Love is The Word!

I do wonder about love when it comes to intimate relationships.

How many people actually love the one they are with, right now?

Which then begs the question, how many people actually like the people they are with in a relationship? Maybe you like or love em’, but want your mate to change? And if so, is the pattern to withhold love until this person acquiesces, giving into the demand?

Is there acceptance or denial of what is true in your relationship?

When it comes to me, I choose to be with a person I like as well as love. And I choose to have the same relationship with myself.  I know for me, my partner as a friend and a lover is the only way to be in a relationship. I cannot imagine a worse place to spend any time than with someone I don’t like.

And…being with someone who doesn’t accept me “just” as I am, means a descent into a personal hell that I’ll avoid visiting and take the nearest subway out, thank you very much!

If it is change I want in a relationship, all I can do is direct that inward.

Change will happen when I don’t engage in the same dynamics, when I take a time out and ask myself what is the motivation for my actions; love or control?

True change happens from love of one self. I change, because I want to be happy inside; I really dig the feeling of well-being. It is my natural state. It is a state I never knew until a few years ago. I thought the low level anxiety I carried was “normal”, yeah…not so much.

I believe we all change, whether we set out to or not.

The key is having a bit of a “say” in what direction you would like to evolve.

There is joy in watching your partner grow into his “own” sense of happiness and journey of learning who she is, what he truly wants and all the darkness in between. As humans, we got it all!

I recently observed a friend with her boyfriend. He said something and the look on her face was a mix between “ignoring” the comment, yet refraining from eye rolling. 

The comment he made to us both was in defense of a characteristic of his personality, which she would really like to see change.

I am not sure, which struck me more as sad; the comment or her look. I know there are certain elements of his personality she’d like to see change, so that she is more comfortable. And him pleading his case had a sort of regrettable appeal. This exchange may just have been an old worn out discussion between them and she no longer had the patience to contain her annoyance? And maybe he just wanted to needle her to get a rise?

Often, we believe our partner is aware of what annoys us about them, and we may think they do it on purpose.

The truth is most of the time they are just as unconscious as you.

They say and do things in which there is no awareness of “why”, it just feels “natural” and so the behavior continues.

Sometimes it is truly part of the anatomy of personality, but more often it is a learned or conditioned behavior that your partner exhibits. In truth, if your partner became more aware, she would be able to recognize the issue and then choose to take different action.

ALTHOUGH, change must be what your partner wants for his or herself (not because it bothers you). And there are features like one’s sense of humor that probably won’t change, so it is probably a good idea to “like” the one your with too.

When we expect change in another, what does that say about “who we are”? How happy are we with ourselves? And what about our partner, does your partner want you to change? Or maybe they just accept you? Could the main issue in your relationship be how you don’t accept them?

There are several answers to these questions and the reason I ask so many is to stimulate thinking and realization. Most of the time we are not aware enough about our own reasons for what we do in and out of relationships. The big bummer is that upon a little introspection we find most of the motivation has nothing to with love. It has to do with control and having our own insecurities calmed by the action of our partner.

If you want change….

Start asking yourself these questions posed in this post.

Dig deep, go beyond the stories you tell yourself to the core, the naked truth.

On the subject of love, like most people, I’ve read many books. Professionally, I coach my clients and have met many people in the “singles” industry over the years. In my past life, I had worked heading up marketing for a dating service over a decade ago. And when I was training as a coach, I learned how to be a  “love coach” of sorts, by instruction from an author of a well-known book.

In all these instances professionally and personally, I definitely learned a lot about things that didn’t include “love and  acceptance”, but instead showed shortcomings, inadequacy and how best to compensate for being unique. I also experienced events and information that were truly transformative; allowing me to personally leave a ton of baggage at the carousel.

There is nothing wrong with anyone that would make them less lovable.

Everyone has the same chance at love, don’t believe the illusion that only a select few get the chance.

You could do nothing and I guarantee if you want love to knock on your door, it will. You don’t have to do anything to bring it to you, BUT and this is something to keep in mind. If you want to be happy and have a happy relationship, then doing some heavy lifting in removing the baggage weighing you down is a good idea.

We just put things in the way of our own happiness, items that don’t belong to us and have nothing to do with love. Once we stop pointing the finger at our partner and look within, that’s when the real fun begins…that is our opportunity to create acceptance and love on a bigger scale.

I have two new coaching groups starting up at the beginning of this next year.

The first group will commence on January 10, 2012…its called: MAKING THE IMPOSSIBLE, POSSIBLE!!! This group will participate in a weekly phone call with me and others who want to LIVE LARGE and experience their dreams.

The second group is “All about LOVE”, you want to fall in love? Want to learn world-class acceptance leading to peace and well-being? Whether it learning to love yourself, your partner or bringing someone new into your life…I am here to help and witness the manifestation of your deepest desires in LOVE. This group will commence on February 1, 2012.

I will have more information on both groups in the coming weeks, so mo matter where you live and what you do….you can participate and make DEFINITE, BIG change in your life!

Rear View Mirrors

While driving, someone I know was busy looking backwards, in his rear view mirror and literally, rear-ended the car in front of him.

It’s kind of a funny thing, when you consider he believed he knew the road ahead.

Guess he thought it looked like the road he had already driven down many times.

Memory lane is great for a few laughs and warm tinges of sentiment. It is definitely not the way to live in the present or create a future that is full of opportunity.

Saying we want peace, happiness, love and success in our lives requires a level of truth within oneself.

