What does the passion of change and living full out feel like? Something like this?
Its time for me to leave my old life behind, I can no longer do it, and say okay.
It is an energy welling up from deep within me and it is unstoppable. Just like a volcano with hoarded lava for the last 1000 years.
The passion is bubbling under the surface not sure where it will eviscerate parts of my existence into oblivion.
It’s coming on like a freight train of steel prison doors, holy crap; I better get out of the way or attach a motor to fly on down the tracks!
My dreams are FINALLY outweighing my bullshit excuses.
The energy is undeniable.
The will to live won’t be held down and suffocated anymore, it tells me the only fate worse than dead in a box, is alive in a box.
I decorated the box so nicely, pretty wallpaper and curtains on its windowless musty structure, the only way out was down a long hallway to every past experience I had which stole my glory, sank my buoyancy, stole my tears and had me in the grip of fear. I let it—I did this to me, I swallowed my life up and ingested every morsel as though I deserved to be a shell of what I knew I could be in this life.
I’ve revealed so many layers within that now I lay bare through to my skin. It gives me no choice, but to be clear and say what is true for me dear.
I can’t escape it, because it makes my heartbeat in my shoulders to the ends of the hair on my head.
It makes my lungs inhale and exhale deeper and fuller than I’ve known, each gulp of oxygen I feel pulsating through my corpuscles.
I am compelled.
I feel the need to clear out my living space and at the same time to be holding hands with my brethren.
I want to lock lips with life.
Have an orgasm with an ice-cream cone and lick it from bottom to top.
I am writer hear me roar.
I am part of the living, breathing and no longer waiting.
No more playing dead, I want the bone.
All I can do is live fully in every moment.
No more shortchanging myself.
Fear is running through each nerve ending in my body, but I don’t give a shit!
Because my heart is leading into the unknown, back over old territory and saying this time it is different.
This time you will embrace the warts, the peachy fuzz on the back of the neck, the long and slow kisses that you have denied, be engulfed and happier than a 5 year old drunk on Boone’s Farm!
Where have I been?
What rock have I been living under, making my life large and small at the same time?
Pulling myself apart from the middle.
How did I manage to say that I was living full out but hiding from humanity?
I must engage, it is expensive but to stay at home is a cheap waste of my life.
There are no experiences gained in isolation.
Connection, connection, connection, it is all I hear.
This electronic frontier is no second best for me any longer, it is a waste of my being to believe it could take the place of another’s heart beating, louder than mine….the fear is there.
No longer eating anyone alive, it is a driver.
I have to stop myself and remember lovingkindness.
I seem to forget it when I am in crowds of people, that my hot button when it comes to the inconsideration of people for others in public…..and seems the universe loves to test me over and over again.
It is ridiculous.
I must be engaged, the loner that I can be is cast aside, she kept me in a hole unhappy, closed off and miserable, a false sense of comfort and security.
A false sense of connection; through these devices that no longer suffice.
I love it, I love it, I love this life!
Passionate appraisals of all that is, I love you, I love me, I love all that I can.
It is up to me, it’s a choice that I make.
I can be awake or lie awake, which do I prefer?