What Does it Mean to Follow Your Heart?

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I always encourage people to follow their heart, to follow their dreams. And for most, they have no idea what that actually means.

Thinking we know ourselves is different than actually being connected; being in alignment and confident with who we are, what we want and where we’re headed. And so often people cannot even answer what following their heart means to them.

When I encourage people to follow their heart, does that mean it always works out how they would like it to? Nope.

And there are a few reasons why it is not a smooth road.

First of all, when your dream is about external circumstances–rather than how you learn, grow and really embrace who you are–it’s bound to fail. The perfect picture rarely shows up in reality, and when we think our happiness is tied to it, we end up sorely disappointed.

The second part of the equation is having patterns that uphold a negative belief inside you. In venturing out into the land of doing something you think you’ve always wanted to do (perhaps for your entire life), it will bring up questions around value. YOUR value, to be specific.

Feel like you’ve never achieved enough or been “enough”? Maybe you’ve been looked over for promotions, relationships or the volleyball team. Well, going in a new direction that relies completely on you will bring up every sorry-ass belief you’ve held deep inside about your abilities.

The third pothole in the road makes an appearance as you standing in your own way. Not only do you have some crappy beliefs that come up, but you have a certain way of doing things. Perhaps you require a lot of structure and now it is no longer available. Or you have been doing something the same way for years and now you realize it doesn’t bring the results you want, so you think it must be something around you. Newsflash: it’s most likely YOU. We stand in our own way all the time.

Ok, so there are hurdles, but what’s the alternative? Feeling that life isn’t complete at the end of each day? The regrets will be staring you in the face and you won’t be able to do anything about it. Following your heart also means lessons will be learned. You will grow and sometimes that’s scary. It can result in some kind of loss, BUT if you hang with yourself long enough and you ride the wild tiger, there’s a huge payoff!

External rewards are not the fulfilling part of following your heart, so the results will probably look different and that’s okay. The fulfilling part is internal: how you feel doing what you do on the everyday journey.  If you want things to change, it starts from the inside out.  And it’s not that you become someone else, it’s that you have to let go of these preconceived beliefs that don’t serve you.

Following your heart is an excellent way to let go of the chains that bind you to a false belief system. Otherwise you’re doing things you don’t enjoy and don’t want to do. That’s never fun… and frankly, isn’t life supposed to be fun?

Many of us struggle with the idea of fun. We don’t even know what that is, and when people tell me they want to find their meaning, I have to break it to them that no brick is going to fall on their head. Honestly, how many people are waiting for a lightening bolt moment? A point where the dream becomes visible, or the path opens up, or the perfect conditions present themselves.Those people spend their whole lives waiting.

Life is an experience.

We only know our destiny by living it. From the experience of doing. People who live in their heads, hoping they’re gonna come up with the solution, end up stuck. You’ll never be satisfied if you stay at the level of the mind. Go for the experiences instead of a path of regrets. If we play it safe our whole life and we get to the end, what do we have to show for it?

And for those wanting meaning, the head will never satisfy. The heart is what drives us. Follow it.

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Chasing, Tripping And Falling Down

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Have you ever found yourself running after something? Literally or metaphorically? As in, wanting something so bad, whether it wants you or not?

It’s a single-minded attachment to having that person, place or thing, right?

Often we may hide it. No one really knows what we deeply desire and so we covertly chase after it; wishing, wanting, praying, hoping and putting immense energy to shoving it down, so we seem like we really don’t want it to the rest of the world.

But we do! We want it sooooo bad!

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why do we at times openly chase something, and at other times ‘act’ like its no big deal, even though we want it just as much?

Because we feel we cannot have it.

We don’t deserve it, aren’t good enough, haven’t proven ourselves, want to appear above it–not needing (or needy), and so these deeply held shiteous beliefs run our lives delivering exactly what that barren desert ending is… the one confirming our worst fears.

Rita felt like everything was always a struggle. Her marriage had been, her kids, work, maintaining the house and the financial responsibility. It always fell on her shoulders. She divorced, moved, and was sorta, kinda, speaking up at work, BUT she still felt stuck.

She also found herself hooked on someone from her past, totally impossible to let go of and it made her crazy!

She wanted a relationship, but nothing in her life reflected one coming to her without major struggle. She felt it was too hard, not enough good men and believed she possessed some deep flaw that kept okay ones at a distance! If you met her, you wouldn’t know any of this, because she appeared to have it together!

