Having More Faith in Possibilities Then Failure?

leap-of-faith

As we get older, we can line up all our past experiences in our life with money, love, career and anything else we’ve given meaning to and believe certain truths about ourselves.

For some of us, we can look beyond the disappointments and keep doubts, insecurities and negative thinking at bay…and for others of us, we feel incapable of having what we want, our worlds have just been getting smaller and smaller.

In creating¬†a small world, there are benefits! We get to stay stuck, give up, run away, avoid change, find evidence that we shouldn’t risk and blame everything else for our being in this void.

We create a small world where everything seems under our control, except our happiness. We find a certain comfort zone of feeling and we decide that’s enough, wanting more will put us at risk. Our minds will help us to stay right here too.

At the same time, the yearning for more NEVER disappears.

If we ignore it by finding behaviors that numb us out, or distract us from living into our dreams, their efficacy will lose its ability after awhile. Then what will we do?

Being angry at what we feel we’re owed means we could be waiting for years for outside proof that its safe to proceed, “that now is the time.”¬†

Staying stuck is comfortable, it’s familiar.¬†And the only change, which comes from being there is usually a worsening of circumstances. The status quo dips, because as human beings we’re not born to play it safe–because there’s no such thing. What we say ‘no’ to today in terms of risk toward what WE WANT, will haunt us in many tomorrows to come.

Those who keep risking pay attention to that other voice within them, the one who is willing to get up, dust itself off and move toward that dream today. It doesn’t wait for a sign or the moment, it goes for it, because waiting just means more time passes where we could be living large!

The bolder individuals¬†who don’t let their past failures dictate their future, understand discomfort is part of the process.

What do they do?

  • Rejection and obstacles are temporary and not meant to be taken personally.
  • They stay open and vulnerable when its risky, they know its their true strength.
  • Expand¬†their small world for their bigger dreams
  • Become more responsible for their lives, not blaming any circumstances outside of them for where they are now.
  • Have passion and excitement for their dream.
  • They spend time visualizing the goal (not the how), but the results they want–they see it, hear it and feel it! Even when they’re reality doesn’t reflect anything that shows what they want it to be.

Having faith in possibilities takes courage, while faith in failure is easy.

When we claim our value and know we deserve to live OUR dreams, we can face challenges, disappointments and doors closing, because we have the faith to know that our perseverance will pay off. Dropping the weight of the past, gives us freedom to have faith in the opportunity for a kickass life!

 

 

Love Yourself, Beautiful Soul

I Love Me Written inside a Heart Drawn in Sand

Love Yourself, Beautiful Soul

“I open my mind and heart to the miracles of self-love.”

Guest Post By

Michelle Mullady

What does it mean to love yourself? To do kind comforting things for and to yourself? Is it making time to get a massage, having lunch with a dear friend, or buying yourself a new dress? Yes, sometimes. But true self-love is much more profound than that. Cultivating self-love and compassion for yourself means loving and embracing all that you are today ‚ĒÄ your thoughts, feelings, beauty, your age, mistakes, flaws, and imperfections, your power, sense of humor, intelligence, as well as your unique and different way of viewing the world around you.

Deeply loving yourself means not only accepting, but really adoring, each and every part of you, the entire package as a whole, and knowing at your core that you’re valuable, important to the Divine Plan, deserving of great good, and lovable. It means being your best friend when life is going your way, as well as during those challenging and difficult times when it isn’t as you would like it to be. Really loving yourself means that you stand by and up for yourself if that is what you need to do.

For many years I lived with a shielded heart. My patterns of self-hatred began long ago in my abusive childhood. There came a time in my healing journey when I simply could no longer consent to endure my lack of self-love. I had talked about self-love. I read books about the topic and went to workshops. I fed myself daily positive affirmations that I loved myself while looking in a mirror. It sounded good, but it still wasn’t ringing true deep within me. I couldn’t feel the words I was telling myself and my life still wasn’t fully reflecting back to me these new beliefs. I realized then that I had to actually begin practicing the art of self-love. It was time to start loving myself the way I desperately wanted others to love me. This became the next step on my path.

To live in a harmonious way, one where love is given and received in balance, loving yourself isn’t an elective along your journey. It’s a main course in Awakening 101. In order to tune in and listen to the whispers of your heart that let you know where you’re being guided … to be present for your thoughts so you can comprehend what you really believe … to honor and live with an open heart center with full awareness of your oneness with Spirit … you must first put into practice love for yourself.