The truth as I have stated before is not a story of some past woe or success.

Seeking the truth is easy, it is that whisper or maybe a nudging from your heart. It is being in the present moment, almost as a newborn child. A clean slate, not encumbered by baggage or a slanted perception. Stepping forward into the unknown.

I have spoken about the unknown in previous posts.

As much as we say we want different, when the opportunity to experience new comes skipping along, we turn to the nearest tree and hide behind it. We don’t know if we can trust this interloper, because we are not familiar with the feeling.

Meaning, the feeling of “discomfort”, due to change or something different than our usual menu of the “known’. If it feels comfortable, please interpret this as… the same present, just re-gifted with a pretty bow.

When we look to the past to go forth, we seek what is familiar. We look for the ties that bind us to the past, even though we could swear our binoculars are set in front of us.

My favorite game of name that past pattern, is when we meet someone that we think is different.

We exclaim to ourselves, this person is nothing like our ex-mate or date, past mean boss or backstabbing friend. Only to find out that comfortable feeling we had when we met and it appeared to “click” is the “pattern” vacuuming us into its black hole of anti-matter.

The pull to the past can be incredibly strong.

We may not even be aware we are sucked into its vortex.

And we are the common denominator in our sad story. We were there for past events, present moments and the future to be determined.

Some people never leave the past AT all.

They have one foot in old relationships, old paradigms and old beliefs, which are ALL way past their due date.

This poor individual is holding on and afraid to let go, because that would require taking action and stepping into the unknown.

This person CANNOT tell themselves “truthfully” that this part of their life is over and no matter how long they hold on, they cannot revive a dead guppy. They don’t want to quit or fail, but maybe they could ask themselves: if the audience has long gone home and you are the only one standing there waiting for the trophy, maybe the fight is over?

Or maybe this individual in their fear of moving on ….  is holding out for a miracle and hoping something will change?

Their fantasy could be hoping the other party they hold onto will finally wake-up or have a personality transplant or see the light as to how awesome this individual is and “silly wabbit” they should have never dismissed this person from their love, life, business or friendship….

Miracles don’t come for those who wait with their backs toward the future; miracles come to those who participate in LIVING their life no matter what condition they are in mentally, physically, financially or emotionally.

An ending, emotionally, to an already over and done relationship, is a great way to step out of the past.

Make peace with it and see the relationship as an experience, in which you learned about yourself and allow it to propel you toward something different, healthy; a new beginning.

You can’t invite in the present or future until you appropriately put the past, well, in the past. Move on. Your dreams are not found looking backwards, they are only in front of you or beside you as you start to live into them.

The past can be insidious in keeping you stuck.

You could be having a conversation with someone and a “feeling” comes out of left field hitting you in the gut.

All of a sudden your demeanor changes as you relate that feeling to a past event with someone else. Now you don’t even realize you are “literally” in that past moment as you are relating to the person NOW in front of you. And you are now acting like you did in the past, instead of seeing if the situation you are NOW participating in will have a different outcome.

I can tell you, IT WON’T.

Why? Because, by your reaction to your OWN feeling you are going to create THAT same outcome! Yes, you have that much control!

Hallelujah! The past is repeated! You say to yourself, “See, nothing ever works out!” Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

And then your “story” grows.

Now you have more ammunition to load into your new “promise” to yourself. You promise to have more control over your life, what you do and who you let in….an air of suspicion, as no one can be trusted.

Instead of opening yourself more to the unknown and opportunities you have yet to experience, you create the “tv set” for more soap operas to emerge.

As your “story” unfolds from the past moving forth; you spend hours, days, weeks strategizing the “what ifs”.

All the different scenarios that could possibly happen to you are analyzed; you are prepared for anything to come up–all surprises accounted for and nothing slipping in the back door, oh yes…you got it covered!

Or do you?

99% of the time all the scenarios you created in your head, never happen.

And as you were busy thinking of all the possible outcomes, all that time strategizing a future that never came to be, you weren’t even living in the present moment. You were living in the past, because all of those scenarios were based on things that had gone wrong in the past.

It is almost feels like the Universe does it on purpose, all that mental prep work and viola! Nothing happens.

Another favorite “name that past pattern game”, is the one in which you meet someone new. And this person is actually different than others in your past.

Yet, you are bound and determined to ensure this relationship will fail too.

You remember the feelings you had in the past when you trusted another person. You were disappointed, disillusioned and hurt. You find yourself in an odd place with this new person, because they don’t seem to be responding to you as others did in the past. They seem to have different qualities….but you tell yourself the three-headed monster will emerge soon enough and prove once again that no one can be trusted….not even you.

You see this is the crux of what I discuss with my clients.

It is not a matter of you trusting others.

It is a matter of you trusting “YOU” to handle the disappointment when things don’t work out how you wanted; it is your fear of your own inability to handle your own emotions when it doesn’t go your way. We run through life avoiding that which may cause us to possibly be hurt and disappointed, because we may be overwhelmed by our state of mind. Unable to function. And again, our world grows smaller and smaller.

If you can catch yourself running from situations and people which elicit a feeling or a memory from the past…

Catch it with your butterfly net…..and hold it for a minute or two. See what that feeling tells you rather than you just succumbing to the fear it brings you. Look at it closely and see that it is harmless. It always was harmless, its only potency was the “power and energy” you gave to it and now in the present moment, you have a choice. 

Will you carry that past feeling you are experiencing into the current situation, so you can repeat the past?

