Don’t tell me how I should think, feel or be….Sh*t happens.

How often do YOU find either people in your life, society or even YOU are telling YOU what YOU should FEEL, THINK, ACT or BE regarding your life? Fairly often.

How do you get clear?

How do you find what “YOU” truly believe is true for you? Especially when you want to please the rest of the world and some odd hidden expectation that YOU have of YOURSELF in how YOU should fit into that picture.

What happens when you shut all the voices off in your head and listen to your heart and what is true for you?

A huge “MOTHER F—N” change is what will occur. GUARANTEED.

The difference between fear talking to you about how YOU should think or feel and your own soul… is like the difference between being locked in your closet and skydiving, with a lot of room in between.

When you cut FEAR off at the knees and decide to stand up for your heart; YOU may be scared shitless.

What if YOU are rejected for not towing the rope, making others comfortable by conforming to their wishes, end up without a job, friend, lover, money, et al? That is what holds us back. 

We fear losing the inauthentic that we hold onto for dear life. We fear losing the inauthentic pieces and parts. AND YET, WE CRAVE THE AUTHENTIC. We cry out for it!!!

We fear losing.

We fear.

We fear we are nothing without all these things telling us we are something. 

We fear if we stand, we stand alone.

It is actually the opposite.

We MISS what we never get!

Do you find yourself feeling that sense of absence, lack or missing? YES, that one…maybe its a sense of empty for you.

It is what happens when we live in our heads.

When we live in fear and think OTHERS’ thoughts, BELIEVE what we FEEL in our heart is WRONG or believe who we are just sucks and if only we could BE better, THINK the right thoughts, feel the right things and DO the right things that shitty shit feeling would go away.

But it doesn’t. Not in that way. And definitely NOT from doing the RIGHT thing.

It comes from NOT giving fear the reins.

It comes from KNOWING what is true for you, so that you think those authentic heart-lovin’ thoughts. It comes from embracing your feelings, whatever they may be and it comes from being cruddy, beautiful youall of you.

When we let others influence how we FEEL about OURSELVES, we are going to REMAIN unhappy.

Other people fluctuate what they want and need too, just like you. There is no pleasing no one by twisting yourself into a pretzel.

Yet, there is pleasing others….most definitely. It comes from pleasing yourself.

And the realization that when you ACT or THINK from FEAR you affect others. You affect how they feel about YOU or YOUR situation (not how they feel about themselves), they make decisions based on reciprocity, authenticity, genuine truth, investment of energy in and out, and may choose to walk away when all your energy goes into instability, insecurity, pain, inauthenticity and fear. There is no real connection. You are not giving any part of you and what you most want in your life may leave….which is the last thing you actually want.

Let love in. Let love do its thing. Love will hold hands with fear. It will make it okay for fear to exist, but it will not allow fear to control. And when you act from love, the net affect on others is reciprocity, bonding, more love, happiness, because no one is focusing on the fear. 

Love is acceptance for all that is inside of you.

So, you had SHITTY EXPERIENCES and you “THINK” it came from stupid mistakes, trusting others and yourself, making the wrong decisions, not thinking through a decision, giving your power away, falling in love, falling out of love, listening to bad advice and so on.

Guess what?

Your shitty experiences are not based on all those statements. NOPE.

Did you ever hear the term, “Shit happens!”

No matter how well you choose a decision, a lover, a friend, a job, a home, a school, an activity, etc… you are at risk!!

You are at risk for life HAPPENING!

That is a given and a definite circumstance.

Life will happen and all sorts of stuff, challenges, miracles, things popping out of left field, things you anticipated and didn’t anticipate will happen. WHY? Because shit happens.

So, what does any of this have to do with getting the hell out of your head and living from your heart ? A LOT!!!

First off, as you can see from the evidence here, no matter what you do or don’t do, shit will happen.

YOU can analyze, strategize, ask a million other people what you should think, feel or choose as your decision ONLY to find, shit happens. 

We cannot prepare, all we can do is BE. Be YOU! Think what makes you feel good. FEEL all those passionate feelings about life and everything in it–why not? And put it all together and stand your ground for your heart.

Fuck your head.

Or at least hold hands with it–hold hands with “IF”. “IF” is fear. If this happens, if that happens, if there is an earthquake, if I make a mistake, if he/she leaves me, if I choose the wrong lunch, if I say the wrong thing, if I am ME and no one likes ME, if if, if, if…..“IF” shit happens? Then you deal with it and know….this too shall pass. 

Nothing will break us, but our own self.

We stand guard over the castle, not allowing ourselves to trust that we can make it on this journey across our own moat.

We can.

We can trust that we will still be in one piece, and that life will do whatever it does and we will survive. 