Have you let yourself down? Do you reject aspects of who you are? Do you hide behind a mask fearful of revealing your authenticity? Let yourself see the truth, feel if that’s correct. Then, do whatever you can to begin to fully learn to experience love for yourself exactly where you’re at right now.

Learn to value how you show up and the way you deal with things. Love your one of a kind way of stretching, expanding and evolving as a spiritual being having a human experience. Love where you’ve been and what you’ve done. Forgive yourself if you made a lot of mistakes during the process of waking up. Even God can’t change your past, but with Divine help you can create a better future. One that is filled with light and love for yourself and others.

Love your present moments. Love how you look, what you think and feel. Love every detail of the body temple you chose for this lifetime’s adventures. Love the break lines in your heart and the radiance that flows forth from the river of wisdom that came to be because of the history around those cracks. Love your errors, and love all the good that you’ve delivered to the world. Love it all, beautiful soul. Love all of your sweet self.

Begin your day with this simple prayer for Divine Love:

Sit in your sacred space, focus gently upon your breathing. Breathing in and out fully and deeply several times to bring about a state of tranquility within your mind and body. Then, surround and protect yourself with the magical pink light of the universe. Place your hands across your heart center and begin to feel the energy held within. Visualize this radiant rose-colored love filling up your entire being as you recite this blessing.

Dear God and Beloved Angels,

May love enter my life and fill my heart and soul. May the magic of love continually inspire me to radiate warmth and caring to myself and all those who touch my life.

Amen.

Gracefully,

Michelle Mullady

Copyright Michelle Mullady 2015

Bio:

MICHELLE MULLADY is a Joyful Living Mentor, International Best-Selling Author, Master Energy Intuitive, Michelle photoSpiritual Guide, and Transformational Healing Workshop Leader who specializes in helping adults and adolescents to create healthy and fulfilling lives through life coaching, intuitive direction, angelic communication, breathwork, simple guided meditation practices, affirmations, prayer, and energy work.

Working with the unconditional love and light of the Creator and the angels, Michelle can support you to enhance every area of your¬†life ‚ÄĒ relationships, health, finances,¬†intimacy,¬†career, and spiritual growth¬†‚ÄĒ¬†all while living one day at a time in a busy world. To learn more, visit, MichelleMullady.com or call 210-501-9582.

https://www.facebook.com/MichelleMullady

https://instagram.com/MichelleMullady

https://www.youtube.com/user/MichelleMullady

https://twitter.com/MichelleMullady

Pleasure While Breaking Up

Most of us fear break ups. We’ll do almost anything we can to avoid them, *oh the pain* until we grasp¬†our¬†emotional resilience to handle it.

Many of us stay in half-baked relationships.

Selling ourselves on¬†‘its good enough,’ numbing out,¬†not getting our needs met or saying ‘yes’ to things, which make us feel horrible about ourselves, what do we actually think is going to change here?

We’ll¬†wake up one day and magically everything will work to our liking?

We need to change, IF we ever want to experience the best in life. This involves risk and knowing something else suits us better. Stepping away from filling our time with worry, hope, and desperation, instead we move into pleasure.

By changing, we don’t¬†transform into¬†someone else!¬†We become who we truly are, dropping the excuses, dismissing the chatter of others’ voices and begin LOVING ourselves.

Exiting a relationship with pleasure translates into bringing more pleasure into our lives.

Let’s take my client Anna¬†who was having a relationship with a guy she thought was fabulous!

When they met, they bonded among other things, over their similar loneliness. I told her it wasn’t the best place to start,¬†as I listened, it was quite clear; he was a victim. Everything was always someone else’s responsibility, even his own actions.

He was not at cause for anything happening in his life.

For awhile, Anna didn’t notice this so much (even when I pointed it out), because he was busy rescuing her. As long as being a rescuer/victim¬†worked for them both, there wasn’t a problem. As many who know the drama triangle, it requires three positions…victim, rescuer and persecutor,¬†¬†living our relationships on that triangle, we switch positions, unconsciously.

About a year into it, Anna noticed him slipping away.

He made excuses, saying it wasn’t her, it was the overwhelm of everything in his life.

There were excuses,¬†as though she caused¬†his overwhelm. Everything he volunteered to rescue, became a burden… he got¬†angry, seeing¬†her as needy and incapable of making appropriate decisions in her own life……though, her perceived helplessness only existed in his mind.

