At the end of the comfort zone is…

Your life.

The adventure.

It’s where you find your life purpose and meaning.

One thing many people share with me is they don’t know their life purpose. They fiercely want to find it and hope by stumbling across it in their daily travels or thinking about it, they will finally know the answer.

It doesn’t work that way.

Take a risk into what scares the s*** out of you and I guarantee you will find your reason for existence; your life waits at the end of your comfort zone.

In my line of work and in my own life, the word “risk,” is synonymous with self-confidence, giving up playing the victim and feeling in control of your life.

You crave new experiences, opportunities and people in your life who match you in playing BIG, going after dreams and really engaging in experiences…then take a risk.

It’s like a safari, finding out what YOU are truly made of in this life. You remain playing small when you put your ante in and quickly grab it back.

My MAIN focus is the experience of adventure, which I achieve through risk both personally and professionally. When I feel comfortable, it’s time to scare myself again.

I feel scared 24/7; at the same I’m excited! I envision my boldness as I witness myself climb my own ladder, through choices that freak me out daily.

The older you get, the easier it is to play safe.

 And by safe, I mean small.

As we get older our life experiences are often what we reflect back on, as opposed to when we are young, we look ahead with excitement.

The key is not to bring the past to the present, but to throw caution to the wind, have faith and dance. Dance your heart out and make an ass out of yourself.

PLAN YOUR GREATEST ADVENTURE!!!

If you sit around “thinking,” about a possible change, adventure, investment of your time, emotion or money…you’ll never take action. There is no guarantee and half the time when there seems to be, it doesn’t work out.

Go where there is NO guarantee.

In my quest for what I want in my life, I had to painstakingly grow and open to those possibilities.

I keep shucking off my own limitations. It’s hard to do, because they creep up, but once you get used to being scared as the norm, there’s no going back!

It’s great when others around you engage in risk-taking, it’s like everyone has come alive out of their dead zone. Energy shifts and the impossible, becomes very possible.

As you gain momentum in giving your life purpose and meaning through treating it as an adventure, you may meet or already know people who tell you they’ll help your cause, or join forces—there is excitement and inspiration to be shared.

It’s a force to be reckoned with, because obstacles remove themselves as though fate has a hand in it.

And when others back out of their promise to join, succumbing to their own mental limitations and the safety of the comfort zone, it can mean disappointment. And disappointment no matter what its form is a game changer—not the game-ender.

Risk is a word many people actively state as their mantra; yet few truly have the courage to make real change in their life.

Risk means anything from standing for yourself and your truth, to stopping yourself from habitually doing what you don’t want to do. It’s the only way to live your life to the fullest capacity—going after your dreams on your terms.

Take the chance of disappointment, upset the apple cart and receive a reward, whether it is just being alive or victory!

If you back away from risk and use words to create a sense of vagueness to those whom you stated, “I’m in,” you let fear win again.

It’s a manipulation of fear. The problem with manipulation is that it doesn’t control the outcome; it never feels good.

Take a risk. Don’t say things to get someone off your back, take the time to tell them what’s true.

Take another risk. Say the things you hold back from stating, because you are afraid of another’s reaction or losing someone out of your life.

Another risk, make yourself happy and let everyone else figure out how to make themselves happy.

Don’t fear what happens if you change the game, let it organically sort itself out. You may find yourself making bigger changes, which are challenging or you may find it all falls into place.

Risk means no protection.

And what is protection anyway?

It masquerades as a false sense of security, which keeps you from living freely, happily and peacefully.

When we think we are protecting, holding onto or keeping the peace at our expense…we are actually making the situation worse with the inevitable outcome being the one we are trying to avoid.

So.

If you want to feel alive and really achieve a fulfilling heart and soul felt success, then go for the adventure.

Scare the shit out of yourself and just do it!!

Advertisements

50 Lashings, please!

(You can check my article out on elephant journal too)

Yeah, you were thinking in the physical. I’m speaking from the emotional. Punishment of others and ourselves can be a full time hobby.

