Expectations? Who’s got em’?

Kiss me

Expectations have turned into somewhat of a dirty word in most circles.

We either look at why can’t we be satisfied with the present moment, as is, all the time? Or our expectations lead us to a heck of a lot of disappointment.

Let’s face it, we’re human.

Our nature as complicated and contrasting as it is, also puts us in a state of expectation, even when we are okay with this moment. Ten minutes from now, I may want to eat dinner and expect a great dinner. I want to go on a run; I expect a great run. I want a great date; can’t wait!

There’s also the category of your “expectations.” We’re always expecting something… Are you expecting what you want or what you don’t? What you get is up to you!

Now let me clarify. We don’t always control what we get or how it comes to us. And yet, there is something to how we “expect” thingschange and people to be participants.

If your expectation is that change only comes through crisis or force, then you will focus on that aspect of expectation. Believing nothing good happens for you, is a downer. It seriously hampers your mood and tude.

It sucks as a way of life. 

Expecting pain and suffering by anticipating it and unconsciously helping it along, because you believe this…makes every road you take a CHALLENGE. Even when it doesn’t have to be.

Now on the other extreme is the expectation that everything you want will come to you.

You live in this state of expectancy that when it doesn’t come, severe disappointment sets in. And when the disappointment comes, it’s not easily handled. Often, it becomes a baseball bat to beat up whomever disappointed you or to turn it inwards and beat yourself up.

When it comes to expectations, I have a few tips.

First, accept that you’re human, you have expectations. It’s easier than denying you want something, because the energy of denial causes physical and emotional distress. So, accept that you want your own kingdom.

Second, don’t live in an expectation as though it is a dream. Take action toward what you want to happen. The more you actively participate in having what you want, the more it has no choice, but to come to you.

Third, just because it happened in the past, doesn’t mean it’ll happen again. Circumstances are never exactly the same. The mind may believe it is reliving a past moment, it can, in fact, be very similar, but it is still different. Acknowledge the similarities, but look at who you are now, not back then and realize you can make a different decision leading to a different outcome.

Fourth, try to broaden an expectation. Often we can become so focused on what we expect to happen, that it comes, but doesn’t look how we wanted it to and therefore, we may feel cheated or not satisfied with the result. Open up your mind to not attach to it being a great dinner, because the food tastes so good, maybe it’s the atmosphere or your companionship that make it a “great,” meal.

Fifth, live in the moment. Yes, it is a contrast in terms of expecting and focusing on the here and now. BUT, they are actually simpatico. When I live in the present moment, I’m focused on what I am doing that will lead me toward being in the place to receive what I expect. If I keep planting the seeds “presently,” my expectation is to have a garden full of flowers.

And finally…

Sixth...deal with disappointment. It happens all the time, focus on your resilience and knowing it is not the end of the world. What can you learn? And then let it go, don’t make it part of your identity.

Enjoy….and please share any thoughts you may have on expectations!

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What if….

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The Law of Attraction is a big topic of conversation.

Thinking, believing and acting within a certain “boundary,” which is supposedly unlimited in abundance will bring you just what you always wanted.

The “boundary,” I describe is trying to limit your thoughts and beliefs to a positive space.

And so, people wrestle those demons to the ground. Those pesky ones, which mentally and emotionally get in the way of Nirvana. Except Nirvana doesn’t show up on time or ever. And the Law of Attraction is bemoaned.

What if, we look at a bigger picture.

What if, we’ve narrowed our focus too much, believing this is the only way we will have lives which satisfy us, with all the goodies we ever dreamed?

In looking at the big picture, one word looms large.

INCONSISTENCY.

here's hoping

Bob down the street practiced his daily mantra about believing he is the King of Ireland and surprise, he remained, just Bob down the street.

And what about Joyce, she is several different “holics” numbing her way through life, and she just happened to buy a lotto ticket, which won her the jackpot!

One worked at the Law of Attraction, the other just got lucky, or so it seems.

What works for one person, doesn’t necessarily work for another.

We seem to want a cure-all, one-size fits all formula, but wait! I’m an individual, so the one-size fits all must be unique for me.

There is no cure-all for being human and the lack of control we experience in external factors.