Her energy was focused on the past guy, while she longed for a real partnership, she would chase after the old one; send him text messages, call him, ask him out and so on. He would respond once in awhile, but her hard work just didn’t yield the results.

Why did she work so hard for nothing? Chasing, tripping and falling down….and then blaming herself for her fatal flaw.

Andrea is in a relationship with someone who does not share her lifestyle, or too much of her life. He is very attentive to his own life, squeezing her in when he has time. She drops everything when he calls and anytime she brings up the state of their relationship he gets angry that she doesn’t understand where he’s at.

To her, he is better than her ex, they have fun when they are together, but she comes up empty when viewing it as a true partnership. She doesn’t feel heard, or seen and has told herself to work harder, be more available and just be patient.

She has worked at it as though it’s her last hope, embodying everything she feels is expected of her and is afraid to let go.

Both women are committed to struggle, but couldn’t see the pattern clearly. They both didn’t feel they deserved better, even though both repeated the sentiment that they deserved so much more quite often!

What about Sheila? She works hard and is successful in her career; she’s never had a real committed relationship as an adult. To others she appears to not need or want one, but to her, no matter what it seems a relationship is elusive, leaving her feeling lonely, isolated and trying to fix other people. Her deepest desire is to get married and yet she chased after her greatest success: her career.

She only knows how to chase after what she wants and has found herself tripping into a bad ending each time she does it in her personal life.

Some of us are in total denial that we want something different than what our life looks life. Fear of wanting more, keeps us from relaxing by allowing ourselves to believe we will receive what we want. Fear makes us feel greedy or that our desires are unattainable.

Fear leads us to chase.

We chase for a variety of reasons:

  • To purposely fall down, proving to ourselves we really can’t have what we want.
  • Go after the wrong people, places and things: It looks acceptable from the judgment of others, but we don’t really want any of it and don’t trust we can have what we REALLY want. Interestingly enough, when chasing what we don’t want, somehow we find ways (unconsciously) to fail, or if outside validation is extremely important we’ll succeed only to suffer a lack of fulfillment.
  • To stay busy.
  • Thinking it will solve the problem of the void within us.

On top of it–it’s a narrow vision, and it can be exhausting to be wrapped up in the intellectual pursuit of the chase. Keeping it narrow, instead of appearing to want more, gives the impression of remaining stationary, so it doesn’t threaten our relationships.

Nature desires more life everyday–it grows. If humanity didn’t want more, we’d all still be living in a cave.

How do you get more into your life without chasing it?

  1. Admit you want more, perhaps different or scary, because it may mean loss.
  2. Become visible. Most of the time if we’re chasing, we don’t have a connection to our deepest desire (not the emptiness or belief something outside of us can solve the problem), because if we did, it means we’d have to stop hiding out.
  3. Time to be available. Many of us are shut down to wanting more or what seems impossible, so we’re unavailable to actually having it. Notice where you have a wall, shield or act in opposition to the deeper desire.
  4. Relax. It’s not time to eat bonbons, but to release going after things a full time job.
  5. Oh yeah, get rid of plan B, and start living Plan A, when you do take inspired action toward what you actually want–it’s never a chase. It is taking small steps forward, in alignment with your real goal. Totally different energy, totally different outcome.
  6. Give yourself validation by building trust that you can take appropriate action for your aspirations. You can do it!

Want some help in learning what you really want and how to have it without force? Schedule a discovery session to see if we would be a good fit!

Guru Wanted

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It is funny how our civilization tends to elevate people.

Sometimes people who are elevated grow a much larger ego, but never really grow their own value inside. People can tell you a million times a day how wonderful you are, but if you don’t feel it inside… it doesn’t matter.

Putting people on pedestals is a disservice to you, to me and to anyone who is placed on a level of perfection will find it’s a threshold they cannot maintain. Perhaps from all appearances they can remain in this state of having overcome their humanness, but we usually wait for them to fall.

We all fall.

We all flounder.

Some of us may have experiences we can reflect upon that help others. I am surely as flawed and screwed up as the next person. And at times people can tell me how I’ve helped them or how wonderful I am… and I just can’t buy into it.

I was talking to a friend of mine and she mentioned a peer who called herself a ‘guru’ and all I thought was ego. No one is a guru. No one. It is our perception which makes it appear they are ‘above us’. I will never be above anyone, but I do feel like I up-level.

To up-level is to become lighter, less encumbered by my own thoughts, feelings and actions. To feel good most of the time, no matter what’s taking place outside of me.