When we feel wronged, what do most people do?

One or two things.

They strike back venomously, they feel self-righteous and a sense of power coming from diminishing the offender. Or they suck it up, privately hating the person or even wishing them pain.

Does either of these stances ever make us feel better? Maybe for a moment, but then we start to feel bad for one reason or another, which brings me back to emotional punishment.

We punish ourselves when we do it to someone else. We also kick and beat ourselves, not only for how we allow someone to treat us, but we do it when we make a mistake, fail BIG time, or put ourselves into circumstances that create ongoing suffering.

Sounds like a party, right?

Some are so used to living this way that they don’t know the heaviness, pain or sadness they carry isn’t normal.

When we feel hurt, wronged or we don’t get our way, it may lead to us blaming the other party. If we don’t stop and ask ourselves how we allowed someone to trample right over our feelings, then we are doing ourselves no favors.

Expecting someone to have ESP or wake-up and smell the blueberry muffins ain’t gonna happen by pouting, yelling, freaking out or anything resembling a punishment.

love when we feel insecure and instead of speaking up, we act like we’re two and punish the other person.

It doesn’t work. Does it?

Coercing someone to see what you believe is their wrongdoing isn’t satisfying and usually builds resentment from the offending party.

Not to mention once again, punishing others is punishing yourself.

And most of us are not purposely trying to hurt someone; many times we are just trying to deal with our own crap, and the side effect may be harm to another. It’s a vicious cycle.

Sucking it up and pretending nothing is wrong is not the answer.

Really, does sucking it up EVER feel good? Hell no!

What about other forms of punishment?

My personal favorite is to punish myself by committing to “the right thing to do,” not right for me, but for some invisible entity, society or for people I love. And when I commit to a situation that goes against my gut, heart and soul…I’m then engaged in long term suffering and punishment created by “me.”

Self-sacrificing means you are the one sacrificing your wants, needs and desires for some reason you believe is the only way to eventually get where you want to go. Except, you never get there. You get stuck in the martyr/victim role and never release the chains that bind you to a crazy ideal.

Someday never comes, its just yesterday over and over. And one day it’s all over and when that comes, will you be satisfied with the punishing limitations you lived?

What about punishment you give to yourself when you screw up? Fail? What does that look and sound like?

You may have served well during the Spanish Inquisition or some other dark time in history. You may be both the Inquisitor and the Victim. We know how to punish ourselves best. We wouldn’t treat anyone as bad as those voices in our heads can be….for sure.

Punishment operates in a slanted altruistic place, because it never feels good. I’m not saying be a selfish, self-absorbed jerk. No, that helps no one either, because then you are wallowing in your own juices.

So, what about all this self-inflicted emotional torture chamber type of punishment?

What is the point?

Is there a reward that’s ever worth the time lost to beating yourself up?

Or what about the years and years of resentment that can build toward someone very close to you, because of their perceived actions?

There is an escape route from this painful war zone.

Photo by Annbananne

First, take control of YOU. Stop giving away your power to others. This is not easy, but when you start saying “no” to things, which make your gut clench up, it’s a start.

When you feel dread about something, get clear on “why.” Where does it come from inside of you? Is it a past event? When you see why something makes you suffer, then you can change it…it’s not easy, but it’s the way to well-being and happiness.

Second, you create boundaries.

Remember, with children you teach them what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior; we do the same things with adults. We don’t offend; we speak clearly, succinctly and from our power place of vulnerability (true strength). It may take people time to respect your boundaries, but when you stick to em’, either it’ll change or they’ll be gone.

Third, if you are doing the right thing, it’s a daily punishment creating suffering and keeping you from happiness. There’s no greater cost at all, which you can control. Stop. Just stop; tell the people it affects how you are living in a purgatory of your own creation. Communicate what you really need and see what happens. You may start over with new people to support you or others may surprise you.  Communication is the pot o’ gold!

