I love posting short excerpts, as great reminders of ideals that may be applied universally , no matter what belief system we have had our whole life. Thank you Don Miguel Ruiz.
Here are the four agreements starting with the most important one and most difficult to keep and yet, it works as a tool of magic:
The First Agreement: BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Your word is the power to create. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. Through your word you manifest everything. By hooking our attention, the word can enter our mind and change a whole belief for better of for worse.
The following agreements are born from the first agreement.
The Second Agreement: DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. If you take it personally, then you take that poison and it becomes yours. Feeling offended means you defend your beliefs and create conflict, because you need to be right. Everyone has their beliefs according to their own system, so nothing they think about you is really about you.
The Third Agreement: DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
The problem with assumptions is we believe they are the truth. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and then taking things personally. In any kind of relationship we can make the assumption that others know what we think and we don’t have to say what we want….if they don’t do what we assume they should do, we feel hurt and think, “How could they do that?” And the drama begins…so don’t make assumptions.
The Fourth Agreements: ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
This agreement allows the other three to become deeply ingrained habits. Regardless of the quality, keep doing your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret. Doing your best you’re going to live your life intensely and taking action because you love it, not because you’re expecting a reward. If you work just for the reward, you actually resist work, because you are suffering to get the reward. When you do your best you accept yourself. And when you take action, just for the sake of doing it, you find joy in every action you do.
How much difficulty and complexity we create is to the degree that we want to stand in our own way of what we really want.
I have spent countless hours thinking of everything I need to do, mulling it over and focusing on it, as though if I don’t get it done…catastrophe will happen.
There’s always a feeling of needing to be somewhere else rather than right here and now.
Moving away from this cycle can be, well, difficult!
We blame others, we look at impossible situations and most of the time we just want to complain or feel overwhelmed, instead of being in the present moment. We prefer to distract ourselves and use the excuse about whatever drama is going on outside of us as being super duper important!
Nothing is as important as being in the present moment, because when we look back and we’ve been tied up in difficulty, all we will see is a blur. A blur of emotion, activity…but no real connection to what we were experiencing, because we weren’t there.
And this can go on for years…and what do we have at the end of the day or our lives?
Disconnection from ourselves and an inability to extricate ourselves from the difficulties.
When we realize that was is going on outside of us, doesn’t need us to engage in order to keep the difficulty alive, we can free ourselves from the burden of feeling like we have to be in the middle of these distractions.
Going within to our inner world changes our relationship to life. It’s in that place, we discover what is actually necessary for us to do in our difficult situation, if anything.
Life is meant to be lived simply and when we do it from the inside out, we find that we’re much more in the moment, at peace and able to participate from a clearer perspective.
Many of us believe logic is the way to make a decision and for some things it may work out just fine.
The truth is “LIFE IS ILLOGICAL.”
We plan for A and B happens, we get upset and disappointed, because somehow we believe we have control over how everything goes, especially when we mapped it out so logically.
Intuition is alway in operation 24/7, it nudges us in the direction we should go……it is simple, not complicated (as our logical decisions where we analyze everything to the nth degree).
Most of us simply don’t trust it, we think it must be more complicated and often, it goes against what our “brain” says the right thing to do is in a situation.
The brain operates from experience and intuition from our truth. We always know the truth, but we let past experiences interfere in our journey, so as to keep us safe.
Intuition knows no time….intuition is not looking at the past as a barometer for what will happen in the future. if it didn’t work in the past, it doesn’t care…there is an opportunity for different circumstances, people and opportunities than there may have been in the past moment.
How do we learn to trust it? To know it?
Besides meditation as a way to know ourselves, what can we do daily to check into intuition?
1. Press pause.
Most people who read my posts, know I recommend pausing for a variety of reasons. Pausing gives us a minute to have our mind, body and spirit get in sync. When I am struggling with a decision or stressed, I pause for a moment and pay attention to what is going on inside of me….it’s an opportunity for the voice in my head to quiet down and the voice in my gut to be heard.
2. Feel the urge and follow it.
Our intuition can be felt physically. Whenever we feel like we fight the urge, we’re fighting our truth. The urge is our intuition directing us to where we should go. When I go against my gut, I almost always regret the decision. It doesn’t work out how I pictured it in my head and even if by chance it does….I don’t feel a sense of fulfillment. Intuition is a flow and we feel in the flow of life when we follow our intuition.
3. Test your intuition.
When we are thinking about lunch, it’s a great opportunity to stop. Just stop thinking and feel what our “gut” wants….and do it. Start testing it out when driving, just because we’ve always taken one road home, perhaps our gut is telling us to take another road. When we test our intuition, it is an opportunity to build trust in following its directions.
The more we test drive our intuition, the more we can rely on it for our successes in life, for the opportunities we might have missed had we just relied on our brain and its encyclopedia of experiences.
Intuition brings true freedom and leads us away from our subconscious programming….try a tip today and see what happens! :)
For years I thought a state of perfection was attainable..and that once I reached it, my life would work. I would be okay and could then accept myself.
