Note to Self

All the conceptsI have read and practiced about the faith of letting go and flowing with the river of my life are true. It is a challenge to always give up having things fall into place how I see it and instead allowing for the future to unfold naturally.

It isn’t just about letting go of control and “musts” in the flow, it is as much about communication, emotions, mental thoughts and physical action coexisting happily in the flow…. and some days it is all I can do to get my thoughts and actions to sometimes match!

Dams, boulders and other HUGE blocks can become unbearable obstacles very easily. Either self-imposed ones or those, which rolled in front of me. I try, try, try to have constant awareness when these structures find their way ONTO MY ROAD. And I do what I can to stop for a minute and listen. I figure something has to be giving me directions on my next move if I am just quiet enough to hear.

The bottom line is…if I can listen and take a different action than normal, I get that I will endure less pain and sic’ suffering on its own ear.

I was upset a few days ago, as in an elevator of emotions that were over the top on the 15th floor. You know the place; the one where the same sentences keep repeating over and over through my head.

I was taking a shower scrubbing my hair and replaying the scene ad nauseum, when something inside gave rise for me to pause for a second.

It spoke to me and asked me just to breathe for a moment.

As I did, my body started relaxing and I felt my brain start to unwind its tightness. I was so wound up with all the twists and turns I had in trying to solve this dilemma.

It became clearer with each moment of calmness, that I actually had no reason to be upset.

It wasn’t my problem to solve.

It didn’t belong to me!

I was able to pick myself up and out of being extremely upset to relishing the calm in those moments. It played out clearly. I stopped personalizing and opened up to the space beyond my mind. I felt the connection to everything and as I stopped pounding my head on the “boulder” in my road…I found the flow. 

We battle with life, others and ourselves.

Mostly, we stand in our own way….and our very old patterns remain intact proving over and over again that the same thing MUST keep happening beyond our control.

It is false and it is not inevitable.

Stand still let the moment “be”. Whatever you are trying to change, force or beat down into submission–stop. All of the disconnecting, blaming, judging, punishing, hiding, giving up, becoming depressed, hopeless and running are the results of these patterns winning again.

It’s time for you or me to take the reins as we gallop through this life.

As I practice this awareness, I find my clarity is very strong.

Some days, it may take me a minute to catch the pattern of thought that leads directly to my hell. Sometimes to do something completely foreign to my usual way of responding is as hard as performing surgery on myself. Yet, by having this awareness, I feel freer, happier and more at ease than ever.

I really do grasp the concept of letting go and trusting that all will work out for the best.

I don’t have to throw down the gauntlet, upset the apple cart or make a disaster of any part of my existence.

All I have to do is state what is true for me (and “no” I cannot tell someone else what is true for them–see the above paragraph on patterns) believe that my higher power, God, the Universe or whom I put my faith in will come through for me as I participate in my life.

And when I don’t get my “picture”…..I don’t get as upset as I did in the past.

Most of the time I realize I just haven’t seen the picture beyond the tip of my nose yet. And when I realize the world isn’t over and new possibility can come, I feel a sense of giddiness and excitement like a kid on Christmas morning as to what awaits me!

I have a little thing I do each day.

I ask/pray for things I want to be in my life that day in a general way. And each day–I swear it is answered. I have to pay attention, because it can come in a way I don’t expect it at all.  I find it stops me from the struggle of feeling alone in this world and that someone is listening. 

And the bigger things I request, the ones in which I have had to take a very long time to gather faith not just in the Universe, but myself are on their way to me. I had to break out of these old beliefs which told me I was nothing and finally believe I deserve something besides lumps of coal.

We are all on our own journey.

I hope sharing some of my own experiences with how I made it easier for myself are helpful….on those days when you struggle too. And heck! I may have to re-read what I wrote when I may find myself struggling once again.


Inspiration Points

Where do you find inspiration in your daily life?

What are the sources you have come across which keep you motivated or make you feel alive?

I would love to hear from readers of my blog, as to what is inspirational to you!

I find inspiration in the big and small moments.

When I walk each day, I look down from a bridge at the LA River (Not a real river, really.) And the duck families have gathered there in droves, quacking at each other, swimming gracefully over the small current; I feel the breeze, hear the birds and feel simply…alive. It is inspirational and calming to me. When I feel stuck, I go on a walk. It always clears my head and gets me in touch with inspiration.

I am also inspired when I work out on the elliptical machine in the morning at the gym. I tend to write pieces and parts for my book onto my phone and email it to myself for editing later on. It is a great tool for me, because I am inspired by the easy flow of my words and that I have accomplished this while getting a work out done.

I find other people inspirational. Old friends, new friends, acquaintances and strangers. The guy who was sitting outside Trader Joes the other night with his guitar, singing his heart out! I don’t know who was having the better time, him, or the people listening to his tunes.

I find people inspiring on a regular basis, the best inspiration is when you believe you know someone very well and they surprise you in some fantastical way! I love thinking, “Wow, I never thought so and so would do something like that, or think from that perspective or apologize and so on…” I hope I inspire people in that way too. Surprises that are happy are always welcome, surprises that bring dread or bad news; definitely not as welcome, but there seems to be an inspiring gift if you are willing to admit it to yourself.

Everyone has a story; I like listening to people talk who have found a way out of their story or are still finding a way to create a new story. We all have our struggles and roller coaster moments, but inside of every moment is a gift.

I find many inspiration points and surprise myself when I actually have received news I am less than thrilled to have received. Yet I surprise myself by digging a little deeper and asking the apparent benefit. When I find the benefit, I seem to allow myself some relief or happiness, knowing that things are definitely changing and probably for the better.

I am currently motivated to move my life forward, instead of further pondering or waiting for some sign that I finally arrived at the diving board and it was time to jump. Nothing that dramatic happened, it was a decision. The decision came as a realization for me that my life may never have that perfect moment, so why not make “now” a perfect moment?

And with my heart in the driver’s seat; I am like dandelion seeds, sprouting up and continuing to spread my joy!