No more boxes!

This is the kind of stuff I write at the gym in the morn.

A continuation of yesterday’s post.

What do you think? 

Love.

Love is the way, in all ways.

It never let’s you down.

The expectations of the mind usually let you down…they are never true.

To expect, is to have a picture of how things must be, when that is a “known” idea.

We want what we know, not what is unknown.

That can be scary.

We want to trust that what it all looks like RIGHT NOW is what it will bloom into and finally become…the picture of perfect outcomes. 

Love is fluid; it becomes more love.

I know for myself, I sought out the advice of others for many years. I wanted a guarantee. I wanted to know I would have my life develop some semblance of success.

I wanted a psychic, a friend, a stranger to promise I would dance in the meadows, sing on top the tallest peak, and lie down in my garden of sunflowers; happily, joyfully and easily. 

Love would be mine; it would just show up rather than ask me to open myself to its possibilities.

In the past…

What I did not understand was I kept throwing obstacles in my way on this journey to nirvana! I had taken everything that is possible and stuffed it in a box marked “impossible”.

It all waited for me to open up the box rather than continually trip over it.

The box held my dreams, my love, happiness and joy…..and when I opened a corner of the box a brief whiff of possibility stirred my soul.

I started to believe there was a Santa for real….the Universe gives back what we offer, tenfold. You live with boxes, you get more boxes. You open up those boxes and ALLOW your life to unfold and you are met with magic. 

I realized I had a lot of boxes.

My life had become so compartmentalized so I wouldn’t have to feel anything. I could operate as a robot. (YAY!)

Except that wasn’t the case.

I already had awareness of myself and how things work, AND when that’s the case you never really get to live in denial for long…the Universe will provide you with opportunities when you want to forget who YOU are…it opens you back up with whatever tools available. Ouch! Painfully or happily it is our choice.

The Universe forces you to deal with what stands in the way; meaning all those boxes inside of yourself, so you can BE open to the possibilities it offers.

We make choices out of fear.

We get stuck; we become immoveable to change, except by force.

And our boxes stuffed full, keep piling up, like a hoarder and seem to be keeping us safe; until we lose the job, we suffer a break-up, our kids move out, we go broke, we lose our house and everything associated with our “so-called life”. 

And then, in a moment of quiet reprieve we may touch our soul; only to find it singing a different song then the one we’ve been playing to ourselves.

A song requiring us to embrace who we truly are and turn our lives to possibility.

Truth.

The truth of your heart and soul.

Who you are and what purpose you connect with TRULY inside of yourself.

Discovering this important tune is just a step.

Now… to attend to those boxes.

A little space allows the room for opportunity.

Hoarding our failed expectations, multiple disappointments, and untraveled roads that constantly shout at us, “we will never amount to anything we want to be, really “be” in this life” is just a little curve in the road on our journey.

Although, it can become a delay. It depends on how long you want to hoard versus let go….to become who you truly are, right now.

We can spend years unwilling to let go of these boxes, which supply the elements to the story we like to tell not just ourselves, but others too. We believe those stories so much; it actually feels like part of the fabric, which makes up our life.

It is not.

It is just an experience.

Events happen, in and out of our control.

All that happens is a series of events, which we experience.

All of life is just an experience.

So, go experience it…and get out of the box!

Believing TWO months later; an update!

The believing project is almost two months old now. Much has changed in my life and what I notice the most is my mantra, “If not now, when?”  And as I drop down through the valley of myself, hit with past experiences meant to stop a freight train; a feeling comes to me that I can only describe as my  becoming Lindsay Wagner,  bionic woman, picking up the freight train and  re-setting it on its track.

I’ve put myself in a position to show up in my life as though I’m 20 once again, yet now, I’m clear on what I want to do from MY heart. This is the first time I’m leading solely (soul-ly) with my heart.

I know that courage (strength of heart) has become my ally in a way that I never could have imagined, as each minute I choose myself and what I want for me; the opportunities open up and come to me.

This journey has its days when I feel like nothing is going my way, then with every ounce of mental and emotional focus, I STOP. I stop the discouraging voice, the pattern of believing my past is my present and I don’t deserve what I want, and so on… AND then like a lioness I roar!! Overcoming and “changing” a behavior in that moment, it takes time, but I feel different each day. I thought I had self-awareness before, this has moved to a whole new level!

The FUN part is I have absolutely no idea what this will end up looking like professionally or personally; I am just believing and trusting. I have found more confidence that I deserve the list I wrote over two months ago.

