How to Connect When It’s The Last Thing You Want To Do.

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As people we have a choice: connect or disconnect.

Some of us have been disconnecting from a very early age because it feels safe. But it leaves us empty.

We may be in control when we’re disconnected, living our lives through our intellect, but we become anxious and unfulfilled. From the outside everything looks ok, but it feels like shit.

To be connected is risky because if you do not have control over your emotional state, the outside environment will have an influence over how you feel. That’s when we distance ourselves or cut off completely, hoping the influence of others will barely be felt.

On the other side is the fear of being alone, which no one really wants deep down inside. Physiologically we’re wired for connection to others. And so, the two competing forces can create a lot of inconsistency in how we show up–both with personal relationships and with complete strangers.

I love talking to strangers whenever possible, asking questions that lead right to getting to know something about them. Don’t confuse this with small talk, however, with which I usually fail. Small talk feels forced, and doesn’t come from an authentic place of curiosity, so it’s more of a disconnect when I engage from that space.

I recently had my old Acura overheat 100 miles from home.

The tow truck driver showed up an hour and a half late. It wasn’t his fault, but my Type A personality took over and I had to keep reminding myself it does no good to get uptight. After getting out of the truck, he reached out to shake my hand. I looked him in the eyes as our hands met and said, “I’m annoyed because I’ve been waiting 90 minutes, and I know it’s not your fault, but I’d rather say it then make it awkward.” He smiled as he lead me to the cab of the truck.

In the past, I may have been a Class A asshole, wanting someone to make me feel better. But I am mindful of my shit now, and it’s important to communicate. Once my car was hooked up, he jumped into the cab and our conversation started.

During the six mile drive to the mechanic, we started talking about cars and car payments. He shared that he was an ex-Marine, and when he got out of the service he couldn’t afford the $250 monthly payment on his car because he had difficulty getting a job. He was 32 years old at the time, and eventually lost his car.

He then became an electrician’s apprentice, but it hurt his back so he couldn’t continue. I was thinking, “WTF, here’s this dude who served our country and he came home to very little opportunity!” I wanted to cry.

He eventually became a tow truck driver. Somehow the conversation moved to discussing cable, family (he has a wife and a small daughter) and the craziness of anger, hatred and over-the-top behavior that is broadcast in the world today. Both of us shared how sad it made us because the connection to humanity is always available. We are all the same inside regardless of the appearance of our bodies, sex, color, choices, job, age or anything we use to define ourselves.

As we pulled into the parking lot, I felt so happy to have met this man. I learned something, as I do every time I connect with someone. If I had stayed pissed off at him for showing up late, which was my first inclination, I would’ve disconnected and missed out on a truly great moment of humanity.

As he unhooked my car and I stood inside doing my paperwork, we waved at each other a few times. He was grinning ear to ear… and so was I.

Connection is everywhere, and it’s always a choice.

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Why Self-Help Books Are Failing You And What You Can Do Today!

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How many times have you read books, searching for strategies to help with some part of your life you’d like to improve, but you see no results? Maybe you’re inspired as you read, connecting with different parts saying, “yes, yes!” in your head, feeling like you’ve finally found some answers. But as much as you want to change, and you actually try to implement the strategies, life happens and you go right back to your same behavior.

You read a leadership book and see exactly where you can improve, but you aren’t able to translate that into the workplace when you’re in the moment. “I need to be more assertive” you say to yourself, but you don’t know how, and you don’t really know why you aren’t assertive to begin with, so you feel defeated.

You read a dating book and say to yourself, “Omg, I totally do that!” but it just sits in your head and the next time you go on a date, everything goes out the window. You’re on autopilot.

Why does that happen? You WANT to change, you’re COMMITTED to change, but you’re not SEEING change.

I’ll tell you why. Reading books is an intellectual pursuit, and change is an emotional endeavor. So if you don’t bring the emotional side into what you’re reading, it stays trapped in the intellect. Sure you may use tactics that work for a short time, but they’ll fade away because you’re operating from your head.

