The Secret We All Share…

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Human beings. We are a funny bunch.

Many of us tend to focus on what makes us different. Not all of us, but when we get pissed or someone believes something contradictory to us or drives their car how we don’t like it….or makes decisions we would never make, we focus on the differences.

We share that as human beings. Is it the secret? No.

We’ve lost a lot of artists in 2016. The latest being Prince. It didn’t really hit me til later, as I remembered my early adult years coming out of high school, as his songs were the theme to my relationships. Prince, 1999 and later Purple Rain. It was an emotional connection. Leading me deeper to include the part of myself who was freer, wilder, daring and edgy, (having Scorpio rising like him and the love of purple was relatable too) especially with his earlier songs. In those years, I’d drive along listening to Head and Sister.

Though to all appearances I probably appeared pretty straight-laced–wrapped tightly.

My point in sharing here isn’t my grief, the connection to his music or the re-living of those times in the past few days, it is that many of us hide out. We hide from ourselves first and the rest of the world secondly. We all share insecurities. We share weirdness, provocations and the fear of accepting those parts of ourselves others may deem unsavory.

Creativity, namely music and even the expression of any art form elicits what is hidden.

Is it the secret? No, I am getting there.

To continue, I thank artists who live on the edge of that space, because deep inside we all do have an edge, for most a hidden edge. When you hear your favorite song, or one you’ve attached meaning to about an emotional situation how do you actually feel? Vulnerable? Or at others times, tough, sensual, sexual, happy and like dancing your ass off? It creates an emotional connection with yourself. Just like a sad song relating to a break up, or how you feel so alone inside or alienated, it can dig it up and bring it to the surface.

As a fan of all sorts of music on loneliness and alienation, from Grunge to the Church, Echo and The Bunnymen….to the 60’s, 70’s and other genres of music–it used to pull up those murky parts of myself that I wanted to hide….and let me feel myself.

The perfect picture many of us carry on the outside rarely relates to what is going on inside. The CEOs and semi-celebs I’ve worked with are never what they appear to be on the outside, even the most creative ones. Truly! Most are used to being someone else too. Real happiness is not found in hiding the other parts…the ones we tuck away in fear of being found out, doing it wrong or having to explain.

Always for me, I never fit in and in many instances I still don’t (but where I do is magical–any more scorpio rising peeps who love the color purple?)….and it’s okay now. Not fitting in isn’t the fault of others, I believe it is a failure to embrace our own quirks. When trying to be somebody else and fit in, it’s impossible to be fulfilled. We will always feel ill at ease. You and I have our own tribes and the only way to attract those people is to be YOU. If you’re always stuck in pretense, all you will attract are pretentious relationships.

Think about it. Like attracts like.

Is it the secret? Almost.

A step toward the secret we all share is as long as I’m connected to me, I feel free. Freedom is what we all desire, in some capacity. Some of us are waiting for something again, outside of us, to set us free.

As you see there are many things we have in common with one another. Including, the deeper desire to share, to be open and embrace who we really are, to express that freedom, love, happiness and inner peace. We have more in common than less. Really we do.

Let’s take those words and bundle them up into a meaningful place inside of us. The true living of such words is a paradox, because of what may matter more to us.

The secret: We all want to belong.

We all want to be connected.

We all want to be our weird ass selves (yes everyone is weird) and be accepted. We all want to come as we are and no matter what (perhaps only in the privacy of our car, shower, bedroom or the company of strangers) be voicing it from the bottom of our lungs.

And back to the artists, does it mean they live in this way, being who they truly are? They’re like the rest of us, some would say yes, others would say no. (They may have a persona to live into that they created)

It is again what they create in their art, it’s an avenue for us to experience ourselves. And it may be the only time we do experience a part of true selves. Listening to those songs, which take us somewhere else deep inside.

Many of us need outside permission to live in full expression of what lies deep inside of us, and many of us deny what is in those depths, because we want to belong so badly. We want to appear to have it all, (we need the validation, attention and admiration) but I am here to tell you….under the skin of every person who appears to have it all perfectly built is a contradiction.

It’s what makes us lonely, feel disconnected and as though the emptiness inside cannot be permanently filled up. For some it is to keep so busy there’s no connection, just go-go-go and for others it is to be immobilized, also afraid to step into who they really are…it’s where we differ.