You can find that post here .

On my list of 6 items this is where they stand:

(a) Each day, I am writing my book, “knowing” it will be published. It is just flowing right through me and is truly becoming a great love for me!

(b) In September, I was very fortunate to attend the wedding of a dear friend in Mammoth. It was a very grounding experience for me, and a complete joy!  And I have been meeting new people on a very regular basis!

(c) Ah yes, to be blissfully wed to my best friend and soulmate at some point in 2012. I remember when I wrote it, I thought maybe I should put engaged or some other lesser stage of commitment, but this for whatever reason felt right! Call me crazy, but we’ll see! The who; when or where; is a mystery. I keep opening myself up as love in the broadest sense and the most intimate. I know if I’m open and participating in my life happily and honestly, a dynamic, authentic, solid partnership is the outcome. It will be based on intimacy, respect, truth, trust, unconditional love and friendship.

You see settling, is in the past, when it comes to all areas of my life.

(d) In the past week, I have 3 new coaching clients, which I am thrilled to be able to partner with on their journey.  I have also had new clients come in for intuitive readings in the past two months and refer others to me too.

(e) This one is a little different, as much has changed in this particular area of my life. The company I was doing marketing for has come into a little crunch, as the product has not been released as of yet and cash flow grows tighter daily. In the midst of trying to figure out what I was going to do and how I would take on the next part of my existence; I wrote out a proposal and sent it out to a few of my clients, in which I detailed what I was about to embark on in my life. You can read about it here .

What a perfect opportunity for me to take a complete leap of faith, right? If I am committed to “me”, growing my own business, writing my book, etc…then why not make “now” the time? I mean, really…I coach people on leading their lives with their hearts to REALIZE those long forgotten dreams! So, here I am. Scared? Some moments, but I am focused and the more action I take, the more empowered I feel!

In focusing my energy on my coaching practice, my book and my life… I leave behind a nagging fear. I have worked hard to allow my work to bloom. I am 100% believing at this point, folks! So, I hope you will join me as I soar to new heights, overcome the valleys of darkness in myself and realize my dreams! Even though I have no safety net;  I know I won’t be homeless. I know I won’t be alone. I believe I’m  learning to roll with change in a different way- not victimized, but empowered.  I am determined to create what I was afraid to create before…fulfilling prosperity and success in ALL areas of my life.

Compassion is

When I was younger I held the belief that the world was black and white, right or wrong–I rarely questioned this concept. As I have gotten older, I came to realize things are never what they seem to the naked eye and shades of grey rule my existence far more than anything concrete and un-changeable.

I find forgiveness to be easier as I have gotten older too; there isn’t a person on Earth, that I expend energy holding a grudge toward in any capacity of my life. I may have momentary flashes of anger toward a person, though it will usually lead me to introspection and a different perception.

I am not usually motivated to be right; I’d rather be happy. I am motivated through a sense of connection, creation, love, passion and compassion.

I try to stay away from being self-righteous, although it can creep up on a person. The realization that you are on your high horse can be a rude awakening, it takes a heck of a lot of energy to stay in the saddle of self-righteous thoughts and behaviors. And catching yourself in the act can be the wake up call to unhitch the saddle and start walking toward compassion.

There have been times I have built a case against someone. I’ve done it when I’ve been hurt, feel misused, angry or allow myself to be victimized in some way. Examining “why” will lead to change. That is why many of us would rather suffer in the pain, then have the scary specter of the “unknown”. You know… being compelled to take action; create change. We’d rather suck it up. Instead of being there for ourselves, compassionate to our feelings, we toss our feelings aside. The frightening thought that we may have to say something uncomfortable to another who has hurt or offended us in some way, becomes cause for alarm. It scares people!! What if someone doesn’t like us, because we stood up for ourselves? 

It seems to be the way in my life, when it rains it pours (the pitter patter of the Universe waking me up with a 2×4). From family members to friends and clients, I was recently faced with this situation in every area of my life. I realized I had been pretty flexible or unclear with my boundaries, accommodating some at my expense. I decided I could continue each situation and let it go (actually we don’t let it go, we just stuff it in an overstuffed sock drawer in our mind to burst out later when it happens again) or I needed to practice authenticity and compassion.

Communication is the connection; if your relationship cannot withstand honest dialogue, it is probably sinking in quicksand. There are seemingly a lot of unsaid things beneath the surface. It means no real intimacy, truth, respect or friendship when you pretend it is all okay. Again, sucking it up and acting like everything is hunky dory is a huge disservice to all people involved. It continues the vicious cycle of resentment, anger and pain, ugh!! I practice compassion instead. I refuse to pile on the baggage of fear.

