Innocence Lost Part 2

As we get older, many of us can’t figure out why dreams and goals are harder to achieve than at 20.

The reason is the word: “experience.”

As mentioned in my previous post, we give meaning to experiences and place those in OUR backpack.

And when the same outcome shows up to our experiences, we allow it to define us.

There are a variety of experiences in life; we ONLY give meaning to the ones that fit OUR perception of ourselves. We let other events, which could give us a different definition of our lives, slide by without notice or giving credit to them.

As we get older, we just see more of the same.

The words “every, always and never” have become a permanent part of our vocabulary: He ALWAYS does that! She NEVER listens! EVERY time I eat here they screw something up!

Is life really all about absolutes?

Do these things ALWAYS happen to you EVERY time, while believing deep, down inside that your dream will NEVER come true?

There are many examples, everyday, of life giving us what we believe we deserve. And at the same time life gives us new opportunities for what we want. But, when they don’t fit OUR picture of life or patterns of how we operate; we dismiss them altogether.

Love and life can be different, RIGHT NOW. Opening ourselves to SEEING, FEELING and BEING available to other experiences, people and opportunities is the ONLY way we don’t end up bitter, sad and alone.

It takes courage to walk on hot coals in a place you’ve never been emotionally, but when you commit to it on the deepest level, it is where miracles happen.

Commit to walk through your own sludge (Just like moving through cement) and open your heart and mind.

When you meet someone new, try not to judge them right off the bat by placing them into a category. Be open to what they can bring to your life. People surprise us all the time, if we let them.

Do yourself and those in your life a favor; remove their labels of NEVER, ALWAYS or EVERY and set them free. Watch for the differences. The times she does listen, the times he doesn’t do that and the times when your order comes out perfectly fine.

We see life as a bit more balanced this way, allowing us to unload the backpack. If we do it often enough, we start getting rid of all that luggage we’ve been collecting…

Give life and people a chance, give them more chances…but, most of all give yourself a chance.

Each time you walk on hot coals by being honest with yourself, you’re rewarded with well-being, happiness, relief, and knowing there really is no other way to live.

All the ideas you have about life are subject to change if you let them.

Where did you get the idea that you were invisible, unworthy, bad, unlovable, stupid, etc…? Take a second and see if you can remember when it happened. You gave meaning and power to this event, it labeled or handicapped you in some way, can you see its lack of validity?

Can you see that it was a moment in time, in which as a child or as I like to say a “human sponge” you soaked up the experience? You let it define you. Maybe an adult told you “How many times do I have to tell you not to run through the sprinklers in your school clothes? You never listen, you always do what you want and I’m sick of you and telling you this every time! You’re bad!”

Or something like that….

And you made a label for yourself. Except that label covered ONE thing at the time, but BECAUSE we believed it, we created other situations to prove to ourselves its truth. “See, they are right; I’m bad, ugly, boring, mean, etc…no one is ever gonna like me.”

The event could’ve been big or small. Maybe you were teased all the time? Or you were the bully? Or you were the quiet one? The smart one? Etc…this is how we go through life.

And we can always change it, and what do we have to lose by changing our definition of our LIMITED selves?

We LOSE a comfort zone, a place to wallow, hide, be angry, sad, bitter, alone and stay stuck in growing misery. A misery, that if we don’t challenge our views on our self, love and life, will just suck the life out of us as we get older.

You gave meaning to events that may have been more neutral than you originally thought, right? You personalized them, because it may have been an authority in your life who gave you the label. And maybe they were mistaken?

I’m sure there is a fairly decent amount of evidence showing you the opposite has been true all along.

And when you see truth, you start unloading more luggage. You can’t avoid pain, but when you feel it, allow it, so you receive equal parts of joy.

Life is never perfect, there is always something(s) we want to change. Recognize it, but don’t let it mean something bad about you, because it’ll stop you from taking new action.

Taking new action for happiness can be like swimming through cement. If it feels like cement (a wall), then it needs to go. And the only way it goes, is if you go through it…doing what you have never done or doing what you did a long time ago when it failed and now you know it was a ONE time event, which can have a different outcome.