Or will you choose to recognize it and realize it has no power in the present, unless you allow it to take over. Yes, you are in control and resilient even if things don’t go your way.

You see the more honest you are with yourself the more “whole” you become.

And the more whole you become, the more resilient you are to handle disappointment.

And then you are able to see the future as a newborn, knowing that what happened in the past does not need to be recreated unless that is what you choose…so look at every road as untraveled, even if you have been down it a million times. You never know what new opportunity may be coming after that next green light.

No more boxes!

This is the kind of stuff I write at the gym in the morn.

A continuation of yesterday’s post.

What do you think? 

Love.

Love is the way, in all ways.

It never let’s you down.

The expectations of the mind usually let you down…they are never true.

To expect, is to have a picture of how things must be, when that is a “known” idea.

We want what we know, not what is unknown.

That can be scary.

We want to trust that what it all looks like RIGHT NOW is what it will bloom into and finally become…the picture of perfect outcomes. 

Love is fluid; it becomes more love.

I know for myself, I sought out the advice of others for many years. I wanted a guarantee. I wanted to know I would have my life develop some semblance of success.

I wanted a psychic, a friend, a stranger to promise I would dance in the meadows, sing on top the tallest peak, and lie down in my garden of sunflowers; happily, joyfully and easily. 

Love would be mine; it would just show up rather than ask me to open myself to its possibilities.

In the past…

What I did not understand was I kept throwing obstacles in my way on this journey to nirvana! I had taken everything that is possible and stuffed it in a box marked “impossible”.

It all waited for me to open up the box rather than continually trip over it.

The box held my dreams, my love, happiness and joy…..and when I opened a corner of the box a brief whiff of possibility stirred my soul.

I started to believe there was a Santa for real….the Universe gives back what we offer, tenfold. You live with boxes, you get more boxes. You open up those boxes and ALLOW your life to unfold and you are met with magic. 

I realized I had a lot of boxes.

My life had become so compartmentalized so I wouldn’t have to feel anything. I could operate as a robot. (YAY!)

Except that wasn’t the case.

I already had awareness of myself and how things work, AND when that’s the case you never really get to live in denial for long…the Universe will provide you with opportunities when you want to forget who YOU are…it opens you back up with whatever tools available. Ouch! Painfully or happily it is our choice.

The Universe forces you to deal with what stands in the way; meaning all those boxes inside of yourself, so you can BE open to the possibilities it offers.

We make choices out of fear.

We get stuck; we become immoveable to change, except by force.

And our boxes stuffed full, keep piling up, like a hoarder and seem to be keeping us safe; until we lose the job, we suffer a break-up, our kids move out, we go broke, we lose our house and everything associated with our “so-called life”. 

And then, in a moment of quiet reprieve we may touch our soul; only to find it singing a different song then the one we’ve been playing to ourselves.

A song requiring us to embrace who we truly are and turn our lives to possibility.

Truth.

The truth of your heart and soul.

Who you are and what purpose you connect with TRULY inside of yourself.

Discovering this important tune is just a step.

Now… to attend to those boxes.

A little space allows the room for opportunity.

Hoarding our failed expectations, multiple disappointments, and untraveled roads that constantly shout at us, “we will never amount to anything we want to be, really “be” in this life” is just a little curve in the road on our journey.

Although, it can become a delay. It depends on how long you want to hoard versus let go….to become who you truly are, right now.

We can spend years unwilling to let go of these boxes, which supply the elements to the story we like to tell not just ourselves, but others too. We believe those stories so much; it actually feels like part of the fabric, which makes up our life.

It is not.

It is just an experience.

Events happen, in and out of our control.

All that happens is a series of events, which we experience.

All of life is just an experience.

So, go experience it…and get out of the box!

You can have it all! Just bring your horse to water

Seems to be a slight epidemic as we age, we give up something key to our sustenance, passion and breathing. Can you guess what it is?  Our dreams.

Even if you have attained some version of a dream you once had, what next…what about those dreams in your heart that are in direct opposition to your life right now?

Nothing truly changes in our ability to achieve a dream, but our perspective. It is not because life won’t give you what you want; its all in how “you see it”.  If you believe life is unfair and you were handed a cruel twist of fate, then you will keep creating that image.

When a perspective on life has narrowed, a finger points toward all of your failures and/or successes.

When we carry the perspective of waiting for circumstances to change or become ideal, we are passively feeding ourselves excuses as to a future that we NEVER plan to create.

 Live it now. Be it now. Have it now.

Your magic formula for success may be just as detrimental to “you” as failure. Especially, if it keeps you locked in a “certain” way of doing things.

Our magnificent Universe is ALL about change my friend, its about diving-in, going with the flow and coming up for air into a new way of being, learning  and doing; a breaststroke into waters you may not have traveled yet.

We like to keep our attention on the known vs. the unknown. New unexplored opportunities, scare us.  

We may have a belief about ourselves, what we can do, our capabilities and where we seem to always fail or succeed.

Any unchangeable, locked up vision on how to live without varying from how you did it in the past will keep you in an insidious pattern, one that you may not even be aware operates underneath your perception.

When it comes to “failing”, there may be a belief that it is not what WE did, but the curve balls that life keeps on throwing us over the years.

Sometimes we don’t come out of the dugout and stay committed to ourselves through the strikeouts; we lose the belief that “this time” we can hit the ball, and maybe score a homerun in the bottom of the 9th! Sometimes, we call it a game, a season or a life and walk off the field never to return. Leaving our field of dreams behind.