Fourth, when you make a mistake, please realize you are human. Not a super hero. If someone besides you punishes you for a mistake then you need to evaluate the importance of the situation, because it’s at a cost to your emotional health.

Fifth, don’t suck it up. This is surely the way to ill physical health. Communicate, even if you’re hyperventilating with that frog in your throat. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

There are quite a few things you can do to stop the dungeon of emotional horrors, these suggestions are just a start on the road to living your life on your own terms.

Feel free to email me or check out my website.

All about passion!

Painting by Marc Chagall: Adam and Eve

What does the passion of change and living full out feel like? Something like this?

Its time for me to leave my old life behind, I can no longer do it, and say okay.

It is an energy welling up from deep within me and it is unstoppable. Just like a volcano with hoarded lava for the last 1000 years.

The passion is bubbling under the surface not sure where it will eviscerate parts of my existence into oblivion.

It’s coming on like a freight train of steel prison doors, holy crap; I better get out of the way or attach a motor to fly on down the tracks!

My dreams are FINALLY outweighing my bullshit excuses.

The energy is undeniable.

The will to live won’t be held down and suffocated anymore, it tells me the only fate worse than dead in a box, is alive in a box.

I decorated the box so nicely, pretty wallpaper and curtains on its windowless musty structure, the only way out was down a long hallway to every past experience I had which stole my glory, sank my buoyancy, stole my tears and had me in the grip of fear. I let it—I did this to me, I swallowed my life up and ingested every morsel as though I deserved to be a shell of what I knew I could be in this life.

I’ve revealed so many layers within that now I lay bare through to my skin. It gives me no choice, but to be clear and say what is true for me dear.

I can’t escape it, because it makes my heartbeat in my shoulders to the ends of the hair on my head.

It makes my lungs inhale and exhale deeper and fuller than I’ve known, each gulp of oxygen I feel pulsating through my corpuscles.

I am compelled.

I feel the need to clear out my living space and at the same time to be holding hands with my brethren.

I want to lock lips with life.

Have an orgasm with an ice-cream cone and lick it from bottom to top.

I am writer hear me roar.

I am part of the living, breathing and no longer waiting.

Fuck waiting.

No more playing dead, I want the bone.

All I can do is live fully in every moment.

No more shortchanging myself.

Fear is running through each nerve ending in my body, but I don’t give a shit!

Because my heart is leading into the unknown, back over old territory and saying this time it is different.

This time you will embrace the warts, the peachy fuzz on the back of the neck, the long and slow kisses that you have denied, be engulfed and happier than a 5 year old drunk on Boone’s Farm!

Where have I been?

What rock have I been living under, making my life large and small at the same time?

Pulling myself apart from the middle.

How did I manage to say that I was living full out but hiding from humanity?

I must engage, it is expensive but to stay at home is a cheap waste of my life.

There are no experiences gained in isolation.

Connection, connection, connection, it is all I hear.

This electronic frontier is no second best for me any longer, it is a waste of my being to believe it could take the place of another’s heart beating, louder than mine….the fear is there.

No longer eating anyone alive, it is a driver.

I have to stop myself and remember lovingkindness.

I seem to forget it when I am in crowds of people, that my hot button when it comes to the inconsideration of people for others in public…..and seems the universe loves to test me over and over again.

It is ridiculous.

I must be engaged, the loner that I can be is cast aside, she kept me in a hole unhappy, closed off and miserable, a false sense of comfort and security.

A false sense of connection; through these devices that no longer suffice.

I love it, I love it, I love this life!

Passionate appraisals of all that is, I love you, I love me, I love all that I can.

It is up to me, it’s a choice that I make.

I can be awake or lie awake, which do I prefer?

I am an a*sh*le, how about you?

It’s a free world and whether you like it or not, I choose to be an as*h*le!

 How about you?

This world is a little too serious at times. Translated: some people take themselves way too seriously.

When you look for reasons to justify perfection in yourself, be upset, self-righteous, stomp your feet because you didn’t get your way, dig into your own hypocrisy or suffer hurt feelings, come see me. I can provide the recipe to make you feel vindicated.