So how do you connect emotionally to a book? Well, it’s tricky to explain because you’re reading this just as you would a book… with your head. And as I write this, I’m using my intellectual brain to explain an emotional process. See how that’s hard? But I’m going to give it a try.

Below are steps to help you connect more emotionally with the books you read to affect true and lasting change.

Set Your Intention
Before you even begin reading, tell yourself you want it to have an impact. Say “I want this book to help me with X or help me change X.”

Take It SLOW
Don’t devour the book in a few days. You need to break it up into pieces and digest it slowly. You can do this by only allowing yourself 1-2 chapters per week, or (even better) read until something strikes you and then stop.

Put It Down
Once you stop, set the book down for a week and don’t pick it up again. This is where the intellect-emotion part kicks in.

Sit With It
It’s time to bring that intellectual wisdom into your heart/gut/intuition/emotion. This is the tricky part to explain. Right after you put the book down, close your eyes. Drop your focus down to your heart or your gut, then allow yourself to expand, almost like meditation. Is anything there? Do you FEEL anything? At first the answer may be no because you’re numb and stuck in your head. This takes practice! Lots of practice. Keep sitting, but don’t force it. Are images coming to mind? Are you feeling uncomfortable? Is your body “abuzz”? Again, if you don’t feel anything, don’t worry. Try it again tomorrow. Try it every day for a week.

Look For Triggers
Maybe the book talked about taking things personally, and that resonated with you. You then sat with the feelings. Great! Now it’s time to look for where this shows up in your life. Maybe someone critiques an email you wrote and you notice you’re taking it personally. You’ve now identified a situation in your life that relates to something in the book.

Check In With Your Feelings
When this happens, ask yourself how you feel. Do you feel rejected, not valued, afraid, embarrassed, belittled? Do you want to fight back or turn around and hide? What comes up for you? Also, do you want the feeling to stop? Probably yes! Let yourself feel your feelings!

In What Other Situations Have You Felt This Way?
Let’s say you feel belittled. When have you felt that way in the past? What was the situation? Go back as far as you can remember. Maybe you were in 4th grade and you talked about your summer vacation as part of “show and tell.” The teacher chuckled at your destination, only 10 miles away, saying that’s not a “real” vacation. Your heart sank; you felt unimportant. Remember the keyword here is FEEL. The subconscious operates on images and feelings, not words or linear thinking.

Identify The Belief
Behind these recurring feelings is an old belief. Perhaps these feelings of belittling come from your belief that you have to do something monumental to be important. Small acts don’t count. Nearby vacation spots are worthless. Just being you isn’t enough. The email critique stems from feeling you’re worthless. BINGO. You take things personally because it hits the nerve of you not being good enough. You have now made an emotional connection to something in the book.

Change Your Response
The next time you take something personally, you’ll be able to identify it more quickly and know where it stems from. Now it’s time to change your response and behavior. Ask yourself, “Is this person intentionally belittling me, or is this because of an old pattern?” Yep, it’s almost always the latter and simply ACKNOWLEDGING this can make the feelings dissipate. You’re looking at it through a new lens. He/she isn’t belittling you at all, it was just your interpretation based on events from your past. Understanding this allows you to let go and move on. Each time it comes up in your life, you have the power to challenge the feeling, and when you do, it becomes weaker and weaker.

Repeat!
Go back to the book and read another section until it resonates with you and start the process over again. Yes, it’s a PROCESS and definitely takes time, but this is how you’ll turn an intellectual pursuit into real, actionable change.

Do you have a book on your nightstand now that you can try this with? I’ve put this 10-Step Guide into a free PDF so you can download it and use it with your next book. Reference it each time you repeat the process.

Download Turn Your Books Into Action

*BONUS*
Download this BOOKMARK with the 10 Steps. Then print, cut and put it in your book as a reminder!

As always, I love feedback, so please let me know how this process works for you.

Much abundance,
Tracy

Don’t Bake Him Cookies

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Yeah, so, I was in the middle of a session with a client and I searched for an example to illustrate a point.

