You Can Speculate About Him Or Her….

Puzzled1

Until the cows come home.

Mind reading 101.

It is a complete and total waste of time.

Dealing with someone who doesn’t speak truth or who’s actions don’t match their words? So, tiring.

The entire situation, in which, we feel we’re always left scratching our head, when it comes to someone we love, who practices no consistency, shows up and ships out, or isn’t honest about their intentions….can make a person feel crazy!

Why do people come into our lives who say they love us to pieces, give us words as a lifeline, but then do a 180 degree turn and disappear for days/weeks/months or put major distance between us?

It’s called emotional unavailability.

FEAR is at the base, but it goes unrecognized, even with all the anxiety or panic brought on when someone gets too close … the person who is outwardly unavailable isn’t examining why they are pulling away…they just need to go!

You or me, we are inwardly unavailable. We feel this is as good as we can do, or this is our value…what we deserve based on fear related to a belief, which we’ve probably had for many years.

Whether it is someone who we have a revolving door relationship with, or a yo-yo, or some other toy description…this relationship feels toxic.

There are warning signs in the beginning, but we often miss them. We may not want to be alone, we may have low self-esteem or something, which makes us susceptible to the charms of a person who cannot emotionally commit.

We analyze the crap out of what the person says, what he or she must be thinking and of course the un-matching actions. We ask our friends, neighbors, relatives. We look online, pick up a ton of books and spend way too much time thinking about it.

We need help here, don’t we?

The issue in having a relationship with someone who is a yo-yo, they come close and then they back off, or out and we take it personally. We think there is something wrong with us.

And yes, there is something wrong with us (and it’s not what you think), we’re looking in the wrong direction or at the wrong characteristics to get to the root of the issue.

The place to look is in the mirror. When we focus on their doing or lack of doing, coming and going, saying words that sound like a commitment, but are only meant to keep us hanging in the balance…we can get caught up in it, so we stop looking at ourselves.

When this person returns (again) into our lives, after vacating the premises momentarily or for a long period of time, we may become easily convinced through their renewed presence that there is more meaning to it than actually is shown. We may be given breadcrumbs, but look for the deeper meaning, after all they keep showing back up!

The situation we’re in is not easy to break. We may romanticize the dysfunction and take responsibility for the fact that the relationship falls apart, but that is not the place to find out truth. The truth is in our “why,” we may be so convinced that no one will ever love of us more, or at all. We may be convinced our needs are excessive, because we weren’t valued when we were younger.

Now we must find our truth, and re-focus.

Take our focus off this person who rips our heart out each time they go, and learn what it is that keeps us attached. Sit with the anxiety, the unease–the auto-pilot thoughts which tell us we aren’t worthy…what is underneath it?

As we focus less on the other person, more on ourselves and opening our heart….truly moving away from the emotional unavailability within us and recognizing our fear, we start on a new journey leading us to having the relationship we truly want. It takes time, it takes effort–but it is all within us to change the trajectory.

You can email me at Tracy AT tracycrossley dot com or sign up for Complimentary Relationship Session. I am also having a free Teleseminar in August, you can get details and sign up here: FREE Teleseminar.

Let Go and Live

heavythoughtsweb

Thoughts can weigh us down, especially when we don’t realize there is a whole other way to approach our life.

The freedom in not thinking, rationalizing or brooding over something(someone) we want to fix, change or grow is as Einstein said, “I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking.”

Focusing on creation is the heart beat of life; it’s where the small seed resides, which leads us to the next discovery, opportunity and way out of the prison of fearful, trapped thoughts.

The merry-go-round of thoughts over and over waiting for something to change or thinking how to force change upon circumstances outside of us is anything, but creative!

I’ve learned more and more to focus on what I want to create, less on what is not working and letting go of what I cannot control. The more we release the heavy burdens and fearful thoughts causing us stress of what we cannot control….the more room there is for creativity.

To create means it builds upon itself, there is no linear path and there’s no stop sign (Stop signs exist in our head); we may choose to make a left turn, but if we’re really in the thick of our creative focus…whatever direction it leads is okay. We cannot predict or know the road we have not yet traveled.

To be okay and accept the place we currently are IN THIS MOMENT with it’s unsolved riddles is the first step in creation. When we focus on the frustration of the never-ending, repetitive cycles and problems we encounter, all they will do is grow and our perspective will remain unchanged.

We will stay in the limitation of being controlled by everything around us.

As Einstein also stated, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

If you’re going through a struggle or trying to start your life over or make a change….do yourself a favor and don’t invest in the struggle mentally, don’t think things have to be a certain way and definitely don’t keep trying to force things that are beyond your control to fit into this picture.