I have a myriad of excuses as to why I didn’t deserve my own love. It kept me in a constant state if stress and pain. It did not help me to achieve fulfilling success, if anything it just screwed me up more….it set me on a journey to fix myself.
Yep…I thought I could fix my fatal flaw, whatever that was and along the way…I learned something about the goal. Clearly, there’s no state of perfection. It was a whacked out goal that could NEVER bring me happiness.
I stopped seeking and started accepting myself…all the hard bits and pieces. We’re all okay just the way we are…today. Not our future self, but our present self….
In my early twenties, my career was in sales.
I hated the thought of it, cuz my warped idea of sales was like a used-car salesman: fake and conning people into something they didn’t want.
In sales, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing! My entire focus was on getting through a call or dealing with rejection, so the thought of competition with others was a foreign concept.
I intuitively knew back then, competing with others never brings us fulfilling success.
We may temporarily feel like the king or queen of the mountain, when we win, but it quickly fades. We need something else to fulfill the ego, the emptiness and tell us we’re okay.
In sales and later sales management, my focus was never on the competition.
It wasn’t because I was without ego, it was because I was competing with myself to be MY best.
Whenever someone complemented my ability to bring in clients from cold calls or land accounts that those around me deemed impossible….I didn’t feel good, I’d become afraid.
My first thought: “How will I sustain this? I will surely fail.”
My fear was letting ME down, because someone had recognized I did something well. I was so afraid of future criticism about failing, it spurred me for years!
I never felt like a winner.
I landed large accounts and would do the impossible, all while blocking out what others in my business would do…no comparing, no topping, no nothing….the thought of looking at someone else’s techniques or copying their way of selling, overwhelmed me. It just seemed to make it harder.
When I got into coaching, it was accidental (which is a story for another day)…and my classmates there, said I had a natural talent for it! That scared me! Oh shit, now I had crazy-ass expectations of me.
Whenever we compare….whether it’s to ourselves and our own expectations… or to another….we take our joy away. The last thing we’ll feel like is a winner in the long run. Instead, we’ll find more ways to believe we must keep up, copy someone else or beat them up (and ourselves in the process).
Intuitively, I went within, I didn’t look at anyone else. I incorporated my psychic work into my coaching….and for a long time I had no website, it was all in-person. When I started to invest in marketing myself, I looked at the competition and that feeling of overwhelm returned.
Everyone else looked so successful and I had nothing to COMPARE TO…LOL, NOTHING!
It made me GULP; I started comparing what they did and what I did. The horrible expectations and comparisons I already had going on inside me, were let loose!
What did I find in this comparison hell? Nothing, but… pain.
How did I figure a WINNING solution? How did I shut up the critic in my head?
1. I went cold turkey, no paying attention to what everyone else was doing.
It never feels good. It’s never fulfilling. It feels like shit and besides that, if there was a true formula for success, wouldn’t we all be able to do an exact copy and re-create the success?
2. Focused on my joy.
Whether I succeed or fail externally had to be put aside, when that’s the focus we’re strung out, stressed out and criticizing the crap out of our every move. Re-focus on what allows passionate engagement.
3. Believing in my own way of success.
Trusting the intuitive rather than playing ping pong in my head, means being more in the moment and engaged daily in what I do. Creating by taking action and not focusing on it’s success, will naturally lead us toward success or realizing we need to change something.
I’m human, we all are…being kind to ourselves as we smack into our limited thinking, fears and other crap, not to mention external obstacles FEELS WAY BETTER than mentally beating ourselves up. Shit will happen….the best we can do is not personalize and keep doing number 2.
Need more help with it, contact me to develop your own winning way of living!
Shame just sucks.
It can keep us playing small indefinitely.
We may be loving our NEW choice and then we’re reminded of how we aren’t good enough, failed or have not lived up to some self-imposed expectation. We then may stop doing what we have decided to do…and instead retreat back to the safety of what is known.
If we really want to live, we must take risks…and we must try again, and sometimes what has failed in the past must be re-visited and taken on again.
Shame can deter us, take our confidence and make us search out the opinions’ of others who will reinforce the shame. They may want to keep us safe or fear we may not need them anymore or because they themselves would be too fearful to go in the direction we are headed; they may push our SHAME buttons.
The key is to hear the voice, understand why it is pushing us to stop, hide or ditch our efforts. When we know the reason, we can clearly see that shame is of the past, not the present. Each day is a brand new slate to begin, so we can choose what we’re going to do … even if shame is beating us down. :)
Watch my video that goes into shame and what you can do to stop it.
I am sharing this based on a question I recently received. I feel so many things are thrown at us and we are always struggling with the answers. Am I living my life on purpose? Is this my mission? Is this all there is? And so on.
So, as I sat writing the other day, I took a break for a few minutes to record this video, which answers the question: What is Your Life Purpose? :)