I am more true to myself, more authentic and therefore even if I am depressed or angry, I am way happier than I used to be. Upleveling comes from speaking your truth. PERIOD.

If you ain’t speaking or living your truth then you’re faking yourself out. You aren’t the guru on the mountain, you are disconnected from your truth. I know because I’ve lived both sides of this coin. I used to try to buy into the fact that I could help strangers on a plane, but I could never help myself.

I just pretended I was okay–God forbid anyone find out that my careful veneer of ‘knowing it all’ was utter bullshit. It was a HEAVY burden to carry. Not saying the truth of my feelings out loud and always strategizing left me empty and making decisions from a state of lack rather than abundance.

Stating your truth builds trust within yourself. I do it constantly. I want my connection I’ve built with myself to be sustainable and strong, even when I feel weak. Perfection is the biggest sign of a weak connection to oneself. It says, “I do not trust who I really am, because I will be judged and cast out.”

We can feed ourselves this crap. Or we can get real. How do we get real?

  • Stop telling ourselves stories which state, “If I say my truth, I will be lost, abandoned or annihilated in some way.” This is just our mind trying to keep us safe from going away from our learned beliefs, which keeps us in the behavior of creating shitty stories where we feel incapable of taking emotional risk.
  • Realize everyone deals with issues of self-worth. EVERYONE. And if you hear anything different, it’s bullshit.
  • Resistance comes up when we want to go beyond our walls, or we are not happy with OUTSIDE circumstances. We’re in a place of nonacceptance, which also leads to bad decision-making.
  • Staying in a state of lack. As long as we believe we’re on our own, we’re screwed. Every bad decision you make comes from a state of lack. Some of us think we’ve gotta do it alone, be punished, sacrifice or repent for how horrible we are and therefore we don’t deserve ease, good or anything else. This means we don’t trust ourselves and life. Leading to…
  • Learn to trust yourself and let your inner wisdom–your gut–make your decision. All that mind chatter does is freak you out. It’s a waste of time. It’s annoying and it is NOT your truth.
  • Can’t say it? Write it and share it. I do all of the above.

I have shit just like everyone else; things that get me pinned to the mat, But even so, to disconnect and hide from my own feelings would make it worse. Trying to fix things on the outside before getting real about the inside will never bring HAPPY, FULFILLING results.

I’ve lived a white picket existence, and inside of it I was miserable, So yeah, appearances are just that… appearances.

And I couldn’t give two shits about my appearance at this point. Authenticity is my home.

When will it be your turn to embrace your own REAL, AUTHENTIC, .less-than-perfect self?

And if you want some help, or don’t know if you’re READY for help, schedule one of my complimentary Discovery Sessions… one flawed human being to another.

xoxo

Tracy

 

Assumptions and Real Love Don’t Mix

Ask the Questions

Standing in front of him, as he states the plans for his weekend trip, and you’re wondering why after months of dating he doesn’t introduce you when he goes to visit family?

You don’t ask. You feel hurt and seethe inside. 

Your husband keeps coming home later and later from work. You feel something is funny, but tell yourself he is just working hard for the family.

You don’t ask. You pray.

Your girlfriend says she is busy, so you make excuses for her, instead of noticing these are just bullshit reasons to maintain a distance…..

You don’t ask a direct question. You help keep her dramatic story going.

Your mate tells you a story, instead of getting to the truth, you start to strategize how you will act, perhaps you will people please or be in opposition, and focus on getting things to stay the same, so you’re in control.

You don’t ask, because then things would be out of your control, even though you feel like crap inside.

There are so many scenarios where questions are not asked and why is that my friends?

FEAR.

Fear Is A Fucker.Don't Let It Screw You

It gives the illusion of a loss of control.

It’s easier to live in a false sense of comfort than to rattle the cage of your relationship and deal with the fall out.

Change is scary and most of us would rather create a story of fiction than to get into the nonfiction parts of our lives.

Here’s the deal…..

When you avoid the truth by not asking the direct questions (kindly) and seeking a bona fide REAL answer, all you do is prolong your own misery and the inevitable ugly mess, which will transpire at some point.

It’s unavoidable!

All items swept under the rug do not go away, they become a BIG lump.

Get some courage together, even if you’re shaky and words slowly tumble out of your mouth as you choke….do it. You will feel better, even if things appear beyond your control!

Make sure when you ask the questions, it is not to accuse or to corner someone, it is to seek out of curiosity and understand on a deeper level, so you can make appropriate choices for yourself.