At one point, he was very demeaning to her, even though she was extremely upset, she was done.

He never took responsibility for his choice¬†in his treatment of her. He saw her causing him to be derogatory toward her. She, however, saw the trajectory and knew if it happened once, it’ll happen again.

In his eyes, she became the persecutor and he was the victim, waiting for her to rescue him by taking full responsibility for how she caused him to be angry with her.

Anna could observe the situation without feeling victimized. She felt strong and¬†more in love with herself. Even though she was sad at the prospect of ending the relationship, she knew she didn’t deserve it. She knew she deserved pleasure….and lots of it!

As she started to take one tiny step at a time, she took back her power. Meaning, she said ‘yes’ when she meant it and ‘no’ when she meant it too. She engaged in a manner, which respected them both.¬†She¬†allowed herself to flip flop a bit, so she could emotionally let go without overwhelming anxiety, and make sure she learned her WHY. Her desire was clarity about her part. Her bigger desire was to end¬†this in a loving, kind and respectful manner without anger.

Pleasure became of the utmost importance. She gave¬†to herself more and more. Fun wasn’t to escape the situation, it was something she could fully jump into and exploit the pleasure of pleasing herself.

No more¬†suffering, or punishing herself or depression. It was an opportunity to empower herself and OWN¬†her choices. The more she fed pleasure to herself, the more she glowed, even in sad moments….she realized she was going to move onto bigger and better things.

The act¬†of fun, pleasure and empowerment made her realize all that was previously impossible, was becoming possible. As she let go of holding onto to what didn’t serve her¬†emotionally, her world expanded.

Choice is always available when it comes to a perspective of our lives.

We can convince ourselves we must stay here and suffer, that someday pleasure can shine in our lives…..but, it never comes, until we decide no matter what’s going on to GIVE TO OURSELVES what we desire.

The exact¬†measure of our¬†resistance to pleasure is the exact amount¬†of the gain. When we resist ending a relationship or feel it must go down in flames to exit, it‚Äôs quite obvious¬†that in equal part pleasure¬†awaits us¬†when we finally say ‚Äėyes‚Äô to ourselves.

 

Want Real Love? Get Out of Your Own Way.

WillRealLoveWait1

All of our issues begin and end with ourselves.

Many of us want to place our entire focus on the other person, what they do right or wrong. Whether it’s a first date or a long term relationship, we believe if the other person would just stop or start to do something, all problems will be solved.

It reminds me of every time a new law is made, people think they have solved all the issues, but new ones crop up, almost immediately.

Love has absolutely nothing to do with someone acting in accordance with our idea of who they should be.

The human condition is not consistent. Life is inconsistent, so when looking outside of oneself for the responsibility in how things are we become powerless.

If we want real love, it’s been said several times, we must be love. Hard to do 24/7, but if we can practice it just a bit, we will create different relationship dynamics.

If we enter a relationship lacking self-awareness, thinking it’s the outside world, or the person rescuing us as¬†our prince or princess charming, then eventually….we’ll blame them for all that doesn’t work. We may even delude ourselves into thinking all is okay when our communication with the other is not truthful.

Keeping up a pretense is never the road to love.

If we come out of a relationship blaming the other person for their ineptitude in some capacity, for its downfall, we need to take a deep look within and ask where we did NOT speak our truth, ACT in our truth or made CHOICES against our truth. If we do not do this, we will bring the past forward and have more relationships lacking love.

If we don’t have boundaries, which respect us first….our mate will not respect us.

Expectations, in which someone must ¬†fulfill¬†us will lead to disappointment. No one can reach inside of us and heal our pain. Only we can and it’s our perception, which keeps us there. Love doesn’t mean fixing someone else; it’s impossible.

If we’re treated in a way we don’t like, it’s our responsibility¬†if we choose to remain in that ‘position’……

Meaning….

By taking no action or staying silent (waiting for someone¬†to get it or playing the martyr–so there’s¬†ammunition to¬†beat him or her¬†up with) then where’s the love?”¬†It’s a game of victimhood.

In speaking our truth about how we wish to be treated (this is NOT a demand), we MUST treat ourselves in this respectful manner.

Let’s say¬†our mate is always late, do we derive some pleasure out of it, because we know we can use it against them or guilt them into acting a certain way toward us? While also stewing on the frustration of waiting or the anger/hurt of feeling our time not valued? All of this is about ourselves THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON.