So, get the jackhammer out, start chipping away at those old experiences that shaped your view.

Then strap on a parachute (much lighter than a backpack) and take a leap of faith into the unknown with different action. Jump off the cliff, give life a chance to show you it’s already different, it was just waiting for you to put on different glasses.

Here is a link to Part One.

Choices we make

Our choices. Our responsibility.

There is not a fairy Godmother who will rescue you when you have agreed to a decision that is an inconvenience or is a major cost to you in mental, financial or emotional stress. To be honest, we have nowhere to look but in the mirror.

It’s not a time to kick yourself or look to anything outside of you as to why you make a decision; it is an opportunity to learn more about your seed of intention.

Developing awareness of why we make the decisions we do, the purpose and the goal is a great way to understand our own motivation, thus make better decisions.

Whenever other people are informed and included in our goal it opens us up to trust. Trust them, trust ourselves to have made a good decision and trust that providence will help us along to our goal.

In trusting another, it also means we are looking for specific action or words to judge whether this person has come through in alignment with our perception of our goal.

We don’t always tell people they are included in our decision making, sometimes we assume they will come along for the ride. We unwittingly believe people have ESP, when they are unknowingly included in our plan. We develop an expectation of how they are to act or speak on our behalf, so they fit into the idea of what we “want”. And they don’t even know it!!

The thing is if we are aware of our own motivation, we may see that we “knew” there was a good chance we would be disappointed by another person. So, why would we make a choice based on another person coming through without their buy-in with the knowledge, we will be disappointed?

There are many answers to that question. It could be feeling like we don’t deserve what we really want or feel; that people always reject our wants or needs and therefore we set up the circumstances once again to show we don’t matter. That we are invisible to others.

Many times we make a decision to help someone, we believe on some level they will return the good deed.  And when the chips are down and this individual is nowhere to be found, we start the blame game if we are unaware of our initial motivation.

Perhaps, we subscribe to the belief that if we do something for someone, they must return the favor. I know many people who were raised with this philosophy, that says “I owe you one.”

We may expect someone to show up in a way that is out of character. To do something we have never witnessed this individual normally doing in their everyday life. Hoping a miracle will take place and this person will just go along with the program we have intended for them.

Why would we set ourselves up for such disappointment?

Do we feel we deserve it? Maybe not consciously, but I can guarantee you somewhere behind a wall, a past event or some other point where we got the impression that we weren’t worth coming through for, we have carried it forth into our present decision making options.

How many times have you been at odds with someone who you expected to return a favor or be in your corner when they had no idea you had that expectation?

I like to call these silent disappointments. Words that are true in our heart, yet left unspoken always lead to confusion, anger and a sense of loss. We may be afraid to tell someone we have made a decision and that we need their help, agreement or understanding, because it makes us feel vulnerable. And at some past point, often as a child when we were disappointed and made to feel vulnerable, we developed a strategy for coping at that time.

Running around with strategies of a child are what keep us stuck in certain patterns and beliefs we have about ourselves and the world. If you can get to where your sense of unworthiness, being bad, wrong or invisible originated, you can see the thought process you had in making sure that it never happened again.

I have a client who realized how he didn’t speak up about what he wanted regularly and would be upset when others in his life were either unaware of his decisions he included them in or they argued his decision and the involvement he was asking for from an individual.

He felt he would say nothing rather than the truth, because the truth of what he wanted would get him into trouble. And yet, by holding back about his choices and trying to either go with what someone else wanted or make no decision, he found himself angry and depressed.

As I was asking him if he could remember the first time he felt his needs being invisible and/or causing waves with others…he remembered when he was a kid visiting his Dad for the week-end. His Dad always did things to entertain him and his siblings. When my client spoke about what “fun” activity they were doing that week-end. His father uncharacteristically lashed out at him. The exchange made my client feel unimportant and unworthy, he felt wrong and he had not meant for his question to produce a negative outburst.

So… in that moment, he made a decision, he never wanted to encounter someone getting upset with him and abandoning him or making him feel unworthy, so he started to keep quiet. He said nothing to those close to him until he couldn’t take it anymore, whatever it was that he was not saying….and he suffered for it.