Making appropriate choices for yourself is huge, because you get to be in charge of YOU. It allows you to be vulnerable (which is your truth) and connect to your authenticity.

Real love requires authenticity. And I say this as real love being a place of non-attachment to outcomes, which feed our subconscious confirmation of old crappy beliefs. Real love requires transparency, otherwise we will build barriers of resentment against it.

Try it!

Real love requires transparency, otherwise we will build barriers of resentment against it.

You ain’t got nothing to lose, but what you would’ve lost in the first place.

Remember assumptions are stories YOU have created, they keep you in a bubble–at a distance, because you’ve assumed all sorts of crap about someone else that may or may not be true. You’ve judged it and made it into a story where you’re either the victim or the hero…

You make it where IN YOUR MIND you cannot lose. And at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself what you’re really holding onto and why.

What are the questions you are afraid to ask???

 

Comparison and Self Criticism: Can You Say Toxic?

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Oh lordy! The things we say and do to ourselves can be quite the mixed bag.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

By the time we get to comparing ourselves to others, there has been no joy. What motivates us to look at the lives of other people and think they have it better in some capacity, while diminishing ourselves? It never brings us to a happy finish line.

Joy, happiness and freedom do not appear simply because we’ve finally beat the Joneses and have everything promised in the American Dream. If we’re too busy focusing on what we don’t have, it is a statement about our inner world.

We’re in a state of lack. We feel less than and our inner critic is nipping at our heels.

The Curse of the Joneses

I lived in the hell of comparison for a good portion of my life. When I was young and felt about as attractive as beef stew, I thought prettier women had it easier. This obsessing over what was wrong with me and comparing myself continued for a couple of years. Until I got past the attractiveness ‘thing’ regarding my appearance and moved on to other points to compare myself to in life.

Get married, spawn some babies, have a couple of cars, a beautiful house, look freakin’ perfectly put together, appear to have no emotions and call myself a Stepford Wife. Okay, I wouldn’t go that far, but really in that part of my life, someone else always had a better something.

The more better all of these signs showed up, because I had ‘arrived’ in a certain lifestyle, the less satisfied I was in my life and ultimately, as my ex-husband put it as I left our marriage; I was choosing a life over a lifestyle.

Of course I continued comparing my life to others, which kept me stuck in relationships too long for fear of not letting go of ‘my one and only’ chance at whatever my inner state of lack was transmitting at the time.

The Inner Critic

What the hell was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I get it right? Others thought I had it right because I could really pull off the “I have my shit together” look. But inside I felt like a mess.

Why could someone else have a happy, healthy relationship while I attracted people who weren’t really a fit? Or where there was some major obstacle preventing us from hooking up to a pony and riding off into the sunset together? Why did it always seem like if someone else was successful, I wasn’t working hard enough? Why, why, why? Cue the inner critic!

That inner critic would start off by saying, “Well you’re too much, not enough, different, invisible, too loud, too quiet, too masculine, too feminine, you don’t deserve to be happy, you haven’t done enough yet,” and so on. Sound familiar?

The Contradiction in Criticism

I finally realized no matter what someone or something appeared to be, it had no bearing on their level of happiness. That’s the point at which I stopped comparing.

I mean, if I was to look at comparing now, Facebook is a breeding ground for bullshit, right? People talking about their resume of accomplishments to show the rest of the world their incomparable level of happiness, and anyone who wants to give their two cents should back off, right?

I have had clients tell me how looking at someone’s posts on Facebook is detrimental to their well-being because of how they feel ‘less than’ by comparison. They see friends having babies when they’re not, or getting married when they’re not or even entering relationships, and the whole while they’re having an inner dialogue about how they have apparently missed the marks in life and… what the hell is wrong with him or her?!!

The list goes on. If you have an inner critic that was spawned from the gates of hell like mine, here are a few things you can do to shut it up, stop comparing and start living!