The point I was making had to do with possessing absolutely no value in oneself; feeling a deep sense of attachment and fear of abandonment. I would describe it as people-pleasing on steroids.

We do it as a way to hold on, to make someone like us or love us, to manipulate so he or she owes us or to blot out the fear inside we don’t want to face.

As I sat with my client on the phone, an example slapped me upside the head. It was back when I thought it was all about holding onto this person, while really I was screwing myself over.

It was a time when my inner voice was a strangled whisper because I couldn’t hear myself. I wasn’t to be trusted.

It’s been a 360 degree journey away from the identity of pretending to have it together, logically thinking it’s what really mattered, to the present moment of living it from the inside out. My unraveling started back then, and now I was connecting with how lost I’d been.

Currently, my client is struggling with feeling she would be abandoned if she stopped pleasing others at her own expense. Her giving isn’t reciprocated and it’s not genuine, but it is how she learned to survive years ago.

I I told her about a guy I was seeing almost 10 years ago. As I relayed the details to her, it shook me. I understood in that moment how far I’d come and how much I really had believed I had no value unless I was doing something for someone else (i.e. pleasing) with a dude who’d already demonstrated his flakiness.

What happened?

I was deeply attached to this man with off-the-charts chemistry. I thought it was something special, but when you’re looking at someone through 3D glasses, reality is not to be seen!

He called on a Wednesday to let me know he may be tied up that evening, in effect sorta, kinda cancelling our date. I felt that rush of intense anxiety… “NO, NO, NO,” my insides screamed. And I tried to squelch it, but as it drew closer to him calling to let me know for sure, I could focus on nothing else. Time came and went.

Then I started texting. No response.

I called. No response.

Nothing. All night.

Until 1 a.m. when he said he was sorry he couldn’t have let me know sooner.

Told me he’d see me Friday.

As Friday drew closer I was freaking out. I couldn’t bear it if he cancelled again. I was gonna lose it. On Friday I was a bundle of anxiety. Pacing, wondering what to do. Oh! Of course. I need to bake him cookies so he thinks I am the best thing since Donna Reed. And get some champagne too. He’ll never leave. Sigh.

He showed up, but me he almost didn’t because he was suffering from anxiety. I figured cookies and sex, how could he resist?

But before we were actually undressed, he told me how he really thought I was great and felt his feelings would grow for me over time. But right now, he just felt blocked in his heart. He felt an old love was still in his heart and therefore, right now, there was no room.

And so I slept with him of course, why should that stop me? I was trying to prove something; show him how awesome I was so he wouldn’t leave. And of course totally pleasing him at my own expense. I mean WAY beyond my own expense, as though I had nothing in the bank!

I relayed this story to my client, and as I did, I felt how far I’d come and how it was crystal clear that all the people pleasing in the world could never make up for the lack inside of me, or keep anyone around.

My client felt it for herself, and so did the client I had after her… and many others I told that story to afterwards. Even though I wanted to cringe, there are so many others who have given themselves away in hopes of something in return.

Many of us have baked cookies for someone who we wanted to fulfill us, hoping that if we were perfect enough, like a trained seal, that person would love us in a way we couldn’t love ourselves.

It doesn’t work that way. Chasing down someone else’s love doesn’t make up for the lack of love inside. Doing for others in the hope of getting something in return (even if it is just them thinkin’ you’re awesome) is never fulfilling and saying yes, when you definitely should be saying no for your own care will never ever make you feel good. EVER.

Sacrificing to hold on to someone will never bring you the return you hope for and baking cookies for someone to win them, won’t fill that void inside you either

Bake cookies for yourself first. Then you can share them with someone else.

The Impact Of Being Honest

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Most of us live in stories.

Heck, as human beings, we love a good story! One we relate to in some fashion, whether it’s our own experiences or something fantastical making the impossible appear real.

The issue with the stories we tell ourselves is their limitations. We may not dare to stretch beyond the confines of it, because it’s scary, or we feel unworthy or somehow undeserving.

And we stay stuck.

I had a multi-nuanced stuck story around dating, just like most of the b.s. we feed ourselves.