Once he had this realization, that he was carrying the strategy of an 8 year old; he could see a clear path of how he needed to take action and trust his decision-making abilities whether he has the buy in of others or not. He realized he had been sacrificing what he really wanted to do, and creating this persona of a person doing “what others expected of him”. He knew his decisions from this point forward needed to be spoken from a place of worth and knowing what he wanted in his life, whether others jump on board is no longer an issue. He is doing what is good for him and his anger and depression have lessened immensely.

Where do you find you make most of your choices from and why? I would love to hear from you.

Desire. Denial. Acceptance. Live Large

There are locations we physically live in and ones we emotionally inhabit.

“Denying myself” is an island I’ve inhabited. I packed up the boxes and gave them away. I am free to move from denial to following desire. I’m sailing away from being an island. It is not an easy voyage; in fact it is anything, but smooth waters.

I am committed to being deeply honest with what I want, desire and know to be true in the deepest caverns of my heart and soul.

I don’t look for a new island to plant my roots. As a human being; we are physiologically wired to be connected to one another. So, I am looking for a piece of land with the ability to connect and LIVE LARGE.

“Desire or want” does not mean we should deny ourselves, but we do out of fear. Fear of change, or maybe we’ll be overwhelmed or we’ll fail or we believe what we want is impossible, makes us needy or vulnerable.

Desire may also be old and reach back to childhood, to what we never received. And we still want…the BIG empty “filled”.  And because it feels so huge, we deny ourselves. We find substitutes for what we really want and live a life of never doing the filling ourselves, but finding distractions instead…unless we are aware.

Acceptance of our desires is a great place to begin. What are your deepest yearnings? What will happen if you allow them to come up to the surface?

Can you love your wants as much as you feel bad for having them and work hard on denying them? Can you accept them?

Love is all there is…

And its not that we deny fear or get rid of fear. We go through our fear.

In sailing toward fulfillment of my desires, I hit many waves along the way. I am a people pleaser by conditioning or as I used to think it was in my nature (and if you ask an astrologer—they will tell you my sun sign is notorious for being HUGE people pleasers). The biggest waves for me are the tidal wave of disappointing others followed by standing up for myself when there is so much to lose.

No one likes to sacrifice or lose people out of their life. Yet, when you find yourself compromising and turning into a pretzel against your own desires, there comes a day when you can no longer bend. When we deny our desires, we suffer. We end up with a BIGGER sense of empty. If we withhold ourselves from living large in any capacity, we feed the BIG empty inside of us.

When we mistakenly believe we receive fulfillment by giving up our own dreams for the happiness of someone else or holding back our dreams, because someone asks us to, is actually a form of denial.

When I try to tow the rope and suck down my feelings or hold my self back in any regard, it is living on Denying Myself Island, once again.

I become alienated from my authentic desires, my deepest longings for love, belonging and success.

Many of us feel compelled to be of service, be needed, be special.  We believe fulfillment comes this way. It does not. We can be of service or be special if it is a natural occurrence from living from our deepest desires. Living LARGE is accepting and going through the fear, being honest with yourself and standing for yourself toward your dreams and goals.

When fear or feelings come up from neediness “the want” we deny; try this technique toward acceptance, peace and getting denial out of the way. I use this with my clients and myself all the time.

Let’s say you are feeling the need to consume a drink, take drugs, exercise to an extreme, eat a pan of brownies, run from a situation emotionally or some other feeling of urgency. Close your eyes and sense the worst part of what you are experiencing, the urgent or anxious feeling, sense what most wants attention.

What is the feeling you sense? What do you want to do or escape?

Answer in the now.

Then bring presence to the feeling as to how this is felt in your body.

Remain open to any emotion, image or word that may appear. When the emotion is too painful or consuming to be with, silently say to yourself: “this too shall pass”…and with gentle attention focus on the sensations in your body.

Name your experience. What story are the sensations telling you…allow it, sit with it, don’t run or decide now is a good time to sweep the floor.

Feel your cravings without pushing them away or acting on it. Instead of fighting or hating the experience of losing yourself to a tornado of mental activity-say yes to the feelings of urgency, tension and fear.