Most people, when they come to me have no idea about what would truly make them happy, all they know is they want to escape where they are now.

Soooo…what is the first step?

Get clear on ONE thing…something that brings you a great deal of joy to engage in whether it is art, meditating, walking, creating a flow chart…whatever it is, DO IT! TODAY!

XOXO

Tracy

At The End Of Your Manifesting Rope?

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Yep…been there, done that and every time I get to the end of the rope, I’ve tied a bigger knot and re-focused on what I wanted to create.

Not only did I keep moving forth, I dropped some nasty-ass obstacles along the way…only to find myself looking at the same list I had for about 10 years. Same items on the list, what could it mean? Was it true had I never really moved any closer to living the life I wanted?

Tell me….what was that all about? And how did I not just crumple up every list I had and say “screw it!”

I let a huge sigh and thought, how many more books will I read on manifesting abundance? How many more sages would I listen to and think I had found the magic key? Only to find it just wasn’t the case…..because all it would make me do is get excited and really, truly follow directions only to find it didn’t work or perhaps, it does work, it’s just not on my timetable?

Then I’d hear another success story and think “Hmmm…perhaps, I am missing something?” And then the treasure hunt would continue. I definitely was not the same person, as I started out as when I embarked on this journey. It had definitely changed me for the calmer, happier and freer, BUT when those BIG goals that I had my eye on FOR YEARS were still elusive….I decided something just had to be done!!!!!

BUT WHAT?

Go read, “Think and Grow Rich” or “The Science of Getting Rich” or any other book on manifesting, AGAIN? Geezus NO! 

Did it mean writing another list on what I should manifest in better language? In a different way, so that this time perhaps the Universe would hear me? NO.

Should I stop working with my beliefs that have held me back from the deeper connection to myself and my own happiness? NO.

Hmmm…perhaps it meant going in a direction without integrity or some other “quick get what I want scheme” through some sort of manipulation? NO.

No banging my head on a wall, no thinking anyone was more or less blessed than me, no more wondering what could be the fatal flaw I just couldn’t see (since I had been convinced it existed like an eyesore in the middle of my face where everyone else could see it), no more feeling compelled to let guilt hogtie me when I wasn’t doing enough or being enough or showing up enough or eating hamburgers enough…or whatever!

Did it mean to jut sit in front of the tube and say “fuck it?” NO.

Oh, oh, oh…did it mean I needed to lower my standards in both love and money or something, scrape by and go head long into some scarcity prison? HELL NO.

Should I give up the joy in the simple things like nature, listening to my kids, hanging with my friends, painting, coaching, writing? NO.

Hey…I’ve even found joy in shopping, years ago it used to fill an empty hole, then I felt it was ridiculous to be materially driven and now…now I understand the excitement and joy that can be felt when we really buy something for ourselves that gives us a smile, a feeling of love for giving to ourselves…so should I give that up to and stick to berry picking for my food? NO.

Then WTF?!?!?!

I’m no more fucked up than the next person, we have the same opportunities, right? YES.

We get to choose between passion and slogging it out, right? YES.

There’s also the choice to live into one’s goals as a gain, as opposed to feeling like the tooth fairy will leave us change under our pillow for what we have lost, right? YES.

Letting go feels way better than holding on….right? YES.

So, what was my answer?

  • Focus on my passion–do it daily.
  • Keep clearing out the dead wood of old beliefs that no longer supported me and kept me feeling STUCK and TRAPPED.
  • Find my joy and gratitude for what I have everyday.
  • Let go of the outcome, totally and completely, so as not to use it as a weapon to beat myself with
  • Not look to replace what I thought I lost, but to instead to look for the abundance in everything, even if it’s a bunch of beautiful leaves on the ground.

And keeping it this simple, guess what???? The manifestations that had been impossible in my intense state of MUST create, became within hand’s reach when I relaxed.

If you find yourself learning from my information and you’re stuck, frustrated and feel like it’s Groundhog’s Day, once again….then check out my holiday special, imagine how much progress you could make inside of yourself toward passion, happiness and abundance with working one on one with me?? Click here to find out more. Happy Holidays!!!

 

 

 

 

Guilt and Worry; it’s a cocktail!

cocktail

How often does guilt or worry creep in and ruin a good time? 20-50% or more like 75% of the time?

It can kill off joy quicker than a bad hangover. 

Guilt and worry come from our feeling:

  • Undeserving of good fortune.
  • Enjoying ourselves and beating ourselves up for it at the same time.
  • Something is wrong if we believe that all is well in our world.

We may even believe we have to suffer while engaging an activity, because we feel it’s the right thing to do.