You may have convinced yourself and created the perception that you will not be able to hit that curve ball, so instead you watch others play and succeed. You then take the virtual baseball bat and hit yourself over the head numerous times in self-flagellation over how you failed; beating oneself up never accomplishes happiness. All it does is creates a story that you can tell yourself to make sure you SAFELY never get up to bat again and in turn, you share this sad story with others.

As we get older, we become a collection of stories. It seems that what we thought  was possible, becomes impossible. After all, life keeps proving it over and over. 

We develop habits, ways of coping, living and  breathing through our experiences.

Our experiences have become our story.  We take ownership. Whew!!! What a relief, it keeps us from having to get back in the saddle and try again!

We personalize our circumstances as though they happen to us, not “through us!”

We don’t see ourselves making choices leading to the same outcome. We don’t see how we become immobilized through our thoughts based on these experiences. We miss our own boat.  

There is absolutely no reason to not accomplish your dreams.

Life is hard?  Really? You create that reality.

Sure, I agree…life has its peaks and valleys.

Using my favorite analogy of the river; we have NO control over the conditions of the river; the low hanging branches, rocks, rapids and brown bears fishing mid-stream. So…what does it hurt to lean back, steer your boat with your feet “through” adversity, and the perceptions you HOLD ONTO which are keeping you from success?  Let go….and enjoy the ride!

What else are you gonna do?

You could decide the river of REALLY LIVING is too dangerous to ride; you might get swept up in its current and jump out of your boat clamoring to the nearest dry land. And there you stay, settling for the safety of some dry shore; where you dock your boat, catch your breath and decide to set up a permanent camp. Hoping to avoid the unknown, your dreams and living full out!

Dreams are lost when you don’t get back in your boat and go with the flow.

It is our thoughts which incapacitate us. Its our own thinking. It stops us from participating willingly in the adventure of life.

We give up, give in and walk with our boat on our back, it’s easier right? You can handle the weight of the boat, rather than letting go and allowing it to be your ride to the unknown.

As you know even if you walk with YOUR boat; you grow tired, angry and thinking life is just this way, it sucks!

And you still are confronted with challenges, especially this one: you can never make your life small enough to control everything!  

Giving up your dreams does not mean safety and no problems. It is in fact the opposite, it seems life is frothing at the mouth with problems, when you play small. When you stay in the boat and steer toward your dreams, miracles happen and problems are not so overwhelming…you find a way to maneuver through them and become even more committed to the happiness in your heart!

Life doesn’t take kindly to allowing us to remain victims of circumstance. It comes around pulling you out of that hole you dug as you dragged your heavy boat “behind” you, filled with  disappointment, sorrow, failure and loneliness. It has a way of presenting opportunities for your dreams, again and again. Will you ignore it or jump back in the river?

Some resist getting back in the river still, they numb themselves.

They choose to rely on “coping” rather than  “living”.

Many come to think nothing goes their way, they look for safety, escape and a feeling that its all okay… which it never is when life remains un-lived.

Will you keep choosing to stay on the banks of your life?  What do you have to lose?

Going through life on auto-pilot so nothing really hurts you and staying with a routine and its safety is not the key. There is always a sense of unrest within us. Sure you may have some comfort, but really….what you are stifling within yourself is your very “life”.

We have an OLD belief system of a young child; it tells our subconscious endearing thoughts such as:  “See you really shouldn’t run through the sprinklers or play in the mud in your school clothes, you are bad”, ” My parents both work leaving me with a sitter til late at night, what am  I gonna do, no one will take me to get my items for the school project due  tomorrow”, “My Dad left, and when I see him he pays no attention to me, must mean I am unlovable”,  “I’m mean, my mom said so”, and ” I’m ugly and dumb, the kids at school  always tease me”, etc…

In our subconscious minds, these thoughts have stuck with us about ourselves  creating a belief, whether its true or not.  And we are NOT even aware of it most of the time. We all were Spongebob Squarepants as kids…soaking up our environment and the people in it!

When you are young, you don’t notice these beliefs so much, because you  haven’t had the opportunities to “create” TOO many events in your life to match those beliefs. It takes time to keep re-creating OUR stories, which is why we take our boat out of the river at some point and stop the flow.

Wanna get back in that boat? I can give you the possibilities of how; the tools to change a perception and take different action which changes the outcome…..so stay in your boat and come on downstream with me.

Believing TWO months later; an update!

The believing project is almost two months old now. Much has changed in my life and what I notice the most is my mantra, “If not now, when?”  And as I drop down through the valley of myself, hit with past experiences meant to stop a freight train; a feeling comes to me that I can only describe as my  becoming Lindsay Wagner,  bionic woman, picking up the freight train and  re-setting it on its track.

I’ve put myself in a position to show up in my life as though I’m 20 once again, yet now, I’m clear on what I want to do from MY heart. This is the first time I’m leading solely (soul-ly) with my heart.

I know that courage (strength of heart) has become my ally in a way that I never could have imagined, as each minute I choose myself and what I want for me; the opportunities open up and come to me.

This journey has its days when I feel like nothing is going my way, then with every ounce of mental and emotional focus, I STOP. I stop the discouraging voice, the pattern of believing my past is my present and I don’t deserve what I want, and so on… AND then like a lioness I roar!! Overcoming and “changing” a behavior in that moment, it takes time, but I feel different each day. I thought I had self-awareness before, this has moved to a whole new level!