Pay attention to the physical sensations.

If you sit with it 5 minutes or so, you will notice moments of calm take over.

The main thing you will realize through this sort of exercise is that you are not making your inner world happen.  Desires, thoughts and feelings are an endless changing parade floating through us ALL the time. We don’t control what goes on inside of us despite our best efforts.

Sometimes the feeling to distract or medicate won’t pass, so the temptation is to judge yourself…

Instead say something, which gives realization and recognition to your inner world; the parade of thoughts and feelings as something you did NOT cause. And if you do medicate or distract forgive yourself—accept it!

Many streams of conditioning give rise to the needy, wanting self and the particular forms our craving takes.   We become afraid of losing control of the neediness, being overwhelmed by the “wanting” self.  And therefore, we completely seal off from our desires and live in denial.

This technique helps us move toward acceptance within and realize we can fill our neediness and open to living our life LARGE …that our desires are okay. We just gotta take life by the horns and go for it!

Acknowledge that you went through conditioning in your life; don’t call it blaming or being victimized. It is where you derived a sense of self; it was from these perceptions. You derived your own limitations based on fear not who you truly are in your heart and soul. The denial of YOU is based on conditioning not reality.

This technique mentioned above helps us to bring in a clear and comprehensive awareness to our situation. We begin to accept our wanting self with compassion. It frees us to move forth, break old patterns.

When we start accepting our wants and fears by feeling them directly in the body, allowing pain to pass through rather than thinking something is wrong with us, we start to feel alive—desires that come from our heart are no longer clouded by our conditioning.

And when we do think something is wrong with us through this process…then allow the grief to be felt.

Enjoy the process of living into your desires, feel alive, let it pulsate through you. Denial does not pulsate it is an island in which we hold ourselves prisoners. When you open up and accept all there is inside of you and decide to live LARGE anyway…that is when the real fun begins… even when you are confronted with standing up for yourself or disappointing others. The payoff to being who you are and doing what you want from your heart is what “real living” is all about. Join me.

A Good Day!

I decided early in the morning yesterday, I would declare it a “Good Day”!

How many ways can a day show up as “good”? I guess it depends on how many ways I allow it.

Yesterday, the only expectation was good.

I was not attached to a specific outcome to have my 16 hours awarded as “good”.

Good is subjective; being open to it and aware of even the smallest goodness… makes a difference.

The day started with me on the elliptical at the crack of dawn. At first it was filled with bodies; “no personal space” (I like when I’m on the end machine and no one comes to the one next to me) and about 10 minutes later freedom!

And then I spoke too soon.

In the empty gym, someone decided that they would choose the one right next to me. And my ongoing saga of personal space in a gym continues…. as I find the humor in myself.

Later in the morning, I met a woman who trained as a coach, and has worked with several coaches in the past. She wants to be a resource for sending me referrals.

There was definitely synchronicity involved in our inspired meeting.

The day was good as it went on, nothing out of the ordinary like a pot of gold on my doorstep, but the surprises were welcome.

When I came to the office at Que Linda there was lovely energy and lunch waiting for me…unexpected and good.

As the day went on, an old client came in to find a book for the next leg of his journey. He seemed like a completely different person in perspective and the lightness in how he carried himself.

I love seeing people grow and become more content as they discover who they are and own it.

In the later afternoon, I provided a reading for a young woman who is about to go to India for 6 months. It was spur of the moment and as usual provides me with a perspective and connection.  And I was able to provide her with insight, and peace to the anxiety she had about taking the leap into the unknown.

My clairvoyant readings have become quite astounding in terms of what information I receive and offer to a client. Always emotional, tears and laughter, but people feel at peace and fulfilled. My ability to pick up energy of those who have passed on has also grown, although that was never an intention for me.

On another note, having to do with my “good” day; I have been inspired recently to paint.

I have always expressed myself creatively in the past. I had my own company years ago, which provided marketing and graphic design. Painting and sculpture on the other hand, were more of a private passion rather than something I share with others.

Over the week-end, I had shown a client a picture of one of my paintings.