That’s right. You can blame me. I will be your own private as*h*le.

Click here to read the rest.

What do ya wanna do?

How often are you in the midst of a conversation with someone and the words, “I wanna do that someday,” come dribbling out, either as an exclamation or with poignancy as though that SOMEDAY may never come.

Guess what? More often than not, it won’t come. It’ll stay stuck in recesses of your mental filing cabinet under “fantasy; wish I could, wish I might; or I don’t have the gumption to get up and boogie!”

Reasons vary as to why the “someday” stays in the future, never becoming present.

It could be you are waiting for the stars to align and the perfect circumstances to pop up?

Or it seems so out of reach from your day to day responsibilities?

Or you feel you are too old, or “too anything” to even make it happen.

It’s almost like waiting for a magical moment when the Easter Bunny brings you a basket of what you need….and we all know that ain’t gonna happen.

Many times all these thoughts are straight from the valley of fear. What if I fail? Or, I say I want to be a ballerina, but do I really “feel” like I want to be that dancer?

Sometimes we have an expectation that the thing we want someday is what “we are supposed” to want, not what “we actually want.” And when we awaken to our truest and deepest desires, we may find we have been going down an unfulfilling path for quite a long time.

I say to my clients, find the creativity within, it is the seed to be sown to growing the beanstalk of your life to reach the clouds above where your dreams manifest.

Don’t wait.

Waiting is for those who play it safe (and safe is an illusion), resist change and find themselves constantly able to talk their self right out of living life on their own terms.

What is someday? Another present moment, when another someday is looked toward. When does someday become the present moment? When you make it happen!!!!

I have written a downloadable mini-pocket guide, that I will start posting this week-end. The price is 2.99 and it is called “10 Minutes to Your Rockin’ Life.” It will be available on Amazon with links here and elsewhere, stay tuned….

And the reason I mention it in this post. If I kept waiting for that someday to appear with the perfect circumstances to write such a guide, I’d still be in a state of repose.

Life constantly changes, it doesn’t stop for anyone or anything. You have to jump on board, take a leap of faith, find your heart’s desire and LIVE IT NOW!

And what I find most fascinating is when you start to really live for yourself, certain things become easier and you complete things that you left unfinished for years.

It is amazing to watch yourself feel confident, good and whole taking on things that used to weigh you down. And that is what happens when you are living your life doing what really makes YOU happy.

One of my clients has a talent for writing fiction. He never finished writing a single story until recently. He stopped analyzing, criticizing and beating up his own work. He just decided he felt he had a story or three in him and saw it through. He stopped waiting for someday and let me say, his short story is AWESOME!!! It leaves you wanting more!!

So, take a step onto the wild side, try something you have been holding off doing and make it happen now. See how you feel and get used to it, because the more often you do what you love, the more often your days will have a special zing to them!

Please check out my website for all the latest information. http://www.tracycrossley.com

BE WELL!

And the day came….

For me to “gently” rip the band-aid off my scab.

What was underneath this old symbol of denial?

My un-lived life; the pain I buried deep within me, things I didn’t want to look at because then I may have to take action and confront myself.

Seemed scary, but when you are settling in your relationships…there either comes a day that you will deal with “you” or a day that has God/Universe come knocking on your door.

Either way, whether you decide to take initiative with your sore spots and uncover the root of your pain or something happens in your life, which creates a crisis making it impossible for you to ignore ….it waits for you.

Of course, the daily general unease you deny and try to stuff in a compartment is always ready to be dealt with, it is just a matter of “when”.

One day those boxes will come flying off the shelf. 

One day your anxiety, those off-kilter responses you have to small things, those deeply hidden memories of pain come to greet you at the door.

You may try an escape hatch. 

You will choose to try to medicate or deal. A cigarette, a bottle of wine, an addiction, maybe running 20 miles or taking yoga twice daily….

Those activities and others can keep your boxes neatly compartmentalized for awhile, but it is an auto-pilot life.

