A whole lot can happen in the next 30 seconds

There have been a lot of books, websites, workshops, etc… dedicated to the Law of Attraction. Apparently, there seems to be a correlation between what is inside of you creating your universe that you inhabit, at this time. Indeed it looks like what we believe to a certain degree comes true, whether it is a negative or a positive. I had a teacher at one point who said if you have “a crappy inner world, how can you expect the outer world to smell like roses”. A bit crass, yes, but you get the point.

Many times you can’t predict what things will look like as they manifest in your life and only upon looking back can you actually see that what you were focused on had indeed come to you. Maybe it doesn’t look how you imagined or perhaps you were unaware that some events that happened were in answer to situations you may have been obsessing about–seems there is the Law of Cause and Effect here too. No matter what you want to call it, there is a connection from our thoughts to our reality. As an advocate in my coaching practice of being the Captain of your own Ship, I wanted to give a little input on what seems to be the tipping point.

What you believe you create.

Unfortunately for many people, they are unaware of these beliefs it is almost unconscious; like eating with a fork and a knife or brushing your teeth–you don’t think about it, you just do it. Many of these beliefs were formed when we were children. Imagine yourself as a sponge–absorbing your environment, how you were treated, what was said to you and the “you” that was formed from other people’s perceptions of you. Everywhere you went it seemed that you became what the world thought or expected you to be when you were a child. Or maybe you decided you weren’t what others believed–you rebelled and wanted to show everyone you were perfect if you were bad, smart if called stupid, etc… I would also like to clarify , that if you had any clue as a child that other people’s opinions of you were NO WAY to build an identity at all, you probably would be living a very different life right now. Instead, many of us went from childhood into adulthood and kept recreating what we “believed” to be true for us; it is reflected in our relationships, successes, failures and inertia. And therefore, until we can clearly see the belief that keeps us recreating the same ride on the merry-go-round, we keep attracting the same thing. The same patterns, the same thoughts, the same kind of people, jobs, situations, etc… it all keeps proving our belief about ourselves to be true. And we ARE THE ONES RESPONSIBLE, we are looking for what we didn’t get as a child, even if we grew up in a very functional environment–there were events that we took personally in a way that may stand in the way of self-love or wholeness.

So you see, when people tell you to manifest what you want through positive affirmations, it discounts the relationship between the internal and external, it truly is a bit more complex. It would be great to just rattle off positive affirmations and “poof” there is that magical relationship you have been waiting for or that fantastic job, alas it seems to take a bit more energy than wishful thinking. There is also the school of thought that if you  “act as if you already possess what it is you desire” then you can guarantee it will happen for you. And by the way, acting as if you have something you have never had is quite a feat for most of us, since we have no idea what that would feel like. Especially, if you are dragging along loads of luggage based on your antiquated belief of yourself, then it is gonna take awhile to see any results from those affirmations. The good news is that once you start lightening the load, and letting go of the beliefs that hold you back, things will change! As you connect the dots on these lifelong patterns you will see they can be dropped by taking different actions in the present; by making different choices, automatically you will start to see the inner and outer worlds match a bit better. In fact, it’ll become exciting very quickly, because what you want in your life can happen in the next 30 seconds! Just create a little space. Everyone can have the life they dream about–it is possible. And I know firsthand, you can make the impossible, possible.  I will continue this topic in my next post, it will include tips on how the Law of Attraction can really work to support you as the Captain of your own Ship.

Waiting vs. Patience

Most people believe these two words to mean the same thing. They don’t. One definition of the word patience is an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. A definition of the word waiting is to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until somethingexpected happens. For many people there is a presence of both in their life. Patience is much-needed, especially in today’s society and beyond the definition stated above, we are required to have patience when dealing with others too. There is a beauty in patience. There is no beauty in waiting. Many people are waiting for their ship to come in, a promotion, a date, marriage, financial stability, etc… before they feel they can really start to live in the present.

Waiting for people to change, or the love of our life to show up; feeling the need to wait for situations to be perfect, circumstances to be just right and to win the lottery before we move forward and allow change to flow naturally through us–makes sure that the “wait” is a long one, one that frustrates, defeats and makes life less than satisfying. We play it safe waiting; seems less risky and it gives us a story. “Woah is me, this always happens” OR “this never happens for me, I never get what I want”….and all I do is wait for things to get better!