For some of us it’s almost a full time job, we may even believe if we worry enough, we’ll keep something really bad from happening.

It isn’t true.

We can stop worry and guilt before they take us down physically and emotionally. By stopping it, the quality of our life experiences will improve. We were created to let go and being free and yet, we fight against our nature….even if we stop worrying and leave guilt at the side of the road, we may not trust that life will be okay.

Why is guilt useless?

When we engage in something that we think we don’t deserve to experience or perhaps, it’ll upset someone; we go against ourselves.

How to solve the guilt issue?

1. Be honest.

First, with yourself about “why” you are or aren’t doing something.

What’s the reason?

Get real. Once you’re clear with yourself,  share the truth with someone else, especially if it affects them. Get ready for the outcome to be “change.” Human beings like to walk backwards into change, instead confront yourself and your “whys,” then allow change….deep down inside, you want it anyway.

2. Get deep.

Perhaps, you feel you don’t deserve good fortune or to have fun, ask yourself why.

Really, really get to the seed of where it sprouted…were you raised to believe work before fun and that no amount of work was really ever enough? Or maybe you were made to feel bad about wanting different things than your parents? There is a long list of reasons we may feel we don’t deserve good. We may find guilt to be the familiar coat we wear. Get to know yourself.

Worry. Who me?

NOTHING is worth the worry. All that you accomplish is going through a cycle of scenarios that 95% of the time do not happen. And even if they were to happen, you’ve still accomplished nothing by worrying, there’s no suitable game plan, because even if something bad happens–it’ll still be different than you imagined.

And so what if you worry and it comes true. You wasted all that time feeling crappy. When you get to the last day of your life, what will all the time you wasted worrying have brought you? Regret. That’s all.

How to Wash The Worry Away?

1. Let Go

Realize that no matter what you are worrying about, the process of worry will do nothing to prevent it. It’s a NON-ACTION. Thought does nothing. If there’s something you’re betting is going to happen and you can do nothing to prevent it, then let go. If you can do something, then do it.

2. Re-Focus

That’s right. Once you attempt to let go, you’re next step is to manifest what you do want to happen. Believe in the good of life and you’re own good fortune. You’re not holding the world together by worrying, you’re giving yourself a useless ulcer.

Focus on trusting that things will work out for the best no matter how it looks; believe and have faith that everything in between being born and death can be overcome, so what’s the worry when those are your only two guarantees?

Now what can you do without guilt and worry running the show?

Have FUN!

Take risks! 

Step out of your comfort zone!

LOVE freely!

SAY what you really THINK and FEEL!

LET GO and BE FREE!

The stories we tell…ourselves and others

Umberto Boccioni -Dynamism of a Man's Head.

How do you tell a story in which you can’t remember all the elements?

Is it even worth telling when some of it is misty or musty? Or do you just make up new details?

I ask myself this question as I look at what I’ve written and shared thus far on my blog and on elephant journal. I am beginning to realize the journey in sharing experiences has really only begun today.

Like most people, I have been a fairly private person when it comes to details of my life. 

As I let pieces and parts come out in my writing, it seems that others gain something from the excursion.

Which….leads me to this day. The journey to now writing stories that I have long forgotten some elements possibly crucial or maybe more like window-dressing.

And the thought of the word “story”, got me thinkin’ and I decided to explore it a bit with you today.

The “story” no longer defines me as “who I truly am.”

I don’t really have a story anymore, at least one that is set in stone. 

There is no horrible scar tissue that remains, as it used to be what drove me for years.

My view of the past with all its twists and turns on my path, used to convince me I thought I knew me.

I really had NO clue.

And I didn’t know how clueless I was until I was standing in the middle of major epiphanies! Wake up time!!

Do you know what I mean?

How have your past stories changed? And how did those stories change you?

What brought about your epiphanies?

I have epiphanies on a fairly regular basis.

My perception last week may have changed dramatically this week. Thank you light bulb moments!

Its a stretching and realization that everything changes, and when we resist, we’re screwed.

I was contemplating sharing some stories here, because what was painful to me, may be painful to someone else. And some of the things that were painful, may still bite me on the ass. Or in some cases, I may now be the compassionate observer to myself in a state of inner peace (at least in the moment).

We are all connected.

As much as we’d like to disconnect from some people, we remain connected… and to me, sharing our ever-changing experiences is a great place to remind ourselves of this truth.

The thing with stories, is they are just that “stories”, words with our special spin on past experiences, thoughts and perceptions of ourselves and our world.

When you realize you have the power within you to change your story, or destroy it and create a new one…. a whole world of ideas can open up to you.

If I feel like I am a loser and every story I tell about myself and my experiences to willing listeners ends with me “showing” how I am this huge loser….I have taken a story I believe and now given others the fertilizer to think the same thing.