The FUN part is I have absolutely no idea what this will end up looking like professionally or personally; I am just believing and trusting. I have found more confidence that I deserve the list I wrote over two months ago.

You can find that post here .

On my list of 6 items this is where they stand:

(a) Each day, I am writing my book, “knowing” it will be published. It is just flowing right through me and is truly becoming a great love for me!

(b) In September, I was very fortunate to attend the wedding of a dear friend in Mammoth. It was a very grounding experience for me, and a complete joy!  And I have been meeting new people on a very regular basis!

(c) Ah yes, to be blissfully wed to my best friend and soulmate at some point in 2012. I remember when I wrote it, I thought maybe I should put engaged or some other lesser stage of commitment, but this for whatever reason felt right! Call me crazy, but we’ll see! The who; when or where; is a mystery. I keep opening myself up as love in the broadest sense and the most intimate. I know if I’m open and participating in my life happily and honestly, a dynamic, authentic, solid partnership is the outcome. It will be based on intimacy, respect, truth, trust, unconditional love and friendship.

You see settling, is in the past, when it comes to all areas of my life.

(d) In the past week, I have 3 new coaching clients, which I am thrilled to be able to partner with on their journey.  I have also had new clients come in for intuitive readings in the past two months and refer others to me too.

(e) This one is a little different, as much has changed in this particular area of my life. The company I was doing marketing for has come into a little crunch, as the product has not been released as of yet and cash flow grows tighter daily. In the midst of trying to figure out what I was going to do and how I would take on the next part of my existence; I wrote out a proposal and sent it out to a few of my clients, in which I detailed what I was about to embark on in my life. You can read about it here .

What a perfect opportunity for me to take a complete leap of faith, right? If I am committed to “me”, growing my own business, writing my book, etc…then why not make “now” the time? I mean, really…I coach people on leading their lives with their hearts to REALIZE those long forgotten dreams! So, here I am. Scared? Some moments, but I am focused and the more action I take, the more empowered I feel!

In focusing my energy on my coaching practice, my book and my life… I leave behind a nagging fear. I have worked hard to allow my work to bloom. I am 100% believing at this point, folks! So, I hope you will join me as I soar to new heights, overcome the valleys of darkness in myself and realize my dreams! Even though I have no safety net;  I know I won’t be homeless. I know I won’t be alone. I believe I’m  learning to roll with change in a different way- not victimized, but empowered.  I am determined to create what I was afraid to create before…fulfilling prosperity and success in ALL areas of my life.

7 Minutes to Love! Courage Baby!


This post is about 7 minutes long; it is packed with information. Please enjoy.

Nothing is ever as it appears.

No “story” is ever true told from one perspective, unless it is from the heart.

You want truth? Listen to your heart, not your head. It will tell you the truth about yourself, your life and others.

Courage (strength of heart) is a quality that is first and foremost on my list of importance in life. In myself, and holding a space for it in others.

I will not settle for cowardice in a mate; courage is that quality you can rely, because it is the only truth directly related to allowing and sustaining love in a partnership. It is the only real indicator that someone is really, really in your corner. The actions are real, not manipulative or punishing; courage stays with you through it all…yet, first you must find courage in yourself to have it in all of your relationships.

I am watching people come into my life now that are desiring and becoming courageous…or are teaching me more about courage.

My relationships not based in love and courage, will continue to naturally fall away; it’s too much sacrifice, disparity and pain when I am moving beyond my own stories that kept me prisoner. It is too difficult to “pretend” and go along with the story, which someone believes is true, allowing them to choose to remain handcuffed to their prison.

You don’t have to cut people loose, walk away or be a jerk. That can be a painful pattern, when you cut people off forcefully (unless its abusive). Instead, allow it to dissipate on its own. How? Take your focus off the person and put it on yourself.

Over and over if you must.

You will feel peace, not cut off and in pain. It takes a bit of reminding yourself, but the more you do it and stop blaming others for not being courageous-the more you will experience well-being.

The evolution of the heart expands and you bring in other like-hearted people. It’s true; I’m watching it happen in my own life.

We all have courage.

We just need awareness of all the excuses or stories we throw in the way, that keep us in inertia (call it a sense of false peace or contentment–its numbness), denial of our heart, compartments where like a drill sergeant we tell ourselves a story-so we buy it and never have to be courageous. Then we share these stories of ourselves with others, trying to convince them that they are true.

It is to live a life half-lived. 

You lose so much more than you gain, AND you tell yourself stories to make it OKAY about what you let go of in your life. So again you take no action, you live in denial . This way of living will never, ever bring you happiness.

Maybe you had courage at one point, but had too many experiences that hurt, disappointed or left you abandon. You closed up shop and called it a day.

Then there are people who stay stuck in this place and seem like they have it all together, and just maybe you’re the crazy one?

They may be such great storytellers, their lives in perfect order; appearances are deceiving too. Once in awhile their facade cracks and some truth from their heart slips out, oops that feels good….oops, I remember feeling like this before, NOW its time to panic. They backtrack, distance and can make another person feels koo-koo!

They come off coldly intellectual. Unfortunately, for them it’s a vicious cycle, until one day all that tight control gives out and the heart breaks through!!  Sometimes it happens. Maybe this person is YOU? Love is greater than fear.

Don’t wait for it in others, allow it in yourself. 

Courage and vulnerability are the only strength that is real in a human.