We distance, even when we look like we’re belonging. We create drama and strife, because it’s easier than the possible rejection for what truly lives in each of us. It is really through our own creativity that we are re-born.

It is when we say yes to ourselves that it becomes ok. And it means accepting the things we do against ourselves (and others), the ways we do hide out, stand with a huge wall, hurry and get pissed off. It means we embrace ourselves in the messes we create and take responsibility.

Oh yeah, to belong may be a physiological wiring, but we have 1000s of ways we do not take responsibility for the reasons we need to show up in a certain way with particular people. We look emotionally from afar, as though they may have the key to our finally feeling we’ve arrived; if only we can belong and again, we feel the unrest. Looks good on the outside, but sucks on the inside.

I was at a dinner party and someone asked what I do, we had a short conversation where I stated a few things I do, including learning to take responsibility without blaming others. He said, “Don’t we all do that?” And I said those of us who want to remain powerless to change our lives and be happy, yes; we stay victims.

In wanting to belong to a tribe, we may not even know why. We may have picked up those are the cool kids over there and I want to belong. Or we may rebel and say screw the cool kids, I am going to hang with the outsiders. Our group may be tied together in our unhappiness at not living a fully expressed, creative life. We cannot imagine what would become of us if we really sought out those we do belong with, that unknown can keep us dangling our entire lives.

What can you do? What are you willing to risk? How creative do you want to get? How free, happy and at peace do you want to be? You have to look deeper to understand your reasons for where you belong and why, you have to get to your beliefs around self-worth.

Every time I write or share it is a risk for me. Yeah, I am intensely private (believe it or not) and a lot of what I did in my younger years was not about love. It was about winning, appearances and self-inflicted pain. I didn’t know any better, most of us don’t.

Who was I? At the time I had no idea, just a bundle of anxiety, unease, analyzation and intellectual hubris….of course covered with a sense of humor, over-doing, over-giving and trying to be the best.

Some think walls are a great idea, and people have to earn something from us that we’re not even willing to give to ourselves. We also think we need to show up a certain way, so we don’t lose the people around us….because we’re afraid who we really are is nothing.

Ugh, right? The judge that lives in and outside of us telling us our worth, setting the stage for who we are and for many it’s based off someone else’s rules for life. We may want to belong ‘somewhere’ so badly….we create castles in the sky. Nothing real just the appearance of it. If we’re cast out, do we vow to instead be more of who we are or more of who we think other people want?

Finding your creativity may not make you into a world famous artist, but it can open you up to the truth of your spirit. It can help you navigate the lonely waters as you sail toward your tribe. It will free you, release you and allow you to touch on inner peace, love and happiness.

Artists when performing and being in that creative state, touch that part of themselves, even if it is only for the moments they perform. I had a client who had a profession she had not chosen, other than it would satisfy her parents. She was really an artist; truly talented. as an exercise she had to visit an art store and purchase a medium which spoke to her, and create something, take a picture and send it to me.

She did…and it was amazing. Even more amazing was how she felt during the time she was creating it, it opened her up to herself and her joy. If she was to continue to do this on a daily basis, she would touch on the hidden parts of herself, letting them surface, perhaps even accepting them. It could set be the start in setting herself free!

Being who you are and belonging is truly an inner journey first. The one into self-acceptance of all the parts you’ve hidden, buried deeply and pretended are non-existent. Being who you are is not a human-made perfection, it is a spiritual perfection.

Why Lack Matters.

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Ever pay attention to your thoughts and accompanying feelings during your day? Perhaps, hearing certain ones over and over; along with the same feelings, over and over too?

Stick with em’ and really listen to their force, diction and feeling, often there’s lack at the base.

“I can’t do that”

“I can’t have that”

“I am not enough or good enough”

“It’s impossible”

“This is it, there ain’t no more”

And so on.

Noticing the majority of our thoughts as repetitive and imaginably, centered on lack and limitation; it colors our present and future. Reminding us of how we not only don’t deserve more, but apparently life appears to work against us.