Or it is time to deal; a part of me I’m refusing to admit, see or open up to and I dig into the scab to reveal the wound.

What is the wound?

A story from long ago, kept alive thru patterns of behavior.

I’m not one to invest in my story any longer.

It is sort of a creepy crawler though, one that runs my life without me being aware….as in not being able to see why I say or do the things I do in my life, until I discard the scab.

One day I realized I kept ripping off the same scab!

I’d dig deeper yet. I’d re-visited my stories so many times, most no longer live wires, but yet, still “active”.

It isn’t the story of my being a victim, which I don’t buy into at all. It is how it initialized certain beliefs I have about myself. And how entrenched I’ve been in seeing myself and the world thru this cock-eyed view, which is not true. 

When we’re young, we’re vulnerable.

We get hurt.

Inside our home and outside of our home. 

Smart human beings that we are we develop strategies to protect ourselves from that “hurt”, we try to fit in, slip under the radar, hope no one notices we’re different or that “thing”, that thing, which had gotten us in trouble and hurt us; ranging from abuse, teasing, watching others’ punishment, abandonment, unloved, not liked, being excluded for a multitude of reasons and the cost is…

We re-create this scenario for the rest of our lives, if we’re not aware.  

When I work with people, there is a common thread; a belief they have and can’t see until they start sharing details of their lives with me. I start to see the common thread as they speak, previously invisible to the individual. I see it and ask them about it, in turn an epiphany happens. A handy tool…something has been reflected back to this person in clarity, now there is a choice to continue the belief or take action.

I’m all about action.

Time is wasted in the head thinking about it- just do it and see what happens!

The last time I pulled off the scab, I walked with myself now and as the younger child version of me…

Seeing clearly “why” I chose to believe things like I was unlovable; something was wrong with me…. finding myself alone it protected me from the world….

And yet, who was I to the world? Who was in my relationships?  

I was the person to carry everything on my back, believing I wasn’t worthy for someone to step in and do things for me;, to really be there.

I was the shoulder to lean on, the perfect nurturer, I felt I had to work at being loved and this wasn’t just in my past marriage, but the intimate relationships which came afterwards. It showed up in other personal and professional relationships too.

Wasn’t I enough? Or at some junctures, I was told I was too much. I tried to mold myself into what I thought I needed to be to be loved and not alone.

Bad strategy.

And then I’d tell myself I was okay alone, as I ran and hid.

I know how to do “alone” well.

Is that where I wanted to live? No.

And that is what I did as a kid; I emotionally and physically hid from my family. I never felt emotionally safe or protected. I didn’t feel loved for who I was, just as “me”.

I was never intimidated by anyone; I had to be my own protector.

I was raised with a workaholic father who didn’t protect me, give any real attention… or gave the impression I was anything special; he was highly critical and held me accountable for everything. And it is only a perception.

The perception of a kid.

My Dad has apologized over the years for giving me an image of myself that wasn’t true. He didn’t mean to do it, based on his own childhood, he was doing the best he could.

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, first for yourself and then another. Sometimes it comes in bits and pieces.

I had to take different action in my relationships, stand when I wanted to run, speak when I wanted to stay quiet, create waves when the water was smooth and truly risk when I wanted to play it safe, because I might lose a very important person.

It wasn’t an overnight success, living from this place of “possibility”. It has taken a long time and there are still days like yesterday, when I peel off the scab.

I share this “story”, because these types of thoughts and beliefs in our memory bank impact us! And who we believe we are from these experiences, is NOT who YOU truly are…

Who you truly are may yet to be discovered, what do YOU like? What makes you feel passionate, creativity, excitement, happy?

What do you like to wear, eat and REALLY do with your time? What is really the truth of a situation for YOU (not the other person), can you try to speak it and not run or clam up?

Opening up to yourself is the greatest gift you will ever receive!

Be kind to yourself wherever you are and know we are all doing the best we can with how we see ourselves and the world.