How difficult is it to express what is true for us to people who really matter in our life?
I’m not talking statements with exclamation points, I’m talking about our deepest truths.
This is where we get stuck.
We overthink or calculate how to express what we need in a way that focuses on the outcome. Whenever we focus on the outcome of our statement, it’s manipulated and therefore is not entirely the truth.
We worry about the reception of our words rather than the content.
Tact, compassion or kindness toward others is fine, but it should never color our truth. When stating things, we may be so caught up in pleasing other people, that we say nothing of what we feel is true for ourselves.
Unfortunately, making someone else happy at our own expense is a short-lived “peace.” A smooth-over meant to keep things at a status quo, as to not upset the apple cart. People in relationships may believe when things are going well, they shouldn’t rock the boat with their truth.
It’s actually the best time.
If you’re stating your truth all along, as you feel it, you’re not turning the apple cart upside down; instead, you’re just moving a few apples around.
Sometimes we’re so afraid of the impact of our honesty that we suck it up or push it down. This leads us to feeling depressed, immobilized, angry or resentful. We may even place blame on the other person, as though our inner life is created by them.
It’s not. It’s where our focus is, “If only George, could really hear me or stop that behavior, everything would be hunky dory.”
We do this, because of our own conditioning and patterns. We may have learned to withhold the truth, because of others’ reactions to it and then we personalize what they say or do to have meaning inside of us.
It only has meaning if we give it meaning and why would we give more meaning to someone else’s state of being than our own?
If we start to actually give meaning to our own feelings, what we want and what we see as our own truth…it means change will happen.
Change is scary and for many, they feel the comfort of staying stuck in misery rather than venturing into the unknown of self-expression.
We may be so afraid of losing the person in front of us that we swallow our truth constantly. We may fear abandonment, what if this person who we’ve given control over own well-being leaves…what will become of us?
I’m not kidding, it’s why some of us don’t speak up or we stay past the “sell by” date.
When we start to express ourselves, it may come as a whisper. Then as we feel more confident in our own feelings, good or bad, we speak it firmly….then, as we feel whole, loving and open, we match words with action. We uphold and honor our words with action, which reflects our truth.
Realize, inauthenticity brings loss. Our lies or covering the truth to keep another happy, will backfire and leave another feeling betrayed.
Feel excited to no longer limit our thoughts and words to mistakenly believe we control making another happy; OWN our bliss now!
Begin today on expressing what is truth:
1. Get real with those voices in our head. The voice is always there telling us truth. Write it down.
2. Recognize the worst case scenario. What is the worst thing to happen if we express our truth? Own it and embrace it.
3. Start small. Start with people who are on the outer ring of intimacy in our lives first. Then move the circle inwards. Say a truth, “I know I’ve been saying I love your spaghetti, but I’ve decided to be honest. I’m not a huge spaghetti fan, I just didn’t want to disappoint you, I should’ve spoke up sooner.”
4. Go bigger. Say something that is true for you to your mate. “I am afraid that if I continue to not speak up, our relationship will be over. Please know when I speak my truth, its toward an honest resolution.” Take action to uphold it. Example: When someone calls us names…we have a choice, stay and state that if it continues we are gone…or just leave.
Know that we are not changing someone else’s mind or convincing them, we are stating our truth. Period. It’s gratifying, it allows us to be tactful, compassionate and kind in our communication.
When we’re immobilized, stuck and don’t know what to do….stop and listen for the voice…it’s telling us what has been true all along.