How do you change your life?

That’s a BIG question we all seem to ask at one point or another in our lifetime. Wanting change and creating change can be miles apart. How do we bridge the chasm?

First, we should be clear on what a few of our goals are that we yearn to accomplish for ourselves. Creating true change requires us to understand WHY we want to achieve specific goals in the first place. What is the motivation behind the goal?

I was talking to a man this past week-end at a party. He asked what I did for a living. He then proceeded to tell me how he had a life coach a few years back and it helped him to attain a few goals. He continued to share by telling me his current goals: losing weight, exercising, getting into a relationship and sticking with a vegan regime.

Those are great goals! I asked him what his motivation was to achieve his new goals. ¬†He stated his motivation was his exasperation of being alone, which elicited his need to be healthier to “deserve”a partner. He was also concerned about his weight for health reasons and wanted to lead by example by showing his daughter he would adopt this new healthy lifestyle.

A lifestyle change is a big one for most people. “DESERVING” is our biggest impediment. We don’t just wake up one day and *poof* we are¬†ensconced¬†in our current lifestyle! Oh no, we had the help of our old beliefs and patterns in¬†determining¬†what we “deserve”.

If we really want to change our lives…it requires quite a bit of awareness or having reached a point where your current lifestyle is untenable. Many people get to the point of living in such misery or hit rock bottom that the only choice appears to be “change“. But, how to do it?

Well… after identifying goals and your motivation, next on the list would be locating the origin or seed of your goal.¬†Did the goal take root from your heart and soul; an authentic desire in support of “who you are” or is it a goal derived in your head; an expectation or some other “I must do this to be okay or I will never accept myself goal?” The sustainability of accomplishing and living your goal lies in the answer to that question.

When we are truly connected to living a fulfilling existence in whatever we endeavor, it DOES matter as to whether the goal is on the level of deep within us or on the surface or EVEN outside of us. And the goals outside of US will NEVER bring us fulfillment.

It also matters if we crave it, because we will be accepted, feel normal, stop beating our less than perfect selves up or feel we have “arrived?” If it is your deepest¬†motivation¬†to live a life YOU love, then your goals need to match “the love” not the infatuation.

If I realize that I want to be married; I need to understand where that idea originates within me. Do I want to be married just so I am not alone, people will accept me and not see me as defective or some other negative perception? Or is it because I really want to reach the fullest expression of who I am and do it in partnership with my best friend and life partner?

The next question is what are you doing right now to support and achieve those goals? Are my actions in alignment with “what I say I want?” Are my goals truly sustainable once I accomplish them? Do I need participation from¬†particular¬†people in reaching for the stars?

Action is a great pattern-breaker. Taking opposite action when you least feel interested in popping out of your inertia aka your comfort zone is an amazing pattern crusher!! I know when I feel low energy, doom and gloom or wondering if things will ever change (I find the following saying appropriate: how do I expect different results when I keep doing the same thing?), I MUST be inspired to do the most difficult thing ever…move “toward” my goal.

That is the meaning behind actions in alignment with your goal. If you say you want happiness and fulfillment, but constantly take actions which make you suffer, sad or anything else which doesn’t resemble the “words” used to describe your objective…then STOP, right there. Punishment or abuse does not lead to happiness. That is a misnomer. And to LIVE a goal from authenticity, means you MUST take positive action. Don’t talk yourself out of it or find reasons to stay miserable.

And really, if you are looking to other people to all of a sudden turn from a “resistor” into a supportive person, you are waiting for the 12th of never. Other people have their own agenda. And their goals may not be in alignment with you want or if they are in alignment, they may have a different idea as to what that picture looks like.

Sometimes we think we MUST chain ourselves to something really unpleasant to achieve a goal.

It is really a statement of missing the truth of what we truly want, but more so it shows what we believe we deserve. It is time to trek back to our “belief system”. The secrets about our motivation, self-sabotage and limitations are all there waiting to be uncovered.

Why would anyone believe that making themselves suffer is ever for the greater good of any goal? No one outside of you recognizes your charitable suffering. No one will ever thank you enough or have an appropriate amount of gratitude to assuage the pain for what we sacrifice. WHY? Because NO ONE wants that responsibility. Seriously, if I found someone sacrificing their happiness for me, I would ask them to stop now. There is nothing genuine or noble in the act of sacrificing for another…it again shows how little we believe we deserve happiness.