We all want to be fully seen and loved for who we are; the first step is to allow ourselves. Open to yourself, be vulnerable, have courage and others will see you as you are—dark, light and everything in between.

When you live your truth; it doesn’t matter if others agree, because “it feels right” to you.  You are connected to yourself and others. 

I know how difficult the transition is from being locked-up; believing the heart would lead me wrong or worse yet, LIE. I had closed off certain parts of myself, living in fear where I avoided things that may cause me to crumble into a pile of rubble. This could have been anything from a terse email to a committed relationship.

 And yet, at the time I told myself I was on this spiritual path and that I was just more advanced in my self-awareness! 

I remember the day my heart opened up and said, “This leg of the journey is over- new trip, new path, new map!”

You see, I had been wishing for true happiness, peace and love.

Well if you wish and pray long enough; it happens. BUT, if you are blocked off and think you’re okay, sorry to break it to you; you’re really numb! Be prepared to let go of the familiar walls, the fortress of a perfect facade and watch what courage and love will do–I wouldn’t trade my journey here for anything. Even the days I couldn’t get out of bed or I was writhing on my floor, when all I felt was pain raining down upon me. I knew if I went THROUGH it, the impossible would become possible in my life.

There are some who will never have courage. 

At some point in their lives, in their mind, too many things happened to hurt them, the way they recovered was to build walls, become numb and tell themselves they are self-aware and smarter than the  rest.

They got the system beat!

Some will stay locked in their prison, they may even tell others what is wrong with them.

They may come off as open and easy, until you get too close or the prospect of them possibly getting hurt or overwhelmed by opening their heart is too much for them to handle. Then they act weird. What they said yesterday, no longer holds water. The love they may have professed for you when their heart broke through for an instant, is replaced by a cold demeanor. It is crazy making … and hard to let go of, because the heart knows. The heart knows there is love, but it is thwarted by a wall.

The best gift is to not stop loving and build a wall; it is to keep love alive. Don’t beat it down. Don’t lock it in a box. Turn the love to yourself; be kind. Love freely and love others, I guarantee…somewhere, somehow someone will come into your life and match you there. I promise you will never be alone as long as you embrace love.

This does not mean to outwardly continue investing in pain with another. It is to love them, don’t purposely stop, allow it to change or shift…allow yourself to love.

Be courageous, through love comes resilience- you find you will be stronger to withstand most anything- you will be surprised. Walls ain’t got nothing on wholeness!

Do your best not to take heed of the words, well-meaning people have in telling you to move on, find someone else, tell someone off or to be strong. That is like going into major surgery and having your leg amputated, you are cutting off a part of you when you act in a way, which appears strong to others, but is really another battle with the heart and mind.

Allow it to be natural.

I am saying this from my own experience, once you stop the battle within to FORCE yourself to stop feeling a certain way, life gets easier…you find the “wonder, hopes and dreams” you lost touch with years ago.  Now with your heart leading the way its all possible.

Love is the freedom, the homebase, if you want to live your life in peace, happiness, fulfillment.

The numbness of walls separates; it holds in weakness created by the mind and its untrue story of love and others; it leads to being alone, involvement in activities meant to self-medicate including “supposed healthy” pursuits, anytime you feel cut  off- there’s a wall involved.

Have the courage to sit with it for a minute, see what feeling is below the numbness and you’ll find a low level of pain you call NORMAL. Maybe, you have had it so long, you figure that is your natural state of being. It’s not.

Maybe when you sit with your numbness, your walls, your boxes: you feel another  emotion, you see an image appearing unrelated to the feeling now, from years ago or one that fits your emotion…ask it questions, learn about the pain you hold….ask if its true?

Pain is a story.  It keeps us victims in our own lives. It keeps us repeating patterns of pain without our seeming awareness.

My favorite alternate tall-tale to creating stories in which you are the victim, are the ones in which you appear to have taken all the responsibility. It is the same thing.

It’s a story that remains on a well-known psychological paradigm: the victim triangle is the victim, perpetrator and rescuer.  

Again, anytime you have a story you cling to or are emotional attached to, you are not living full out. When you claim that someone did something to you and you list all of the things you did for this person; you are living in a helpless position.

You are maintaining a victimhood of all that has happened and courage is not part of the picture. Its difficult to recognize; breaking the pattern of living these stories.

Never believe anything that limits, blocks or throws up walls–it is fear; fear is not true.

Embrace who you are and what you know to be true for yourself.

I say these things based on my experience with “myself” and how I lived for many years. The funniest part was I USED TO THINK I was so strong, so did others–people told me this all the time….yet, I  always ran from anything which would have meant opening my heart, having a real commitment, not just to someone else, but to myself. 

I also watch my clients grow and blossom from their hearts-I watch them transform and have more peace, happiness and LOVE in their lives. 

My clients constantly break through to new ground in courage.

They open doors in different areas of their lives…one by one, out of their head and into the safety, contentment and love of their heart.  

If you want to know your greatest purpose, your greatest love, your greatest  happiness and feel whole, resilient and able to touch the stars with your  dreams…you’ll take the first step toward courage…then you will have it all. 

Slowing it down…

I realize my practice of internally “slowing it down” is affecting more than my sense of peace.

I am now in the driver’s seat of how I spend my time, what I allow to control it, and how I choose what I do from minute to minute.

I am erasing that “sense of obligation”, it is actually dissipating quite naturally, on a daily basis.

