The Power of Balance II

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I want to say that the “power of balance,” out of all the¬†titles in this series¬†may be the most difficult to maintain in life….but I think that may just be,¬†because it is the most difficult for me.¬†

When we are in balance, it feels like we’re in the flow, right?¬†Our energy is in a good place, we’re giving and receiving without depletion or overwhelm. We have time for what really matters and feel rested in our daily life.

On those days, in those moments, we probably say something like,¬†“Life is good.”¬†We feel a sense of all being complete in the world and then the next moment or perhaps, the next day we lose our balance again.

Life throws many curveballs and it’s so easy to slip off into the commotion or being caught up in deadlines, commitments, stress or the fear of, “what if,” that our ability to stay connected to ourselves and life is greatly diminished.

Maintaining balance, like all true power is an inside job.¬†Whatever is going on around us doesn’t have to control us. We can be actively engaged in creating our own world, at our own pace and setting the standards for what that looks like.

When we start to create boundaries WE respect for ourselves, first and foremost, we then set the tone for the rest of the world to respect them too. It becomes easier to create balance when we develop a list of standards that we invest in and abide by for our well-being.

I realized awhile back that it was okay to leave things undone for another day.

I used to live off my to-do lists.

Whatever was written on it, big or small, I chose to do it all, every day. I always felt depleted and until I woke up, and asked myself what validation was¬†I looking for, I kept this cycle of imbalance up….for years.

It can be scary to create daily balance, but once we get clear on what’s really important to us and how we want to maintain it, we actually make our lives¬†W-A-Y¬†easier.

My¬†standards¬†state¬†how I want to spend my free time,¬†who I want to surround myself with¬†and how much time I want to give to this part of my life, I have clarity.¬†I also know my chances of being depleted by people who I don’t enjoy being around is minimal, because now I am placing a value on my time.

Our time is our greatest value.

Balance takes awareness. We must be checked into how we feel when we are doing an activity to see if we’re overdoing it, under-doing it or just being in the flow.

When I get caught up in something I love, like writing or painting, hours can go by, perhaps it knocks something else off my plate that I was going to do, BUT if I’m in a state of joy with my activity then I am still in my flow.¬†Balance doesn’t always mean equal parts, it means to not be at extremes.

It’s important to have flexibility and know that circumstances outside of us shouldn’t influence us to the point where we over-do or hide away. To be ¬†in balance is to let life be as it is, accepting it and doing what we want anyway. We can change our lives by living in our standards, by being open to possibilities and being checked in with ourselves to make sure the state we are in reflects the balance we really want to feel at all times.

The road to true health and creative wealth is to have balance. We are in the flow and whatever goes out from us, will come back to us.

Part III will be on the Power of Abundance.

If you missed Part I, The Power Of Presence, please click here. 

If you’d like some tools on creating balance in your life:

Please click here: Tracy@Tracycrossley.com 

A List for Monday

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I thought I’d put a short list together of items to start this week off.

1. Stop Dreading Monday on Sunday Night.

If we’re dreading the start of our work week (for most of us), what is it exactly we’re spending our time doing that we don’t enjoy on Monday?

Is it the confines of a job, the structure? Is it the boredom, or the challenge? Is it that we have no passion and would prefer to invest our time elsewhere. Get clear on why hatin’ on Monday solves nothing and then take action to improve the tude’ about this day of the week.

2. Life Happens Every Moment

If there is no juice in our caboose, believing that Monday is a doldrum day, then choose a different perspective. Looking with fresh eyes at life around us, may afford us new opportunities and a connection to being in the present moment. This can happen anywhere, even in a job we don’t enjoy or if we’re currently unemployed….there is something good we can still find to get our motor running.

3. Plan a Delicious Dinner for Monday

Sunday night dinners may be where it’s at for most of us (or insert any other night besides Monday)…why not go out, or cook something really amazing for dinner…hey and while we’re at it, we could invite people to join us too. Make it a Monday night fiesta!

4. Just Break The Pattern

Get out of autopilot! We often have a certain feeling to accompany the day of the week, we may not be aware that this is ruling how we approach our days, but it does and the key is to stop and ask why? Are we protecting ourselves against some disappointment or that we are unhappy, so we blame it on the day? When we know how we feel and why….we can then make changes to our lives (yes-CHANGE our lives), this will take a bit of reflecting and also some self-awareness to actually check into how we feel to know what’s up! Do it now.