I believe in the “What If Scenario.” I’m always curious as the answers remain unknown to the key; let’s imagine different things are true and say…

“WHAT IF?”

If we’re all connected like a finely woven fabric, wouldn’t it make sense that there are many other factors involved in things, people and opportunities coming to us? Wouldn’t there be a timing (not a time on the calendar or the clock) involved as to when something lands in our environment?

I SAY, “WHAT IF THAT IS TRUE?”

What if, no matter what your mindset or belief system is, it has no impact on what comes your way? What if, we believe we have free will, but everything is pre-destined? What if, we decided before we were born the lessons, the experiences and the people we would encounter in this life? And what if what I am saying is true, because if we are all really connected than everything we say and do effects someone, somewhere at some time. Something like the Butterfly Effect.

“What you should do with such information,” if it’s true?

Work on your belief system, your joy, your desires, your light, your dark and everything in between. What is meant by work on, is not really work. It’s simple, it’s to accept all parts of you, as is, to know your desires and find your passion.

When you do that, it stops mattering so much if you attract something or someone in a timely manner or at all, because you are living in your “zone.”

Our belief system can give us anxiety and cause us much angst, if we don’t shine a light on our own truth.

What if, when it is illuminated and we see our frailties, inconsistencies, hairballs, and everything that we have trouble accepting as part of the whole, attracting things to cure it ceases to be on the agenda.

Realistically, our happiness cannot rely on what we attract, it relies on how we feel, see and live with ourselves. The thinking, feeling and acting we worry so much about in what we attract, shouldn’t be our focus.

What if, letting go of what repetitive thoughts and beliefs make our inner world full of suffering and punishment, perhaps, is the only way to our inner peace. Acceptance stops the punishment.

The thinking, feeling and taking action, should come from our joy, our truth, our darkness, our happiness and stand for who we are–wholly.

What if, when we exist in this place of just “being, participating and accepting,” all sorts of doors open up without forcing them.

What if, the more we go into our deepest nature, our most contented space of self-realization and that all is well, it doesn’t matter if anything is predestined or we have free will, we’re living from a place of connection. Connected to life.

 

 

Nobody Knows but YOU

Only you “know,” what you want right now.

No one else, even your well-meaning, closest friend, mate, parent or advice-giving stranger has an inkling.

It amazes me how we can disappoint someone else by NOT living up to the potential they have set up for us.

What you want for “you” can be based on several things (beyond basic needs) such as:

1. Your expectations of what you “think or believe” is best for you. (And is this based on a perfect picture that you believe, once you have what you want, all will be good?)

2. Another person’s expectations for you (but is that what you truly want?)

3. The expectations of what “right or perfect” are in our society and therefore your want is not really your want?

4. The desire for pleasure.

5. The desire for pain. 

6. The desire to fail or succeed.

7. And wanting to forge your own path in this world.

The list may be long of what YOU may want for YOU.

The list is your list alone, no one else need have an opinion or statement, which should “force” you to change your mind. Changes to whatever it is that you want, should come from within and based on believing whatever you are doing is for your own fulfillment.

Sometimes people observe us and believe they know what is best for us.

Most of the time they don’t, they are making an assumption based on what they know of you in the outer world, not the inner world.

I am not saying there aren’t useful suggestions from others, but when someone looks at you with sad eyes and says, things like “if you only dressed this way,” “if you only quit your job and went into this line of work,” “if you only went to school and got your degree in something that you have no interest in,” “if you would only get your shit together and see that you are on the wrong path,” “if you would only get married, divorced, get a sex change, etc…” ……and so on.

In other words, “please change to make me happy, except I won’t really be happy, because I will find something else that I believe you will need to do that will make me happy, so just follow my instructions for living and you’ll be just fine.”

The funny thing is the person doling out all this advice may be in need of their own good word.

We all have the freedom to choose; we don’t have to give it away in the hope of being happy by some expectation that has nothing to do with who we truly are inside.

The key is to know thyself. Trust thyself.

And know whatever YOU want for you, is okay. No approval from others necessary or needed, besides, really… that is subject to change.

Approve of you…give yourself the opportunity to explore what you want. Make wrong turns, go backwards, forwards, sideways or leap into the unknown!!