She is an artist who has sold some of her own beautiful watercolor artwork in a variety of formats. (And through the work we are doing together is now inspired to do it again towards a “leap of faith” in where she wants to go with her life.)

She loved my art! Wow! I was blown away, it was like the Red Sea parted and a miracle took place!

In a sense it had, but it happened when I decided to take my parachute off weeks ago; when I decided to go full board into investing in just me and my endeavors for my business.

Not only that everyone I showed the picture of my painting to had the same response, but another person I know believes she has a buyer for this painting! Yes!!! 

I have allowed creativity 24/7. When I chose me; I chose fulfillment, success and happiness!

My creativity is fluid and a constant flow I am no longer choosing to stifle it in any part of my life.

My clients also benefit as they see my life opening in such fantastic ways.

Truly I am blessed as I write my book, blog, bring new clients into my coaching practice, learn web design, paint, contribute my marketing skills to the location I have my office and open to all sorts of possibilities personally.

My segue away from the events of yesterday was to illustrate how I ended my day yesterday.

I spent the evening, painting; when I look at my paintings, I have a different perspective. I see the value and the beauty. Just like when I look inside of myself.

I hope you had a good day too.

I would love to hear about your days.  Please write.  Have a “good” day!

Morning Ramblings before Coffee

As I do my thing on the elliptical at the gym EARLY one morning, images of Libya’s fallen leader splay across the different news channels.

I don’t really have a pulse either way about his death or its meaning.

I really don’t watch the news; the skewed perception created from fear serves no purpose in my life. I guess, I remain uninformed and that is okay with me.

As these images play on the screen, I am reminded of how basic human nature can be with “I’m right, my side is right, your side is wrong!”  arguments. For a dictator fallen, another will rise to take his place.

People don’t change, because we want them to, they change because they understand who they are and their old way of doing things is no longer suitable. It most certainly is not the work of anyone else to oppress them….they do a mighty fine job of punishing themselves. Change begins with exchanging old beliefs for new ones. Yet, its not as easy as walking into the shoe store and exchanging last season’s boots for the new trendy pair this season.

We cannot eradicate human nature. People have been trying for centuries through war and other aggressive means and yet, the same problems exist with being “human” that did 1000 years ago (yes we can state people no longer keel over from the same plagues). When there is something we don’t like, we make the other party wrong.

It takes a lot of self-awareness to realize the judgment; it happens everyday in traffic…“That idiot, where did he learn to drive? Doesn’t he know how to use a blinker?” Right and wrong is a man-made idea. The Universe chooses no side, all is one and all has its place. When humans choose a side its about the ego winning….its about what you “think” based on beliefs you grew up with and reinforced through setting up experiences as an adult, that you know something to be labeled as good or bad.

Its not true; its an illusion, there is no good and bad as a universal truth; we each have our own truth.

If you look at the Universe as timeless, as in, it was here before you arrived and will be here after you are no longer a blade of grass on this planet, it would seem all we have built is an illusion. We didn’t build the mountains, deserts and oceans, so those would appear to be real. Its our daily constructs that don’t remain, everything changes. Even our idea of right and wrong changes in some cases. As humans we have been known to change our minds. Yet, even when we change our mind, most of the time someone or something still has to be wrong.

Again, it doesn’t make it true.

Not only are there differing opinions, but if mankind ceased to exist, the world would keep going in its natural state. Mountains, deserts and oceans would still be here. Vegetation and animals would still continue to live, breathe and go forth.The Universe would continue going along as it always does, no sense of right or wrong.

We bring construct to the world, we need a structure, a belief system even if it is not our own.

Someone again must be right and someone wrong.

I condemn no one for what they believe, it is just an observation in terms of where many buy into others’ idea of “right or wrong; good or bad”.

Some people believe in words and beliefs of those who came before us. There are also modern day gurus/politicians/dictators/ leaders/neighbors/family/friends, etc… who guide people with what appears to be the “right” answer to their lives, as to what reality is…its a choice to believe them of course. And this gives meaning to our lives, and we get to tell ourselves we’re okay. What about that other guy who doesn’t share our belief, well once again he’s wrong. Doesn’t matter if we’re talking religious differences, government, road rage or debates across the boardroom….between couples, parents to kids, etc…

The right and wrong debate can keep on going, and going, and going…. but what it really comes down to is what is true for you? Who are you and even if the rest of the world disagrees can you stand for the truth of who you are and not the illusion someone told you should be your life?

