Use These Daily To Feel The Love

I thought I would create a slightly different blog post. It’s not about a holiday, it’s about a year-round commitment to loving yourself.

  • Surrender the struggle. We stay in a state of resistance to what is in our lives and wonder why we feel bad, instead just surrendering can open us to a deeper wider space to connect and be creative with seeing opportunity where there once was none.

Surrender the struggle.

  • Take time to connect with what you really want to feel inside of yourself before you respond, react or take inspired action. Often we’re in autopilot and this leads to the same results over and over again. Getting clear will help you make decisions, which feel good (once you get past the fear), but also move you out of your comfort zone and into a deeper connection with love and life.

Take a step back to choose differently it creates better results.

  • Boundaries are not rules for others, they’re affirmations of how we treat ourselves. When we take care of our needs, we respect ourselves, we’re kind loving, giving, forgiving and our own best friend, we exude this to the outside world and they respond in kind. If not, then we make a choice for ourselves, not for or about the other person. To maintain our boundaries is to choose to feel good not because or in spite of another.

Boundaries are not rules for others, they're affirmations of how we treat ourselves.

Anger is a great indicator that all is not well and that these three things aren’t being practiced. Start today and do all three daily this week and see if it makes a difference by the end of the week in how you feel……and in how others treat you too.

Please post in the comments below to let me know how it went for you!

 

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5 Ways To Empower Your Life For The Better

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Relationships rule our lives.

We may get out of bed each morning, dreading interaction with someone during our upcoming day. We may spend time ruminating over the negative feelings and feel uninspired to believe we can actually change something in the communication or our feelings toward them.

Thinking of the “what ifs,” can disempower us from making any decisions in our daily lives and therefore, we can stay stuck in a monotonous circle.

The only power to change anything in our lives resides within us and requires a shift in our perception of reality. How easy is it to do?

It is only through our deepest desire that we can sustain the energy it takes to empower our relationships and our lives.

Wanting to empower ourselves for a better life takes the following:

Step #1: It takes commitment; we must first understand our level of deserving, before we can truly commit to the process of creating a better life. If we do not feel deep inside (based on our beliefs) that we deserve more than settling or struggle, we need to be aware that we’re in a state of resistance to good ‘easily’ coming our way.

Step #2: It’s not all about us. The thoughts in our head rarely have anything to do with another person’s perception of reality. We assume, we know their intention and why they do what they do, but in reality we don’t and we never will…. even if they tell us.

Why is this the case?

Think about how often our mind changes, how skewed our intention can be from one minute to the next, when emotions influence many of our thoughts. Many people lack the self-awareness to understand that half the stories they tell themselves are b.s. and the individuals with self-awareness need to understand that assuming anything about anyone is just a way of avoiding ourselves.

Step #3: Take responsibility for all thoughts and actions we initiate. This means we have control over our lives, when we place blame outside of us, we become a victim who doesn’t have the tools to ‘create’, because there is always something stopping us. Freeing ourselves from what we try to manipulate or blame will result in an opening of our heart and mind to possibilities (rather than living in the belief that what we want is impossible).

Step #4: Get clear on what we actually want. This comes from knowing who we are, which is actually a question most people cannot answer about themselves. Many of us have been conditioned to believe we are someone else, through whatever strategies we identified with as a matter of survival or gaining attention as a child. We have forgotten what we actually love, where our joy is ignited and may not trust the desires we have are nothing more than a passing fancy.

Showing up in all parts of our lives as the same person, rather than in different roles to suit the player, will bring about a dynamic potency to our vision. The clearer our intention, the better our life will become.

Step #5: Be in the present moment. Not only do we need to know who we are, so we can be clear on what we want…we must also bring our entire selves into the moment. When we’re checked out, we are not empowered and we’re not actually engaged in what we’re doing, how we’re interacting and therefore unable to feel connected.

Removing the compartments and accepting what currently ‘is’ in our lives will allow us to be authentic, to make decisions from a clear, connected and centered place within us. It gives us the opportunity to empower ourselves with our action, words and choices in the current moment—when we are “wholly” present.

The School Of Do As I Say Not As I Do

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How many of us grew up with parents who may not have actually said the words, “Do as I say, not as I do,” but their actions followed that line of logic?

As awake and aware as many of us are, we never know what will still “trip us up,” emotionally.

We may feel quite in touch with ourselves, happy, and feeling groovy, no matter what is going on around us….and at this point in my life, I can say this is me, where I live most of the time.

Until it’s not…

And I am plunged headfirst into not being able to see or figure out what “exactly” triggered me and struggling to gain clarity on how I actually feel IN THE PRESENT. (Past be gone!)

Sometimes it’s multiple triggers at once, which elicit an emotional response I am none too thrilled with, but at the same time it also provides an opportunity for clarity and growth (yeah…yeah).

I had an incident recently with my mother.

Well first let me preface with, I have done a ton of clearing house in the parental attic, so it’s not about victimization. It’s about modeling. (See Albert Bandura–social learning theory)

My mother created a situation in which her words showed no grasp of how she was affecting others, namely one of my kids with her decided course of action. I had a very heated conversation with her about it, because I was reverted back to some other dimension, um….my childhood.