Love all your experiences. Let FEAR do what it wants. Don’t control it, just ask ….what would love do?

When we make decisions from our heart and they fall apart, it doesn’t hurt as much.

The reason is when you choose from your heart–it is authentic, true, honest you. It FEELS real, because it is real. You don’t have the inclination to beat yourself up as you do when you choose from fear.

When you choose from your head aka fear, you kick yourself a million times when something doesn’t go as planned or falls apart.

You sit and think of all the strategies and self-protection you didn’t employ. You think next time, I’ll be smarter. You carry it like a war wound. You expect to be hurt and not recover. Your world is small.

And unfortunately, when you choose form your head and fear, more shit happens. You lose the authentic; what is real; love; special moments; celebration; unity; harmony and happiness.

When the choice is from the heart, there is no berating of yourself, because you did the only thing you could do.

You chose what was true and if it didn’t turn out, maybe there is something better suited to you or maybe it was just an experience that you can look at from a wider perspective of not just the bad, but the good too.

Celebrate, love, be together, go after your dreams, please yourself…think from your heart, feel those exciting passionate feelings and BE the only YOU can be…..

And watch the MOTHER F–N” change happen!!!

Musings on LIVING vibrantly

We all climb the mountain to the day we are no longer here.

No matter how much time you have is it ever enough?

Will it be the correct amount of time to touch the stars or will you fade away as a shadow in the sunlight? What is it that makes us waste our time as though we have an unlimited abundance of it to consume? Why is it most days, there is a feeling many of us have that makes us “just get through a day, a week or a lifetime” and not look for our own joy in its passing hours?

Why must we fight and struggle so much for what we REALLY don’t want? And alternately, build an artillery unit of “reasons” to battle against and tussle with ourselves in going after what we do want?

Where do you find the moments in-between, which are poetic, synchronistic and creative?

Our days are meant to be fully lived; vibrantly!

Living each day with meaning, to be expressed in a fully engaged manner, as though it was your last.

I write this as I give thought to the post I’ve put aside a few times. The one about what is in the heart of my fellow humans. It has been a struggle for me to elaborate, because the idea of “love” or what “lives” in your heart has not one solitary answer. And I want to give what I write about the experience of asking a question and its powerful response, the spotlight it deserves.

And as I write about the “heart” I’m more and more convinced I know when I’m shortchanging my own experience. I notice it when I withhold my love or words or don’t take action in “that” moment. It is clear because I physically feel the heaviness of holding back.

Each day I wake with the goal of living my life to the fullest. Sometimes that intention gets a little murky as I find myself displeased about something or overwhelmed. In those moments, I stop and ask what my goal is and as hard as it is, I take action toward that objective.

I’ve also found in the past 2 weeks the Universe really does listen in the most amazing ways. And that so much opportunity exists, all one has to do is pay attention as you take “action”. Can’t just think about it, must act.

I have a team of people where a week ago I did not have, but one. Ask for help. It makes you feel the vibrancy or others and this great Universe! I ask for more and more as I create my life, not just in the “in-between moments”, but in the hard moments…when its easier to turn my back on passion or its easier to curl up in a ball…. those moments of jumping over my own hurdles have proven to me to be the ones I salivate for, as I realize the time I have here on this planet is to create…. And that makes me feel connected, as though I am eternal.

I’m okay, You are Okay, We’re all okay

You are okay, I am okay…we’re all okay. There, I said it again. No perfection needed. Mistakes, bad decisions and mental blocks welcome.

Why wait, join the legions of us folk on the path of “okay-ness”; I’m not suggesting mediocrity or settling for less…..just real down home being “okay”!

The expectation that we can achieve something that will make us FINALLY okay, is null and void.

We’re okay NOW, right this very minute you are okay. We all stumble, fall and feel defeated at times.

Some days getting out of bed feels like its an uphill climb and hey, maybe you sleep in the basement and uphill is what you face daily. So, I say, throw off the sad pajamas about not being uber-successful, or un-wrinkled pressed with extra steam, white picket fenced-in, safe from all that ails humans and rise up to Just, Being…OKAY. Accept your soap opera lovin’ self and dare yourself to be happy anyways! Love “what is” that is all of you…no matter where you sit, stand or dance today.

No perfect time. No perfect you. No waiting until something comes along to make you perfect.

Life doesn’t wait for us to figure out the perfect “anything”. It keeps on skipping down the road with or without you.

Being okay doesn’t mean staying stuck or throwing in the towel. In fact, it means the opposite. When you say I am okay as I am, you allow yourself to relax into who you are and ask yourself important questions. Like, “Who am I?”, “What makes my heart happy?” “When did I think Puce was a good color to decorate the bathroom?”; those questions lead to choices and making decisions. New choices equals new decisions equals new life.