I always thought I was different, a bit odd–hard to love. In contrast, even though I was weird, I was special and unique. For years I thought I was perfect (measured in what I gave to others–not because I believed I was amazing), and on the other hand, I felt I was easily discarded and so on.

All the contradiction represents how I had a great deal of it in my self-evaluation. My story stemmed from a place of unworthiness, judging myself harshly (as I used to do); holding everyone and everything to a crazy-ass expectation!

Can you relate?

So… this story around dating.

A deep epiphany: People meet you exactly where you are with yourself.

I saw myself on a past first date. I was engaging, nice, interacting  (Hell! I was in sales for years, I know what to ask.) and usually asked out on a second-date. It was my goal. Make it so they liked me…and then I’d hook em’!

Hahahaaaaaa…I laugh at this image now (I sure wasn’t honest back then)!

The b.s. here: I could show up as emotionally unavailable (It’s exactly where I was, ahem!) and lo’ and behold after the guy was done chasing me….it turned out he was emotionally unavailable too! What a surprise! Not.

That epiphany hit home on a very deep level, people meet you exactly where you are, so the next time you want to finger point, put your finger back in your pocket.

My story was based in fear.

The fear of engulfment, rejection, losing independence, not believing I was lovable (prove it!) and so on. Lying kept me stuck in this vicious circle for years.

I didn’t realize I was lying, it was just the story I always told myself. Until I came to realize how lonely, disappointing and draining it was to live and date this way.

Man, I was so scared!

It’s no wonder I talked myself into half-relationships, or soulmate situations with high drama! Staying in this heightened state of pain with few euphoric moments kept me in the biggest lie! The biggest story I could tell myself, so I was the victim and the heroine at the same time…

And the biggest lie was this is all I deserved.

It was unlike a movie with its romantic drama, it didn’t get tied up in a neat little happy ending!

It was an unraveling leading to an amazing awareness!

Until, I started to accept my b.s. stories around “I’m meant to be alone,” or as a friend said to me years ago,”I think you’re here on a spiritual journey and aren’t meant for a relationship.” (Um, our greatest spiritual lessons come from relationships–staying alone actually keeps us stunted in our comfort zone)

Do you get what I’m throwing down? Do you get our lives are based on our choices, our perspective of ourselves and what we deserve?

As I started working with my dating coach last week, I found I’d already moved into deeper awareness. Just the act of hiring her, committing to me, lead to this epiphany, (it was before my first appointment) something I heard a million times, but never really got emotionally.

The impact of being honest about my past way of dating, lead me to the discovery of choice, empowerment and re-weaving of what I thought was possible for me.

As I took more responsibility for my part and how I acted in fear, I could see the contrast of what is now feasible by trusting myself. Trusting the Universe with my conspiring feelings, lead to my visual: anything is truly possible!

Want to be released from the prison of limitation? Commit to changing your story! Find a way. Allow yourself to question everything.

Perhaps, like me, you’re ready to really do it honestly? Deconstructing the story? Scheduling a discovery session with me can give you insight into whether you’re really available to change or you want to stay stuck in your story a little longer.

Click to book a complimentary discovery session.

The Curse Of Intelligence

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Living in your head, ‘intellectually’ got it all figured out. You know what’s coming, because you get the nuances life has to offer….and know what each situation calls for in response.

It’s not a fun way to live; there’s rare surprises and even rarer variation from the rigidity of holding to the way you do things (and the when). With the complex rule book in your head, you don’t even know why you hold tight, it just seems right.

Yeah…right in your comfort zone.

Right, so nothing can hurt you, get under your skin or perhaps take you off ‘perceived’ balance.

It’s why so many smart people are single or stay in crappy relationships or even have an okay relationship while giving the sheen of a perfect life.

I can relate.

I’m not a dating expert or coach. I’ve been a mix of a love coach (learning to love oneself), empowerment (in control of one’s emotional state) and relationship coach (teaching people it’s within their power to change a relationship or at least have a different experience of it).