We aren’t respecting or taking care of ourselves by playing¬†victim, love is nowhere in sight and inevitably when we play victim/martyr, they will further disrespect us.

Some may argue to take any action means we’re trying to teach this person a lesson. Not true.

In¬†speaking our truth, about him/her being late,¬†while¬†setting clear boundaries, “I will only wait 15 minutes, because I have to take care of myself and I don’t want to be angry,” and following those spoken words with action…we may feel odd at first–perhaps guilty, but we’ll end up feeling good, because we got out of our way,¬†regardless of what the other person chooses to do. When our actions don’t¬†punish the other person, because our happiness is the focus (not them), it will eventually lead to a choice point.

The choice point means, if¬†the treatment we receive isn’t to our liking and we’re taking care of ourselves, we decide if we want to remain. This is not a reaction or a lesson to the other person, it’s deciding we want to have someone treat us, as well as we treat ourselves.

We cannot coerce someone to do our bidding, nor can any guilt trip continuously control the other person. They’ll fall off the wagon, if they’re just pleasing us to stop our complaining, or keep us around…..and then we’re stuck in the vicious cycle.

It’s always about ourselves, our happiness is our concern….and if we’re paying attention to self-love by setting boundaries, being clear about our actions and words, so they match our truth, then we’ll find our focus is not on changing the other person to suit us. It’s about loving ourselves and them, rather than manipulation and anger, whether we remain or go. And with that¬†love, we¬†make better choices.

Don’t You Want My Life?

utopia

Have you ever wanted someone else’s existence? Thought their grass was greener than your grass?

Or, perhaps, you may have idolized someone and been disappointed to find, they really don’t have the life you thought? They turned out to be just plain, ole, human beings.

I recently had a conversation with a professional peer, who I didn’t idealize or think, “Gee I want her life,” only to be asked by her, if that is indeed what I desired. Now not to take it completely out of context, but if you know me….you would know that no matter how challenging my life is, how unbearable it has felt at times…I have never wished to be someone else ¬†or ‘have their life.’

So many of us can look to others, as having found the secret to success, the way to living an amazing existence and wonder what is wrong with us? Why can’t we replicate it, or how come we always seem to fall short?

Yeah….so, here’s the thing. Every single person on the planet, puts his or her pants on pretty much the same way, unless you’re this guy:

We each can appear to have our sh*t together, when in actuality our thoughts really don’t¬†match–ALL THE TIME. An individual can look at me and think I am 1000 steps ahead of them in some capacity and not see where I may be 1000 steps behind them too.

When this peer¬†made the statement to me, I then told her, “I don’t know you or the entire picture of your¬†life;¬†I don’t get why you think I would want it?” Comparison is the thief of joy and when we constantly look at someone as having it easier, better or knowing something we don’t….we’re screwed.

It ceases to be an inside job; it’s all about keeping up. It’s not just a comparison, or a competition, it also takes away our self-acceptance for all of who we are and ability to live in the moment.

Self-acceptance and authenticity are nothing to do with external circumstances, so even if we achieve the same goals as someone else, unless we’re doing it from a place of being motivated by our own joy, passion and desires….we’re trying to live someone else’s life.

We can look to someone and see a goal they have achieved and want to accomplish it too. Although, how they did it, may not actually work for us. Their ‘how’ is personal to them. We have to strike out onto our own path, while making sure that where we’re headed has real meaning for us.

There is no one-size fits all on living the ‘right’ life.

In a society that says “look at me, look at me…aren’t I special? Aren’t I the life you want to live?” it is not the whole story. It’s a snapshot, perhaps one dressed up in a beautiful evening gown or an expensive car or something, which when you get right down to it, has little bearing on inner fulfillment–if that is all there is in the life being displayed.

We can have it all, if that is what we truly desire, but for it to feel successful, it must resonate with our truth.

As a mentor coach, I don’t have an ideal life. Things aren’t perfect and there are days I wake up, working my way through a funkiness or obstacle. I don’t live with a smile on my face 24/7 (especially if you see me driving) and things don’t always work out how I would like them to…

BUT, unlike the person who asked me the ‘title’ question, what is important to me and for anyone who chooses to work with me, is that I don’t want anyone to emulate my life. I want to offer¬†tools to people to live their authenticity, to be their truth……to accept themselves and whatever the heck it is that will make them happy, without living by the expectations of someone or something else.

