At The End Of Your Manifesting Rope?

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Yep…been there, done that and every time I get to the end of the rope, I’ve tied a bigger knot and re-focused on what I wanted to create.

Not only did I keep moving forth, I dropped some nasty-ass obstacles along the way…only to find myself looking at the same list I had for about 10 years. Same items on the list, what could it mean? Was it true had I never really moved any closer to living the life I wanted?

Tell me….what was that all about? And how did I not just crumple up every list I had and say “screw it!”

I let a huge sigh and thought, how many more books will I read on manifesting abundance? How many more sages would I listen to and think I had found the magic key? Only to find it just wasn’t the case…..because all it would make me do is get excited and really, truly follow directions only to find it didn’t work or perhaps, it does work, it’s just not on my timetable?

Then I’d hear another success story and think “Hmmm…perhaps, I am missing something?” And then the treasure hunt would continue. I definitely was not the same person, as I started out as when I embarked on this journey. It had definitely changed me for the calmer, happier and freer, BUT when those BIG goals that I had my eye on FOR YEARS were still elusive….I decided something just had to be done!!!!!

BUT WHAT?

Go read, “Think and Grow Rich” or “The Science of Getting Rich” or any other book on manifesting, AGAIN? Geezus NO! 

Did it mean writing another list on what I should manifest in better language? In a different way, so that this time perhaps the Universe would hear me? NO.

Should I stop working with my beliefs that have held me back from the deeper connection to myself and my own happiness? NO.

Hmmm…perhaps it meant going in a direction without integrity or some other “quick get what I want scheme” through some sort of manipulation? NO.

No banging my head on a wall, no thinking anyone was more or less blessed than me, no more wondering what could be the fatal flaw I just couldn’t see (since I had been convinced it existed like an eyesore in the middle of my face where everyone else could see it), no more feeling compelled to let guilt hogtie me when I wasn’t doing enough or being enough or showing up enough or eating hamburgers enough…or whatever!

Did it mean to jut sit in front of the tube and say “fuck it?” NO.

Oh, oh, oh…did it mean I needed to lower my standards in both love and money or something, scrape by and go head long into some scarcity prison? HELL NO.

Should I give up the joy in the simple things like nature, listening to my kids, hanging with my friends, painting, coaching, writing? NO.

Hey…I’ve even found joy in shopping, years ago it used to fill an empty hole, then I felt it was ridiculous to be materially driven and now…now I understand the excitement and joy that can be felt when we really buy something for ourselves that gives us a smile, a feeling of love for giving to ourselves…so should I give that up to and stick to berry picking for my food? NO.

Then WTF?!?!?!

I’m no more fucked up than the next person, we have the same opportunities, right? YES.

We get to choose between passion and slogging it out, right? YES.

There’s also the choice to live into one’s goals as a gain, as opposed to feeling like the tooth fairy will leave us change under our pillow for what we have lost, right? YES.

Letting go feels way better than holding on….right? YES.

So, what was my answer?

  • Focus on my passion–do it daily.
  • Keep clearing out the dead wood of old beliefs that no longer supported me and kept me feeling STUCK and TRAPPED.
  • Find my joy and gratitude for what I have everyday.
  • Let go of the outcome, totally and completely, so as not to use it as a weapon to beat myself with
  • Not look to replace what I thought I lost, but to instead to look for the abundance in everything, even if it’s a bunch of beautiful leaves on the ground.

And keeping it this simple, guess what???? The manifestations that had been impossible in my intense state of MUST create, became within hand’s reach when I relaxed.

If you find yourself learning from my information and you’re stuck, frustrated and feel like it’s Groundhog’s Day, once again….then check out my holiday special, imagine how much progress you could make inside of yourself toward passion, happiness and abundance with working one on one with me?? Click here to find out more. Happy Holidays!!!

 

 

 

 

The Walking Wounded Part 1

This is the first in a series of posts, because this category is vast. I appreciate anyone sending me his or her experiences too, which I may use in future posts.

The “walking wounded” is not a literal interpretation; its a metaphor, because the wounds are not necessarily visible to the naked eye upon meeting this individual.

I have met many lugging the pain of the past, like an anchor chained to their chest. It seems the older one gets the more exposed we are to holding sacred the wounds like a sheet of armor. Dreams unfulfilled, relationships that have unraveled and careers that burned out; the crucial time is between 40-60, give or take a few years.

Personally and professionally I know this story, many are my clients, friends and people I have been with in an intimate relationship. They can’t figure out why they feel stuck and depressed. Or like a victim.

YOU CANNOT THINK YOUR LIFE, YOU MUST ACT…if you want fulfillment and happiness.

In this post I want to talk about one group of walking wounded.

The wounded divorcee.

It is more appropriate to say “sitting wounded” as they don’t move forward, they remain looking backwards not standing in the present moment.