Our happiness and fulfillment come from “moving through” our journey to the goal. Even if you embrace a difficult goal, when it is from “your truth“, the inherent obstacles and challenges don’t cause you to sacrifice or suffer¬†emotionally.¬† It is a HUGE pattern to break, because of the belief behind it….but, when you do find how useless suffering for others or an ideal in your mind is, you have then recognized a way to your TRUE goals.

These questions are a starting place to changing your life.

It is also a great idea to surround yourself or at least have one person who supports you as you reach for the stars. It is an even greater idea to have someone in your life who remains true to your quest; holding you to taking new action in seizing onto a blissful moonbeam and travelling the  journey, we all can use the help!

The Believing Project-Victoria’s Ventura Venture

An update from Victoria on the Believing Project.

If you would like to read the original post about the agreement she and I made, please click here.

Living the life I love, Loving the life I live…¬†has been my mantra throughout 2011.

I have continued “Asking the Universe to Dance in my manifestation of Wealth.”¬†This past year¬† I saw a family incident/dynamic transpire before my eyes. ¬†My initial reaction to the situation was frustration, then sadness and then my life time¬†question received an “ah!”. ¬†I had witnessed my family legacy that is not something I want to inherit, or pass on to my children.

The “lack of”, the “less than”, the “I am not good enough”mentality, which often leads to my fight for position, proving my worthiness, to be seen and¬†to count has always been an underlying feeling in my life. Throughout my life¬†I was not aware that I carried this disposition, but I¬†always felt not quite right, feeling like there was something I wanted to shake.

Upon witnessing the incident with a family member, I finally recognized the dynamic, and decided to CLEARLY define for myself NO MORE.

I can break this legacy.  I can LIVE the legacy that honors life, authenticity and wealth of this existence.

I know that each struggle, disappointment, and hurdle allows me the ability to dig deep, reach higher and not only overcome, but find my own happiness, peace and grace.

This past week I started off my vacation with this understanding beaming through my heart. ¬†I ventured out on a day trip to Ventura. ¬†The site¬†of my life dream and future business venture: A retreat…a way to live the life I love and love the life I live while sharing it with others and being of service to the community.

I envision it as an extension of my boutique, a place to stay and “treat” oneself to a more extensive celebration of that which is beautiful to you.

My dear friend and I got in my Tahoe and headed toward the 23 freeway…mind you I had wanted to travel this route, but could not remember the name and where it was on our journey. ¬†I had several people recommend the best, most scenic, easiest route from Shadow Hills to Ventura…none included the 23. So, after¬†a slight detour for gas, we hopped on a completely different freeway than my pre-determined¬†route. ¬†We chatted along the way. My¬†traveling companion recommended the route she had taken previously when her job had been in the same vicinity as we were headed. ¬†Low and behold it was¬†the beautiful route 23!!! I had also traveled it previously, but anyone who knows me is aware that I don’t remember names and I am terrible with directions.

In the excitement of finding myself on this route, I somehow had gotten off the freeway and realized I needed to make a U-Turn and get right back on the freeway . ¬†I made the U-Turn safely,¬†but I definitely was not paying attention to the double yellow lines I crossed. The flashing red and blue lights flashing behind me told me, “Ugh, I was¬†being pulled over.”

When the officer asked why I crossed the double yellow on this main street,¬†my response was simple and true “I was confused.” ¬†I had let the excitement of finding this route, the newness of the drive, and the thoughts¬†spinning through my head that I was starting the steps to my Dream…the Retreat. ¬†The police officer was very nice and understanding as he listened to what we were trying to accomplish. He chatted with us offering good advice on direction. He let us go on our way without a ticket, what a wonderful surprise!!! That was the first time in my life I have ever NOT gotten a ticket when I was pulled over.

Just a bit longer and we arrived safely in the city of Ventura.

Our first destination spot was a local cafe right in the middle of the town village. Just a few blocks above the ocean¬†and a place to provide sustenance for our bodies and souls. ¬†We pulled into a front parking spot and walked into a charming place with all the decor that pleased me and made me feel very comfortable.¬†Our waiter was wonderful…gave great recommendations. ¬†We had a rich and delicious salad (yes a rich and delicious salad!).