I share, it took me a long while to understand where a coach could help me change my life too. I’m very self-aware, intelligent and always looking within, but I still miss so much–obviously, otherwise my life would look different.

I have a business coach. And now, I’m hiring a dating coach. To help me, like I help others to get the flashlight out and shine a light on my intellectualizing, keeping me from getting real, vulnerable and open.

I’ve seen my fear lately.

I see it lurking and I’m starting to unravel this veil. It’s deeper. I’ve worked this area before. Re-visiting the same stuff, in a different way, but once again it’s a deep dive.

Smart people y’all are your own worst enemy trying to control everyone and everything with smoke and mirrors, which aren’t fooling anyone.

Do you ever find yourself intellectualizing others’ emotions?

Or not wanting to have others witness you crying or looking vulnerable? Believing if you appear strong, everything looking good on the outside, that you or anybody else never has to look inside too deeply (The world will assume you’re okay, so they’ll never ask). We can leave the scary monsters alone.

It’s a lonely, empty and unfulfilling place to live. The intellect doesn’t feed you or anyone else emotionally, it keeps you distant.

In my biz, I speak to many individuals appearing to have their shit totally together, by giving the right intellectual answers to the questions (What emotions? What issues? You have none?). Fortunately, for them, I was one of those people too; I call bullshit on it and get deeper–so their lives change.

Point is, we all need help, or we never really move off our dime.

After coming off my own high horse in the realm of seeking help (because I’m very self-aware) if I don’t commit to someone helping me, things will stay the same. Stale. Boring. Predictable and completely cut off from a life I dream about and am now more courageous than afraid to claim.

No thank you to attracting the same kind of guy, that’s a one-way ticket to hell. Yet, I don’t feel bad, or as though I’m fatally flawed, or anything horrible. I just see my reality, and that I’m the common denominator. I’m single and it’s not tragic, BUT I’ve been unable on my own to achieve my aforementioned dream. So, there must be a mental construct buried needing to come to light.

Smart people can stay stuck for years.

Our lives may not be horrible or unmanageable, but we manipulate ourselves into believing the bullshit we feed others, about how we appear to the rest of the world. Buying into our own story will keep us in it for the rest of our lives.

An example of a story, it’s wanting to stay angry, blaming someone else (especially a parent), holding an intellectual wall holding in place, so you don’t have to be vulnerable or be accountable. It’s old protection from being hurt as a child.

That story of another being a bad or good person is part of what those who intellectualize bring into the carefully constructed persona, in essence we victimize ourselves and remain powerless to change it, as long as we stay in our intellect.

Intellectualizing around dating, career, relationships or anything where feeling (our gut) should be in place, will never allow us to deeply connect with the world. Everything remains at the surface and those patterns tougher to break.

Got anxiety? Depression? Stress and feel overwhelmed? Waiting for a dysfunctional situation to be functional?

You’re in your head.

To be in your intellect is to live in a cocoon, to be busy showing everyone you’re okay and that you have all the answers; pushing away anything threatening the image and to feel dreadfully alone (even in a relationship).

It’s such a waste of time, we’re meant to be living LARGE! Emotionally and spiritually connected, getting uncomfortable as we move toward our dreams!

I’ll let you know how my dating coach adventure goes, because I’m committed to change. How about you? Ready for change? If you’re interested in what I offer in taking a deep dive within, please set up a discovery session.

Click here for the appointment.

 

It’s Complicated.

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Why do we human beings complicate the crap out of everything?

  1. We’re bored.
  2. It’s what we know.
  3. We like drama.
  4. We’re not good enough or worthy.
  5. We’re afraid of abandonment.

And so on.

It’s a circle of hell.

I moved this week and even though I’m self-proclaimed as the queen of disorganization, I’m also pretty anal about having things completed and my ducks in a row. It’s how I get to the end result, which was the complicated part.

I decided that I would just ‘let go’ starting with the internet/cable company having their computer call back 8 times in three days, and threatening not to show up on Tuesday, if we didn’t answer the same questions. I would not call the president of Charter Communication (I already had a conversation with him a couple months ago) and just breathe, remaining in a state of ease through the move.