5. Bring the Funday into Monday

Are we running on empty after the weekend and blaming it on the blahs of Monday? WHY? Many of us may save up all of our fun and activities for the weekend, resulting in an imbalance with our energy and time.

What about having fun all week long?

Having fun at work or finding work that we love so there is fun….we may start off our week with¬†fear (anxiety), getting back into the discipline of a structure, what’s going to happen out of our control and it’s struggle.

We may also fear its possible loss. Working, even if we don’t enjoy it, pays for our fun and it can make us risk-adverse.

None of us are guaranteed our work will continue, we don’t know what will happen. So by doing what we love all week long, we have a balance and even if there’s loss or change, we still have the opportunity to choose fun, even if it’s for a moment.

Have a great week….every week! XOXO

 

The School Of Do As I Say Not As I Do

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How many of us grew up with parents who may not have actually said the words, “Do as I say, not as I do,” but their actions followed that line of logic?

As awake and aware as many of us are, we never know what will still “trip us up,” emotionally.

We may feel quite in touch with ourselves, happy, and feeling groovy, no matter what is going on around us….and at this point in my life, I can say this is me, where I live most of the time.

Until it’s not…

And I am plunged headfirst into not being able to see or figure out what “exactly” triggered me and struggling to gain clarity on how I actually feel IN THE PRESENT. (Past be gone!)

Sometimes it’s multiple triggers at once, which elicit¬†an emotional response I am none too thrilled with, but at the same time it also provides an opportunity for clarity and growth (yeah…yeah).

I had an incident recently with my mother.

Well first let me preface with, I have done a ton of clearing house¬†in the parental attic, so it’s not about victimization. It’s about modeling. (See Albert Bandura–social learning theory)

My mother created a situation in which her¬†words showed no¬†grasp of how she was affecting others, namely one of my kids with her decided course of action. I had a very heated conversation with her about it, because I was reverted back to some other dimension, um….my childhood.

The memory of she was always right, the rest of the world was wrong…and even when she was wrong, she was right.

This confounded me for years. I couldn’t figure out how that was, where she never did anything that could be criticized or where she’d feel it necessary to apologize. I¬†could hear her¬†potentially¬†saying, “I am going to rob a bank and it’s perfectly okay, but if you rob the bank you should go to jail!”(Okay, it’s a little much, but you get my point)

I grew up being blamed for things¬†I did and didn’t do, so I went through much of my life feeling like everything was my fault and running from the criticism of it…whether it belonged to me or not. Thankfully, through much commitment to changing the trajectory of my journey this is no longer the case.

I watched how this conversation with my mother, once again seemed to turn the corner into that territory….she was excusing her behavior and her choice (which adversely affected one of my kids…and her response was “I don’t believe she’ll be disappointed,” followed by her refocusing on what I was saying to her as I suggested some rather unkind meaning to her intended action rather than her decision)...and I was once again the asshole. (Woot Woot!)

It’s funny¬†at this point, but it took me a few weeks to unravel where I went emotionally and to really try to understand the dynamic.

Then it dawned on me…holy shit! It’s the pattern¬†that keeps on ticking! The “no responsibility for shitty behavior (other person) and when I’ve (Tracy) had enough of it, I am the asshole routine.”

Oh ho, ho, ho….

This was awesome.

 

Cuz this time, I didn’t feel shitty…I just wanted clarity about my feelings toward my mother.

I realized years of watching this Edsel (one of the worst cars ever made) being rebuilt in my life over and over, I knew I finally had clarity and detachment from this model. ¬†Just like¬†deciding to end the 5 year on-off relationship I was in or my marriage–somehow it was my fault that I wanted better treatment for me (even though it had been discussed countless times).

Modeled to me since birth…do as I say…not as I do…. I was responsible for everyone else’s feelings, but when it came to my own…shove them in a box or risk an adverse reaction.

I no longer worry¬†about what outcome happens from speaking my truth and if anyone out there worries…please contact me. I’ve become the¬†observer of a past dynamic, not swept up in it’s undercurrent.

I share this, because I know, no matter where anyone is on their path….something will come along to trip us up.

We’re human.

We want to feel like we all have it together.

It’s just sometimes we don’t…and it’s okay. We never know when we’re going to be triggered, but when it happens it is an opportunity to grow.

And if you need some help getting unstuck, learning to love yourself MORE, and like what I write. Then please join me in my new program, it’s less than the cost of a weekly latte! ūüôā

XOXO