The memory of she was always right, the rest of the world was wrong…and even when she was wrong, she was right.

This confounded me for years. I couldn’t figure out how that was, where she never did anything that could be criticized or where she’d feel it necessary to apologize. I could hear her potentially saying, “I am going to rob a bank and it’s perfectly okay, but if you rob the bank you should go to jail!”(Okay, it’s a little much, but you get my point)

I grew up being blamed for things I did and didn’t do, so I went through much of my life feeling like everything was my fault and running from the criticism of it…whether it belonged to me or not. Thankfully, through much commitment to changing the trajectory of my journey this is no longer the case.

I watched how this conversation with my mother, once again seemed to turn the corner into that territory….she was excusing her behavior and her choice (which adversely affected one of my kids…and her response was “I don’t believe she’ll be disappointed,” followed by her refocusing on what I was saying to her as I suggested some rather unkind meaning to her intended action rather than her decision)...and I was once again the asshole. (Woot Woot!)

It’s funny at this point, but it took me a few weeks to unravel where I went emotionally and to really try to understand the dynamic.

Then it dawned on me…holy shit! It’s the pattern that keeps on ticking! The “no responsibility for shitty behavior (other person) and when I’ve (Tracy) had enough of it, I am the asshole routine.”

Oh ho, ho, ho….

This was awesome.

 

Cuz this time, I didn’t feel shitty…I just wanted clarity about my feelings toward my mother.

I realized years of watching this Edsel (one of the worst cars ever made) being rebuilt in my life over and over, I knew I finally had clarity and detachment from this model.  Just like deciding to end the 5 year on-off relationship I was in or my marriage–somehow it was my fault that I wanted better treatment for me (even though it had been discussed countless times).

Modeled to me since birth…do as I say…not as I do…. I was responsible for everyone else’s feelings, but when it came to my own…shove them in a box or risk an adverse reaction.

I no longer worry about what outcome happens from speaking my truth and if anyone out there worries…please contact me. I’ve become the observer of a past dynamic, not swept up in it’s undercurrent.

I share this, because I know, no matter where anyone is on their path….something will come along to trip us up.

We’re human.

We want to feel like we all have it together.

It’s just sometimes we don’t…and it’s okay. We never know when we’re going to be triggered, but when it happens it is an opportunity to grow.

And if you need some help getting unstuck, learning to love yourself MORE, and like what I write. Then please join me in my new program, it’s less than the cost of a weekly latte! 🙂

XOXO

 

4 strategies to not end up here, again!

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Experience tells us a story. It lets us know we are doing the right thing or definitely going the wrong direction, or is it?

The problem with experience is depending on what our core beliefs are (I am wrong, I’m bad, I’m unworthy, etc), we may only see it the past as a totality. “This didn’t work last time,” “I have been hurt in the past, ain’t no way I’m letting it happen again!” And so on….

Then…despite our mental protestations we go for it and end up in the same exact circumstances once again!!! Or even worse, we do what we can to avoid the past from happening right now, only to find here we are once again!!

Soooo frustrating, right? To our chagrin, we seem to be in some bizarre Groundhog’s day that we can’t seem to retrace our steps, as to how we arrived at this place…and yet here we are AGAIN!

The hardest concept to recognize is that it’s not our outer circumstances that are the issue…it’s all in our perception. Period.

What we perceive as possible for ourselves is our set point. In our deepest beliefs, we think we deserve to feel the way we do about ourselves, our accomplishments, defeats and our lives!

How can we change this set point and get of this Merry-go-round?

Here are three ways to start today…

1. Next time you make a mistake or make a decision that turns bad, pay attention to your reaction. What are you saying to yourself? If you notice you’re speaking in a way you’d never talk to another human being–what are you ACTUALLY saying…what is the meaning? Stop and get clear, it’s a clue as to what you believe…and what you believe is what you achieve. If you think you’re unlovable and no one will treat you, because it always happens, then guess what? You will keep creating it until you address that belief and take action.

2. Wipe the slate clean by changing your perception of the past. Stop seeing it as black and white, realize if you remain in a protected state, you will only draw things to yourself to protect against…and if you approach everything from the perception of past experiences, you are still acting in the same ways you did in the past….which means: YOU ARE RE-CREATING THE PAST IN THE PRESENT. Recognize, it’s a different time, place, people, situations, etc…and yes, it can be different.

3. Just because circumstances look familiar, doesn’t mean you need to attach the same meaning to it that you did the last time. It’s a way of remaining invulnerable…and if you remain invulnerable, you will most definitely create negative circumstances. So…..open up! Be real. Feel your feelings, insecurities, whatever…and express them. The more vulnerable you become the less likely you are to personalize what happens outside of you. Yes, you actually become clearer and that leads us to number 4….

4. You don’t have to personalize the situation and make it about yourself. See it from an objective place, be the observer…is there a difference, does it really look the same or are you wanting it to be the same, so you can tell yourself….”See, I told you so!” and then you can go right back into your shell and stay there until the next temptation comes along and you sorta kinda try again!

It’s your life, so don’t feel like your trapped in a movie repeating the same days/cycles over and over!!! You can make it different, it’s all in how you feel it and see it!