The experiences we encounter in our everyday life help us to formulate what we want, as we make decisions for or against our desires. Our experiences may lead to us changing what we want and also why what we want, may continue to elude us.

On a deeper level, what we WANT, which leads us to deep fulfillment and happiness has nothing to do with the outside world.

It has even less to do with the opinions of others.

When we are in search, we don’t find.

When we look within, a whole world awaits us and what we TRULY want has its seeds from this place deep in our soul.

Creativity is the greatest expression fo who we are…if you continue to open the door to your creativity, it will expand all areas of your life.

When we feed that fire, all of a sudden, “the want” becomes an “is.”

Feed yourself kindness, compassion, happiness, laughter, peace and all sorts of appetizing, caring thoughts, ideas, words, gestures, experiences and watch what you want, shift, change and grow.

Not having what we want is possibly the best fertile soil to grow from if you apply awareness to yourself.

And try not to focus on the disappointment.

If you start to understand “why” you want something and the meaning you have attached to it…you will feel yourself expanding into the wholeness that you already are…almost a feeling of filling up the tank. Your tank.

And realizing that it is not SO important to have what you want and even less important to consider what others want FOR you.

In fact, the more you open the door beyond the thinly defined, focused want to an anything is possible attitude, amazing things start to happen.

Things you never dreamed of will come into your life without invitation or searching; they will come because you are participating in your life. You are living from a deeply held knowing of who you are and what matches you will show up.

Just imagine the possibilities….

 

It’s just a nightmare in your head…

The scariest place most of us live ….is in our head.

All sorts of B-movies, horror flicks and dastardly deeds keep playing themselves out with regularity. 

So, they must be true, right? After all we can spend an inordinate amount of time analyzing something or someone we perceive to be a problem or wrong. And if we invest that much energy in telling ourselves that a scenario we created in our mind from circumstantial evidence is true than it must be real!

Unfortunately, what is usually the “case” is we create all of this nightmarish drama about ideas in our OWN mind. Not reality. And if we really understood why, we could then stop creating these fantastical episodes (or at least create less of them).

Many of the nightmares are based on a very core (and untrue) belief we have on the level of what we believe we deserve, which makes us insecure and apt to sabotage something really great in our life.

The belief has to do with how worthy we feel of success, happiness, love, etc…and has more than likely been there since childhood. We have reinforced the belief over the years, because we tend to set up situations (first in our head) that reinforce the belief to be true. We have patterns that keep the belief intact and keep us from realizing what we truly want at a deeper level.

We create our reality.

So…why would we want a nightmare to be our reality? Intellectually, we don’t….emotionally we seem to repeat it over and over.

The triggering thoughts could even happen in a time of peace. As though it is the calm before the storm; and if that is how you see it, you will create just THAT scenario.

I had a client last week who came to see me. I hadn’t seen her in a few months and immediately noticed her energy was calmer and told her so…she said “yes” and that is what scared her.

She had a very stressful job, with a stressful boss when I met her a couple of years ago. The boss was removed last Summer (which should have been a huge relief) and she took on his workload. She never felt any sense of stress leaving her as she swore would happen when her boss left (so all the time we spend thinking “if” this would happen or that would happen, we’d feel better is really a crock) and was still overwhelmed until two weeks ago when she had a new boss come in and take a lot off her plate. She instantly liked him and they got along, which lead to her feeling that now that all was calm, they wouldn’t need her anymore.

She had started to imagine reasons they would let her go, instead of seeing it from a different perspective. She could have chosen to see it from it having been a dysfunctional environment becoming much more functional. She was too afraid to believe that something in her life could go well without a high degree of suffering, even though that is what she truly wants!

Most of us have some insecurities about ourselves and what we deserve. The key is to see the thoughts, which in turn lead to the downward spiral of creating nightmares in our head. It takes a bit of self-awareness to realize the thoughts you are having during the day. I notice them as a sort of “comfortable/uncomfortable” feeling of familiarity.

Sort of like an old pair of shoes, you know them and you may be attached to them, but they are no longer all that comfortable or good for you.

When you catch that feeling, look at the thought and do what you can to not allow the thought to manifest into a B-movie in your mind to later be played out with others.

Projection is what happens.