And the funny thing is…

Number one: I am lying to myself me in my tale of woe, the belief is not true that I am a loser….its just the perception I am choosing, because there is a benefit to me in portraying myself as such a person.

And secondly, stories don’t define anything in terms of authentic truth about ourselves, if they are used to show how we are the victim or the super-hero. There is no true winner.

Either extreme is the ego looking to feel worthy through approval or prove once again that we are unworthy. Both sides of the coin show…we ain’t digging ourselves too much.

Thirdly, stories are from ONE viewpoint. You choose another POV and you have a brand new story.

We walk around exchanging these stories, these one-sided b.s. laden, fear-drenched, sad sack, victim stories. Stories can be very insightful and if you really listen, you can hear the honest truth beneath the words.

I spend a portion of my days as a coach listening to “stories”. And one service I provide is getting to the seed of the story, as to where the pain started by asking questions of my clients. Once there is the awareness of why a story exists, we can give it a broader more balanced perception. And this requires a lot of accepting on the part of the storyteller.

It gives way to freedom when we break out of our old, gloomy Gus stories. It gives us a plank to walk off into the unknown depths of who we are truly meant to be in this life. We are released to take chances and be the rock star we know lives in our heart!

Really, what lives under the weight of our stories is a sense of emotional adventure, passion, unlimited possibilities!

Stories keep us afraid. Stories keep us in suffering and pain. When you decide to change the story of your perception of your life by accepting you and the world, a tiny miracle happens. You stop suffering and you can see new possibilities.

It is that simple.

The Depression List

Guess what?

Unless there is a physical reason for your depression you DON’T have to suffer from it for one more stinkin’ minute.

If I can do it and my clients can do it, so CAN you!!!

Can you commit to your own inner well-being and happiness? Because if you can’t who will?

Standstill for 5 minutes; watch your actions, your perceptions and your thoughts. Follow the sensations, thoughts and perceptions through to beyond this moment. I bet if you drew a line to your goal of inner peace and happiness everything you are feeling and knowing would make that line zig zag, go backwards, upside down and then probably back to where you are standing. Feels shitty, huh?

Guess what else?

You JUST took the first step out of depression in becoming aware of yourself. How hard was that exercise? Depends on how disconnected you are from yourself emotionally.

The longer you distract yourself from your emotions, the longer you stay depressed.

NOTHING you accomplish on the outside takes depression away, NOTHING. It’s an inside job.

Don’t give me the lip service of someday your life will begin or you’ll be happy, cuz guess what you’ll still be YOU with those old thoughts, limiting beliefs and same approach you’ve been using for years.

And many yesterdays ago, you thought you’d be happy by now, because everything would have lined right up and you’d be walking on sunshine, so this is YOUR future. And where are you? Depressed?

The longer you are unaware of how your choices cause you pain, the longer and more reasons you create to be depressed.

The longer you think the good choices in the past have bearing on the present the longer you will feel hopeless.

Let’s look at some causes and then the remedies for depression.

1. Denying  joy.

You don’t deserve joy, love, happiness, etc… until you have achieved, blah, blah, blah. I say bullshit to that, because even when you achieve all those things, you will still have the same limiting beliefs, which make you believe suffering and punishment are somehow the road to happiness.

2. Withholding.

Yuck, yuck, yuck. You keep all of it inside of you, pushed down, shoved around…no one knows what you really feel. Where do you think that unexpressed emotion goes? It gets moldy, because it is layered in fear. You’re afraid to recognize or share your feelings from your heart-to be vulnerable. You don’t TRUST yourself or anyone else not to hurt or disappoint you—guess what, it’ll happen and you will survive.

But withholding—it is SLOW SUFFOCATION. It is you creating obstacles; you want the relationship or situation to fail. You are guaranteeing it, because your limited beliefs say “this is what you deserve.”  You are your own dam to the flow of love and life.

3.    Victimhood.

It all happens to you. He did this, she did that, there was an earthquake, my pants shrunk I didn’t gain weight…it says I have no control over my life. It says I have NO say and everything outside of me is a complaint, because I make no choices, it is too hard to change things or I like to wallow in depression, because its COMFORTABLE and SAFE. I do what is expected or I live in my own limited perception, because I control nothing. STOP BLAMING. 

That little voice in your head…that’s you as a child.

It’s you reminding you of the experiences you had as a kid; the negative ones, which created your view of the world with these labels for yourself. It gave you a place and a warped idea of who you really are…and guess what? IT AIN’T TRUE!!!! #1 reason you are depressed.