  1. Don’t resist or argue with your inner critic. Treat it like your drunken neighbor: Put a pillow over your head and count sheep or just let it wail away without personalizing it, until it stops. And it will stop. It’s amazing what can happen when you don’t engage in an argument with yourself. Raise the white flag and surrender!
  2. See the drama play out until the end. If you hear “you suck” in your head or anything else when looking at someone else’s fairytale life, see it through to the end by asking questions. Why do I suck? What exactly makes me not worthy of a pink pony with a prince or princess galloping with me to our castle in the sky? Seriously….ask it questions, watch it lose its footing and hopefully disappear.
  3. Accept your fatal flaws, mistakes, failures, warts, defects, and what other ornaments you decorate your inner tree with. Just say YES to all that is f’d up within you. When you start owning it all, there’s nothing left to point out. And comparing yourself to others is boring because you know you’re human and so is everyone else. Even the Joneses.
  4. Be playful with life. See yourself through the eyes of the observer in a flirtatious way. Remember our true (as in fulfilling) accomplishments usually come as a result of being who we TRULY are, not who we think we’re SUPPOSED to be!
  5. Please remember no one is living a fairy tale existence. I know you’ve heard this a million times, but let it sink in emotionally. We all wake with morning breath and if we don’t keep our belly buttons clean, they can be the stinkiest part of our body. That goes for everyone!! See everyone through the eyes of reality instead of some hyped up fantasy (even if that’s the dish they’re feeding the rest of the world).

Where do you find yourself comparing yourself to others? Do you look at your neighbor in yoga class to make sure you’re ‘doing it right’? Maybe it’s the magazines you peruse at the check-out line, or perhaps Facebook is your ‘I’m not good enough’ platform of choice. In the comments below, please share where your comparison monster shows up!

 

Are You Hiding From Abundance?

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Catchy title, right?

I’ve found myself at multiple crossroads this year, each time with the question of ‘Who Am I?”

I believed I knew each time, but I was avoiding a few things. And for me, each time I did, it slapped me in the face immediately. No more hiding.

I could no longer be anyone else, but me.

I could no longer pretend to go along to get along.

I could no longer be around people for which I had to hide any part of me, or step back into the shadows and be less than who I was. And most of all… I had to accept the ‘woo-woo’ parts of who I am.

Accepting my flaws is a much easier road, and one where I no longer cringe at others finding out about me. We all have flaws. No one has their shit together when they’re hiding imperfections or insecurities.

When I went to dinner with a friend (someone I have also provided psychic readings for), she asked if it was okay for her to tell the waiter I was psychic. I wanted to crawl under the table, but in a position to really own this particular part of myself, I said ‘sure’.

Why my reaction?

Well, it’s not as though I stopped being psychic at different points in my life. I just separated it. When I was in certain situations I’d hide that part of me, and when I was doing business or socializing with ‘accepting’ friends, I let it out of the closet.

I worried how other people perceived me, perhaps thinking I lacked credibility. But when I came to the crossroads of understanding, and how not just that part of me, but other parts of me were submerged in the dark, invisible to the naked eye, I knew it was my WHY.

WHY things could feel bad; WHY things didn’t work out; WHY (until I embraced this and other murky parts of me from my POV) I stayed in a state of struggle. My struggle was deep within, so of course it is reflected in the creation of lack in my outside world.

What I’m getting at here is how our internal struggle and characteristics of our personality, abilities, etc. which make us want to cringe… keep us stuck. If we’re not showing up as the ‘whole’ and instead just as fragments of what WE THINK is acceptable, then we’re screwing ourselves out of an abundant, joyful life.

I’ve been working on my subconscious beliefs for years. I had some help this year and the practitioner said it was time to own all I do… including the spirituality, the energy work and other gifts I had submerged in the murkiness.

Anyone relate to what I am saying?

Fearing we won’t be accepted by others, we live this life of quiet desperation and major struggle. I’m not talking about throwing it out there as a Facebook post. I’m talking about living it all in 3D!

As long as you or I remain hiding some part of who we are, which could be a major gift to the world, and instead play it safe, we aren’t saying YES to life. We’re saying NO to possibility and remaining a limited version of who we truly are. That sucks!

If you want true fulfillment and abundance, the only way to get there is own what makes you cringe. If people around you don’t accept you, it’s not your problem because living a limited version of who you are is way more detrimental to your well-being than it is to find your true tribe!

This is not an easy process. It does include loss, pain and trying to find new footing, but the payoff is huge.

Look at where you have a state of lack. What are you hiding from the world? Wherever you’ve submerged parts of you out of protection, basically fear, you are hindering your ability to receive what can be a true match for you.

Notice how you show up with different people; how certain characteristics are acceptable and others get shoved to the side.

See if you can allow an opening for what is hidden to come out in just one of those situations.

See how uncomfortable it is, and at the same time experience the freedom.

Have you noticed this in your own behavior? Have you felt uncomfortable when attempting to ‘be you’? Please share in the comments.