For me, each situation provided a different opportunity. The communication was not similar, but the consistency of honesty and compassion were the foundation. Each situation yielded distinct results. I came to new realizations and I am happy. It was scary as I navigated my way to find words, because I was intimidated by what could happen–I took the risk all in the name of COMPASSION. Not just compassion for me, but for others. If I would’ve sucked it up, I would have made the other person suffer in the long run too, because I would’ve been adding ingredients to a “stew” of resentment. Lucky me, now I get to celebrate the freedom in feeling light, allowing me to make clear-hearted decisions rather than block-headed ones. : )

I know many people who suffer from not being compassionate toward themselves. It can be difficult to break patterns. It is hard to set boundaries, especially when you believe your equipped with supernatural power to make others happy. Or maybe you are always the person to accomodate another’s schedule while disregarding your own. Maybe it comes down to making others like you, love you or think you are the bee’s knees. You may have a need and are compelled to be of service to others. Maybe you say “yes” when you mean “no”, or maybe you’ve allowed yourself to be a dumping ground for other people and allow them to unload their issues on you and blame you, if you protest. I have heard these statements from many personally, professionally and from myself in the past.

It is easy to become self-righteous and indignant when you feel you are giving too much. It always comes back to the same thing, giving with no strings attached from the bottom of your heart and not to be IN CONTROL, liked, approved of or validated. If you are depleted, then STOP–back up, danger Will Robinson! Have compassion for the person you will end up resenting because you’ve kept a scorecard and for you, because it takes a lot of energy to keep the score.

Compassion gives you a kinder, gentler, more genuine way to go through life. It is the way to peace for us all. Joy breeds joy and a heart unencumbered by resentment, leads to deeper connections, happiness and opportunity for the positive to come knocking on your door.

Picture is Quan Yin (Guanyin) Goddess of Compassion.

Moods of a Mirror

At times we get so caught up being busy with what is going on in life that we forget about ourselves. We lose connection with how we feel in the moment, and what we need. We forget to stop to take a breather and give to US. Many times we get caught up with what everyone else needs, as we leave ourselves simmering on the back burner.

Love is always there. It never disappears, it just seems there can be thick woolly layers in-between, where we can’t feel it peacefully existing inside for ourselves and others. A myriad of emotions can block the feeling of love. Distraction distances us, such as when I get caught up in what is going on; whether I am knee deep in work, walking my daughter around her new campus or paying bills; “I” am not in the picture frame.

In that moment, my focus is all outward. There is no focus inward.

Often, I feel some heavy feeling, something causing a nagging feeling of discomfort and it finally makes me realize that I am disconnected. So, I stop what I am doing for a second and ask myself “How am I feeling?” The more often I check in with myself, the more it brings me back to being in the moment and grounded in myself. Instead, of putting the feelings aside…I let them come up for a visit, so they move on and then I can continue my day in a much happier space.

I give my clients a 2 part exercise in awareness and getting in touch with themselves.

In the first part I ask them to stop and ask “how are you feeling” several times a day. Many have never connected to their emotions and don’t know what to expect; even though there has been initial reluctance from some of them, the results have been amazing!

Many people are afraid to feel their real feelings, because they think it will overtake them and ruin their mood, heck I’ve had clients tell me it could ruin their whole day! They believe their negative feelings will consume them and they will become incoherent, catatonic or hysterical. I ask,  What is the mood you are in when you don’t allow yourself to feel your feelings? A false sense of contentment? Or an on-going sadness or anxiety greeting you as you wake and yet, you are so used to it that it feels normal everyday?

The second part is to check in and develop an awareness of being in their body as they walk, drive, and go about their day. Most of us distract ourselves with things like the radio when we drive or thinking of our to-do list as we walk, sit and even try to fall asleep. If you start to pay attention to being in your body and what you are experiencing in the moment, you will immediately feel calmer and more connected.

Pushing down feelings, prolongs the agony and in the long run promotes all sorts of emotional and physical ailments. Stress, anxiety, depression are a few, not to mention the studies done regarding the links of your emotional state to cancer and other diseases.

We do things to distract ourselves from what we are really feeling in many ways from shopping, eating, drinking, sleeping, burying ourselves in work and the list continues… And/or we compartmentalize emotions and situations….and “say” nothing to anyone to avoid confrontation or opinions or CHANGE.