If we look to others to find ourselves, let’s make it useful, instead of something we can bash ourselves with by not measuring up. If we look to them for inspiration, but not perfection…or even better, we look to them to reflect back characteristics of ourselves ‘who we are’….‘what we do’ ¬†and perhaps see our¬†truth more clearly…then we can feel connected to our own power.

 

 

 

What Your underwear Says About You.

red_underwear

If we really, really want something to change.

If we¬†really, really want to manifest good things in our life to give ourselves¬†joy, and bring the impossible to us….

Then we need to look at our underwear.

Really.

Many of us don’t place a lot of importance on our undergarments, because we don’t get the relationship or significance it has to how we actually feel about ourselves and what we deserve.

I was talking to one of my clients, about caring for oneself and all the ways we really live in scarcity.

Where we scrimp and compromise for ‘okay’ or ‘good enough’, and perhaps, even give little thought to how we shortchange ourselves. As she and I¬†discussed the lack of caring that went into how dressing for the gym or even for bed, was really a reflection of how we feel about ourselves….

I brought up underwear.

Not her underwear specifically, but how for many of us, especially the ones who are single and sleep alone (and for the married couples who have no intimacy, etc), we figure no one is seeing them, so who cares, right?

We see them in our drawer and are basically saying to ourselves, we’ll buy new undergarments when we have someone in our life who would appreciate it or some other excuse. Do we realize¬†what we’re saying to¬†ourselves, when we don’t treat ourselves as someone we love?

Many of us treat people we love a helluva lot better than we do ourselves, which means there is usually a deficit. It’s out of¬†balance; in truth, we can only give what we have plenty of or it is a sacrifice. ¬†One that eventually¬†turns¬†to resentment, since no one can ever appreciate us enough to make up for sacrifice. We have to value ourselves first, so we’re not thinking the only way to be loved is through people pleasing sacrifice.¬†¬†We have to fill up our loving cup first, which means what does our underwear look like? It’s a reflection.¬†

If our partner has holey underwear….what do we think?

Okay, so back to my client who happens to be a nurse.¬†In our ‘underwear’ conversation, she said “You wouldn’t believe some of the underwear I see coming into the hospital, not in a million years!” And I asked her, “What do you feel about the person when you see their underwear? What sort of identity or characteristics do you associate with them?”

She and I discussed it. She said on a first impression, she felt sorry for them, perhaps they were lonely, mistreated in some way or just didn’t care anymore. Exactly.

We all make a judgment call when observing others….negative or positive, we do it. What would our underwear reflect to others, as a statement of our inner world? Scarcity or abundance?

Even if we say we’re not settling; we believe¬†we’re loving ourselves and being kind, ...what does our underwear say?¬†

Is it in alignment with our goals?

Does it reflect our true feelings about what we deserve?

Are we so used to robbing Peter to pay Paul for the one thing we deem more important than another–instead of understanding how it impacts the overall picture? When we sacrifice or give away something to gain something…it is not done from a ‘there is plenty to go around’ perspective. We’re living in some form of scarcity in our lives. It is not fluent; it’s fragmented. Value is value.

If we want to manifest the impossible, we need to see where we deny ourselves what is possible, right now.

What do we pay no heed to in the way we treat ourselves, showing our brains¬†what we deserve? What are we waiting for–a sign, a nod of approval, meeting someone new, or winning the lottery? Look where we say we don’t care; where we will blow it off today as not being important, as something we’ll instead, worry about in the future and today, we can change it, we can start giving to ourselves right here.

Checking out our underwear…..our hygiene…..our outer self–how we care for us; does it reflect the inner scarcity or the inner abundance?

What does it say we deserve?

When we fill our loving cup, we know that there is always more….that we have it to give, because we’re not looking for validation or saving pennies to buy new underwear for a rainy day.

Changing our underwear can change our lives!

The Manifesting List

Ever wonder how the same things continue to show up? Feel like you are stuck in a vicious cycle or keep attracting similar situations?

Check out this list on how you do it and how to gain more control.

  • Whatever we give our attention to, grows.

So, if you want more of it, keep doing it and if you want less, focus elsewhere. Have gratitude for what ‘is’ and focus less on what you wish it would be….watch how more of what you want, actually shows up.

  • Lies are based on a belief that you may¬†lose something or be embarrassed by the truth.

