own pace and setting the standards for what that looks like.

When we start to create boundaries WE respect for ourselves, first and foremost, we then set the tone for the rest of the world to respect them too. It becomes easier to create balance when we develop a list of standards that we invest in and abide by for our well-being.

I realized awhile back that it was okay to leave things undone for another day.

I used to live off my to-do lists.

Whatever was written on it, big or small, I chose to do it all, every day. I always felt depleted and until I woke up, and asked myself what validation was I looking for, I kept this cycle of imbalance up….for years.

It can be scary to create daily balance, but once we get clear on what’s really important to us and how we want to maintain it, we actually make our lives W-A-Y easier.

My standards state how I want to spend my free time, who I want to surround myself with and how much time I want to give to this part of my life, I have clarity. I also know my chances of being depleted by people who I don’t enjoy being around is minimal, because now I am placing a value on my time.

Our time is our greatest value.

Balance takes awareness. We must be checked into how we feel when we are doing an activity to see if we’re overdoing it, under-doing it or just being in the flow.

When I get caught up in something I love, like writing or painting, hours can go by, perhaps it knocks something else off my plate that I was going to do, BUT if I’m in a state of joy with my activity then I am still in my flow. Balance doesn’t always mean equal parts, it means to not be at extremes.

It’s important to have flexibility and know that circumstances outside of us shouldn’t influence us to the point where we over-do or hide away. To be  in balance is to let life be as it is, accepting it and doing what we want anyway. We can change our lives by living in our standards, by being open to possibilities and being checked in with ourselves to make sure the state we are in reflects the balance we really want to feel at all times.

The road to true health and creative wealth is to have balance. We are in the flow and whatever goes out from us, will come back to us.

Part III will be on the Power of Abundance.

If you missed Part I, The Power Of Presence, please click here. 

If you’d like some tools on creating balance in your life:

Please click here: Tracy@Tracycrossley.com 

The Power of Presence I

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The first six months of this year have been a major balancing act for me.

Good lessons came…ones that brought a whole new idea to presence, balance, abundance, happiness, relaxation and inner peace…..oh, and “choice.”

The power of presence is clearer to me with each sunrise. Waking slowly, staying in my body with my thoughts and not jumping hours ahead, out of my skin into the thick of the day.

As waking up slowly became more of a habit, I began to realize how many distractions there were coming from outside of my environment and into my phone, computer and invariably, my head.

The realization hit me that I’d allowed all of this to distract me, take me out of presence and into a place where I wasn’t really dealing with me. As it shielded me from me (and my true feelings), it created underlying stress.

I started slowing things down in all areas of my life.

I took measure of how I spent my time and if I was truly present, in the moment.

I didn’t want my life to pass me by, because I was just not emotionally there. I feel when I look back at certain past experiences, that I was distracted by the unimportant things. Worrying or obsessing about irrelevant crap disconnected me from those precious times, sometimes I feel wistful to truly re-experience them.

When I was younger, I put a lot of energy into appearing okay; I felt shitty a lot and didn’t really understand the concept of wholeness (All my great and shitty parts mixed together). I thought, if I looked like my act was together…then I was strong and could gain approval….just like the white picket fence story, et al.

Fast forward to 2014…

As I placed my focus on doing what was in front of me, I also stopped doing things to pull me out of the moment. If I was with other people, I stopped texting, checking Facebook and emailing (unless it was important) and put my attention to either what I’d been avoiding with others (intimacy? engagement? connection? vulnerability? change? etc), and became even more aware of what my truth (my intuition) was telling me.

I stopped focusing on who might want something from me and focused on what I wanted.

I started leaving my phone home by accident or would forget to check messages, and lost the old feeling that I needed to always have a busy phone or inbox and that if I didn’t, something was off. I stopped caring about, always having an escape route out of a moment, which I’d done by getting into a marathon text session, sending off emails or engaging in a lengthy phone call….I just enjoyed the presence of my life, whether I was alone or with others.

I became more active in all areas of my life, taking action to have an experience rather than just talking about it. My days became sweeter, slower and happier.