Mmmm….it is easier to be kind to oneself. Kindness consists of allowing. Allowing emotions, feelings, communication that is meant to be honest and informative from our most authentic self.

Kindness is in how we treat ourselves. Bestowing kindness on myself by taking care of me, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Kindness is what I like to fill up my glass with each day. When I am kind to others, I feel good. The mirror is always reflected back.

When I punish others, I punish myself. I know that if I am punishing someone, I may feel good for a minute or two…but then, the guilt starts and the second-guessing and the remorse….and then I feel worse than I did to start.

So, I ask…why make yourself feel bad? Instead hug yourself, look in mirror and smile! Take time out to sit and stare at the sky day or night; write a poem, eat dessert….if you are depriving yourself of pleasure…..bring it on, give yourself pleasure!!! Pleasure without guilt. Pleasure because you deserve it, because you exist. You are worth it!

Should, must and have to

It’s been a very busy past few days and I haven’t been able to sit down and write here. I will be posting about my “believing project” later on today. I have one participant and am hoping for another….and now we are at 362 days on the belief project (YAY!). And believing has already shown up as manifesting for the two of us.

Anywho— this post is about  “should, must and have to”, just a few words really. I do my best in keeping those words out of my vocabulary, thoughts or expectations in life.

“Should, must and have to”, have me stop in my tracks and ask the following: What do I want to do? Why am I feeling I should do “fill in the blank”? What will happen if I don’t do what I should do, think or feel?  What happens if I am honest with myself or others?

There are so few things that actually qualify as “must do’s”, unless they are truly for “me”. I matter. I hope most people in my life “want” me to show up, not show up because I “have to”…seems a lousy way to “appear” to get your way.

Now when it comes to a goal I have whether it is cleaning my house, building a business or going out with someone…those still come from a “want”. When someone tells me I MUST believe something, the buck stops right there—reality is based on “one’s” own perception, not someone else’s idea.

I MUST earn a living, true….yet, can’t it be enjoyable and something I LOVE and WANT to do? Heck yeah!!! I feel blessed to wake up and do both coaching and marketing most days of the week. I feel like a kid in a candy store!

If you are doing a job you abhor, it is your own fear and limitation which keep you in that place. Not to be blunt or unkind, but that is a choice you make to stay stuck. The comfort of what you know (even if you are unhappy) vs. the unknown and the discomfort which comes with it….many people would rather keep the music inside of them, then to go through the fear and live it! Whatever you let hold you in a “should”, is something to be examined.

Oftentimes people do what another expects of them, because they fear hurting that person’s feelings or because they are afraid of being judged as a bad person or some other negative judgment. Take the whole judgment out of the equation and be honest, you may find the other party respects you for it! Most people don’t want to feel they have forced someone to do something, we want to believe they show up in a genuine way.

I realize we all ask for advice at different times. Sometimes for corroboration of what we believe or cuz we feel stuck or we just can’t see the light. A person who has a well-developed sense of themselves, will consider what is stated and see how the advice fits into their world.

On the other hand, a person who doesn’t feel good about themselves, feels they make bad decisions AND will feel even worse about themselves if they don’t take the advice given; creates an inner judge.

In turn, the words “should, must or have to” are grasped onto as to feel okay, liked or believe you are finally doing the right thing. Unfortunately, it doesn’t buy you the ticket to happiness. It brings guilt, a feeling of helplessness, being conflicted and confused,  and questioning your own ability to make good decisions, you feel worse. There is not another person on the planet who’s advice you “should” take, unless you “want” to, because it feels right for you. That is a choice. A person giving the advice, doesn’t wake up and put your shoes on everyday, only you do.

Learning to trust your own knowledge of what you “should” do plays into a much bigger picture, again it comes from what you want for your goals in life.

If I want to buy a new car and I know saving money will help me to achieve that goal, then I may say: “I should save this money instead of splurging on this pair of shoes.” In light of the bigger goal, the overall “want”, may create a “should” toward the bigger picture.

Of course, if you constantly state what you “want” in your life and do the opposite, then one has to ask what is really wanted and why the self sabotage in getting to the goal?

Letting go of the ties that bind us to the “shoulds” creates a space, it gives freedom. Freedom of choice, freedom to live and breathe as one wishes to do so in this fantastic journey called life.

“Choices” the first post

We are a compendium of exquisite qualities that create the entire contents of each of us human beings.