Haven’t you been in a situation in which you are having a perfectly normal conversation with someone and their reaction to something you have said is….WAY OUT THERE? Or have you been the person to completely overreact (the one who is way out there?)and imagine the person in front of you as the great evil doer in your nightmare?

Yeah… nobody in that scenario is living in the current moment. And it is made worse by the “dramatic scene” we have playing in our head, in which we are soooo sure we know what is really going on and in reality, we couldn’t have been more wrong.

Getting clear on where you are and what you are doing is key. When you stop focusing on someone or something and analyzing it, you free up the space to put that energy toward having self-awareness, which works much better at getting you to your desired outcome.

When those nightmares start up….ask where they come from and when you see that they are about as real as the boogeyman you have an opportunity to take different action NOW (as in you have a clean slate–this moment is new, treat it that way) and not give energy to fiction in your mind. It gets easier the more often you do it and you will find yourself being less reactive and that things in your life just sort of work themselves out…..its true!

Letters to a Genie in a Bottle

One of my clients recently shared something with me in regard to having faith for herself. She told me of a little habit she has developed. Writing questions to her higher self (or whatever it is that would work for you) and then writing the answers she receives. She believes the answers do not come from her, because the resulting advice isn’t anything she would ever say.

I thought about this for a bit.

I often ask questions of a higher power while on my daily walks. I hope to acquire answers through my senses; hearing, seeing or even receiving an amazing epiphany. I had not tried her technique of writing questions to receive answers. Although, I know Neale Donald Walsch who wrote “Conversations with God”, used this type of Q&A session as the basis for his book.

I have used writing for a variety of endeavors. I have spent time writing intentions as stories with many nuanced feelings and imagery that are heart-based. I find the intentions that are from my heart, actually appear at a much quicker rate then the ones I “think” about wanting in my life. Seems what the heart knows and desires, the heart receives…maybe in a different picture, but it is fulfilled.

I decided I would try out my client’s method of talking to my higher power. I thought I would start simple. I asked, “Can we expect world peace anytime soon?” (C’mon they ask beauty pageant finalists a similar question-how difficult could it be???) The answer: “It lies within humankind to recognize each individual as unique and to accept. Once we accept our brother, sister and self, we are on the road to peace. Acceptance not eradication. Acceptance through fear. Acceptance joined with love of the self and others. Acceptance of every dark quality within every cell of your being will bring the world to a place of peace.”

I thought about it for a minute. This really did not answer my question. I asked if we could expect peace any time soon and I didn’t get a “yes” or “no”. And the answer I received was very similar to something I would state…. so I had to take this a bit more seriously to possibly produce better results.

And so I tried a few personal questions. I could not differentiate between my brain and messages outside of me. It seemed like it all sounded the same. Sigh. What type of question would yield an answer that I could be SURE was not coming from me?

The closest I came to any sort of halfway real answer is this one: “What will happen in relation to my work this week? You will have a very busy week, many things will take place that are unexpected and make you believe that you are in alignment with your goals.” Now if this transpires this week; I may have to believe all the answers I received to my questions.

I thought it may be the quality of these questions. Though, for the purpose of this exercise, I wanted to ask very general requests of the intelligent life force that I have seen perform miracles. And then it dawned on me. Keep it simple. What is in my heart, not my head? Just like I said before I started writing the questions.

Questions from the mind aren’t going to be satisfied with the answers, no matter what is stated. Heart questions are always sated, because most of the time, the heart already knows the answer.

Heart questions are not attached to a specific person, place or thing. It is concerned with well-being. The final answer should provide a sense of well-being.

I also realized that my way of asking for fulfillment of my requests each morning on my walk, elicited answers all day long. Maybe not how I envisioned, but when I allowed my perception to widen in accepting an answer, I very often end up feeling giddy with delight as I recognize the Universe providing for me.

I had recently found the more aware I am throughout the day of what takes place in and around me, the quicker results happen in my life. I feel like I am in a flow not forcing or pushing my agenda. It is way more creative to watch how the Universe provides exactly what you asked in ways so far beyond what you had imagined; it is actually mind-blowing.

Personally, I rather enjoy all these little surprises. I feel expansive, not limited and it has given me opportunities that I may not have noticed in the past while I focused on “how it had to be”….not that I have let go completely of my picture, but I have definitely widened the lens for fulfillment.