Some have been cheated on or cheated; or one of them fell out of love, maybe they just didn’t get along at all, or an addiction was present, or abuse.

These people are still wondering years later what went wrong.

It is a question that no matter how much the mind analyzes it will never find satisfaction with an answer.

Especially, if before deciding to leave a marriage behind, an individual was not completely clear and resolved that no hope existed. Whether they were in control of the decision or not, often they wanted to bury the pain without being fully emotionally present to the circumstances, which lead to the demise.  Clarity and resolution do not have to come between both people, but it is where we should aim to be when we call it quits…. or we run the risk of bringing the past forth.

Some barely move on physically; they may move to the guesthouse, a relative or a friend’s couch, indefinitely. And in other cases they move far away, hurriedly get re-married or even choose a residence that is meant to upset their estranged partner. Some enter in relationships in which they are not emotionally engaged or purposely find partners who promise more misery and drama. It is a way of living in denial. Trying to alleviate the reality and diminish pain by avoiding what they feel…. it gets buried and like a savings account, you keep accruing interest, but when you go to withdraw, it is not a pleasant experience. It’s more like Halloween and I don’t mean the “treat” part. 

The trick is some of these non-dealers may appear the opposite upon introduction. They may seem in touch with themselves, tell you their past and the handle they have on their baggage. They talk a great game, but it is their actions and reactions, which show the truth. If you want the truth in any situation watch what someone does.

Inappropriate reactions, action not taken or action that is out of character confuses other people.

Compartmentalizing, drinking, gambling, sex addictions, lying and other denial tools are huge….

Fear runs them; living in the past everyday kills any opportunity for functional, healthy, happy relationships.

We all do it when we anticipate what someone will say or do and we thereby create our own reality. If we actually pay attention to how we feel, before we speak or act, we may find it has nothing to do with the present moment. We may find a new opportunity to not recreate the past in the present, because we had assumed we knew what would happen. It will only “happen” how you believe it should, IF YOU CREATE IT.

People who are stuck in the past will NOT be in conversation with you presently, they are VIEWING, HEARING and FEELING their former relationship.

Some individuals will say “yes” to everything, make promises and then fall off the face of the planet. It is a form of passive aggressiveness. It’s a form of repressed anger. People who cope by using compartmentalizing and numbness usually do not include you in their life nor are they really in your life either. They may hear your needs as a demand and you feel like a book on a shelf, pulled out when they want to read a chapter. They can’t reconcile themselves to moving on because the PAST is what they know in their head, which is less scary then the risk of the unknown in opening one’s heart.

There is another group, those who have been cheated on and never recovered emotionally.

They may say they have it all figured out and have become a Lothario and intellectualize the opposite sex, so they feel superior and never run the risk of emotional attachment, which can lead to being hurt. Or they go the other extreme and have nothing to do with dating or mating. Some do end up in relationships. The shared notion with those who have been cheated on and are stuck is they don’t trust. Mainly, they don’t trust themselves to be able to handle any threat of being hurt or betrayed and they don’t trust others. This is a group who is deeply wounded. You may feel trivialized, hurt, and like this person does not get you at all, even though five minutes before they were pledging their undying love. They may be so convincing in what they say that you start believing you are crazy, because this person accuses you of things that are about as real as a purple elephant.

What does it all mean?

Are these people stuck forever in a recurring nightmare of their own making?

Nope, not at all, it is a choice.

The basis for my work is how we come to believe false things about ourselves and recreate it every step of the way in our lives. The seed for all dysfunction is old. Patterns of behavior are present when we are young, but our young age gives us some protection. We still believe much is possible, disappointments haven’t weighed us down and we still take real action. With people who get stuck, some insecurities may have fallen away with age, but other ones LOOM large. Why? It is a culmination of our experiences. We make our experiences into stories we tell about ourselves; it’s all the things that happened to us, rather than through us.

Experiences are outside of us, so how do we let that LIMIT and define “who we are and what is possible?” It’s because we see a repeat of the same things happening over and over, feeling we have no control and that we are victimized by life.

Not true.

We are the creators of our lives. WE CREATE BY OUR ACTIONS, REACTIONS and CHOICES. We have to develop enough self-awareness to catch the false belief in our mind before we take action to support it—that is how patterns are broken. Sometimes when I don’t know how to change something, I do what is extraordinarily uncomfortable and the opposite of my usual thought process, which culminates in the choice I make and action I take!

It actually gives us more control to see our lives in this way.

I am ending this post here, I will continue with another part in the near future. Meanwhile, please feel free to share with me Tracy@13degreez.com

Action Jackson: the list to having a GROOVY time

As I wind down from my out of the ordinary busy week-end and look at my billowing inbox, I realize my post on “60 things in my heart” will now be expanded beyond my heart and everyone who shared their heart with me.