Inside of us, we are well-done and rare; black and white, yin and yang, rough and smooth, pretty and ugly, light and dark–we are everything in this world and its opposite.

Yep, us humans are a contradiction in terms of what makes up the “whole” of us. You can’t pretend certain qualities of you can be ignored or disowned. It  is a difficult feat to continually perform every night in the crowd-pleaser revue as the lead actor , what do you do for an encore?

Many people are not even conscious of the energy involved in hiding the less appealing parts of themselves, so that they will be liked and accepted by others. It really doesn’t work for many reasons. In dismissing certain elements of yourself for ones that seem more positive, you aim for perfection, an impossible goal. And no matter how hard you try to possess only pristine characteristics, you probably won’t gain many fans. On top of it, you experience a lack of fulfillment and a deep degree of unhappiness. It would seem to be WAY, WAY easier to accept all of you–every nook and cranny of your being. Acceptance leads to falling deeper in love with yourself. It can be easier said than done when it comes to breaking old habits, which keep our authentic self from being seen by others.

As you may already know, we bond with people over their imperfections rather than their perfection. We share a common humanity and it is good to recognize in each other what exactly makes us so human.

I stopped making most of my choices based on what I thought would please other people a long time ago.

Once in a while, I catch myself making a choice having nothing to do with my happiness, in fact I may disregard my feelings entirely. But my perception requires me to believe in making this choice, because I will make another person happy. Funny, how setting out to make someone else happy, usually backfires–the other person doesn’t fully appreciate the effort or they aren’t doing anything to feed their own happy wagon, so its like feeding a black hole–its never enough! When I’ve made a choice that isn’t in my own truth, I try not to make myself feel worse by criticizing myself. I try to be kind to “myself” and realize I made an error or mistake in judging the personal cost to me. And usually, if given another opportunity, I will make a different choice, one that is from a more honest place inside of me. If I stay the course from my heart, my own truth, the part of me not attached to an outcome or manipulation…I am happier no matter what the result.

I know for me, it is a constant reminder to remain aware of my thoughts. I have to remain very cognizant of the words/actions that I take in making decisions, from big to small…they all count. It is a diligent effort with a HUGE payoff. Seems like hard work? Well, it is and it isn’t. Instead of giving that same amount of  energy to repetitive or negative thoughts and patterns, which keep me stuck; I instead, take that same energy and apply it to awareness.

I pay attention to what I do and how I feel doing it! 

It allows me to change my mind about what I was intending to do, by making completely different choices.

Let’s say I am tired from working all week and I really wanna stay home, watch a movie and go to sleep. Sounds good, and it’s easy, right? Yeah, well I may as well call it a lifetime and take the next train out of here, especially if I do this every single week. Now, the new choice entails me stepping out of my comfort zone. Instead of staying home every Friday night, because it is easy, I decide to attend a party one night .The party includes many lovely people I really love and an opportunity to connect with them, laughing and having fun! It seems it would be an obvious decision to make, friends and love vs. staleness (although I’d be a well-rested curmudgeon), but not in this case. Why? Because I am conditioned to automatically say “no”, to stepping out of my comfort zone. “Me” go out when I prefer to just go to bed, that can be a hard habit to break, especially when I am not even conscious that I may be avoiding something by not going out and engaging with others. It’s one of my favorite quandaries. And the one which requires me to be very mindful, applying a deeper degree of awareness, because it is insidious….

It’s very clear that I’ve spent years saying “no” to something, because I know from a past experience what “may” happen. Even though, we can never be sure that the past would indicate what will take place in the present. I know that I prefer the safe and comfortable route, regardless if it makes me unhappy. That good ol’ tried and true is the path to staleness and boredom. Now when I catch myself saying “no” automatically to something; I stop myself and ask “why not?” What is the worst thing that may happen if I say “yes”?   So, I blurt out a “yes” strap on my astro-pack, fasten my seatbelt , let go of the outcome and enjoy the ride. I’ve learned there are so many experiences I miss out on by saying “no” and the more I say “yes” and trust that all will be okay…the happier I am and the more I appreciate my growing ability to act in my own best interest! Plus–it OPENS up so many opportunities that I would have missed had I stuck to the standard answer of “no”. Another little goody is that I may have great fun in the “present”, which may alter my perception of the same “event” in the past that really sucked. Choices is where it is at…we always have em’ and we can always change our mind (at least 90% of the time).

My next post on choices will cover the times we believe we don’t have a choice in a situation….and like I said, we always have a choice.

To suffer is human?

