The Power of Presence I

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The first six months of this year have been a major balancing act for me.

Good lessons came…ones that brought a whole new idea to presence, balance, abundance, happiness, relaxation and inner peace…..oh, and “choice.”

The power of presence is clearer to me with each sunrise. Waking slowly, staying in my body with my thoughts and not jumping hours ahead, out of my skin into the thick of the day.

As waking up slowly became more of a habit, I began to realize how many distractions there were coming from outside of my environment and into my phone, computer and invariably, my head.

The realization hit me that I’d allowed all of this to distract me, take me out of presence and into a place where I wasn’t really dealing with me. As it shielded me from me (and my true feelings), it created underlying stress.

I started slowing things down in all areas of my life.

I took measure of how I spent my time and if I was truly present, in the moment.

I didn’t want my life to pass me by, because I was just not emotionally there. I feel when I look back at certain past experiences, that I was distracted by the unimportant things. Worrying or obsessing about irrelevant crap disconnected me from those precious times, sometimes I feel wistful to truly re-experience them.

When I was younger, I put a lot of energy into appearing okay; I felt shitty a lot and didn’t really understand the concept of wholeness (All my great and shitty parts mixed together). I thought, if I looked like my act was together…then I was strong and could gain approval….just like the white picket fence story, et al.

Fast forward to 2014…

As I placed my focus on doing what was in front of me, I also stopped doing things to pull me out of the moment. If I was with other people, I stopped texting, checking Facebook and emailing (unless it was important) and put my attention to either what I’d been avoiding with others (intimacy? engagement? connection? vulnerability? change? etc), and became even more aware of what my truth (my intuition) was telling me.

I stopped focusing on who might want something from me and focused on what I wanted.

I started leaving my phone home by accident or would forget to check messages, and lost the old feeling that I needed to always have a busy phone or inbox and that if I didn’t, something was off. I stopped caring about, always having an escape route out of a moment, which I’d done by getting into a marathon text session, sending off emails or engaging in a lengthy phone call….I just enjoyed the presence of my life, whether I was alone or with others.

I became more active in all areas of my life, taking action to have an experience rather than just talking about it. My days became sweeter, slower and happier.

Perhaps, you can relate to where I was:

  • Have you ever found yourself checking your phone a million times a day, whether you’re with others or alone?
  • Do you look for things to do on your phone or computer to distract you from your life?
  • What about getting twitchy when you realize you haven’t talked or texted for hours on your phone?
  • When you’re in public, at a party, out with friends, etc….do you text, call or email other people?
  • Have you ever thought of what you’re actually avoiding in the environment you are physically in, by these technological distractions (including the TV)? Perhaps, you’re avoiding your spouse, kids, your job or taking action for yourself?

Now all of these questions aren’t mean as 100% of the time, but enough, for you to stop and look at all the ways you may not being present in your life. It was a “wake-up call,” to me. 🙂

If you’d like some tools to gain more presence, click here.

Part ll of this post will be the Power of Balance

Chasing Life

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Life is a journey, right?

Sometimes it comes easy and at other times it feels like we’re out there rock climbing without a rope.

I come from a place of being a doer.

I am all about taking action.

I often talk about mental masturbation as a place we can get stuck for eons, and talk ourselves right out of taking action toward what we really want.

I’ve taken action for a multitude of reasons in my life; motivated by excitement or motivated by fear. Many times I also took action, because it was “my pattern, my way, of operating without much thought, because action was on autopilot.

My discovery was the action I took in “autopilot” sprouted from this fear, that if I don’t go after it, then it’ll not be there. It pushed me out there; I thought no one would know me or find me, so my job was to tell others to need me in certain situations.

I had to sell myself and show my value, so I wouldn’t starve or be forgotten.

Sigh–so tiring, right?

I recently found I was still doing it in places. In fact, I had a dream, where I kept asking people in the dream for attention, for what I wanted and give them no room or space to figure it out on their own.

I, physically, felt how I was going against myself and my gut. I knew that in the rapid-fire way of asking someone to give me attention, I was feeling worse and worse about myself in this dream.

When I woke, I thought of my recent “lightbulb moments.” They were connected. I had always been chasing life, perhaps not as overtly or often as I used to, but when it came to my basic needs there definitely was still the fear driving me.

I’ve been without a home, without food and when I was a lot younger, I lived in my car for a bit of time (more out of stubbornness than necessity) too.

I realized my lack of trust was still there; I didn’t believe things would work out for me. I didn’t trust my value, and I was so focused on a pattern (a major one) repeating in my life, apparently against my will, that I was disconnecting from me and my truth.

Confusion is the sign of a lesson.

Clarity has been uneven for the past 6 months. I have spent time really searching inside myself for clarity, for the karma in my life that apparently is standing in the way of where I intuitively feel I am supposed to be.

What am I talking about?

When we are on a path, paying attention to our inner calling, it’s not alway clear that life will fall into place. Often it does not and we can take it as a sign to jump off the path or stay with the course. Clarity often comes last.

I must continue the course. Intuitively, I know it’s where I’m headed. When we stay on the challenging path, it’s where our karma lies to be balanced, to teach us, so we grow. For me, it’s been either action or allowing. Desiring to be in alignment and accepting circumstances as they are instead of trying to change them all the time. What is my lesson?

Make sense?

I’ve come to clarity with more to come.

First,  there’s no purpose in exhausting ourselves to chase life.

Second, the lack of trust in ourselves and the Universe can cause us to get stuck in the same pattern over and over, trying to teach us what will actually simplify our lives.

Third, if we keep turning events and our reactions to our inner wisdom, clues do show up and one day we have an epiphany telling us the path we’re on is purposeful. Our perspective shifts and we start to see the opportunity rather than the challenges.

Fourth, the recognition of our own value comes from connecting and re-connecting (no one is connected to themselves 24/7) to our truth and staying with it, no matter what the path looks like ahead.

Fifth, no one else can offer proper judgment on our karma. We’re here to grow and learn. We are not on our own timetable, there is no rushing and chasing that needs to happen. We can relax and have faith that our challenges will give way to enlightenment and success.