In looking back on my life, the events where I felt burdened, heavy, angry and just plain sad–were generated by my thoughts and feelings; it created my perspective. I couldn’t help myself. I remember saying hopeless words to myself while trying to dress up a pile of shit, into a fashion model.

Excuses, blame, and inertia go together. It can fool us into thinking this is it! We’re unable to move toward fulfillment. If “Life is hard” is truth, we create it and should ask, “what am I afraid of having happen?”

Leaving the unfulfilling known hardship, because the known misery is safer than the unknown, is frightening!

Just as the statement “life is great” is only truth, if we create it.

Notice the lack inside of us causes us to focus on lack outside of us; it’s a reflection. But, we don’t see it as a reflection, we see it as a prison.

If you read my posts or listen to my radio show, I speak to the power within us. It’s a disservice buying into the belief(s) around lack, and remaining afraid of doing something different.

Recently, I signed up to work with a business coach; deep inside me I knew two things.

First, unless I did something different my business would always be the same and it scared me; it was a limiting thought, because of where I WANT to go. The second reason was I needed the discomfort of the unknown; not just listening to my coach, but trusting I would enact her words…believing in myself, I could do it!

It took me understanding no one was going to wave a magic wand and my life would change. It had nothing to do with change in others or my outer circumstances. I had to release what was steering my ship toward unnecessary rough waters.

Most of us have an iron grip on our daily routines holding on for dear life; it’s familiar! Wake up, go to work or do yoga or walk the dog or __________, work more, come home, then what?

As much as we state we’re miserable, we can’t give up the confines of our day, by doing something different. Nope, we like to face the same challenges, over and over.

But……What if? We find expansion in life? Possibility? Freedom, excitement, creativity, passion and love?

Moving out of lack, impossibilities or let’s call it what it is….fear, we’re so insignificant, so undeserving and doomed to fail, lose or fall down, by believing our authentic truth….that we stop.

We DO NOT trust ourselves.

I’ve spoken with amazingly creative people and yet, they don’t paint, dance, write or draw.

I’ve spoken with people in dysfunctional relationships (mainly with themselves) and they stay put, afraid of what change will bring.

I’ve spoken with people who say they must sacrifice and yet never arrive–because they only know struggle and sacrifice.

I’ve spoken with people afraid to express what’s deep within them, instead continuing with a life of quiet desperation.

And so on.

Lack parades inside of us with many disguises; making it hard to locate, unless we purposefully listen.

Taking those false thoughts around limitation, getting momentarily uncomfortable and advancing from lack to abundance requires courage. So, the artist picks up his or her brush, the person stuck in dysfunction realizes he or she is never really alone, he or she speaks the impacted words knowing true relief and those who sacrifice realize they can focus not on ‘less’ but more, reflecting their own inner trust.

Don’t let the lack in your head keep you stuck, trust your gut and your joy to move you. If you’d like to discover how ready you are to move into abundance, schedule a complimentary discovery session with me.

 

A Perfect Life

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What is a perfect life?

Usually the definition we give to someone else. A life we observe and think, ‘wow’ they have it all!

Many of us may not compare out of jealousy or envy, we may be looking to someone as an image of a goal that we want too. Or, we can use the comparison to beat ourselves up with and constantly feel less deserving.

We may even feel like we’re a complete and total failure when we look at someone who we think has it more together, got lucky or seems to live a charmed existence.

The perfect life only has validity as allowing our imperfections (and life’s curveballs) to co-exist with what we deem good enough. It’s to accept the whole as is and see the beauty.

Once we accept things as they are, right now, we can then look at what we want to create from there (otherwise the focus is on what isn’t working) and live into that goal.

For a reality check, into what we deem ‘perfect’ is usually far off the mark. We know this is true, every time a new story about a public figure with their carefully constructed image, has been turned on its head.

For many of us, we can look in our own neighborhoods, Facebook, the office or anywhere in the world for carefully constructed images that are really less than true.

Living a life of a carefully designed image is actually one of quiet desperation.

It takes a lot of energy to pretend and there is the constant pursuit for what will fill the void, which in turn creates a wider gap from who the person really is, and who they display themselves to be.

And sometimes these same people may confess the partial truth or something, which makes them seem more attainable to connect with, only to have them quickly withdraw back into their carefully cultivated images.