It’s¬†a sign of lack of trust in the self to handle disappointment. Want to really attract amazing people and opportunities, start getting real with yourself and see what you are denying.

  • If you believe that all relationships turn bad or end, you will fulfill that goal. Your subconscious is the map, it tells the conscious mind where to go.

Do you have a negative belief about you or relationships, guess what? The subconscious will fulfill it for you. Instead, get a spotlight to shine on the WHY behind the belief and get uncomfortable, as you take action in a positive direction. (funny, how the words uncomfortable and positive go together) This will create new beliefs.

  • If you believe more good exists inside of you than a voice kicking your butt, the perception you have will make sure¬†the¬†outside will match. (even when negative circumstances arise–you will see it as temporary, not life defining)
  • Engaging in¬†playing games, means sooner or later you’ll end up the loser. Be real.

Authenticity gives your life real¬†meaning. When you play a part, the return on it, never is permanent. Dig deep to find your truth–then act on it, without attachment to the outcome. Most of the time, your results are 9000% better than if you had faked it til you won it.

  • If you don’t believe you have value, you’ll look for situations affirming this belief or create them to show you are indeed, without worth.

Awareness of these core beliefs and questioning their validity will help you to not get triggered into going down the same ol’ road.

  • In¬†loving someone, try to tell¬†your conscious mind it doesn’t mean attachment or expectations are included in the deal.

No one else can fix you or make life better, unless you’re already doing something about it–so even if the love of your life came through the door, nothing would feel one iota better, until you fulfill your own needs first.

  • No matter how much you love someone you cannot stop them from doing self destructive or stupid shit, only they can stop themselves if they want to….or not.

Let go of trying, let go of taking them and their actions personally. You can do nothing to change them, unless they are already doing it themselves.

  • If you really sit with the discomfort inside of you, that you may want someone else to relieve, you’ll find you are your own best medicine.

Stay with the anxiety, the neediness, the emptiness or whatever it is causing you pain. It won’t kill you and you’ll find the temporary relief you get from someone else doesn’t compare to the permanent relief you can offer yourself.

  • Assumptions are dream killers–you can talk yourself out of anything you want (especially if it requires change) just by assuming some story, which may or may not be true. ¬†

If you don’t know, it’s okay, because even if you THOUGHT you knew–most of the time it doesn’t assure the outcome. Spending countless hours analyzing, strategizing and stressing will only lead to more inertia. Action trumps thought, show your ‘mind’ that all assumptions are b.s. and get out there and live your dreams.

This is just a starter EQ (emotional quotient) list. Growing your emotional intelligence will grow your ability to attract amazing people and situations to your personal and professional life.

This relationship just isn’t fun!

_MG_8169

This relationship just isn’t fun!

My adult daughter uttered that statement to me, as she was describing a text conversation with her ex-boyfriend. I thought about what she said, as much as she loved him and he still loved her, what he was doing at the moment was not fun.

She hit the magic word, “fun.”

Not to get in to the whole story, but he had been remiss in mentioning he was in a relationship when he reached out to her. He actually had reached out to her several times since their initial break up with words of love, ¬†reminiscing about how amazing their relationship had been and missing her….and had actually seen her too.

My daughter was looking at the entire situation and his current relationship, which he had admitted he was settling for and exclaimed, it was not fun! Her whole perspective had changed. Sure, she remembered the great times, BUT to her, how he had changed was not appealing to her.

How many people are decisive in this way when it comes to their happiness? So many of us struggle to stay where it is not fun!

He was allowing his girlfriend to force him into sending messages to my daughter, because¬†she clearly perceived her as a threat. Unfortunately, it’s a way to¬†delude oneself into a sense of control. As most of us know,¬†this is not fun, because she will be faced with the loss again at some point in the future. Remember folks, when we force our control on someone else, we are trying to hold onto something and not suffer a loss. And inevitably, we do lose, whether it is now or 20 years in the future.

Meanwhile, the awesome state¬†of mind my daughter was holding is that she wanted nothing to do with the drama. Even with the barrage of text messages, which were meant to make her feel bad; she wasn’t taking it personally. Her only response at this point was one word, “okay.” No argument, just acknowledgement that his message was received.

I asked her if she felt like saying anything else. She said “no, I’ve stated things¬†several times and he is going to do whatever he chooses to do,” she had let go. And she felt her ex wasn’t any fun anymore, that whatever fun there had been was gone.

