It’s Complicated.

Why do we human beings complicate the crap out of everything?

1. We’re bored.
2. It’s what we know.
3. We like drama.
4. We’re not good enough or worthy.
5. We’re afraid of abandonment.

And so on.

It’s a circle of hell.

I moved this week and even though I’m self-proclaimed as the queen of disorganization, I’m also pretty anal about having things completed and my ducks in a row. It’s how I get to the end result, which was the complicated part.

I decided that I would just ‘let go’ starting with the internet/cable company having their computer call back 8 times in three days, and threatening not to show up on Tuesday, if we didn’t answer the same questions. I would not call the president of Charter Communication (I already had a conversation with him a couple months ago) and just breathe, remaining in a state of ease through the move.

I did call their customer service who didn’t understand why we wouldn’t answer the questions from the phone robot, instead get on board and take care of the issue. The deal is folks, I lived in a world of uptight for years! Years.

I was anal and full of expectations, so do you know what most of my thoughts used to be around? Failure. Other people letting me down, me letting me down and expectations of perfection, which were enough to stress someone out and give them health issues.

I assumed constantly; I looked for problems, always strategizing to solve them before they happened. It’s what can appear to make most of us Type A’s successful, but it also makes us crazy!

I thrived on people handing me a flaming inferno, so I could figure out how to put it out and change the circumstances (in jobs, clients who hated on the company ended up becoming my new best friends), because I over-cared. I took it personally, if shit was not working and this translated to my personal life.

I spent sooooooo much time trying to prove something, fix everything and everyone; my life was complicated with minutia, and it served a purpose (I didn’t know it at the time), so I could do one thing…..avoid myself!

I remained free of criticism or disdain (in my own mind), as long as I was handling everyone else’s shit. I couldn’t be abandoned, I was needed and it was complicated. EVERYTHING was an ordeal; it kept me busy.

Know what I mean?

What’s your biggest problem right now? If it is anything outside of you, then I have news for you…you’re WAITING on someone or something else to change. And that situation or person has your power, as you WAIT for what you want.

Notice how much time you spend assuming, strategizing and looking at the rest of the world as the issue and if he or she or it would only get their shit together!

If you spend any time imagining a variety of scenarios to whatever it is keeping your life complicated, then I have news for you, nothing will change, until you decide YOU are going to change.

My move was significant in terms of other issues showing up and my decision to keep breathing, staying in a place of ease. Where I would normally be uptight, I let it go. I asked myself what good would it do to fight? I no longer had the drive for it!

Life is not so complicated anymore. Relationships which were complicated are gone–my thinking around them gone. In fact, the realization on a deeper level of what real connection is and is not has floored me. Even clearer is the old way of moving at lightening speed created from the complicated scenarios in my head have fallen away too.

All the years of impossible to-do lists and the feeling of emptiness around their fulfillment is gone. In fact, if I find myself starting to go down the OLD road, I immediately stop. No thank you.

To desire ease in your life is one thing, to actually live into it and the simplicity it brings is another thing.

Being in a state of ease means allowing, connecting, and trusting. 

Allowing yourself time, space and the peace to receive help, opportunity and clarity. Slowing down and having awareness when you start to automatically speed up, why are you doing it? What complicated crap is rolling around in your brain? (Remember 90% of our thoughts are repeated daily)

What problems were resolved and you now feel a state of limbo or stress, as though you don’t know what to focus on, is it complicating your thinking?

Allowing yourself the internal space to breathe and just focus on creation from your heart (not your head) is hard to do, if you’re not used to it. You may talk about letting your heart lead, but what are all the excuses you have as to why you cannot?

To maintain a state of allowing is not to sit back and eat bon bons, it is to participate, place effort daily and allow others to show up. It also means letting go of perceived control and never feeling bored again.

Connecting to yourself means you know what you want, how you really feel and not hiding from your own truth. I guarantee once you start living this way, your whole life simplifies, you’re no longer trying to please or outthink anyone else. You do things deliberately without holding onto the outcome.

The connection to yourself takes courage, because fear has a loud voice–so any time you notice all sorts of voices in your head telling you WHY you cannot do something, tell them to shut up and focus in your heart, your gut…listen for the answers from your inner wisdom, and get uncomfortable. Real uncomfortable.