Often the people we idealize, who we think live a perfect Facebook post life (I heard this somewhere and thought it was pretty funny) are often not really living what they post 24/7. They have their own crap too.

Everyone has crap, it’s been said and yet what is it that makes us think someone else’s crap is less toxic than our own?

Perhaps, someone is more successful than us in certain parts of their lives (or it just looks more successful). Realistically, there’s something to be said for luck, timing, and being in the right place at the right time. Not that it’s the entire picture, because to achieve luck, we have to be ‘open’ to opportunities, which might be a risk.

A risk in getting out of our comfort zone.

Something, which may look unfamiliar and not like a true opportunity, could be the game changer for us. And yet, some of us will keep right on playing it safe, stuck in the discomfort of what we already know.

Fear is a fucker.

People with carefully constructed images live in a lot of fear too. We all experience it, because we’re human, the difference is to live a perfect life we must be authentically who we are…living our truth.

Authenticity leads us to wholeness, which in turn creates a perfect life, not an idealized version or everything we touch turns to gold, but one we can just own and love it!

A perfect life has nothing to do with what we own or what we present to the world.

A perfect life may include the following:

1. Acceptance and forgiveness: Really accepting all of our mistakes; decisions we made from fear or lack and everything that never worked out and then forgiving it.

2. Love: Once we do number 1, number 2 is easier…we see the flaws in others and love them for it too. The more love we have for ourselves, the more compassion we have for the world.

3. Honesty: First figure out what you deny, push away or don’t want to admit to yourself….and then live that truth. Hardest on this list to do for some of us.

4. Fun: Daily.

5. Doing what you love everyday, even if it is for 10 minutes. It keeps us connected to our internal joy.

6. Making happiness our own responsibility: It is not the validation of others, which leads to a perfect life…if anything this will keep us settling for the small and perhaps, bread crumbs we’ve learned to survive on regularly. It’s to create the boundaries, which matter and we live to them first. Deciding our YES and our NO based on our desires, not pleasing someone at our expense–so they give us back something (or owe us); it gives clarity.

7. Let go. Whatever you beat yourself up with or hold hostage….release it. Get rid of the image of perfection as an idealized life.

Whatever we resist persists, so as long as we stand against something it will continue to be the issue and hold our focus. A perfect life is to be completely in love with it all, no matter where we currently stand.

Power of Submission

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I thought the title was more catchy than the power of acceptance, but really….the opposite of resistance, is submission.

And in the context of power, the submission is not necessarily to another person, but to the circumstances as they are, and not how we want them to be.

What we resist, persists.

I speak with people all the time. many remind me of how I approached change with myself. I would seek out help, and then decide somewhere in there that I could just do it on my own. I could save myself time and money…and get there just as quick! After all, who knows me better than me?

Well…yeah. My resistance was not helping me, and as someone pointed out, if I went on my own, it would take me far longer to get where I wanted to go…and she was right.

I was still a bit of a control freak. I thought I was open, but I wanted it all to be my way. I thought I could immerse myself in books, here someone speak and change. Except, it took me a long time, because I was only grasping things intellectually.

To change our lives on a deeper level, we have to submit to change…to things being different than our familiar way of our patterns.

I can hear it when I am speaking to some people, who swear up and down, they cannot handle their circumstances anymore, but at the same time they want to defend their stance.They resist a different path.

Whenever we think of change, we want to be at the end result, the goal. We hope change will come in the middle of the night while we’re sleeping and we haven’t had to go thru any struggle or questions surrounding our actions….basically, we want change to just slip in the backdoor.

Instead, we resist the very things we want in life.

We say we want to be with our soulmate…

We say we want a great relationship….

We say we to understand ourselves better…

We say we want to be happy…

And so on.

As long as we do not submit to what is and accept it, whether it means we must forge ahead with change, or allow our circumstances to remain without trying to change other people then our resistance will continue and what we don’t want will continue……until we just can’t stand it anymore…

And then…we may be able to talk ourselves into numbing out to stay in a state of resistance. We can distract ourselves. We can numb out, or only express frustration and anger at certain moments…and then go right back into the state of quiet battle.

Sacrifice is not submission, it is another way of denying change. To submit is power. It says, my battle is not with life or someone, I accept all that is and hold myself responsible, so that I can create the life I want.