Now, I am not placing judgment of right or wrong in this situation, just stating the obvious. What got me was the “fun.” How many of us get caught up in trying to win or have what we think we want, and there is no fun in it, only pain? Why do we want to hold onto someone when they clearly are not heart and soul in the relationship with us? Is this fun?

We can become so afraid of loss, that we act in ways, which constrict rather than expand. Love is expansive, attachment is to shrink. And a great indicator of where we are at between love and attachment is how much fun we’re having!

I receive emails everyday from people who are trying to let go of attachment to someone where there is not fun and pain is the overriding feeling, and they still hold on tightly. It is not that they are crazy or something is wrong with them, it is where they are placing a need for validation.

To also be clear, it is not that we need to have an expectation of fun as a  24/7 thing. In a healthy relationship, even when things are challenging, we can still be friends and have the goal of not allowing obstacles to destroy all the fun.

The need for validation, to fill an empty place in us or to be rescued can keep us in a relationship where fun is a rarity or completely missing, or it can keep us pining over someone we are no longer with…

And so, if we want to have fun in a relationship and on our own, we have to get clear in how we consistently support our own actions, which are not about fun.

Where do we control? Do we seek the answers inside or on the outside?

Do we want others to bend to our will, so we feel better?

These are questions to ask ourselves when our actions support our pain. Everyone deserves to have fun, in and out of a relationship…if you need help getting there, please let me know, info@tracycrossley.com

Power of Submission

butterfly-catch-fly-girl-jump-Favim.com-75556

I thought the title was more catchy than the¬†power of acceptance, but really….the opposite of resistance, is¬†submission.

And in the context of power, the submission is not necessarily to another person, but to the circumstances as they are, and not how we want them to be.

What we resist, persists.

I speak with people all the time. many remind me of how I approached change with myself. I would seek out help, and then decide somewhere in there that I could just do it on my own. I could save myself time and money…and get there just as quick! After all, who knows me better than me?

Well…yeah. My resistance was not helping me, and as someone pointed out, if I went on my own, it would take me far longer to get where I wanted to go…and she was right.

I was still a bit of a control freak. I thought I was open, but I wanted it all to be my way. I thought I could immerse myself in books, here someone speak and change. Except, it took me a long time, because I was only grasping things intellectually.

To change our lives on a deeper level, we have to submit to change…to things being different than our familiar way of our patterns.

I can hear it when I am speaking to some people, who swear up and down, they cannot handle their circumstances anymore, but at the same time they want to defend their stance.They resist a different path.

Whenever we think of change, we want to be at the end result, the goal. We hope change will come in the middle of the night while we’re sleeping and we haven’t had to go thru any struggle or questions surrounding our actions….basically, we want change to just slip in the backdoor.

Instead, we resist the very things we want in life.

We say we want to be with our soulmate…

We say we want a great relationship….

We say we to understand ourselves better…

We say we want to be happy…

And so on.

As long as we do not submit to what is and accept it, whether it means we must forge ahead with change, or allow our circumstances to remain without trying to change other people then our resistance will continue and what we don’t want will continue……until we just can’t stand it anymore…

And then…we may be able to talk ourselves into numbing out to stay in a state of resistance. We can distract ourselves. We can numb out, or only express frustration and anger at certain moments…and then go right back into the state of quiet battle.

Sacrifice is not submission, it is another way of denying change. To submit is power. It says, my battle is not with life or someone, I accept all that is and hold myself responsible, so that I can create the life I want.

When we are not focused on the resistance, we can create. Our lives are a creation, so why not make our lives about being in a flow to go where we want?

Say “okay,”¬†to what others want.¬†It doesn’t mean,¬†we¬†do what they want¬†or even think it’s a great idea; it just means¬†we’ve acknowledged¬†what they want and we¬†are allowing them to do that without our resistance.

I spent a lot of time in my younger years helping people, who said they wanted my advice. I would get so frustrated when they wouldn’t follow it. I’d want to change their lives for them, or get them to do the right thing in my eyes….it took me a long time to understand, it’s not my decision…their life belongs to them no matter what my perception was of their actions.

When we perceive someone as wrong, or want to control another’s actions, we’re not living our life. We’re resisting our life, by ignoring it and what we need to do for ourselves. When we gossip, we’re in a state of resistance.

One way to tell, is the physical feeling that comes from the energy held in resistance. Everything feels tighter, tense and heavy. When we let go and submit to what is, we feel lighter, happier and able to see more clearly…so we can create our lives.