You are leaving what you knew for the promised land.

Once you see yourself from a place of truth, all the complicated thoughts cease. You stop over-caring about their existence and the meaning you gave to them about your self-worth. You connect to your true value. Drama becomes boring.

Trusting from the inside out is an act of compassion, vulnerability and love. If you allow yourself to relax, to say okay to the unfamiliar and trust yourself when you make decisions from your inner wisdom, miracles happen.

Second guessing, and strategizing are no longer appropriate. You roll with the waves, you don’t play victim or have crazy-ass expectations. You trust in yourself, a higher power and life… that it really will all be okay. It’s understanding your control is really inside of you not on the outside and trusting ease.

Ease only comes when we’re willing to participate in the flow of life, instead of standing on the outside of it, complicating every situation, so we have stuff to roll around in our heads and believing it’s entertainment or our life wouldn’t have meaning without it.

Need some help moving into ease, please schedule a complimentary discovery session with me and find out how you’re blocking your own good time.

 

Read Enough Self-help Books to Fill A Library?

Me too. 🙂

In the past two decades, I have searched, sought and let it all be…..trying to find the magic ingredients to living this life in a way that reflected success in all areas! And thinking somehow, some way there was a secret to it all!

What have I learned?

• There is no magic formula.

There are some great quotes, great ideas and thoughts leading to whole new perceptions of life. There is sound advice and it can create some change if we EMOTIONALLY allow them. Does any of it actually provide a QUANTUM LEAP into the life we desire….to the success, which for some of us feels damn elusive!? No.

• Paying others to help us does not guarantee success.

Experience or taking different action is what will create success. Period.

Sometimes the road is winding and we can’t see it clearly, so having someone who can point out the blind spots–the things we cannot see in ourselves is useful….BUT, we still have to overhaul our own perception on the areas we feel limited. I used to get caught up in this thinking alot.

I didn’t realize I was on a search for perfection. My thoughts focused on “if only I could,” or “why can’t I get there, so I can be happy, successful etc,” and so on.

I DAILY have to accept myself. I DAILY try to do this….sometimes I am successful other times I fail and am stuck. If I don’t hurry to get out of being stuck and instead accept it, I find that is where the miracle actually exists. ACCEPTING ALL THAT IS NOW.

• George has a formula for his success and it doesn’t mean it works for us.

I believe that someone else’s path to success may give us some useful tools, but it is not guaranteed to be our path to success.

When we give all of our power to someone else’s ROAD TO SUCCESS, we don’t necessarily end up any clearer, or happier or more successful!!! We may follow their formula, but life has a way of not allowing us to control it’s circumstances. What worked for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another. And really, I don’t know about everyone else, but I find it very tiring to see one-dimensional people selling their way of success as the only way!

It’s that idea that perfect exists and we must become it to have what we want and it’s utter bullshit.

• We have our own answers.

We just have to trust them, and be able to CLEARLY hear them within us.

Success is a perception and it’s not always consistent in our lives. Our definition of failure isn’t actually failure…it’s what we perceive it, categorize it as and use as a measuring stick against ourselves. We DON’T KNOW the answers outside of us. We only know what is within us. This is what we control: going with what is in our gut, “our intuition” and being afraid at the same time.

• Fear does not go away with our most favorable decisions.

Whoever said to be fearless is a goal was smoking a crack pipe. The key is to EMBRACE the fear know it is there and all it wants to do is keep us safe in the OLD. The old thinking, the old ways and strategies, because it is what is known. FEAR comes with the unknown….and that is the only way we actually know we’re doing something different.

• Doing more of what fulfills us

Even if it is the most back-ass-wards thing in the world by someone else’s standards. DO IT if it feels in alignment with who we are and being kind to ourselves as we’re doing it is THE KEY. The nicer we are to ourselves the happier and more at peace we are…no magic formula…and not about following success rules written by a stranger….it’s about living in our own fulfillment–daily.

• Something’s bothering us, dig deep 

If there’s a recurring theme, once again it helps to understand ourselves and why we keep playing it out.

Take time to sit back and allow the truth to surface.