When we are not focused on the resistance, we can create. Our lives are a creation, so why not make our lives about being in a flow to go where we want?

Say “okay,” to what others want. It doesn’t mean, we do what they want or even think it’s a great idea; it just means we’ve acknowledged what they want and we are allowing them to do that without our resistance.

I spent a lot of time in my younger years helping people, who said they wanted my advice. I would get so frustrated when they wouldn’t follow it. I’d want to change their lives for them, or get them to do the right thing in my eyes….it took me a long time to understand, it’s not my decision…their life belongs to them no matter what my perception was of their actions.

When we perceive someone as wrong, or want to control another’s actions, we’re not living our life. We’re resisting our life, by ignoring it and what we need to do for ourselves. When we gossip, we’re in a state of resistance.

One way to tell, is the physical feeling that comes from the energy held in resistance. Everything feels tighter, tense and heavy. When we let go and submit to what is, we feel lighter, happier and able to see more clearly…so we can create our lives.

The more we submit, the more we create and the more we say okay to change. The inertia we feel or the walls we have around us, are meant to be broken through…if we allow them to remain, we won’t really change (or it may take us 50 years longer if we do it ourselves), we’ll keep doing things the same old way and read a book–thinking we now get it and we’ll continue in a state of resisting life.

 

 

 

Power of Happiness

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“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” – Dale Carnegie

Many of us think of happiness as a fleeting image. We are at an amusement park, on vacation or some other entertaining venue or event, which induces us to be in a state of happiness.

The power of real happiness has little to do with our environment or circumstances. It is a daily choice.

For years, I kept waiting for the day to come when I could be happy. I thought it meant clearing away all the heaviness inside of me. I figured I had too many “shoulds,” in my life that came before happiness, until I discovered that happiness is there even when life feels like it’s not cooperating.

In choosing happiness, it’s to choose well-being. It’s to acknowledge all parts within ourselves in harmonizing or at least, being copacetic with each other. The internal battle is not being fought, because one part of me is not trying to banish the other parts.

To get rid of any part of ourselves doesn’t contribute to wholeness. In happiness, it is to know things aren’t always in complete agreement, but it is to trust that they can co-exist without there being a struggle. Control is not necessary when it comes to the outside or other people, happiness is felt in letting go.

Even when I have things going on in my personal or professional life that I want to be more satisfactory than they currently are, I make a choice. I can either go down the road of feeling futility, disappointed or just wrung out. Or, I decide to focus on something that feels good, even if it is allowing myself to sit for 5 minutes and reconnect to me and what I want.

If we make our minds up to be happy rather than concerned about things, which are problematic, we may actually come out with better solutions when the time is right.

How many of us spend hours wasted on thinking of a future problem, something in which we currently have no power to change or solve, and come to find that it was all a waste of “thinking, or obsessing?” It pays off to set our minds to happier thoughts, rather than the familiarity of the punishment in our thinking.

Some of us feel we must only think of solving problems. If there’s not a problem , we’ll create one.

It’s something to keep us in our comfort zone of familiarity. Choosing to think happier thoughts, requires effort. It is not easy to shift, but when we start thinking we’re okay as we are, that life is okay as it is and that whatever happens around us is okay too, we automatically become happier.

“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.” – James Oppenheim

Creative thinking comes from letting go of the type of thoughts, which weigh us down. When we start to feel heavy, holding the reins emotionally, we can change the direction. We can acknowledge whatever is making us feel like mud and still choose to re-focus on creating more well-being.

If we want to manifest the best life possible, it pays to focus on what we want rather than on what isn’t working. The more creative we are, the greater our sense of well-being.

When we are in this lighter, more buoyant space with our emotional state, our actions can more easily match to carry us to the goals we say we want. Sometimes, our actions must come first and then the change of thoughts will follow.

For myself, it really is about shifting what I am doing. If I start to feel crappy for any reason, I ask myself do I want to dwell here? The familiarity of the old wallowing feelings start to surface and I literally have to disengage and ask myself, what would give me joy right now? What would be in alignment with my goals? And I shift into action first, I start writing or doing something creative. If my thoughts move first, I look at something, such as my vision board, or think of what I want. Anything to break up the downward spiral…and re-focus on my sense of well-being.