I am no longer concerned with being accepted as “the favorite”, “the best” or showing up as“the most responsible, so I take everyone else’s stuff on as my own.” It has been happening in pieces over many years, but I would say in the last week it has become my new way of happily greeting the sun each day.

There is a solid feeling of “no more settling”, an actual, undeniable deep, peaceful part of me that will not dally in situations that don’t fulfill or satisfy me.

It resonates at the core of my life both personally and professionally; I usually want to help people, yet ONLY if I am genuine in that effort. My favorite economics term sums it up; the cost vs. benefit analysis, when the cost outweighs the benefit–I am compelled to make a decision in favor of me. When I slow it down, I can spend time pondering what my gut is telling me to be true.

And if I am inclined to help, I make sure I am clear and ask myself: is it for approval, being a “nice” person, or because it is an expectation, as the person asking feels entitled to receive the help?

I share this topic; many of us feel inclined to help people when it is at a cost to ourselves.

The problem with the “cost” is in helping the person, you may end up quietly resenting the individual. And if you don’t help them; you can feel incredibly guilty. The best scenario is put yourself first; I put the oxygen mask on before I help someone else. Once I have enough air, I can be of service.

In slowing it down, I don’t feel rushed to make a decision or show up for any other reason than I genuinely want to be there.

Whether it is a job, my business, dinner, a relationship of any nature: romantic or the one with my kids…

If I am not happy to go along; I slow down to notice if my inner climate is changing, and if the temperature is rising; I ask my motivation and may make an unpopular decision.

I like to please people, yet if I am not pleased….I am soooo not a pleasant person to be around, I’d be a cranky crocodile. And the only person responsible for me achieving “cranky-hood” is me and what I allow by the choices I make every time.

Slowing down means less compromising of myself, because I have the time to see the bigger picture.

Slowing down, is a more peaceful place to live from…there are not many things I “genuinely” have to do.

I get to make a choice every moment of every day; some days I change my mind and yet most days, I am inclined to be of service to people. I find slowing down brings a definite up-liftment, a sense of shared happiness and if we can lift each other even with a smile during our daily excursions, it can change a mood, improve demeanor and energize an individual, just like that!

Inspiration Points

Where do you find inspiration in your daily life?

What are the sources you have come across which keep you motivated or make you feel alive?

I would love to hear from readers of my blog, as to what is inspirational to you!

I find inspiration in the big and small moments.

When I walk each day, I look down from a bridge at the LA River (Not a real river, really.) And the duck families have gathered there in droves, quacking at each other, swimming gracefully over the small current; I feel the breeze, hear the birds and feel simply…alive. It is inspirational and calming to me. When I feel stuck, I go on a walk. It always clears my head and gets me in touch with inspiration.

I am also inspired when I work out on the elliptical machine in the morning at the gym. I tend to write pieces and parts for my book onto my phone and email it to myself for editing later on. It is a great tool for me, because I am inspired by the easy flow of my words and that I have accomplished this while getting a work out done.

I find other people inspirational. Old friends, new friends, acquaintances and strangers. The guy who was sitting outside Trader Joes the other night with his guitar, singing his heart out! I don’t know who was having the better time, him, or the people listening to his tunes.

I find people inspiring on a regular basis, the best inspiration is when you believe you know someone very well and they surprise you in some fantastical way! I love thinking, “Wow, I never thought so and so would do something like that, or think from that perspective or apologize and so on…” I hope I inspire people in that way too. Surprises that are happy are always welcome, surprises that bring dread or bad news; definitely not as welcome, but there seems to be an inspiring gift if you are willing to admit it to yourself.

Everyone has a story; I like listening to people talk who have found a way out of their story or are still finding a way to create a new story. We all have our struggles and roller coaster moments, but inside of every moment is a gift.

I find many inspiration points and surprise myself when I actually have received news I am less than thrilled to have received. Yet I surprise myself by digging a little deeper and asking the apparent benefit. When I find the benefit, I seem to allow myself some relief or happiness, knowing that things are definitely changing and probably for the better.

I am currently motivated to move my life forward, instead of further pondering or waiting for some sign that I finally arrived at the diving board and it was time to jump. Nothing that dramatic happened, it was a decision. The decision came as a realization for me that my life may never have that perfect moment, so why not make “now” a perfect moment?

And with my heart in the driver’s seat; I am like dandelion seeds, sprouting up and continuing to spread my joy!

Morning Ramblings before Coffee

As I do my thing on the elliptical at the gym EARLY one morning, images of Libya’s fallen leader splay across the different news channels.

I don’t really have a pulse either way about his death or its meaning.

I really don’t watch the news; the skewed perception created from fear serves no purpose in my life. I guess, I remain uninformed and that is okay with me.

As these images play on the screen, I am reminded of how basic human nature can be with “I’m right, my side is right, your side is wrong!”  arguments. For a dictator fallen, another will rise to take his place.

People don’t change, because we want them to, they change because they understand who they are and their old way of doing things is no longer suitable. It most certainly is not the work of anyone else to oppress them….they do a mighty fine job of punishing themselves. Change begins with exchanging old beliefs for new ones. Yet, its not as easy as walking into the shoe store and exchanging last season’s boots for the new trendy pair this season.

We cannot eradicate human nature. People have been trying for centuries through war and other aggressive means and yet, the same problems exist with being “human” that did 1000 years ago (yes we can state people no longer keel over from the same plagues). When there is something we don’t like, we make the other party wrong.

