Love is the answer

Sometimes love is not enough for something to work out.

Love doesn’t break it, everything that isn’t love seems to be in control.

Love is just love.

Excuses are what makes the world go round.

I know every time I give a reason to someone, it is an excuse. Not necessarily meant to defend myself, but to give an explanation for why I made a choice.

In love, whatever isn’t in support of it, is an excuse. And the excuse is really covering for a choice someone is making without stating it or even knowing their own truth. Who wants to dig that deep to know “why” the ego says no, instead of yes?

Maybe excuses win, because…

Too little time.
(I’m stressed at work, you demand too much of my time–so I’ll give you less time, the kids, the laundry, my friends, tv show)
Too much time.
(I want to spend every minute with you, but I’m afraid of losing myself, so I’ll give you less or run away; I spend too much time being with you–I never do what I want on my own, because you get upset)
Too needy.
(I feel like all I do is give to you; I talk to you 5 times a day; Why do you always need affection, attention? I’m tired of your needs)
Too distant.
(Days go by with no word, whether we live together or apart; intimacy…what intimacy? Vulnerability makes you hide; no attention makes me lonely)
Too angry.
(I am so sick of this situation.You’re selfish. Jerk. All I do for you and you give me nothing. I hate you.YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!)
Too sad.
(The past was better or worse. I settled. I deserve nothing good. I can’t get over the time you (or someone in my past) did that “to me.” I’m better off somewhere else.)
Too happy.
(Why are you happy when I’m miserable? I’m happy and it seems no matter what you distance yourself more from me; Your happiness makes me fel not good enough for you)
Too good.
(This is an amazing relationship-its too good to be true, how can I destroy it?; I’ve never felt so comfortable, uh oh what if I lose myself? What if you leave me, when you find out I’m so unworthy?)
Too bad.
(What if no one else wants me, I better stay; He/she is just like my Mother/Father/StepParent–if I can just get he/she to love do what that parent didn’t I’ll be healed–except they are pretty cruel to me and life is passing me by)
Too insecure.
(Where are you? What are you doing? Why can’t I go? I hope you are miserable without me, you suck; You are not very attractive, no one else will want you like I do; I will destroy the relationship, because he/she is too kind to me and I deserve nothing good)
Too disappointing.
(He/she never helps me; he/she always fails me; Can you ever do anything right?; Wow, nothing ever happens that this person promises me, its like they want me to suffer for loving them)
Too much punishment
(All of my wants and needs are ignored, but he/she says they love me; I deserve to suffer, there must be some reward sooner or later; I stay, because I love him/her and I’m neglected; someday the pain will stop)
(You cannot do that, I will be angry, sad, ignore you, etc…; It’s my way or the highway; Do it yourself; No, you can’t do that, you’re too stupid, I’m the only one who can do it; I promise I’ll be there on time; if you change that, I’ll leave you.)

Not a very loving list and that doesn’t include everything that love IS NOT. Just examples of where love loses, it doesn’t have a chance amongst all that chatter.

Love is stomped out, excuse after excuse, after excuse.

Thing is…loving yourself and your partner enough to stay in the game gives love a fighting chance. The bottom line; what do you really want? Do you want a relationship with this person? Do you love them, do you love yourself?

Tough questions, but when I find myself in the land of ego with a litany of excuses, I ask myself the question…Am I coming from love and are my “actions/words” in alignment with my goal?

That’s when I get my most vulnerable, after all if I say I want to stay or go, with love, then I better get with my own program. Those excuses close us off to love in ourselves and to the other.

Sometimes love means to go and be with yourself for awhile, so you can clearly see what you have and what your heart (not your head) really wants.

Other times it means to leave an unhealthy situation, because the cost is too high and if you stay, you remain a victim. And just cuz you leave doesn’t mean you will immediately, find better…it doesn’t work that way. You have to get clear with what draws you to a situation with such a high cost or you run the danger of attracting it again.

And sometimes throwing down your weapons and staying, because you want real, honest, authentic love is the answer. Fear equals EXCUSES. All those excuses are FEAR talking!

The question is…when you get to your last day here, will you look back on a life of excuses or a life lived from the heart having lead you to amazing experiences?

I know what I choose.

The Mystical, Magical Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday. 

All I asked for… was… it… to be the “best” birthday, ever!!!

Was it? Yup!

A couple of weeks ago, I started employing a new technique I read about in an old book (written in the first part of the last century) about manifesting and placing intentions in your subconscious. There were many examples of manifestation given in a “folksy” sort of format throughout the book , which contained innovative ways to have what you want in your life.

All roads lead back to belief. Do you believe is always the question, especially when the answer you seek is having your dreams come true!

As you know from my other posts, I am committed to having certain things in my life this year and everyday, I either go with the flow or find myself challenged with believing I can stay with my desire.

Okay, back to the book.

One technique he mentioned in the book was using the “mirror”. The author had done quite a bit of consulting and had employed the mirror as a vehicle for manifestation. In one instance, he helped a pie company who was doing poorly in their sales of pies. He asked each driver install a mirror on the back door of their truck. Before a driver went inside of an establishment to sell pies to the owner, he told them to state in the mirror their intention of selling pies and how many they would sell to that customer. He heard back from all of the drivers that their pie sales went through the roof!! People who didn’t buy pies were ordering them by the truckload and those who had been ordering from the company, increased their orders.