Is suffering a necessary quality of being alive? Do we create much of our own suffering based on what we think we deserve?

I used to believe I had to be punished or suffer to achieve a goal. In my “unquestioned” belief system there needed to be a massive payment for achievement. If I didn’t suffer, more than likely I never noticed what I had gained at the time. If it came easy, how could it be worthy? And if I didn’t practically break myself in two to have what I wanted, then I believed I would not deserve what I desired….I needed to suffer enough. I usually felt I had to come from behind to win the race, the relationship or the real estate. It didn’t matter the situation, there just needed to be the appropriate amount of anguish associated with “winning” the prize.

Pain is not optional. Suffering is optional.

Suffering is never fulfilling, it may be comfortable and even familiar (as all old unhealthy patterns are just that–they prolong the pain). It is up to each one of us if we want to put ourselves through the gut and heart wrenching travels of bondage to pain. It is a choice. The deal is when you “resist” what “is“, you create suffering. It means, when you experience something that causes you pain, either you accept it or resist it…the decision is yours as to which is your mode of operation.

Most pain comes to us through things that are out of our personal control. So, if we have no control over certain events, why do we think by suffering we somehow win control of our circumstances? Whenever we have created a story for ourselves of what we believe reality is and what we hope it to be in the future, many times it will lead us to the doorway to disappointment. Sometimes things don’t go as planned–in fact most of the time there is a curve ball or some unforeseen obstacle or dead end we never anticipated. Or maybe we did anticipate that which we were involved in creating would bring us pain on purpose (welcome to self sabotage 101–the subject of other postings to come), maybe we felt undeserving of anything less than suffering in our life, in fact maybe we relish the suffering, because we know it so well.

It’s all about our beliefs and perceptions that create a disparity between truth and fantasy in how we approach our own reality. See life as it is, tell yourself the truth, don’t try to shield the pain–it just creates suffering. Doesn’t it seem a bit kinder and more compassionate, if we can feel our pain and embrace the emotions; while telling ourselves this to shall pass(and it will)? Instead of continuing to beat ourselves up with “shoulda’s, coulda’s and woulda’s”? And on top of it believe that nothing better will ever replace what we lost?

Giving yourself a hug, a bath, an ice-cream cone, a good laugh or some other act of kindness that you would offer to a friend who was in pain, seem like a much more loving gesture to offer to yourself? I vote “YES” as my answer….stop the suffering and feel the pain!  And in it, you feel the joy that is always present as you realize that indeed everything changes, including how you feel right in this moment.

I began to notice at one point in my life when I was battling reality and refusing to see things as they really were, that I would physically feel as if I was in a “fight”. I could feel the resistance in my body. When I accepted that life was different in this moment than I wanted it to be, I could feel my body relax. Even if I was not particularly thrilled with my situation and I was experiencing some pain, it took away my being stuck in the depths of suffering when I stopped resisting the here and now. I stopped telling myself this shouldn’t be happening to me, because as I knew deep down inside, it WAS happening! And even better, being human means that everyone here on this planet experiences pain too–so I should just join the party and know we all share that in our humanity. It’s a part of life. And wow, why did I feel like it was being done to me (And yes, victimhood will be another whimsical topic of another post : ) ) and that I must suffer, because why? Why? Well there is a list, just like Santa had his list of who was “naughty and nice” I had my  OWN list of all things that made me  believe I was undeserving, not good enough, bad ,un-talented, wrong, unloveable and the list goes on…and on. In a sense it was an indulgence, an entitlement to say my pain was worse than your pain….see, see me suffer?

Who wants to out-suffer and outdo the shackles of long term suffering more than the rest of the world? Not I…I prefer FUN and lotsa happiness, so I took responsibility for my experience, began to really appreciate what I do have in my life and I let go of what I couldn’t/can’t control. I dropped a ton of old negative beliefs about myself and my life, which all in turn changed my perception. Change your beliefs, your perceptions or maybe just your sunglasses and stop resisting, accept “what is” and miracles can happen. Suffering is a choice, so my friend, make a different choice. YES!!

An excerpt from a book I read, got me thinking

I found this excerpt interesting; when I read it—I did EXACTLY what the author expected. Although, I wonder if it is truly my reality or not, at least in how he explains. Or if the reality is when someone tells us NOT to do something, it illicits a rebellious response of “well, why not?” and then we barrel through and do it anyway!! Please let me know your thoughts after you read it.