Filling my heart¬†even fuller…Risotto! ¬†A favorite, but hard to find Risotto done well. ¬†As this day and story is going, OF COURSE the Risotto was fantastic…even made with¬†chicken rather than lobster…which I usually have to substitute. ¬†A good, hearty glass of red wine to round off the meal. ¬†A delightful and nourishing¬†way to start the walk through this community.

After finishing lunch,¬†we started toward the door I asked “Did you notice if there were parking meters?” I hadn’t looked upon our arrival, I had just jumped out of my vehicle and headed in for lunch.¬†When we walked out the door, we found a meter. ¬†There was no parking ticket, the Universe was on our side…so we paid the meter and¬†started on our walk through town.

We found wonderful stores, shopped and looked at what the area offered, there was nothing similar to my boutique.  It seems we can move up here and not have any competition with what we have to offer.

We looked at the local hotel, motels and bed & breakfast establishments. ¬†There again it appeared there was nothing like my retreat concept…it seems we will have the opportunity to provide a place that will enhance the already beautiful charming and community that is Ventura.

We drove around the area for “sites” and found locations we thought would work. I felt at HOME. ¬†I walked with¬†ease, grace and gratitude envisioning my mantra¬†“Living the life I love, Loving the life I live.”

Now I am aware this will be a large undertaking. ¬†It will need much planning and organization. There will be things to “deal with” along the way, but I believe in myself and my dream. Taking this journey toward manifesting my “Life that I Love”, means no more family legacy of “I am not worthy”, “I am less than others, so it can’t be mine”, no more “fighting for my place, happiness or worthiness.” I can’t wait as I embark on this new path to my dream.

As I walk this path, this New Year of 2012….. I will do so with Ease, Grace, Good People by my side, and knowing that I am already HOME. ¬†

Believing TWO months later; an update!

The believing project is almost two months old now. Much has changed in my life and what I notice the most is my mantra, “If not now, when?”¬† And as I drop down through the valley of myself, hit with past experiences meant to stop a freight train; a feeling comes to me that I can only describe as my¬† becoming Lindsay Wagner,¬† bionic woman, picking up the freight train and¬† re-setting it on its track.

I’ve put myself in a position to show up in my life as though I’m 20 once again, yet now, I’m clear on what I want to do from MY heart. This is the first time I’m leading solely (soul-ly) with my heart.

I know that courage (strength of heart) has become my ally in a way that I never could have imagined, as each minute I choose myself and what I want for me; the opportunities open up and come to me.

This journey has its days when I feel like nothing is going my way, then with every ounce of mental and emotional focus, I STOP. I stop the discouraging voice, the pattern of believing my past is my present and I don‚Äôt deserve what I want, and so on‚Ķ AND then like a lioness I roar!! Overcoming and ‚Äúchanging‚ÄĚ a behavior in that moment, it takes time, but I feel different each day. I thought I had self-awareness before, this has moved to a whole new level!

The FUN part is I have absolutely no idea what this will end up looking like professionally or personally; I am just believing and trusting. I have found more confidence that I deserve the list I wrote over two months ago.

You can find that post here .

On my list of 6 items this is where they stand:

(a) Each day, I am writing my book, “knowing” it will be published. It is just flowing right through me and is truly becoming a great love for me!

(b) In September, I was very fortunate to attend the wedding of a dear friend in Mammoth. It was a very grounding experience for me, and a complete joy!  And I have been meeting new people on a very regular basis!

(c) Ah yes, to be blissfully wed to my best friend and soulmate at some point in 2012. I remember when I wrote it, I thought maybe I should put engaged or some other lesser stage of commitment, but this for whatever reason felt right! Call me crazy, but we‚Äôll see! The who; when or where; is a mystery. I keep opening myself up as love in the broadest sense and the most intimate. I know if I’m open and participating in my life happily and honestly, a dynamic, authentic, solid partnership is the outcome. It will be based on intimacy, respect, truth, trust, unconditional love and friendship.

You see settling, is in the past, when it comes to all areas of my life.

(d) In the past week, I have 3 new coaching clients, which I am thrilled to be able to partner with on their journey.  I have also had new clients come in for intuitive readings in the past two months and refer others to me too.