The more connected we are to all parts of ourselves, the less we lose touch with that sense of good feelings in ourselves. Even if we’re momentarily thrown for a loop, the happiness we have at the base of our feelings, never really goes away.

 

 

Let Go and Live

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Thoughts can weigh us down, especially when we don’t realize there is a whole other way to approach our life.

The freedom in not thinking, rationalizing or brooding over something(someone) we want to fix, change or grow is as Einstein said, “I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking.”

Focusing on creation is the heart beat of life; it’s where the small seed resides, which leads us to the next discovery, opportunity and way out of the prison of fearful, trapped thoughts.

The merry-go-round of thoughts over and over waiting for something to change or thinking how to force change upon circumstances outside of us is anything, but creative!

I’ve learned more and more to focus on what I want to create, less on what is not working and letting go of what I cannot control. The more we release the heavy burdens and fearful thoughts causing us stress of what we cannot control….the more room there is for creativity.

To create means it builds upon itself, there is no linear path and there’s no stop sign (Stop signs exist in our head); we may choose to make a left turn, but if we’re really in the thick of our creative focus…whatever direction it leads is okay. We cannot predict or know the road we have not yet traveled.

To be okay and accept the place we currently are IN THIS MOMENT with it’s unsolved riddles is the first step in creation. When we focus on the frustration of the never-ending, repetitive cycles and problems we encounter, all they will do is grow and our perspective will remain unchanged.

We will stay in the limitation of being controlled by everything around us.

As Einstein also stated, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

If you’re going through a struggle or trying to start your life over or make a change….do yourself a favor and don’t invest in the struggle mentally, don’t think things have to be a certain way and definitely don’t keep trying to force things that are beyond your control to fit into this picture.

Most people, when they come to me have no idea about what would truly make them happy, all they know is they want to escape where they are now.

Soooo…what is the first step?

Get clear on ONE thing…something that brings you a great deal of joy to engage in whether it is art, meditating, walking, creating a flow chart…whatever it is, DO IT! TODAY!

XOXO

Tracy

Musings on LIVING vibrantly

We all climb the mountain to the day we are no longer here.

No matter how much time you have is it ever enough?

Will it be the correct amount of time to touch the stars or will you fade away as a shadow in the sunlight? What is it that makes us waste our time as though we have an unlimited abundance of it to consume? Why is it most days, there is a feeling many of us have that makes us “just get through a day, a week or a lifetime” and not look for our own joy in its passing hours?

Why must we fight and struggle so much for what we REALLY don’t want? And alternately, build an artillery unit of “reasons” to battle against and tussle with ourselves in going after what we do want?

Where do you find the moments in-between, which are poetic, synchronistic and creative?

Our days are meant to be fully lived; vibrantly!

Living each day with meaning, to be expressed in a fully engaged manner, as though it was your last.

I write this as I give thought to the post I’ve put aside a few times. The one about what is in the heart of my fellow humans. It has been a struggle for me to elaborate, because the idea of “love” or what “lives” in your heart has not one solitary answer. And I want to give what I write about the experience of asking a question and its powerful response, the spotlight it deserves.

And as I write about the “heart” I’m more and more convinced I know when I’m shortchanging my own experience. I notice it when I withhold my love or words or don’t take action in “that” moment. It is clear because I physically feel the heaviness of holding back.

Each day I wake with the goal of living my life to the fullest. Sometimes that intention gets a little murky as I find myself displeased about something or overwhelmed. In those moments, I stop and ask what my goal is and as hard as it is, I take action toward that objective.

I’ve also found in the past 2 weeks the Universe really does listen in the most amazing ways. And that so much opportunity exists, all one has to do is pay attention as you take “action”. Can’t just think about it, must act.

I have a team of people where a week ago I did not have, but one. Ask for help. It makes you feel the vibrancy or others and this great Universe! I ask for more and more as I create my life, not just in the “in-between moments”, but in the hard moments…when its easier to turn my back on passion or its easier to curl up in a ball…. those moments of jumping over my own hurdles have proven to me to be the ones I salivate for, as I realize the time I have here on this planet is to create…. And that makes me feel connected, as though I am eternal.