I did call their customer service who didn’t understand why we wouldn’t answer the questions from the phone robot, instead get on board and take care of the issue. The deal is folks, I lived in a world of uptight for years! Years.

I was anal and full of expectations, so do you know what most of my thoughts used to be around? Failure. Other people letting me down, me letting me down and expectations of perfection, which were enough to stress someone out and give them health issues.

I assumed constantly; I looked for problems, always strategizing to solve them before they happened. It’s what can appear to make most of us Type A’s successful, but it also makes us crazy!

I thrived on people handing me a flaming inferno, so I could figure out how to put it out and change the circumstances (in jobs, clients who hated on the company ended up becoming my new best friends), because I over-cared. I took it personally, if shit was not working and this translated to my personal life.

I spent sooooooo much time trying to prove something, fix everything and everyone; my life was complicated with minutia, and it served a purpose (I didn’t know it at the time), so I could do one thing…..avoid myself!

I remained free of criticism or disdain (in my own mind), as long as I was handling everyone else’s shit. I couldn’t be abandoned, I was needed and it was complicated. EVERYTHING was an ordeal; it kept me busy.

Know what I mean?

What’s your biggest problem right now? If it is anything outside of you, then I have news for you…you’re WAITING on someone or something else to change. And that situation or person has your power, as you WAIT for what you want.

Notice how much time you spend assuming, strategizing and looking at the rest of the world as the issue and if he or she or it would only get their shit together!

If you spend any time imagining a variety of scenarios to whatever it is keeping your life complicated, then I have news for you, nothing will change, until you decide YOU are going to change.

My move was significant in terms of other issues showing up and my decision to keep breathing, staying in a place of ease. Where I would normally be uptight, I let it go. I asked myself what good would it do to fight? I no longer had the drive for it!

Life is not so complicated anymore. Relationships which were complicated are gone–my thinking around them gone. In fact, the realization on a deeper level of what real connection is and is not has floored me. Even clearer is the old way of moving at lightening speed created from the complicated scenarios in my head have fallen away too.

All the years of impossible to-do lists and the feeling of emptiness around their fulfillment is gone. In fact, if I find myself starting to go down the OLD road, I immediately stop. No thank you.

To desire ease in your life is one thing, to actually live into it and the simplicity it brings is another thing.

Being in a state of ease means allowing, connecting, and trusting. 

Allowing yourself time, space and the peace to receive help, opportunity and clarity. Slowing down and having awareness when you start to automatically speed up, why are you doing it? What complicated crap is rolling around in your brain? (Remember 90% of our thoughts are repeated daily)

What problems were resolved and you now feel a state of limbo or stress, as though you don’t know what to focus on, is it complicating your thinking?

Allowing yourself the internal space to breathe and just focus on creation from your heart (not your head) is hard to do, if you’re not used to it. You may talk about letting your heart lead, but what are all the excuses you have as to why you cannot?

To maintain a state of allowing is not to sit back and eat bon bons, it is to participate, place effort daily and allow others to show up. It also means letting go of perceived control and never feeling bored again.

Connecting to yourself means you know what you want, how you really feel and not hiding from your own truth. I guarantee once you start living this way, your whole life simplifies, you’re no longer trying to please or outthink anyone else. You do things deliberately without holding onto the outcome.

The connection to yourself takes courage, because fear has a loud voice–so any time you notice all sorts of voices in your head telling you WHY you cannot do something, tell them to shut up and focus in your heart, your gut…listen for the answers from your inner wisdom, and get uncomfortable. Real uncomfortable.

You are leaving what you knew for the promised land.

Once you see yourself from a place of truth, all the complicated thoughts cease. You stop over-caring about their existence and the meaning you gave to them about your self-worth. You connect to your true value. Drama becomes boring.

Trusting from the inside out is an act of compassion, vulnerability and love. If you allow yourself to relax, to say okay to the unfamiliar and trust yourself when you make decisions from your inner wisdom, miracles happen.