“Don’t, Not and No”

Don’t think of the statue of liberty in New York. I know that you just did! Your unconcious and conscious mind automatically filter out the words don’t, not and no. When you use these words you are actually internalizing in your mind the exact thing you are being told not to. For example, if I said “Do not think of a snowstorm,” I guarantee you would start thinking of a snowstorm immediately. Even though the instruction was not to do something, your unconcious mind edited out that part of the instruction. There are other common expressions that give more attention and energy to what you DON’T want. Have you heard yourself use any of these statements?

Don’t get madI’m not blaming Don’t hesitate to call me Don’t be fooled Don’t worry I don’t want this to hurt Don’t litter Don’t smoke I’m not judging

Don’t panicNo rush, no worry Don’t look now Don’t run with scissors Don’t forget I don’t want my clients to cancel Don’t be late Don’t slam the door Don’t eat dessert

The book goes on to say that attraction works the same way your mind does: it hears what you DON’T want. It means you are giving attention and energy to what you don’t want. And so what can you do? What is a new choice when you realize you are unconciously falling into a pattern of “don’t, no or not”…..ask yourself, “So, what do I want?”

I do believe when you ask yourself what you want, you now give yourself freedom and choice where you may not have been aware of it in the moment of anger, frustration or even slight irritation. I know when I ask this question of myself, I feel better immediately–lighter, happier and more open. I’d be curious to hear feedback on any or all of this post.

The Road to Happiness….

Is paved with potholes, hills and valleys;  bridges broken down leaving a rope to hang onto to as you swing across the gorge and of course, flashing lights telling you to go back the way you came! All choices, will inevitably have potholes. As we get older we realize no decision we ever make will be completely pain free or without challenges, such is life. The choices made from the heart and not the head, at least those provide a sense of fulfillment and happiness–no matter what the outcome! Why?  Because you did what you really wanted to do at the time–you decided what was true for you. Heart decisions may even provide a deeper sense of happiness, or let’s call it “joy”. If you would’ve asked me 15 years ago if I made choices from the heart, I would probably have given you a puzzled look. I had no IDEA there was a difference. I made decisions in logic and facts or what I perceived was the correct thing to do based on any of the folowing: my expectations, others’ expectations, society’s dogma, and the list goes on… nevermind though, that I had no clue as to what the right thing was for ME! And honestly, I was pretty darn miserable.

Fast forward to the present time.

I wake up everyday pretty much ready to greet the day–a sense of joy, giddiness or peace is how I pop out of bed! This is in contrast to the many years spent waking with the twinges of anxiety, overwhelm and stress, dreading what the day may bring me; that foreboding feeling of the other shoe dropping out of the sky. I share the difference, because what I now experience is a sense of well-being, what I call “happiness” and I know one thing that is very true…. it has very little to do with your external circumstances.

I have watched clients of mine experience the same transformation. Many times they have wanted to quit on this journey and take a detour; me too! Happiness is a major commitment, but the rewards are the sweetest fruits of your labor.

Happiness comes from authenticity.

Knowing yourself, trusting yourself, loving yourself, being completely bare-boned honest with yourself (illusions aren’t allowed), valuing and honoring yourself…..and then knowing your truth and communicating it to yourself and others. All this culminates into ACCEPTING yourself–the good, bad and the ugly–warts and all. What is true for you, may not be true for someone else…and that is okay. The key is to get past all the “shoulds, coulds, woulds” and get to know the desires, wants and dreams you hold deeply somewhere inside of you. When you live in a place of authenticity, you live in happiness.

No longer do the things that used to completely rock your world or devastate you have the same impact, you will find that another beautiful gift has arrived with your happiness… emotional resiliency. The inherent ability to be able to sustain a sense of well-being through almost any event in this life. The circumstances that in the past would have kicked your butt, may not even register much of a blip on the radar screen. A break up with a significant other that may have sent you to set up camp in your bed for a week; hugging your balled up tissue and empty pizza boxes for comfort, engulfed by depression and unable to just plain cope…..may be quite a different experience when you have resiliency. You may find yourself feeling like you are having an out of body experience as you realize you are able to keep on trucking on down the road. And its not because you are in denial or unconcious; oh no, no, no…in fact you find you are allowing emotions to come up and visit. It’s also not to say that you aren’t sad or experiencing very strong negative emotions; the reality is you may have just lost someone very important to you. What I am saying is… you have the inner resilience, the feeling of your own value, making your perspective quite different than when you depend on your true sense of happiness to be fulfilled by another human being (which is an impossibility and will be addressed in another post).