When we understand our motivation for our actions, IT DOESN’T MEAN WE ARE IRREVOCABLY SCREWED! It just gives us awareness to understanding and then deciding if we want to take different action. JUST ACCEPT those insecurities…everyone has them and right there, is another key to success. Love those insecurities to death and guaranteed, others will too. Want more-comment, call or email me!

The F**k It List.

Yep, this is the time of year when everyone shares their resolutions, hopes and other long list’s of to-dos.

Perhaps, you may have even assembled a “bucket list?” Well….welcome to my “f**k it list.”

Taking life too seriously, leaves little space for new, exciting adventures to make their way in our lives….so, if we wanna LIVE LARGE, and feel the freedom, excitement and make a dream or two happen…..

Then put these on YOUR F**K IT LIST (and of course feel free to add your own items)

1. Strategizing to keep the status quo. Keeps misery alive rather than letting the cards fall where they may by becoming honest with ourselves. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
2. Spending energy trying to convince someone else of…well…..anything.
3. Assuming. F**k assuming, it’s mental energy spent assessing something that we do not have a shred of evidence to support, but believe we have ESP powers to read someone else’s mind or intentions. Get a mirror and look at your own intentions instead!
4. Lying. Poke my eyes out, please…all lies come back to haunt us in some way, shape or form. ESPECIALLY the lies we tell ourselves. Decades can go by believing our own lies. Find the voice inside who wants you to live!
5. Bullshit. People who want to convince us that if we don’t sniff their glue, drink their koolaid, listen to some talking head or something else SUPA DUPA IMPORTANT to them….somehow we, our family or our business/job will suffer. CHOICE is a beautiful thing, trust yourself to know what is best for you, then take action!
6. Playing nice. Just be real. REAL. If we feel we have to dance around in a tutu to distract others from getting to know us…try getting naked, warts and all. Speak the truth always, in the kindest way possible!
7. Being uptight. Oh sigh. Why bother? Is there an award for being tightly wrapped? Do we get something for the stress, anxiety and mental-torture we put ourselves through? Oh hell no! Validation or approval from others is pointless. Fill that empty space inside of you with some lovin’ from you!! Jump back and kiss yourself!
8. Fear as a soul-sucking monotone voice that blocks you from taking that risk! What if the sky falls? What if I make a mistake? What if I end up homeless? We can’t control anything outside of us, so if we at least take the risk, we get the confidence that WE CAN, plus the adventure and to feel alive!!! So Just Do IT!!
9. Blame. Please stop. Thank you.
10. Being Angry all the time, because we refuse to do anything to change what pisses us off…and this does what for us? Makes us self-righteous? Better than the rest? Anger is from our allowing people and situations outside of us to control us and we usually do this in the hope of getting something from it. And when we don’t get what we want…resentment takes over and makes us do weird shit in over the top ways that leaves others scratching their heads as to our actions. So stop screaming at strangers who you believe are inconsiderate. Stop overreacting when YOU ASSUME your lover is doing something to you (because that stupid movie of the past is playing in your head). It’s time to do some soul searching and see what you want…and then go about fulfilling it without forcing anyone to make it better for you…and don’t do things for others in the form of trying to get something…and when you start doing weird shit, check yourself and stop mid-sentence or mid-action…ask is this what I want?
11. Whiners and complainers. People who get a jolly kick from ruminating over ANYTHING. My daughters likes the housewives shows …these groups of women find everything to whine and complain about–not my form of entertainment. Remember like attracts like and water seeks its own level…so you wanna feel better, go for the higher ground, look at the vicious cycle and stop talking until you know WHY you’re talking. 🙂
12. Punishment and Suffering or giving up Martyrdom/Victimization: Forget the handcuffs unless they’re furry (HA!)! Taking responsibility for our lives gives us the freedom to create, even if there is pain attached to it, we choose the HOW we want to see it. Be playful in any situation (good, bad, sick, sad or ugly) no matter what and don’t take it personally! HAVE FUN!!!!!
13. Guilt, Worry, Excuses….this is a triad of hell. Guilt motivates inauthentic actions as we try to rid ourselves of it. Worry–what’s gonna happen will happen. Excuses–the things we tell others and ourselves, so we can stay stuck in the comfort zone of the living dead. F**K all of them and BE FREE!