Second guessing, and strategizing are no longer appropriate. You roll with the waves, you don’t play victim or have crazy-ass expectations. You trust in yourself, a higher power and life… that it really will all be okay. It’s understanding your control is really inside of you not on the outside and trusting ease.

Ease only comes when we’re willing to participate in the flow of life, instead of standing on the outside of it, complicating every situation, so we have stuff to roll around in our heads and believing it’s entertainment or our life wouldn’t have meaning without it.

Need some help moving into ease, please schedule a complimentary discovery session with me and find out how you’re blocking your own good time.

 

Why Lack Matters.

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Ever pay attention to your thoughts and accompanying feelings during your day? Perhaps, hearing certain ones over and over; along with the same feelings, over and over too?

Stick with em’ and really listen to their force, diction and feeling, often there’s lack at the base.

“I can’t do that”

“I can’t have that”

“I am not enough or good enough”

“It’s impossible”

“This is it, there ain’t no more”

And so on.

Noticing the majority of our thoughts as repetitive and imaginably, centered on lack and limitation; it colors our present and future. Reminding us of how we not only don’t deserve more, but apparently life appears to work against us.

In looking back on my life, the events where I felt burdened, heavy, angry and just plain sad–were generated by my thoughts and feelings; it created my perspective. I couldn’t help myself. I remember saying hopeless words to myself while trying to dress up a pile of shit, into a fashion model.

Excuses, blame, and inertia go together. It can fool us into thinking this is it! We’re unable to move toward fulfillment. If “Life is hard” is truth, we create it and should ask, “what am I afraid of having happen?”

Leaving the unfulfilling known hardship, because the known misery is safer than the unknown, is frightening!

Just as the statement “life is great” is only truth, if we create it.

Notice the lack inside of us causes us to focus on lack outside of us; it’s a reflection. But, we don’t see it as a reflection, we see it as a prison.

If you read my posts or listen to my radio show, I speak to the power within us. It’s a disservice buying into the belief(s) around lack, and remaining afraid of doing something different.

Recently, I signed up to work with a business coach; deep inside me I knew two things.

First, unless I did something different my business would always be the same and it scared me; it was a limiting thought, because of where I WANT to go. The second reason was I needed the discomfort of the unknown; not just listening to my coach, but trusting I would enact her words…believing in myself, I could do it!

It took me understanding no one was going to wave a magic wand and my life would change. It had nothing to do with change in others or my outer circumstances. I had to release what was steering my ship toward unnecessary rough waters.

Most of us have an iron grip on our daily routines holding on for dear life; it’s familiar! Wake up, go to work or do yoga or walk the dog or __________, work more, come home, then what?

As much as we state we’re miserable, we can’t give up the confines of our day, by doing something different. Nope, we like to face the same challenges, over and over.

But……What if? We find expansion in life? Possibility? Freedom, excitement, creativity, passion and love?

Moving out of lack, impossibilities or let’s call it what it is….fear, we’re so insignificant, so undeserving and doomed to fail, lose or fall down, by believing our authentic truth….that we stop.

We DO NOT trust ourselves.

I’ve spoken with amazingly creative people and yet, they don’t paint, dance, write or draw.

I’ve spoken with people in dysfunctional relationships (mainly with themselves) and they stay put, afraid of what change will bring.

I’ve spoken with people who say they must sacrifice and yet never arrive–because they only know struggle and sacrifice.

I’ve spoken with people afraid to express what’s deep within them, instead continuing with a life of quiet desperation.

And so on.

Lack parades inside of us with many disguises; making it hard to locate, unless we purposefully listen.

Taking those false thoughts around limitation, getting momentarily uncomfortable and advancing from lack to abundance requires courage. So, the artist picks up his or her brush, the person stuck in dysfunction realizes he or she is never really alone, he or she speaks the impacted words knowing true relief and those who sacrifice realize they can focus not on ‘less’ but more, reflecting their own inner trust.

Don’t let the lack in your head keep you stuck, trust your gut and your joy to move you. If you’d like to discover how ready you are to move into abundance, schedule a complimentary discovery session with me.