It takes a lot of self-awareness to realize the judgment; it happens everyday in traffic…“That idiot, where did he learn to drive? Doesn’t he know how to use a blinker?” Right and wrong is a man-made idea. The Universe chooses no side, all is one and all has its place. When humans choose a side its about the ego winning….its about what you “think” based on beliefs you grew up with and reinforced through setting up experiences as an adult, that you know something to be labeled as good or bad.

Its not true; its an illusion, there is no good and bad as a universal truth; we each have our own truth.

If you look at the Universe as timeless, as in, it was here before you arrived and will be here after you are no longer a blade of grass on this planet, it would seem all we have built is an illusion. We didn’t build the mountains, deserts and oceans, so those would appear to be real. Its our daily constructs that don’t remain, everything changes. Even our idea of right and wrong changes in some cases. As humans we have been known to change our minds. Yet, even when we change our mind, most of the time someone or something still has to be wrong.

Again, it doesn’t make it true.

Not only are there differing opinions, but if mankind ceased to exist, the world would keep going in its natural state. Mountains, deserts and oceans would still be here. Vegetation and animals would still continue to live, breathe and go forth.The Universe would continue going along as it always does, no sense of right or wrong.

We bring construct to the world, we need a structure, a belief system even if it is not our own.

Someone again must be right and someone wrong.

I condemn no one for what they believe, it is just an observation in terms of where many buy into others’ idea of “right or wrong; good or bad”.

Some people believe in words and beliefs of those who came before us. There are also modern day gurus/politicians/dictators/ leaders/neighbors/family/friends, etc… who guide people with what appears to be the “right” answer to their lives, as to what reality is…its a choice to believe them of course. And this gives meaning to our lives, and we get to tell ourselves we’re okay. What about that other guy who doesn’t share our belief, well once again he’s wrong. Doesn’t matter if we’re talking religious differences, government, road rage or debates across the boardroom….between couples, parents to kids, etc…

The right and wrong debate can keep on going, and going, and going…. but what it really comes down to is what is true for you? Who are you and even if the rest of the world disagrees can you stand for the truth of who you are and not the illusion someone told you should be your life?

Or maybe I just need a cup of coffee?

Its been a day in testing beliefs…

Here’s the thing.

Setting intentions.

The easy part is stating them and feeling like “yes” this will be my future!!

The hard part is trying to maintain the belief for myself until those little suckers manifest! It is an altogether other-wordly request.

And don’t forget to let go of any attachment to a specific outcome in how it must look, be or sound. What a challenge!! Letting go while staying open can make for an uneasy alliance with myself.

Today proposed an interesting challenge! Let’s just say a lot has changed in the over 6 weeks it has been since I brazenly threw my desires out to the Universe.

It was a list of six items which I asked for at the beginning of September; I’ll spare much of the detail as to the events which have transpired recently, but instead I’d like to share my reaction. Out of the six items, a couple of the intentions were aimed at my professional existence. Here is the url, if you would like a recap: Believing.

In looking to grow and create a prosperous existence; today was roadblock “central”.

I have been handed a few items recently which are pushing me to make decisions that I did not want to and are somewhat beyond my control.

A day like today started the stirrings of a very old battle. It was the worthy vs. unworthy parade of ghosts from failures of the past.

In essence, the “me” right now, at this moment, vs. the “me” victimized by all that has ever transpired, probably from birth. And let me tell you, most of today has been an almost even playing field.

In the past, I have lost everything. And I mean everything in the basic needs category (except my car); as in sleeping on someone else’s couch sort of loss.

There were several things which transpired over a window of time in my life that contributed to this loss. Depending on the day you ask me, I could say it was 100% my fault or on the other hand you may find me saying some of it was just bad timing. Today, apparently, I am in that same place of asking myself the same question….take on all the responsibility for all circumstances or is some of it, just not the right timing?

How much of our lives do we create in our hearts and mind? How much is based on the expectations others have of us? And how much of our lives is at times purely built on the extenuating events of that day?

Perception can definitely influence my mood, my activity level and motivation. If I believe the world is against me no matter what I do, I then have no energy to do something positive…I mean “why bother” its just gonna be another smackdown, right? The old voices of past failures come to serenade me on how I ended up in the same exact place I have been countless times in my life, telling me this time is going to be no different. It’s just another version of the same pattern of the same sad dress, I wore for years when those old songs start humming in my head.

On the other hand, when I tell myself those intentions are going to manifest, even though today looks like “opposite day” in my pursuit of successful, glorious, sunshine-y dreams coming true…a little, teeny, tiny miracle starts to manifest.

What is that miracle?

The miracle for me is to refrain, even if it is for a moment, an hour or the rest of the day from beating myself up.

I am then able to touch the place inside of me that believes the present doesn’t have to reflect the past and the future is not at the hands of some dastardly Universe working against me….I instead have found many opportunities today to be at peace with all that is, and not be angry or feel some injustice has befallen me once again. Even though, I have spent portions of the day feeling like a complete failure, I have had many more moments in which that little light inside me starts to glow larger and burn brighter. 

And, it gives me a resolve.

I feel it growing almost as though I am possessed in certain moments by a motivation that is far beyond me. I see the courage and the desire to believe that, yes little reindeer, you too can fly as part of Santa’s sleigh. And so, in this moment, this second….I believe all my dreams will come true; they may just look, be or sound different than I originally thought, so I let go and remain open to what may come my way.