I am excited to write this upcoming post, which will take a bigger commitment than a few hours of writing and may turn into a series. As I reflect on this week-end, the word “ACTION” comes to mind. It is all about lighting a flame under your gluteus and making a change, any change, in your day.

I had a client today who is almost 70. She is making and taking the biggest risk in her life! She freakin’ rocks, because every time we meet she has moved further into her heart and out of her head. She knows her dream. And as I eloquently stated at one point, “F*** the dream, make it a reality”, she has used it as her mantra. She actually mentioned that I should use this mantra as the title of my upcoming book. We’ll see.

As I work with clients, I learn in my own life where I tend to jump in the box; where it is safe, warm and cozy in my mind, but in reality makes me feel a low level of discomfort and a lot of discontent. No matter what is going on for you… meaning; whatever problems you want to solve, changes you want to make or fight against in your life; or decisions hanging in the balance; the place to resolve them is not IN YOUR HEAD.

It’s all about ACTION Jackson! When you take action, change happens, opportunities come up and as you move through your life things will fall into place. It’s true. Get on outta your head and do something, anything today and you will break the chain. The chain of patterns, beliefs, routine and discarded dreams/goals.

Here’s what I propose: take ACTION everyday.

It doesn’t matter if you’re clear, foggy or completely without a clue as to what you really want in your life…its a matter of doing something. You can figure out what works for you and what doesn’t along the way.

I WOULD LOVE IT, REALLY LOVE IT….if some folks out there take action in their life NOW and keep me posted on the action they take each day. I have started a list below of actions I take, to change it up big and small…in addition are a few I have heard from others that are great game changers.

1. If you have a TON of self-discipline about your morning routine, as in, you never vary it…completely change it up for one day. Do something completely out of the ordinary or at least change your cereal, me I’ll take Count Chocula over the flax seed protein cereal I had last week.

2. Everytime you are interested in saying “NO” to something “out of habit”, say “yes”.

3. If you put your right shoe on first, today, put on your left shoe first or wear two different shoes and see what happens.

4. Talk to a total stranger about something that has meaning, you may be surprised to hear something you needed or you have a gift for them. This happens to me ALL the time.

5. Put it OUT there. Start telling other people your dream goal. Or tell them an immediate goal, now. See how you are aided. (I am going to do a series “Coach in a Box” that will be a downloadable video from my website; wouldn’t you know it the minute I said I needed help to anyone with ears, people started showing up to help me. In fact, today a videographer was in the place I work out of shooting a video for a co-worker on Yoga at Work)….so shout it out, drop notes everywhere, like bird seed and see miracles land in your lap!

6. Get on the internet, do research on a subject that you have passion about and then reach out to experts in the field. Watch what happens!

7. If you always do the elliptical at the gym, get on the treadmill.

8. If you spend your time gossiping about other people, share your own secrets instead…watch how people treat you, it will be amazing!

9. Smile at every person you see on the street.

10. Make a list of every passionate idea you have and do “one” thing toward any of them TODAY.

11. Join a group or find a class on something you have never tried, but have wanted to do, forever!

12. Get creative, we are all artists….choose a medium which makes you feel alive. It may take a few tries, but the more you open up in this way, the more ideas about all areas of your life will manifest.

13. Make a mistake, make 20!

14. Start a food fight. Really. I have done this for years with my kids….so, if you find a public food fight unseemly, start a private one.

15. Take one expectation that someone has of you, that makes you feel bound and chained to some obligation YOU don’t want and say “no”. You can just say “no”.

16. Play a childhood game…candyland, hopscotch or how about cross-fire, anyone remember that one?

17. Give yourself permission to do whatever you want, whatever it is that the mood strikes you for one day and see how you feel….no guilt, this is getting approval from the most important person in the world, “YOU”.

18. Love people and tell them, make sure those who you love, know it, Share what you love most about them! Why they have a special place in your heart; elaborate, write a poem or a song….treat em’ to a foot massage or a pat on the back. Share YOUR love, you will never feel so groovy as when you are sharing the “love”.

19. Go somewhere you have never been, even if it is to the 7-Eleven across town. And while you are at it, change your commute today–take a different road, maybe even change the time and keep your eyes OPEN…see what is around you in the present moment.

20. Pet a dog if you are afraid of them; can’t stand cats, pick one up and let him use you as a scratching post (okay make sure his nails aren’t really sharp first)….whatever you have a FEAR of…walk right up to the cavern of FIRE and DO SOMETHING anyways….you may find that you still have that courage in ya and that big bad fear ain’t gonna keep you from LIVIN’ LARGE!

Okay, I can continue this list, but those are some great starters….please let me know if you are taking ACTION in your life and HOW…share, share, share…. either here or email me at Tracy@13degreez.com

Thank you…