The more we submit, the more we create and the more we say okay to change. The inertia we feel or the walls we have around us, are meant to be broken through…if we allow them to remain, we won’t really change (or it may take us 50 years longer if we do it ourselves), we’ll keep doing things the same old way and read a book–thinking we now get it and we’ll continue in a state of resisting life.

 

 

 

Power of Change

hands-chained

Stagnation. Settling. Stuck-ville.

This is the norm for many of us. We may say we want more, get excited or angry about our circumstances, but hold onto it, rather than take a step toward change.

‚ÄúDon’t wait for the right answer and the golden path to present themselves. This is precisely why you’re stuck. Starting without seeing the end is difficult, so we often wait until we see the end, scanning relentlessly for the right way, the best way and the perfect way. The way to get unstuck is to start down the wrong path, right now. Step by step, page by page, interaction by interaction. As you start moving, you can’t help but improve, can’t help but incrementally find yourself getting back toward your north star. You might not end up with perfect, but it’s significantly more valuable than being stuck. Don’t just start. Continue. Shift. Repeat.‚ÄĚ ~ Seth Godin

Often when people contact me, they believe they are looking to change their circumstances. Or so they think. Until they are actually in the hot seat of having a path toward change, then many people find excuses to stay just where they are!

Change scares the bajeezus out of many of us!!!!

It’s never about the time or money, because let’s face it when we want to buy some new outfit, car, or even a house…we will find a way, if we want it bad enough! But when it comes to change, we will find excuses until the cows come home!

The key to change, as in, when most of us finally are open to the power of change, happens when we reach this point:

“When our current situation, is no longer an option, we can¬†finally move in a different direction.”

The issue with waiting for our circumstances to be so horrible that we can no longer distract ourselves, or find comfort anywhere else, is that it is an extreme stance on keeping things the same. It’s keeping things stuck where they are, because of the fear of loss being so much greater.¬†

When we spend days, months and years, sacrificing, complaining and finding others to commiserate, who help us to stay stuck…we¬†are in the process of creating regret for all the time wasted, because of our FEAR OF CHANGE.

I provide free 20 minute consultations on relationships.¬†Most people indicate they want to work with me at the end. People¬†get a lot out of those sessions, BUT when I mention the money to continue working together, whether it is $3.00 or¬†several times that amount…I know, it’s an opportunity for an excuse IF THE PERSON has NOT¬†gotten to the point, where they can NO longer live the way they are living.

Plus, after a 20 minute session, they feel they have the fuel to carry them to change on their own (at least for a few hours or a few days)….except they don’t, nothing really changes, except their growing discontent and pain.

Many of them are living in a ton of pain already, BUT prefer it to change. They have hope that somehow, some way, by waiting, holding their ground or some other form of stagnation things will miraculously work out how they want, especially in the area of love and relationships.

The Power Of Change is an opportunity.

Yes, it is unknown, if we are choosing to do something completely different than what is our usual comfort zone….we have NO IDEA what the outcome will be….

And that is what keeps us stuck, no assurance that we’ll have what we want….so we’ll stick with the shitty situation we got!

I remember when I was stuck in a relationship, I felt a connection, so strong and unbreakable that it made me NUTS! I wanted to cut it off, and did several times, but allowed it to keep coming back around several times. One day, I decided I was going to grow in this situation by COMMITTING TO MYSELF and taking risks.

My risk was not only asking myself, “What would love do,” as opposed to anger and annihilation, but what would be the most loving gesture for me to do, for me, right now? And in doing this, which made me anxious as hell, freaked out that I was losing control (even though it was to use guilt or reminding someone how much they hurt me, etc)…I had to navigate new waters.

I could not continue to waste time, energy and emotion staying stuck. The power in changing was massive. Not only did I learn to love myself, I found that when I soar ahead, either those who are also growing come along for the ride and those, who like to be stuck, stay put.

Seriously, staying stuck for the benefit of others, will NEVER GET US WHAT WE WANT!

EVER.

Finding the power in change, releases us to live more in alignment with our truth. We get closer to our dreams, in fact, where we felt it was impossible, it becomes possible!

Things stay impossible, because of our refusal to move ourselves in a different direction.

If you’re ready to change your relationship circumstances now, please contact me for a complimentary 20 minute¬†relationship makeover session.

Please email to schedule info@Tracycrossley.com