(e) This one is a little different, as much has changed in this particular area of my life. The company I was doing marketing for has come into a little crunch, as the product has not been released as of yet and cash flow grows tighter daily. In the midst of trying to figure out what I was going to do and how I would take on the next part of my existence; I wrote out a proposal and sent it out to a few of my clients, in which I detailed what I was about to embark on in my life. You can read about it here .

What a perfect opportunity for me to take a complete leap of faith, right? If I am committed to “me”, growing my own business, writing my book, etc…then why not make “now” the time? I mean, really…I coach people on leading their lives with their hearts to REALIZE those long forgotten dreams! So, here I am. Scared? Some moments, but I am focused and the more action I take, the more empowered I feel!

In focusing my energy on my coaching practice, my book and my life… I leave behind a nagging fear. I have worked hard to allow my work to bloom. I am 100% believing at this point, folks! So, I hope you will join me as I soar to new heights, overcome the valleys of darkness in myself and realize my dreams! Even though I have no safety net; ¬†I know I won’t be homeless. I know I won’t be alone. I believe I’m¬† learning to roll with change in a different way- not victimized, but empowered.¬† I am determined to create what I was afraid to create before…fulfilling prosperity and success in ALL areas of my life.

Victoria’s experience

Upon realizing I was not sure of “how old” I turned on this year’s birthday, I laugh at myself. ¬†Not worried about a number, but looking forward to what I¬†want to do in this next year it brought up the thought of where I have been, what I have done, who have I touched or reached?

The work, the boutique, the Soul Workers, my family & friends ALL NOW exist, continue, grow & brought in new ALL out of love, from my deepest place in my¬†soul…My Heart. ¬†So, these 44 years I have lived, grown & expanded…am I at a point that reflects my intention?

I did not realize my TRUE answer would come in the form of our societies latest “life lines”…technology…actually facebook, email & text.

3 days prior to my actual birthday I started to receive messages not just wishing me a happy day…but, of thanks, gratitude & so much more.

And yes because we have this technology it is easier to receive so many well wishes.  But, they do not come, unless someone has the will & want to send them.

So, after 44 years of my own twist & turns along my path, there were these messages sent showing, reflecting my investment & the return…the dividends.

happy birthday victoria !! another year to celebrate the amazing impact you have had on so many lives ! ¬†~Erik (18 yr old, friend of my youngest son’s friend/family friend)

Happy Birthday to you! A beautiful soul on this planet, yes indeed! Hugs!  ~Kelly (an old high school friend)

Happy Birthday my beautiful Goddess!!!! I hope you have an amazing day!!!! I love you very much!!!!!! ♥  ~Vanessa (customer of QLB)

I take great pride in knowing fabulous women. Women who are beautiful, inside and out. Strong and intelligent; embracing being womanly. So glad I know you. Happiest of birthdays to you, Victoria.  ~Tracy (old high school friend)

happy birthday victoria! thanks for all of your generosity and kindness throughout the years. ¬†~Tanner (my oldest son’s friend)

Seriously when it comes down to parenting, i dont think it gets much better than going home to the women i call my mother. Thanks for everything you have done for me all these years and i just want you to know i love you. Happy birthday YOU DESERVE IT ♥  ~Chace (my youngest son)

Happy birthday!!! Love you and thank you for always wanting and believing the best for me! You deserve the best ‚ô• have a great day!!! ¬†~Maddy (my youngest son’s friend)

Happy Birthday V. Love you and what you do best – Que Linda- for all the other beautiful souls like you ¬†~Shar’on Soul Worker now in Isreal

Happy Birthday to you, Victoria! Wishing you another year of continued abundance in love and life. Thank you for your contribution to beauty in the journey~ ♥  ~Monica (customer of QLB, client to BNSS & 13degreez)

If it were 1  or the over 100 messages, I am making an impact, I am making a change, I am bettering me, those around me & I am doing so in ways of wealth of

Love, wealth of expression (mine or theirs), wealth of the experience, wealth of having my customers become my friends. ¬†yes, my want for the end of this year of manifestation to have measuring points of forward motion: a larger bank account, more customers/clients, more notoriety for our collaborative business, to become a destination point, But Most Importantly in my Heart to Know each step I take is a step of LOVE & helps to elevate Me, My Loved ones, my friends & clients, & even those I still have yet to meet to a Place of Upward & Onward existence while we all experience this great Magic Carpet Ride…LIFE!