When we are unaware of ourselves, much of our beliefs about happiness may have much to do with our early belief systems. What we expect or think we need from others in regard to happiness may stem from childhood, IF we again, are not operating from “who we truly are” and what we want for ourselves (not for others to give to us). Our inner happiness, the sense of constant well-being will NEVER change because of another human being, its a huge responsibility to give to another and still, it cannot be accomplished regardless of how much someone may want to give happiness to you. People can definitely add to your sense of happiness; but it is not up to them to fulfill it, it is as a job doomed to fail. Our happiness only changes with us first and last, when we make the commitment to giving ourselves the authentic presence of true happiness. 

If you have a suggestion for a topic, please feel free to email me at Tracy@13degreez.com.

Matching Words

As I addressed in my last post, the removing of self-sabotaging action and having an awareness of your core beliefs are pretty much the key to watching your life manifest abundantly and to living the life you dreamed for yourself. (And in the future, I will address belief systems, patterns, thoughts, self-love and honoring yourself in upcoming posts.)

Many times when we put our manifestations to paper, whether it is in the form of present tense writing, “I now have the love relationship with my best friend” to ” My bank account is now abundantly overflowing with money” or finding pictures in magazines of exactly what we want and putting it on a visionboard, only to find nothing happens. Isn’t there supposed to be a matching correspondence in reality of the things I say I want for myself? Yes, and there is, many times when we say these things we are not “feeling” that way, yet. No matter how hard you try, you aren’t truly believing you can have what you want on some level. It’s hard to conjure up the feeling into a belief when all proof in the past has shown you the opposite. And the longer you have been on this planet with self-defeating patterns, which create the questions, Why me? Or Why does this always happen to me?, it seems downright impossible to believe anything will truly change.

What can you do?

The great thing about being alive is this is a journey. We are all on a path never really arriving at a destination; travelers who if we are paying attention get to learn and grow throughout this trip. Growth is a process and so is dropping old beliefs that don’t work as adults. We created some of our beliefs as strategies to survive our childhood emotionally, to make ourselves invulnerable–no one likes pain (which is another topic I will get to in another post). What worked at “5 years old” doesn’t work at 35.  And so, at any point in time you can make a decision to develop self-awareness….this leads to authenticity. When you authentically know yourself and aren’t listening to the stories of “who you should be”, unreachable expectations, and all the drama that makes up a “story” you believe and tell about yourself…..you get the gift of self-love.

So again, how do you manifest what you truly want into your life while you are getting through the layers of belief which hold you back?

In the Law of Attraction it is really about  “what you feel” more than the words you use that creates a magnetic pull toward creating your reality. Think about it, in the past when you are laser-beam focused on a tangible goal, one you believe you can have–something you feel you deserve, you can see it, smell it, taste it–it is that real to you! I am talking about something like landing a major client; starting a business; buying your first house, and knowing there is nothing that will stand in your way! Notice how you “energetically” feel yourself moving toward your goal.There is a feeling of “having” it, almost a magnetic force you feel in doing what you can to get to your goal. Now take that feeling and put it toward something you want very badly, but have given up on…..what happens? Do you feel like you have it or have you lost some of the energy, the momentum and have doubts started creeping in? Ugh! Right? It’s not about defeat, its about boogeying on down the road! Soooooo…. what do you do in the here and now to get some mojo going?  Try this….

Grab a clean sheet of paper and pen, take a few minutes to think of what you really want. And then be ready to put pen to paper. Write down your manifestations. But, before every manifestation use the words “I am in the process of”….as in, “I am in the process of having a loving relationship.” Like one of my all-time favorites: “I am in the process of letting go of suffering now.” “I am in the process of buying my dream house”, etc… you see in reality, the minute you think about something you want, the process has begun, right? So…we are always in the process of going somewhere.

And….here are some other ways to start a manifestation, which keep you in the present moment and create a true match “energetically” to “the words” you are stating in describing what you want. Its that simple, match where you are, not where you believe it to be impossible…or it just stays impossible. Try starting a manifestation with any of the following:

“It excites me to see myself ____________”

“I am committed to______________”

“When I think of_________I am excited”

“I am leaving behind______________”

“I am actively_______”

“I am believing_______”

“I’ve decided___________”

“I love seeing myself___________”

“I love what______”

“I love how_______”

“It’s exciting to believe______”

If you would like more, please email me at Tracy@13degreez.com. I’d be happy to share more manifestation starters with you!