4.    Lack of love.

When you feel a tingling of love. What happens? Do you cry for your blankie, cuz your scared? Do you associate love with pain, suffering, loss of control? THAT IS NOT LOVE!!!

That’s control, limiting beliefs that you’re not good enough and deserve to be alone, because once someone gets close to you, they’ll see what a loser you are….and BECAUSE YOU believe this, you’ll create it!

5.    Stuck.

It comes from not taking action; doing what you don’t want to do to please an invisible or visible authority, unrealistic expectations in which you feel like you’ve invested and have to keep doing it the same way.

Depression comes from holding on when things don’t work out, not letting go and NOT moving on. Depression comes from wanting things to be different and doing nothing to change it.

6.    Don’t commit to yourself or others, only to what feels crappy.

Depression comes from not living YOUR life. It comes from one foot in and one foot out in your relationships. Not giving it your all or giving something you don’t want your all, so you stay miserable. Screw duty, find a different perception—it will change the duty.

REMEDIES:

  • Stop feeding what you don’t want. Say NO, Say YES…whichever is holding you back….say more.
  • You create more depression by denying joy, fun and allowing….. When you allow, your world changes.
  • STOP waiting for the other shoe to drop. If you keep on believing pain must come, it will, BECAUSE YOU CREATE IT!  HAVE FUN ANYWAY!
  • Stop. Take an emotional risk, the type that makes your teeth chatter with nerves, uncomfortable and scared…yeah, you feel it??? IF IT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, Do it!! Do it now! Don’t wait!!! HAVE COURAGE!!
  • If you love someone tell them, show them, be with them, holding back means you feel you don’t deserve the love or feeling good.
  • BE VULNERABLE—it makes YOU courageous. If you compartmentalize or separate your emotions from your everyday life—you are depressed!!! FEEL your FEELINGS—live it up and love your feelings, they’ll love you back when you allow them to coexist in your world.
  • You are unlimited. Act without limitations.
  • Do something that inconveniences you, but brings you joy and excitement. Make the time between the “have to’s” for the “Want to’s”. When I start to get depressed, this is what I know works for sure bring on the BALANCE. I feel in control of my life and my choices. Surprise yourself and others!!! It feels awesome!!!
  • Love doesn’t hurt, I promise. It’s your beliefs about love that hurt. Physically when you focus on love, it feels good. When you focus on the fear of getting hurt or disappointed, your stomach and whole body tense up and your convinced you can’t handle it. Allow yourself to feel your heart, good will come IMMEDIATELY.
  • SHARE, be intimate, trust, allow, bond, open. Depression is closed and lonely. Be the butterfly and watch yourself fly. It’s okay, to withhold is NOT okay, unless you like being depressed and alone.
  • Have goals that are attainable, make your heart pound with excitement and ARE fulfilling.
  • Make today opposite day–do the opposite of your norm!!!
  • Feeling you deserve good and happy, rather than suffering and punishment.
  • Be okay with how things are way less than perfect or how you believe they should look. Life never looks how we want it to for very long. Get used to it.
  • CHOOSE!! Choose you, choose happiness, change your mind. Just make a choice and see what happens.
  • Accept you, stop trying to be someone else or perfect—there are no rewards for anything less than being authentically YOU.
  • Listen to your emotions, feel them, and just be with it, they change like the tide. It connects you to you.
  • When limiting thoughts and beliefs come up, ask their truth. Are they valid? Or bullshit. You have as much right to happiness as anyone else. 

And call or email me, I can help you to attain this level of living….tracy@tracycrossley.com

And watch for my ecourse on saying goodbye to depression. http://www.tracycrossley.com

Painting by Marc Chagall. 

It’s just a nightmare in your head…

The scariest place most of us live ….is in our head.

All sorts of B-movies, horror flicks and dastardly deeds keep playing themselves out with regularity. 

So, they must be true, right? After all we can spend an inordinate amount of time analyzing something or someone we perceive to be a problem or wrong. And if we invest that much energy in telling ourselves that a scenario we created in our mind from circumstantial evidence is true than it must be real!

Unfortunately, what is usually the “case” is we create all of this nightmarish drama about ideas in our OWN mind. Not reality. And if we really understood why, we could then stop creating these fantastical episodes (or at least create less of them).

Many of the nightmares are based on a very core (and untrue) belief we have on the level of what we believe we deserve, which makes us insecure and apt to sabotage something really great in our life.

The belief has to do with how worthy we feel of success, happiness, love, etc…and has more than likely been there since childhood. We have reinforced the belief over the years, because we tend to set up situations (first in our head) that reinforce the belief to be true. We have patterns that keep the belief intact and keep us from realizing what we truly want at a deeper level.

We create our reality.