Nature doesn’t wait, the seasons continue to arrive and depart. The Earth keeps spinning; the sun rises and sets; we grow from childhood to adulthood; the paint on our walls starts to peel from age and all continues to move forth. Why do we believe waiting is natural? It goes against nature to wait. There is nothing wrong with stopping what you are doing and changing direction, taking time out for yourself and not keeping up with the pace of life or to want certain things to happen while continuing to move forth in your life. Change is good. Often the change you were “waiting” for ends up looking and feeling nothing like you thought it would, either you don’t feel the gratification, which amounts to the feeling of “Wow, I wasted all that time waiting for this?” or if there is gratification, it is momentary and basically elusive…then the cycle starts again,  it is time to start waiting for the next thing.

Waiting is part of a much deeper pattern. Patterns that keep us stuck doing the same things over and we have no idea “why”. We continue to make choices daily that attribute to waiting for that glorious day when the birds are singing, the sun is shining and everything in life is exactly how you believe it should be in your mind. The reality is nothing will ever be how we perceive it should be in our minds, it will be “as it is” and living now, in the moment is the best way to “not” wait. Knowing that opportunities and situations present themselves when you are fully engaged, living in the moment. This is not an easy thing to ask of many people, because to fully live into the moment, you must drop pretenses as to what the moment should look like–exerting no control over the moment and to most of all, be fully “present”. Present means without hiding, denying, living in a fantasy or anything else that takes you emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally away from yourself and your current reality.

I will cover more of these subjects in future blog posts….just a tiny bit of food for thought.

Do you?

Do you always understand what you are doing, before you do it? Or do you find sometimes you are on auto-pilot and have no real inkling as to why you are doing something?

How often during an average day are you aware of your emotional state? Do you find some days as you work that you feel discomfort, anxiety or some other not so wonderful feeling? Do you try to distract yourself? Push it down? Or do you allow the discomfort to envelope you and let it go?

On Sunday night, do you already anticipate what Monday looks like? What people will act like and what situations await you? Does it give you a pit in your stomach or a sense of anticipatory anxiety? Or are you able to live in the moment of being in Sunday night and have no expectations as to what awaits you on Monday?

These are just a sample of the questions I ask when trying to build self-awareness and responsibility for our inner life. These questions unveil patterns of thought, behavior and action. Many of our patterns are unconscious, and some of the conscious ones cause us great distress, because we don’t know how to take action to change our thoughts or reality. We beat ourselves up over and over. The self-flagellation becomes less as we grow more in control of our choices and where the choices originate from inside of us.

Acceptance Part Deux

What does it mean to accept? Is it begrudging surrender, because you’ve lost and have no choice? Or is it seeing things just as they are, including yourself? Seems that all we can change is our actions and reactions to what happens in our external world. We can try to manipulate the outcome we want, but it never ends up being an awe-inspiring moment or happy ending, how we imagined. The key is to accept, yet participate. Have a goal in mind, but don’t be attached to what it MUST look like, just know what you want.

When you accept yourself, you know that the road anywhere is never smooth. Potholes galore! But when you are committed to a goal, you keep participating each day. You don’t force, push or pull, you instead see what opportunities are available to you for participation toward your goal. You don’t take the normal ups and downs in life personally, or make any of it a personal crusade; instead you realize, that roller-coaster of emotions is a waste of time. Acceptance allows for mistakes, because guess what? You are going to make them anyway! Whew! What a relief. In fact as we all are aware, some of the greatest discoveries and inventions in this world were a mistake. Thankfully, someone accepted those mistakes as a gift of revelation!

Acceptance that you are “human” means you have all sorts of light and dark. It’s OKAY! It’s fine, because there is no way to fix what isn’t broken. We are not machines. Accepting yourself means you accept your emotions and feelings too. You get to own them, see them, play with them and let em’ go if you want. It releases you from “all” hell. Addictions to self-abuse of any kind, don’t seem such a great place to hide anymore. When you discover you are okay, because you breathe, it opens up a whole new world of excitement to live in if you choose. Dreams once again become possible.

Knowing that s–t happens in life all the time. Experiences happen through us. Not to us. Acceptance takes the “victimhood and blame” out of the equation. Acceptance is as important as love, gratitude, et al. Though, if you don’t accept you or anyone else, it is a little hard to really have gratitude, be forgiving, compassionate or any other juicy place to live in…it complicates it.