Action Jackson: the list to having a GROOVY time

As I wind down from my out of the ordinary busy week-end and look at my billowing inbox, I realize my post on “60 things in my heart” will now be expanded beyond my heart and everyone who shared their heart with me.

I am excited to write this upcoming post, which will take a bigger commitment than a few hours of writing and may turn into a series. As I reflect on this week-end, the word “ACTION” comes to mind. It is all about lighting a flame under your gluteus and making a change, any change, in your day.

I had a client today who is almost 70. She is making and taking the biggest risk in her life! She freakin’ rocks, because every time we meet she has moved further into her heart and out of her head. She knows her dream. And as I eloquently stated at one point, “F*** the dream, make it a reality”, she has used it as her mantra. She actually mentioned that I should use this mantra as the title of my upcoming book. We’ll see.

As I work with clients, I learn in my own life where I tend to jump in the box; where it is safe, warm and cozy in my mind, but in reality makes me feel a low level of discomfort and a lot of discontent. No matter what is going on for you… meaning; whatever problems you want to solve, changes you want to make or fight against in your life; or decisions hanging in the balance; the place to resolve them is not IN YOUR HEAD.

It’s all about ACTION Jackson! When you take action, change happens, opportunities come up and as you move through your life things will fall into place. It’s true. Get on outta your head and do something, anything today and you will break the chain. The chain of patterns, beliefs, routine and discarded dreams/goals.

Here’s what I propose: take ACTION everyday.

It doesn’t matter if you’re clear, foggy or completely without a clue as to what you really want in your life…its a matter of doing something. You can figure out what works for you and what doesn’t along the way.

I WOULD LOVE IT, REALLY LOVE IT….if some folks out there take action in their life NOW and keep me posted on the action they take each day. I have started a list below of actions I take, to change it up big and small…in addition are a few I have heard from others that are great game changers.

1. If you have a TON of self-discipline about your morning routine, as in, you never vary it…completely change it up for one day. Do something completely out of the ordinary or at least change your cereal, me I’ll take Count Chocula over the flax seed protein cereal I had last week.

2. Everytime you are interested in saying “NO” to something “out of habit”, say “yes”.

3. If you put your right shoe on first, today, put on your left shoe first or wear two different shoes and see what happens.

4. Talk to a total stranger about something that has meaning, you may be surprised to hear something you needed or you have a gift for them. This happens to me ALL the time.

5. Put it OUT there. Start telling other people your dream goal. Or tell them an immediate goal, now. See how you are aided. (I am going to do a series “Coach in a Box” that will be a downloadable video from my website; wouldn’t you know it the minute I said I needed help to anyone with ears, people started showing up to help me. In fact, today a videographer was in the place I work out of shooting a video for a co-worker on Yoga at Work)….so shout it out, drop notes everywhere, like bird seed and see miracles land in your lap!

6. Get on the internet, do research on a subject that you have passion about and then reach out to experts in the field. Watch what happens!

7. If you always do the elliptical at the gym, get on the treadmill.

8. If you spend your time gossiping about other people, share your own secrets instead…watch how people treat you, it will be amazing!

9. Smile at every person you see on the street.

10. Make a list of every passionate idea you have and do “one” thing toward any of them TODAY.

11. Join a group or find a class on something you have never tried, but have wanted to do, forever!

12. Get creative, we are all artists….choose a medium which makes you feel alive. It may take a few tries, but the more you open up in this way, the more ideas about all areas of your life will manifest.

13. Make a mistake, make 20!

14. Start a food fight. Really. I have done this for years with my kids….so, if you find a public food fight unseemly, start a private one.

15. Take one expectation that someone has of you, that makes you feel bound and chained to some obligation YOU don’t want and say “no”. You can just say “no”.

16. Play a childhood game…candyland, hopscotch or how about cross-fire, anyone remember that one?

17. Give yourself permission to do whatever you want, whatever it is that the mood strikes you for one day and see how you feel….no guilt, this is getting approval from the most important person in the world, “YOU”.

18. Love people and tell them, make sure those who you love, know it, Share what you love most about them! Why they have a special place in your heart; elaborate, write a poem or a song….treat em’ to a foot massage or a pat on the back. Share YOUR love, you will never feel so groovy as when you are sharing the “love”.