So…why would we want a nightmare to be our reality? Intellectually, we don’t….emotionally we seem to repeat it over and over.

The triggering thoughts could even happen in a time of peace. As though it is the calm before the storm; and if that is how you see it, you will create just THAT scenario.

I had a client last week who came to see me. I hadn’t seen her in a few months and immediately noticed her energy was calmer and told her so…she said “yes” and that is what scared her.

She had a very stressful job, with a stressful boss when I met her a couple of years ago. The boss was removed last Summer (which should have been a huge relief) and she took on his workload. She never felt any sense of stress leaving her as she swore would happen when her boss left (so all the time we spend thinking “if” this would happen or that would happen, we’d feel better is really a crock) and was still overwhelmed until two weeks ago when she had a new boss come in and take a lot off her plate. She instantly liked him and they got along, which lead to her feeling that now that all was calm, they wouldn’t need her anymore.

She had started to imagine reasons they would let her go, instead of seeing it from a different perspective. She could have chosen to see it from it having been a dysfunctional environment becoming much more functional. She was too afraid to believe that something in her life could go well without a high degree of suffering, even though that is what she truly wants!

Most of us have some insecurities about ourselves and what we deserve. The key is to see the thoughts, which in turn lead to the downward spiral of creating nightmares in our head. It takes a bit of self-awareness to realize the thoughts you are having during the day. I notice them as a sort of “comfortable/uncomfortable” feeling of familiarity.

Sort of like an old pair of shoes, you know them and you may be attached to them, but they are no longer all that comfortable or good for you.

When you catch that feeling, look at the thought and do what you can to not allow the thought to manifest into a B-movie in your mind to later be played out with others.

Projection is what happens.

Haven’t you been in a situation in which you are having a perfectly normal conversation with someone and their reaction to something you have said is….WAY OUT THERE? Or have you been the person to completely overreact (the one who is way out there?)and imagine the person in front of you as the great evil doer in your nightmare?

Yeah… nobody in that scenario is living in the current moment. And it is made worse by the “dramatic scene” we have playing in our head, in which we are soooo sure we know what is really going on and in reality, we couldn’t have been more wrong.

Getting clear on where you are and what you are doing is key. When you stop focusing on someone or something and analyzing it, you free up the space to put that energy toward having self-awareness, which works much better at getting you to your desired outcome.

When those nightmares start up….ask where they come from and when you see that they are about as real as the boogeyman you have an opportunity to take different action NOW (as in you have a clean slate–this moment is new, treat it that way) and not give energy to fiction in your mind. It gets easier the more often you do it and you will find yourself being less reactive and that things in your life just sort of work themselves out…..its true!

Note to Self

All the conceptsI have read and practiced about the faith of letting go and flowing with the river of my life are true. It is a challenge to always give up having things fall into place how I see it and instead allowing for the future to unfold naturally.

It isn’t just about letting go of control and “musts” in the flow, it is as much about communication, emotions, mental thoughts and physical action coexisting happily in the flow…. and some days it is all I can do to get my thoughts and actions to sometimes match!

Dams, boulders and other HUGE blocks can become unbearable obstacles very easily. Either self-imposed ones or those, which rolled in front of me. I try, try, try to have constant awareness when these structures find their way ONTO MY ROAD. And I do what I can to stop for a minute and listen. I figure something has to be giving me directions on my next move if I am just quiet enough to hear.

The bottom line is…if I can listen and take a different action than normal, I get that I will endure less pain and sic’ suffering on its own ear.

I was upset a few days ago, as in an elevator of emotions that were over the top on the 15th floor. You know the place; the one where the same sentences keep repeating over and over through my head.

I was taking a shower scrubbing my hair and replaying the scene ad nauseum, when something inside gave rise for me to pause for a second.

It spoke to me and asked me just to breathe for a moment.

As I did, my body started relaxing and I felt my brain start to unwind its tightness. I was so wound up with all the twists and turns I had in trying to solve this dilemma.

It became clearer with each moment of calmness, that I actually had no reason to be upset.

It wasn’t my problem to solve.

It didn’t belong to me!

I was able to pick myself up and out of being extremely upset to relishing the calm in those moments. It played out clearly. I stopped personalizing and opened up to the space beyond my mind. I felt the connection to everything and as I stopped pounding my head on the “boulder” in my road…I found the flow. 

We battle with life, others and ourselves.

Mostly, we stand in our own way….and our very old patterns remain intact proving over and over again that the same thing MUST keep happening beyond our control.

It is false and it is not inevitable.

Stand still let the moment “be”. Whatever you are trying to change, force or beat down into submission–stop. All of the disconnecting, blaming, judging, punishing, hiding, giving up, becoming depressed, hopeless and running are the results of these patterns winning again.