His principle idea was to look into your own eyes in the mirror; then state what it is you want to manifest. Some people have a list, others just one or two things. I took this idea and decided to give it a whirl. For the purpose of this post, I will limit it to my original statement of having the best birthday ever! I was stating in the mirror most mornings and evenings that I would have the best birthday ever! I had no idea what that looked like or smelled like, but I knew that as long as it was the “best” it didn’t matter what made up those circumstances!

Now, when I woke up yesterday…I had a bit of trepidation. I had read a horoscope for the month of October, just the day before and I rarely read horoscopes, because I just don’t find them to hold water (go figure!). Although, I should add a bit of clarity, that I do find astrology and birth charts to have some validity. Anyways…this horoscope had told me that for my sign, yesterday’s date….out of all the dates in the month…was going to be the worst day for me!  I will spare you the details, but hey…having something looming like that makes you check your roof for the possibility of it unexpectedly caving in at any moment.

I had the best day!!! I heard from over 100 people yesterday…yes some from Facebook, but many people were contacting me through my phone.  Emails were coming in from people who never acknowledged my birthday in the past. A few people had not even known it was my birthday, but had chosen this as the day to get back in touch with me…it was wild. Everywhere I went, people were kind and receptive. My kids were awesome! The man I am in love with sung me Happy Birthday.…and all the lights were green on the streets! (ha!) And the synchronicity was off the charts!

I even went to my chiropractor in the afternoon, only to run into someone I had gone out with a few years ago. He was one of those people I had never been sure I was over…and running into him showed me that “yup” I was free and clear! What a great gift!

I feel blessed and appreciative of having experienced such an awe-inspiring love-fest from people far and wide!!! Thank you is all I can say, of course with the biggest smile!!! Love to all!

Love, Surrender, Let go

Unconditional Love, Surrender and Letting go; funny words. Twenty years ago I would have said it implies doormat.

Nowadays, I see it as the formula to giving up a losing battle.

We battle and fight things in the outer world and our OWN internal landscape much of the time. What is it we hope to win?  Happiness? Money? To be right or vindicated? To get our way? There is a fairly long collection of items on the list of “If “fill in the blank” was just the way I wanted it, then I would be happy.”

Internal battles are the best; we want things to be different. Whether it is a situation, another person or ourselves—what we’re saying is… currently the state of affairs is not acceptable. WHY??? There is no magic pill to a perfectly stupendous world, especially when outside circumstances are what rules our lives.

The quickest way to peace—accept it all, just as it is. Really, just offer a little unconditional love aka unconditional acceptance and watch miracles happen.

Sure you can go to war and take another’s land, become the new leader of that territory. Now what? More battles to maintain and attain more…and when does it end? What’s the goal? Is there happiness or is it a false sense of superiority or security?

Surrender on the other hand is to let go.

Its to walk away from the battle or lay down your arms at the battle line and stick around. Surrender makes it possible to not suffer, in fact its the opposite; it is freedom. It allows you the opportunity to become unburdened with how you had to have things culminate into a predestined outcome and instead, you get to BE free to let things be just as they are, right now.  Whew, glad to give that 1000 lb backpack up and hang out! How exciting to just see what “miracles” happen when you let nature take its course, instead of forcing the river or your partner, or YOURSELF.

I have learned this over and over.

More recently, among other things… I’ve learned about unconditional love. There is no ego in “love”. It is to surrender to no battle lines. It is to accept another as is, to allow them to be the fullest expression of who they are—it is a gift. Conserve your energy, don’t exhaust yourself fighting a losing battle to get your way or change another’s mind. Throw up the white flag. Ask yourself if you want love or to be right? Love is connection; being right is usually disconnection.

Let go of holding onto someone, an idea or anything which feels like grasping, manipulating, or any other form of ego control—there is no control, it is an illusion. Your only control is your actions and reactions; how you choose to “be” in any given moment. So…why not keep choosing happiness? Or love?

Surrender to love. What is really important? Self-righteous indignation, because you didn’t get your way? Or realizing, someone doesn’t have to give into your demands to make you happy; instead you can make “you” happy. It is really the only way to sustain happiness. And it keeps love alive, respecting where another being is at in that moment; alleviating them of the responsibility of your happiness…it gives freedom. And feeling free means you get to choose…and I know when I get the freedom to make my own choices unencumbered by guilt or pressure…I usually make a choice that is inclusive, rather than divisive.

The majority of people are not trying to harm each other in relationship. Most of us make choices we think will allow us to be happy or feel good and other times we make decisions, which continue to create misery. If you bring awareness to your choices and ask if it is your head or heart, which are making the choice…you get to be in control of you, because every heart decision is a choice for happiness….and allowing, accepting and going with the flow of love.

We can choose love and just “be”. It allows us to be supportive. And let go of our own pain, the pain that we believe things need to be different.  Sometimes it is about accepting and surrendering to knowing the best things in life don’t come through force, they come through being open and accepting. So throw down your shield, armor and club….and just “be” with what is…..and watch what takes hold, you will be surprised, I guarantee!