Perhaps, you can relate to where I was:

  • Have you ever found yourself checking your phone a million times a day, whether you’re with others or alone?
  • Do you look for things to do on your phone or computer to distract you from your life?
  • What about getting twitchy when you realize you haven’t talked or texted for hours on your phone?
  • When you’re in public, at a party, out with friends, etc….do you text, call or email other people?
  • Have you ever thought of what you’re actually avoiding in the environment you are physically in, by these technological distractions (including the TV)? Perhaps, you’re avoiding your spouse, kids, your job or taking action for yourself?

Now all of these questions aren’t mean as 100% of the time, but enough, for you to stop and look at all the ways you may not being present in your life. It was a “wake-up call,” to me. :)

If you’d like some tools to gain more presence, click here.

Part ll of this post will be the Power of Balance

Eating, Playing, Being and Orgasms

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Lately, orgasms have been a focal point in my writing. Let me preface it with, I can only speak from my experience as a woman.

It’s not the sexual act of having an orgasm as to what I’m clearly addressing today. How about the value of an orgasm as it relates to “being present,” and “having the life we want.”

If we’re fully present and engaged in an activity; eating, playing, working, having sex or even just being, etc. we have a different experience of ourselves and the world.

BEING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT IS KEY TO FULFILLING SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS.

I use the word authenticity when describing living life on our terms and the ability to have an earth-shaking orgasm. Ya Ya!

Authenticity is who we truly are, beneath all the bullshit we tell ourselves we are or should be. It’s the truth; it’s the voice we often ignore, because it means we have to change what we’re doing, how we spend our time and perhaps, who we spend our time with too.

As an example, I’ve a client who is afraid to let go of her marriage. It is dead and over, they live in the same house, but there is no desire to work on things or come together, on either part. She has ignored her inner voice for years, telling her to move on. She lived with excuses; other people and their “possible,” opinions seemed to matter more than her happiness. She’s still waiting for someone else to come and rescue her, or hoping her estranged husband will find someone else, or that some HUGE sign will show up, telling her now is the right time to go. None of this has happened and will more than likely not happen, she is being pushed to stand for her own life.

She has ignored that voice, her authentic truth….and her chance, to so far, live an amazing existence….and she’s missing out on amazing orgasms too!!!

Think I’m kidding?

How can you have an amazing climax, when only part of you is present to do it? You can have an orgasm, but to have that fantastic out of this world experience…it’s equal parts mind, body and soul.

If you’re missing one, your life and your orgasms are lacking.

How many of us do this in different parts of our lives? And how many of us can truly let go of who we are not and be at our most open, vulnerable and raw state to experience life or sex?

To have what we want and create the life we deeply desire, it requires openness to ourselves first.

We must be connected to the TRUTH of what we want, not all the excuses that hold us back. When we have that unity in our mind, body and soul, it’s our most creative state to match to the unseen and create our reality.

We can also have a damn good orgasm.

I know when I’m in the state of building up to an orgasm, all of the molecules in my body are engaged, as is my spirit and my mind. It is a super intense focus!! Now, imagine creating our lives with that love, sensuality, joy and fun!!  And imagine the outcome being a climax, except this one doesn’t end.

When I am doing what I love and being true to myself, I wake up giddy in the morning!!

I practice self-care, my life is more in balance and it’s pretty orgasmic! When I’m working at something, which drains me, because I am afraid to lose the money or I’m in the company of people only because I am afraid to be alone…..I am disconnected. I am in fear. And sex…..um yeah….

Fear stands in the way of orgasms.

If we want to live a FULFILLING life, whether we’re just hanging out, spending time alone, working, exercising, eating, etc….we must be fully present. To be fully present requires us to be connected with all parts of ourselves. When we’re in fear this does not happen, we are only operating with a part of ourselves and denying the rest of us liberation.

Fear keeps us limited. So, shuck the fear, get in the flow. There’s a whole other way to live this life starting with BE HERE, NOW.

If orgasms are far and few between or life feels like a flat line, please contact me, I can help!

Please click here: Tracy@Tracycrossley.com