It’s time for you or me to take the reins as we gallop through this life.

As I practice this awareness, I find my clarity is very strong.

Some days, it may take me a minute to catch the pattern of thought that leads directly to my hell. Sometimes to do something completely foreign to my usual way of responding is as hard as performing surgery on myself. Yet, by having this awareness, I feel freer, happier and more at ease than ever.

I really do grasp the concept of letting go and trusting that all will work out for the best.

I don’t have to throw down the gauntlet, upset the apple cart or make a disaster of any part of my existence.

All I have to do is state what is true for me (and “no” I cannot tell someone else what is true for them–see the above paragraph on patterns) believe that my higher power, God, the Universe or whom I put my faith in will come through for me as I participate in my life.

And when I don’t get my “picture”…..I don’t get as upset as I did in the past.

Most of the time I realize I just haven’t seen the picture beyond the tip of my nose yet. And when I realize the world isn’t over and new possibility can come, I feel a sense of giddiness and excitement like a kid on Christmas morning as to what awaits me!

I have a little thing I do each day.

I ask/pray for things I want to be in my life that day in a general way. And each day–I swear it is answered. I have to pay attention, because it can come in a way I don’t expect it at all.  I find it stops me from the struggle of feeling alone in this world and that someone is listening. 

And the bigger things I request, the ones in which I have had to take a very long time to gather faith not just in the Universe, but myself are on their way to me. I had to break out of these old beliefs which told me I was nothing and finally believe I deserve something besides lumps of coal.

We are all on our own journey.

I hope sharing some of my own experiences with how I made it easier for myself are helpful….on those days when you struggle too. And heck! I may have to re-read what I wrote when I may find myself struggling once again.

 

Life is like a box of nutty chocolates

Just when you think you have yourself and everyone else on the planet figured out, surprises happen!

The benefit is it makes me a much stronger fan of “letting go and watching miracles sprout”. I find letting go of how I think a situation, relationship or anything which includes MY version of a HAPPY outcome (in my head) is confirmation a REAL Santa Claus exists.

Force gets you nada. Nada gets you nothing. Nothing in exchange gives you frustration, anger and pimples.

I love that when I least expected certain things to work out in my life, they come around in completely unexpected ways! All I did was lovingly (for me and others) let go, which allows things to be whatever they are meant to be…and voila! All sorts of miracles start to take place. So what am I saying?

Stop nagging. Really, just stop. You were heard the first 1751 times and if nothing changed after saying it once, either re-group and kindly live with it or get to stepping out of that situation/relationship. Give up the grind, you will feel like you have had the best massage ever!!

Stop needing to have your way. We all WANT our way, all of us. It is our picture, darn-it and that’s how it is supposed to be, because I said so! Just go with the flow; stop demanding, pouting, coercing, manipulating, et al. I guarantee the Universe, God, your mate, your dog, your pet iguana will bring you a MUCH better picture than the one you painted.

Give up control. Same thing, but not as the other two. It is about letting go, step back, breathe, allow and accept. Sometimes life gives us stale bread instead of that amazing loaf of fresh crusty french bread. No matter how much you have tried to control, and you are still coming up empty-handed, take it as a CLUE, a BIG clue! Release your grip and allow your life to breathe. If the roof is going to cave in, it will happen whether your standing on a ladder holding it up with both hands or you decided to get a lawn chair and watch it crumble from the sidelines. LET goooooooo…..

When you want to attach GPS or a leash to a person (be it your kid or mate), please refrain. Stop right thar’ pardner….bad idea.

First it isn’t about trusting the other person to the right….or….wrong thing. The argument is truly about your own ability to handle disappointment or hurt. If this person does something against “your better judgment”, are you resilient enough to deal? People are going to do whatever they want to do, whatever time of day or night, whether or not they are tied to a GPS or leash. Look in the mirror–this is who you need to trust first (YOU) and then…..let go.

The more you let go, the more whole you become. The outside world starts to have less impact on your inner peace, because when you believe it will work out for the best no matter what the situation looks like…you are in a place of acceptance, grace and fulfillment.

All this letting go, equals an amazing word= MIRACLES. You step right out of pulling, pushing, fighting, whining, crying, etc…. You slide right into a more relaxed position about the world, your life and your connection to everyone and everything in this Universe. Everywhere you look (because your perception is now 20/20 not 20/150) will reflect your loosening your hold as you open to all sorts of possibility.

Trust this statement, when you let go….the impossible becomes possible. Let go of that idea, the rules, the rigidity, the fixed perception and anything else which keeps you stuck in a place where you are constantly in battle…..and just watch what happens.