Or maybe I just need a cup of coffee?

Its been a day in testing beliefs…

Here’s the thing.

Setting intentions.

The easy part is stating them and feeling like “yes” this will be my future!!

The hard part is trying to maintain the belief for myself until those little suckers manifest! It is an altogether other-wordly request.

And don’t forget to let go of any attachment to a specific outcome in how it must look, be or sound. What a challenge!! Letting go while staying open can make for an uneasy alliance with myself.

Today proposed an interesting challenge! Let’s just say a lot has changed in the over 6 weeks it has been since I brazenly threw my desires out to the Universe.

It was a list of six items which I asked for at the beginning of September; I’ll spare much of the detail as to the events which have transpired recently, but instead I’d like to share my reaction. Out of the six items, a couple of the intentions were aimed at my professional existence. Here is the url, if you would like a recap: Believing.

In looking to grow and create a prosperous existence; today was roadblock “central”.

I have been handed a few items recently which are pushing me to make decisions that I did not want to and are somewhat beyond my control.

A day like today started the stirrings of a very old battle. It was the worthy vs. unworthy parade of ghosts from failures of the past.

In essence, the “me” right now, at this moment, vs. the “me” victimized by all that has ever transpired, probably from birth. And let me tell you, most of today has been an almost even playing field.

In the past, I have lost everything. And I mean everything in the basic needs category (except my car); as in sleeping on someone else’s couch sort of loss.

There were several things which transpired over a window of time in my life that contributed to this loss. Depending on the day you ask me, I could say it was 100% my fault or on the other hand you may find me saying some of it was just bad timing. Today, apparently, I am in that same place of asking myself the same question….take on all the responsibility for all circumstances or is some of it, just not the right timing?

How much of our lives do we create in our hearts and mind? How much is based on the expectations others have of us? And how much of our lives is at times purely built on the extenuating events of that day?

Perception can definitely influence my mood, my activity level and motivation. If I believe the world is against me no matter what I do, I then have no energy to do something positive…I mean “why bother” its just gonna be another smackdown, right? The old voices of past failures come to serenade me on how I ended up in the same exact place I have been countless times in my life, telling me this time is going to be no different. It’s just another version of the same pattern of the same sad dress, I wore for years when those old songs start humming in my head.

On the other hand, when I tell myself those intentions are going to manifest, even though today looks like “opposite day” in my pursuit of successful, glorious, sunshine-y dreams coming true…a little, teeny, tiny miracle starts to manifest.

What is that miracle?

The miracle for me is to refrain, even if it is for a moment, an hour or the rest of the day from beating myself up.

I am then able to touch the place inside of me that believes the present doesn’t have to reflect the past and the future is not at the hands of some dastardly Universe working against me….I instead have found many opportunities today to be at peace with all that is, and not be angry or feel some injustice has befallen me once again. Even though, I have spent portions of the day feeling like a complete failure, I have had many more moments in which that little light inside me starts to glow larger and burn brighter. 

And, it gives me a resolve.

I feel it growing almost as though I am possessed in certain moments by a motivation that is far beyond me. I see the courage and the desire to believe that, yes little reindeer, you too can fly as part of Santa’s sleigh. And so, in this moment, this second….I believe all my dreams will come true; they may just look, be or sound different than I originally thought, so I let go and remain open to what may come my way.

Destination Place

Another excerpt from Victoria on her year in BELIEVING:

This is to follow up from the last post about the long shift at the LA Fair for the hair care product.

After ringing product every 5 minutes for 5 hours straight,and realizing that the word or idea I had not pin-pointed with any articulation for my own business was a Destination Place. The people coming to the booth at the fair, showed up specifically for the product. As they approached the booth, they would yell out the product name, and arrive at the booth as though they had finally found the holy grail.

The reputation, brand recognition, education and information brought a sense of urgency to individuals to find the destination and complete the process, which was to obtain (pay) the product.