Basing your life on happiness, rather than unrealized expectations that you weren’t crazy about to begin with is the first step, tossing off unrealistic expectations into the river may be the second step.

The only way you achieve whatever you “deem” successful in this life, is when you are fulfilled; in your heart and soul. That is a sign of success, not necessarily having your pockets full of cash (it’s not a bad thing, but it has little to do with the happiness equation). Being okay equals HAPPINESS.

And other people, who tell you that maybe once you improve everything about yourself, you’ll finally have the life you want, most of the time are basing it off what their idea of happiness is for you. And no one knows what makes each of us happy better than our OWN self.

It isn’t that advice is bad or good, it all depends on what you want for yourself. The deal is though, even if there are changes you want to make, to yourself or your life (And I am a HUGE proponent of personal growth), just be “okay” doing it–love yourself every step of the journey. Don’t compromise who you are to try and get to the finish line faster or to PLEASE anyone else on the planet. Please YOURSELF. Yes!

You may arrive at the golden gates believing you now have the trophy or the pot o’ gold, only to find its a plastic toy or an empty pot! And YET, that can be good!! It can be just in that moment you realize what would really make you happy. That you are now “okay” if you get to stop and make a different decision to achieve true happiness.

And with that empty pot, a little potting soil and some seeds, you can grow anything you want! And if you believe you are okay, that pot could be where you start to grow your dreams.

Moods of a Mirror

At times we get so caught up being busy with what is going on in life that we forget about ourselves. We lose connection with how we feel in the moment, and what we need. We forget to stop to take a breather and give to US. Many times we get caught up with what everyone else needs, as we leave ourselves simmering on the back burner.

Love is always there. It never disappears, it just seems there can be thick woolly layers in-between, where we can’t feel it peacefully existing inside for ourselves and others. A myriad of emotions can block the feeling of love. Distraction distances us, such as when I get caught up in what is going on; whether I am knee deep in work, walking my daughter around her new campus or paying bills; “I” am not in the picture frame.

In that moment, my focus is all outward. There is no focus inward.

Often, I feel some heavy feeling, something causing a nagging feeling of discomfort and it finally makes me realize that I am disconnected. So, I stop what I am doing for a second and ask myself “How am I feeling?” The more often I check in with myself, the more it brings me back to being in the moment and grounded in myself. Instead, of putting the feelings aside…I let them come up for a visit, so they move on and then I can continue my day in a much happier space.

I give my clients a 2 part exercise in awareness and getting in touch with themselves.

In the first part I ask them to stop and ask “how are you feeling” several times a day. Many have never connected to their emotions and don’t know what to expect; even though there has been initial reluctance from some of them, the results have been amazing!

Many people are afraid to feel their real feelings, because they think it will overtake them and ruin their mood, heck I’ve had clients tell me it could ruin their whole day! They believe their negative feelings will consume them and they will become incoherent, catatonic or hysterical. I ask,  What is the mood you are in when you don’t allow yourself to feel your feelings? A false sense of contentment? Or an on-going sadness or anxiety greeting you as you wake and yet, you are so used to it that it feels normal everyday?

The second part is to check in and develop an awareness of being in their body as they walk, drive, and go about their day. Most of us distract ourselves with things like the radio when we drive or thinking of our to-do list as we walk, sit and even try to fall asleep. If you start to pay attention to being in your body and what you are experiencing in the moment, you will immediately feel calmer and more connected.

Pushing down feelings, prolongs the agony and in the long run promotes all sorts of emotional and physical ailments. Stress, anxiety, depression are a few, not to mention the studies done regarding the links of your emotional state to cancer and other diseases.

We do things to distract ourselves from what we are really feeling in many ways from shopping, eating, drinking, sleeping, burying ourselves in work and the list continues… And/or we compartmentalize emotions and situations….and “say” nothing to anyone to avoid confrontation or opinions or CHANGE.

Mmmm….it is easier to be kind to oneself. Kindness consists of allowing. Allowing emotions, feelings, communication that is meant to be honest and informative from our most authentic self.

Kindness is in how we treat ourselves. Bestowing kindness on myself by taking care of me, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Kindness is what I like to fill up my glass with each day. When I am kind to others, I feel good. The mirror is always reflected back.

When I punish others, I punish myself. I know that if I am punishing someone, I may feel good for a minute or two…but then, the guilt starts and the second-guessing and the remorse….and then I feel worse than I did to start.

So, I ask…why make yourself feel bad? Instead hug yourself, look in mirror and smile! Take time out to sit and stare at the sky day or night; write a poem, eat dessert….if you are depriving yourself of pleasure…..bring it on, give yourself pleasure!!! Pleasure without guilt. Pleasure because you deserve it, because you exist. You are worth it!