Seriously, I have had the absolute best outcomes to situations and relationships in which I let nature takes its course. I stated what I wanted or needed, and then let come what may. And let me tell you, when you believe in abundance there is an unlimited return on your “believing” investment.

In the past week, I have watched this phenomenon in every part of my life. And instead of wanting to grab the reins back, I continue to let go and not control. Let me say, it feels good. I am receiving and I am not forcing, all I do is ask and I receive. It doesn’t come in a way I expect, it comes to me naturally. I have no attachment to an outcome except happiness, love, stability and lotsa prosperity of all sorts. And leaving it general seems to allow the spaces to fill themselves in, focus on what you know will be fulfilling,  but don’t attach it to a “MUST”.

Please check out my article here on elephant journal.

Chick finds peace in her pajama bottoms

Catchy title, huh? Well, you can find peace in all sorts of places. Pajama bottoms? Quite possibly.

There is a mechanism that kicks into gear when we stop the battle. It goes into full board operation when we stop our inner struggle. The action that takes place starts when we yield; we call a truce and accept.

The knack for defining a truce and allowing acceptance for your life “as is” right now is a tremendous gift.

The truce may be moment to moment.

In those spacious moments, when we are not clinging to hope or strategizing how to remove the bazillion objects standing in the way of what we think we want; a new opening starts to unfold. It could be a stepping-stone to a new passageway. Maybe its a feeling of space, relaxing and having faith that all will be as it is meant toward a happy outcome.

Amazing things happen when we realize that the way we may create pressure, emphatically trying to tell or convince someone of what we want from them or how we are right, is at a cost to our well being and we end up sacrificing who we are to have what we think we want.

I find when I am in a battle with myself over what is currently going on in my life, I take “inside action.”

I close my eyes and sort of melt into the feeling of the struggle, my battle. Asking myself, what is really going on here? Once I am clear, I make a plea or a prayer to my higher power. Usually along the lines of giving the issue up, as in NOT being attached to what the outcome is, but arriving at a place of inner peace and clarity.

My goal is NOT to win with my will, because those achievements are never fulfilling to me. The goal is to achieve peace, joy and acceptance of what is NOW, because harmony is only created from within no matter what is going on outside of us.

Now,this process is easier said than done.

Sometimes it may take days or weeks for me to get to the point of surrendering my internal battle.I get stuck in the emotions and wanting something to change outside of me and the more it doesn’t the more frustrated I may grow, until I get to the point of wanting surrender.

I also circumvent the amount of time I find myself in this unforgiving space by keeping an awareness of my thoughts, so I avoid going into a full-blown battle. If I am paying attention to my inner chatter, I usually see the triggers happening that lead me on my downward spiral.

And if I can sit with the triggers and ask if this “chatter” is true, I usually find it is not and can then carry on with not having a battlefield within.

My usual process is to identify what it is I really want and what I am not getting.

Then I give up hope of getting my way. Hope can be a nasty deterrent from inner peace. It basically keeps you from living your life in the present. A goal and hope don’t have to be buddies. You can be focused on a goal, but hope leads you astray—it is a form of “waiting”.  There is never anything that you hope for which comes to you that stops that vicious cycle of waiting for the next thing you are hoping for in your life. You live in hoping and waiting…. there is no “action” in either of those words.

So, once hope has been taken out of the frame, I am free to pray. And remind myself there is only “love or fear” and inner peace and harmony are grown from love. After praying for being shown the road “kindly” to peace and harmony, I let go. I let go of what I think the outcome should be as the “be all, end all.” And I feel a release, a relaxation with all that is…I accept the very moment by surrendering to what is and knowing that what I need guidance with will be taken care of in a different way than I can imagine.

That leads me to what I do after getting clear, praying, letting go and surrendering… 

I look and listen. I listen for the guidance that goes with my gut, even if it is a surprise or not how I thought things should play out…I listen for the words and I look for the signs. When you ask for answers, you receive them. It is to be open and not attached to your outcome that you achieve peace and harmony.

We participate, we don’t force. We love, and recognize our fears. We take different or “right” action with “right” view (a nod to the 8 fold path) rather than the SAME action, which keeps us stuck in our inner battlefield. 

All we control is our inner playground, why not make it a fun and joyous place rather than a wasteland of discarded dreams, failures that you kick yourself over, dysfunctional relationships, or anything else which makes life seem like slugging it through the swamps.

Remember the key: Become clear on what exactly you are feeling in struggle, anger or dissatisfaction.  Follow it with praying/asking/intending, letting go, surrender and opening to seeing and hearing what guidance is available to you in achieving that inner harmony and getting to your goals without your bayonet.