This is one of the next steps for my business growth and success.

1) We have great “offerings” and services for people.

2) An environment that is Warm and Inviting.

Thanks to this work experience at the fair:

3) We have endeavored to gain more in depth knowledge about the ceremonies, traditions, and the experience of each product and service. We then follow up with our client to educate, inform and understand in a way that works or resonates for them. The intention is to have it be a part of their daily life.

4) And lastly, to have our Soul Workers and Practitioners who LIVE and BREATHE not only their modality, but this WAY of LIFE! Our Business, Our LOCATION offers…to EXUDE their LOVE, their ENTHUSIASM for our Sacred Space.

This last shift brought me the full understanding that we need to become a “destination place” for Seekers, for those who wish to do the work, and walk their path.

Today I worked all day in my beautiful space. New product arrived and set a tone of expansive opportunities for new directions and new paths for our clients to examine.

One client-Anne brought in cookies she had made for us. Her love of our offerings, along with her natural talent to create soul stirring foods brought her to bake with products purchased in our Sacred Space~Que Linda Boutique. She created her love offering of Victorian Lavender Cookies. Lavender was crushed and mixed into the batter. Rose water added to the icing. She brought us Victorian Lavender Cookies with a Rose Water Icing…an offering back to us. We couldn’t keep enough cookies on the plate. People of all tastes, ages and gender not only took a cookie, but LOVED the cookies.

As we relished in this wonderful gesture of LOVE to honor us, one of the last clients of the day came in the door.

Upon stepping into the boutique, Jennifer announced to everyone “I come to La Crescenta for this boutique…it’s My Destination Point!”

Thank you Universe within 24 hours of my full understanding, my request, my want…there was my 1st customer to claim “destination point (place)” and so It Is! I know it’s just the 1st customer looking for her destination. I know the Universe will assist in bringing others whether they acknowledge or not this is a destination place for their Soul…

Universe let’s dance and show others the steps to this dance…we have arrived! This is our destination!

That Mystical Magical Universe and Me…

Instead of sharing more about my Mammoth trip, I decided it would be much more interesting at least to me, if I shared events that happened-today-on my journey of believing! So much synchronicity, that when I really paid attention to the details, it seemed to expand by the end of the day!

Patience has NEVER been my virtue; although as I’ve grown older I’m no longer a AAA personality. I am more in the A- range; by and large it suits me just fine. This morning, I didn’t wake in the best of moods. Due to extenuating circumstances that I won’t elaborate on, because I’d like to focus solely on “this” day. I said to the Universe, “I have no idea what this day will bring, but bring it on and give me a sign that my life desires are moving forth”. I sensed a warm feeling envelope me; I felt calm and peaceful.

My gym visit was fine. The irritation started with my carpool leaving without me today. My “carpool-ee” thought I wasn’t going into my marketing office this bright and sunny morning.

As I’m not the Queen of Patience, I was not happy, as I could have been on my way about 30 minutes earlier had I known. I decided to drive the streets; about halfway there, I felt I had been driving in circles with what seemed to be a fair amount of cars. I was becoming annoyed wondering why I just didn’t take the freeway. Although, in the end, what was really strange are two things; first taking the streets will normally make my commute, a half hour; today is took me 21 minutes. And secondly, had I not seen the time on the clock, I would have thought it took me almost double the time.

Once I was at my office, there was a ton on my to-do list. One item is hiring another outside contractor for some marketing initiatives. It was odd, because months ago it was difficult to have found this one contractor and when we did, I was confident we had struck gold! But, he  just stopped returning our calls and I received no response to any of my correspondence for weeks.

I just let it go; I figured I’d tackle this tomorrow when I have more time. I had contacted other marketing contractors over the past few weeks; imagine my surprise today, when one responded whom I had emailed Friday…someone I used to work with and completely trust!! I felt a tinge better.

Before I continue, I just want to be clear...I am human, so please know I will never evolve into perfect.…and I try to help others embrace “all” of their qualities too (perfection is overrated).

