I wasn’t going to write this piece, but since I am hellbent on more authenticity in my life, here goes.
I am turning 50 in 13 days. EEEEEK!
Well it was more of a “Holy Crap” for the past 6 months with an “Oh well–I am alive and I am grateful” sort of statement mixed in there….and a little Hell yeah M.F**kers!
The past few months have included an “accelerated version” of the past almost 50 years in terms of change, love, crisis, and realizations.
I decided to write a list.
A personal list.
If you can relate…cool…and if not, that’s cool too.
What 50 Actually Means To Me (truly what any age can mean)
1. Comparison to others brings no joy. Don’t steal your own joy–love who you are fully. Yeah baby!
2. Giving two shits about pleasing others, so they are happy and you are miserable is a waste of time. Totally.
I realized when my dad had a heart attack last month (and now has congestive heart failure), and my mother acted in such an overly dramatic way without me even seeing her (I hadn’t spoken to them since May, because I was really spending time with myself trying to figure out how to have a relationship with them that wouldn’t have to do with me throwing away my own feelings in favor of my mother’s feelings) that it confirmed a HUGE cycle in my life.
It always came to a dramatic crisis with her, no matter how I tried or didn’t, always, always…she would be the victim (or the martyr and I would be the perpetrator) and my dad would always stand for her inappropriate behavior–and criticize me.
I realized after all these years, it had little to do with me and my trying to do anything to change HER cycle. I allowed it to be at the root of so much shit, which I in turn spent years beating myself up about…that in the end all I could be is who I am.
So, if you can stop kicking yourself, you can change your life.
3. Being in the present moment–connected to yourself–not pulled by what is going on around you is the most awesome place to live!
Even better–having crisis around you, slowing it down emotionally and checking in with yourself to ask how you want to feel. Then following that confirmation with action.
4. Blaming others and the world is truly an excuse for whatever you don’t want responsibility for…
Even though there was a HUGE amount of drama last month, I looked at it objectively–I didn’t personalize it, even though a lot of it was thrown at me. Again, I asked how I could show up for me authentically and with that, I felt good. And honey, that is what matters!
4. Assuming, personalizing, talking shit, and being an asshole for no reason–DO NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY—EVER.
5. Change is not just taking yoga, meditating, going on walks or getting a massage (they feel good and I love all those things)…
It’s about moving through the inertia, the stuff that says NO when a voice inside wants it to be YES…its about creating an emotional experience that is more than likely counter-intuitive and will shake your shit up a bit! Or a lot!
6. It’s a choice to stay stuck in a painful relationship.
I have heard every reason and excuse known to mankind, from who will mow the lawn to I’m afraid to be alone. If you’re stuck its not about the other person–it’s you. Get awareness on YOUR why, look into your beliefs and why you need the validation from this source and start to do #5.
7. Life isn’t perfect and no one else is either.
I mentor people for a living, so being authentic is truly important, right?
I had a shitty day and another shitty day, this week and it’s only Wednesday, LOL! By saying it, it doesn’t mean I wallow in it or color the whole day ugly and sign off from living.
Instead, I try to see if there’s a theme…then I can take action to change it if I WANT. And if it’s random, then I accept it as such…no one has a charmed life–I’m not perfect. You still have to wake up with yourself everyday…and some days are easier–so be kind to your imperfect self..and all the other imperfect peeps out there.
8. You get to choose if you engage with others or not.
I’m one of those people that is approachable–it’s not unusual for me to learn someone’s life story on an airplane…or even a bar. 🙂 BUT, it’s my choice. Just because people want to talk about themselves or even throw their crap all over you, doesn’t mean you have to take it…you can again ask yourself what you are available for and stand by it. It’s easier than you think.
9. It’s okay if people leave your life. And you can still love them.
10. Talk to strangers, it’s fun! Smile at people–it connects you.
11. Always break out of your comfort zone, especially as you get older.
12. Abundance is a state of living and so is scarcity–living in fear of the WHAT IFS or HOLDING ON TIGHT is a waste of time.
13. So what….if something doesn’t happen, perhaps a better outcome is headed your way. Being unattached to an outcome, means there’s opportunity for all sorts of good stuff.
14. Hard times are temporary.
Unless you like it that way–then being a victim is where you’ll stay. Until you take self-responsibility for your life–hard times will remain. When you start seeing how you show up, based on what you believe about yourself and the world, then you can move out of this small, small, place you live and take control of your emotions…thereby making HAPPIER different choices for YOU.
15. Controlling others and the outside is a waste of energy, because it doesn’t work anyway.
Remember life is short…30 seems like yesterday and so does 18, which means if they flew by at lightening speed–I better live the heck out of this life to get the full experience!
And nope, I wouldn’t want to be 30 at 50, I am a much kinder, gentler, more abundant and peaceful…completely happier soul now than I ever was in my younger days.