Holding Back and Depriving Your Joy

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I don’t know about you, but I find the source of most of my issues start and end with me. 

If I have fear and chicken out, I will definitely regret it.

If I fail and kick my own butt, I will feel worse.

If I am empty whether I am alone or not, I am cut off from myself.

All three statements also show me where I am unavailable in my own life. I am cut off from the joy or pain of an experience because anything that stands in the way of my emotional experience means I’m unavailable in some capacity–even though I may feel something, like torture or fleeting joy.

The problem when I say yes to some activity or action is that everything emotionally turns off inside of me. Do you know what I mean? You promise to do something. It could be fun like going on vacation, attending an event or being with someone you love or like. BUT there’s a part of you missing. The part which holds back from the full experience.

The reasons vary, but there’s a withholding of emotional connection just in case it doesn’t work, something goes wrong and it is necessary to remain invulnerable.

Have you experienced this in your own life?

Not Being Present

Look back at times when you were present somewhere, but the memory is a blur; you were emotionally unavailable to the experience. Now bring it forward and see where you won’t allow yourself to feel your feelings during some activity, especially with other people. Where are you guarded?

It took me a long time to see all the ways I could numb out or duck and hide from an experience, and for the most part it was from a lack of clarity. Making commitments I didn’t want to make, but feeling compelled to do it because of some expectation.

Commitments run the gamut in life. Even if we state a commitment, how much of us emotionally actually shows up?

Are you 100% together when you show up for your job, or is it just a part of you, similar to a robot, devoid of emotions? We often do this when we don’t want to make a decision to change something in our life. We emotionally check out!

We intellectualize all the different parts of our lives, including our relationships with other people. We only allow a part of ourselves to show up, keeping some aspect held back. And then we wonder how we draw other emotionally unavailable people to our lives! How is it we don’t see ourselves in that light? Well, for most of us, we think we are fine. Our self-perception is that we have love to offer, but in reality, we have as much junk in the way as the next person.

Being emotionally unavailable means we cannot experience fulfillment, not only through our relationships, but anywhere.

I knew a guy who was performing in triathlons. It gave him the opportunity to check out emotionally from his life and just focus on training. After each race he would do okay–not winning, but not at the bottom of the cellar. He felt empty, alone and not sure what to do with himself. He had given everything ‘he felt he had’ to the race, but in reality, he only gave the part that was available within him.

Had he been fully present to the experience, he would’ve proceeded to connect himself openly and readily to this endeavor, feel his feelings, which would’ve been fulfilling whether he won or lost. Instead he had just invested in avoiding other parts of his life he didn’t want to change.

Deprivation and Distraction

Think about all the times you’ve said no to something, which you’ve deeply longed for yourself. Perhaps even to a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but fear took over and shut down your emotional aspiration. All the intellectual rationale kept you from being available to what you really fancied.

Or how about the fear of failure? Most of us put cushioning or something in between us and the possibility of failure. We don’t want to feel it, so we try to protect ourselves, only to find we can’t let go of that loss as times goes on.

We may keep ourselves eternally busy with crazy schedules and no time to do what we want. Or even if we have time, perhaps we’re tired or feel guilty doing something that would make us happy. We end up settling for activities that will numb us out, keep us distracted from feeling our lives.

All of these examples of emotional unavailability don’t include the true pain we feel when we let fear lead, pushing our heart into a cage, hoping someone or something will break it free. Except it doesn’t work that way.

When we don’t allow ourselves to truly feel, to truly experience, to say yes to having courage, we stay unavailable to the fruits that life has to offer.

How do we become emotionally available?

  1. Get honest about what you do to avoid your true feelings and start connecting to yourself.
  2. Look for where fear resides and what belief you have that tells you that you cannot have what you truly want. Once you understand what drives you to keep yourself cut off, you can make steps to challenge those walls.
  3. Say yes to what you really want. Don’t allow the excuses derived from fear to rule you. Life is just an experience, so go out and live it!
  4. Trust yourself, even if something is a disappointment and you feel hurt. Allowing yourself to feel your feelings and go in the direction of vulnerability will steer you clear of regrets. Even if you fail, at least you did it!
  5. Check into what is important to you emotionally. Find the time for it, whatever form that self-care is, it will lead you to living a more fulfilling life from the inside out.

How do you distance yourself emotionally and short-change your joy? We all have our tactics. I’d love to hear what you’re willing to share in the comments.