I had to leave midday to see one of my coaching clients. I give myself 30 minutes to arrive, so I can stop at the grocery store and eat sushi in the car as I drive to my coaching office. This usually gives me about 3 minutes to spare. I jump on the freeway only to come to a “complete” halt about a mile later! That was all I needed…thankfully, no one could hear me in the car looking up and letting loose! I was a little frustrated; I wanted to eat, and get to my client on time….and both of those goals were looking more impossible by the minute.

As I was at a full stop, NOT moving at all-I tried to send a quick message to my client letting her know I would be about 5-10 minutes late.

I won’t go into my continued diatribe with the Universe, but suffice it to say…I wasn’t very nice. Finally, in what appeared to be a fender bender, it was pulled off to the shoulder….now to pick up speed. Nope! Another cluster of cars slowed traffic to a crawl. I couldn’t understand it, but then I just let go…I figured at that point, get mad or just go with it…

And I did, until I got to the store, for some reason “time” again seemed to be off; it was only 12:49 and I needed to meet my client at 1: 00. I flew inside, grabbed lunch and high-tailed it back to my car. Getting out of the parking lot was another test of my “non-existent” patience; followed by every red light down the main street. I asked the Universe, is there something I am missing? I know I want to internally keep the pace slower, but not like this!!!

I pulled into the office parking lot, looked at the clock, it was 12:59!! How?? How had this been done?

And furthermore, my client hadn’t seen the message I sent her, she pulled up when I did, she had no idea I was about to be late!

I realized “Wow, the Universe taught me something that caused a light bulb to flicker BRIGHTLY”!

Nothing new in terms of what I usually believe, but in this instance it was far-reaching, as most light bulb moments are…I realized, the Universe was in control.Really in control!

I was clear with my intention about eating and arriving by 1 p.m. And I did. But, like everything else in life, we think it has to look a certain way, it has to be OUR way, when we receive a gift. Instead,  the Universe showed I created intentions and participated, but it will take care of how I get there. I cannot be attached to the “how” or what the outcome looks like, but I must play along, go the distance.

I could’ve saved myself so much irritation!

And so the day continued with more synchronicity. After my coaching client; I’m back onto marketing.

I was trying to email a PPT deck to a major corporation to hopefully work with us on co-marketing opportunities. The email I sent with the deck bounced; I checked the email it was correct–sent it again, bounced!! I was not thrilled! And I sent the PPT to my boss, who immediately emailed me back letting me know he was having trouble with one of the slides, even though the one I had was fine. How odd?

Again, through another act of frustration was a gift…if there is something faulty in that deck, it saved us from looking less professional.  Even though it was an inconvenience, it probably helped us…again, we just have to trust all will be well and we’ll get what we need/want.

I went on a walk after work. Thinking about how the Universe worked and would my BIG intentions (the ones from a month ago) be delivered? As I walked, I asked for a positive sign, in my mind’s eye, I saw a penny showing up, I quickly found a quarter on my path.

As I continued to walk, I was thinking about dinner and how I didn’t want to go to the store, right then my daughter called. She was getting dinner  for herself and did I want something?

Still walking and thinking about my coaching office floor.  I’m cleaning out my office this week-end to re-do the floor. I want a carpet (bamboo)remnant. My passing thought was: wouldn’t it be great if the carpet remnant came to me? And about 50 steps later,  a man was standing in the doorway of his carpet store (it was after hours). That was a first! He said to call him tomorrow and he’d tell me what he has in his storeroom. I was soooooo happy, I walked a little farther and then I found my penny.

What a great walk!!! Thank you GOD, my MYSTICAL, MAGICAL Universe. I understand everything I truly want; I will receive. It may look different or seem impossible, just like my arriving on time anywhere today, but I will get there…

And one last note, I went to the drug store this evening to pick up a few things. The checker asked if I had any of their reward coupons with me, I said “no”. She took my card and ran over to the scanner and came back with a certificate saving me $2.00 (to add to the 16.00 I was already saving), woohoo! I am on a roll!

An interesting side note: I was going to do something this evening, that didn’t work out—something from the “past”  not with another person, but another part of me. A part who only knew scarcity; it’s very clear that is REALLY in the past.

I know that its trust and faith….and yes Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus (Universe, God, whatever your higher power is for you).