19. Go somewhere you have never been, even if it is to the 7-Eleven across town. And while you are at it, change your commute today–take a different road, maybe even change the time and keep your eyes OPEN…see what is around you in the present moment.

20. Pet a dog if you are afraid of them; can’t stand cats, pick one up and let him use you as a scratching post (okay make sure his nails aren’t really sharp first)….whatever you have a FEAR of…walk right up to the cavern of FIRE and DO SOMETHING anyways….you may find that you still have that courage in ya and that big bad fear ain’t gonna keep you from LIVIN’ LARGE!

Okay, I can continue this list, but those are some great starters….please let me know if you are taking ACTION in your life and HOW…share, share, share…. either here or email me at Tracy@13degreez.com

Thank you…

An intention came true for Victoria!

As told by Victoria…

The Crystal Trunk Show at my place of business, Que Linda Boutique…was a special event from our crystal vendor to our customers. The crystals offered were everything from jewelry to large pieces for the home.

It was a large selection of items for our customers to pick and  choose from, as if they were shopping directly through the crystal warehouse…but instead, the warehouse came to them.

The day started with my mindset of JOY.

With ease I got ready, with ease I  breathed through the morning thoughts of what today would bring.  JOY.  

I had just put on my dress that was comfortable to wear and embraced with the feeling making me Goddess strong.

As I was headed out the door; I gave my beau, Michael a kiss with my eyes, then with my lips and hugged him, while continuing to feel Goddess strong.

I went about opening the boutique and set the daily tone~burning incense, playing a wonderful soul soothing CD, turning on the water fountains, and lighting up the crystal  lamps.

I walked to the card reading room I recently set up toward the back of my boutique.

I looked into the mirror in this room and summonsed God, Buddha, Oracles, Angels, Ancestors, Universe and all light  powers that be…

This day and every day forth: Wealth of LIFE…wealth of Love,  wealth of Joy, wealth of Health, wealth of peace and grace, wealth of Soul  Workers, wealth of PROSPERITY for the boutique, the studio, QL2 & all who work &  provide service.

I looked directly into the mirror and declared a specific dollar figure for the sales of the day for the trunk show.  It was a figure I stretched  further than I felt comfortable, but now know this to be part of my journey…going beyond that which I already know exists.

I continued on with my day.  

I received a phone call from a vendor praising us for who and what we are in our work. He declared, “Victoria…it is your time.  No matter the economic situation, you have done your work. You have provided for those in your community to still love and laugh and be provided a safe place to nourish. It is your time to be successful.  It is YOUR TURN.  Your turn to be  successful and to be rich.”
WOW!
I had only spoken to this vendor, Joel, briefly in the past, when I asked to be a retailer of his A-mazing Yoga inspired wear.
I believe in his intention and love the QUALITY he provides in his product…I believe in his “service.”  I was feeling wealth of validation.
Thank you Universe for Joel’s message today.
The next call I received was the crystal vendor.   She had called to ask if it was raining yet in our area, if so she would come earlier to ensure setting up on time. My reply to her, “Yes it is raining, and as they say for rain on wedding days, we are “twice blessed.”  She agreed.
We felt an immediate sense of good energy pulsating through the phone and we both were in the place of believing that “it is time.”  Minutes before the event was to start, we already had customers joining us.
The rain was falling and yet they were still coming. The magic in the air, the energy  pulsating from person to person, crystal to person was intoxicating! We literally opened the doors to allow all the energy to flow freely and expand.  The cold weather did not permeate the room, it really blessed the space and the event.
An elegance and joy filled the entire day, and the event lasted an extra hour. As we said good-bye to the last customer, we started to tally up the day.
When I looked at the final figures it was 60% more than I had  declared to the mirror that morning, but I had yet to pay out to the vendor…so I continued to do the math.
Taking the figures of the day, and deducting the vendors portion, I was left with the EXACT figure I had declared to the mirror at the beginning of the day! WOW!
I had OVER “declared” as a LEAP OF FAITH in my year of manifestation!  Well the Universe heard, danced and answered me. Now to continue this each and every day I get to dance on this earth…Thank you  Universe!