Having More Faith in Possibilities Then Failure?

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As we get older, we can line up all our past experiences in our life with money, love, career and anything else we’ve given meaning to and believe certain truths about ourselves.

For some of us, we can look beyond the disappointments and keep doubts, insecurities and negative thinking at bay…and for others of us, we feel incapable of having what we want, our worlds have just been getting smaller and smaller.

In creating a small world, there are benefits! We get to stay stuck, give up, run away, avoid change, find evidence that we shouldn’t risk and blame everything else for our being in this void.

We create a small world where everything seems under our control, except our happiness. We find a certain comfort zone of feeling and we decide that’s enough, wanting more will put us at risk. Our minds will help us to stay right here too.

At the same time, the yearning for more NEVER disappears.

If we ignore it by finding behaviors that numb us out, or distract us from living into our dreams, their efficacy will lose its ability after awhile. Then what will we do?

Being angry at what we feel we’re owed means we could be waiting for years for outside proof that its safe to proceed, “that now is the time.” 

Staying stuck is comfortable, it’s familiar. And the only change, which comes from being there is usually a worsening of circumstances. The status quo dips, because as human beings we’re not born to play it safe–because there’s no such thing. What we say ‘no’ to today in terms of risk toward what WE WANT, will haunt us in many tomorrows to come.

Those who keep risking pay attention to that other voice within them, the one who is willing to get up, dust itself off and move toward that dream today. It doesn’t wait for a sign or the moment, it goes for it, because waiting just means more time passes where we could be living large!

The bolder individuals who don’t let their past failures dictate their future, understand discomfort is part of the process.

What do they do?

  • Rejection and obstacles are temporary and not meant to be taken personally.
  • They stay open and vulnerable when its risky, they know its their true strength.
  • Expand their small world for their bigger dreams
  • Become more responsible for their lives, not blaming any circumstances outside of them for where they are now.
  • Have passion and excitement for their dream.
  • They spend time visualizing the goal (not the how), but the results they want–they see it, hear it and feel it! Even when they’re reality doesn’t reflect anything that shows what they want it to be.

Having faith in possibilities takes courage, while faith in failure is easy.

When we claim our value and know we deserve to live OUR dreams, we can face challenges, disappointments and doors closing, because we have the faith to know that our perseverance will pay off. Dropping the weight of the past, gives us freedom to have faith in the opportunity for a kickass life!

 

 

Who’s a victim? Not me.

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People get uncomfortable, when addressing a few tactics they have to gain attention, or ways they blame other people for the state of their affairs or how they constantly wait for someone to show up or take action; they cringe, because I bring up the word victim. No one wants to see themselves as a victim.

No one.

There’s a certain power in being a victim.

A way to seemingly control others.

Our society constantly invokes victimization as the way to live.

Specifically, if we’re not paying attention, we end up on the drama triangle (the three points are the victim, rescuer and perpetrator). Most soap operas, love songs, fairy tales and movies have the triangle as the story arc and we get hooked into thinking this is some sort of reality; we buy into it.

And….just for fun….when we’re on this triangle, we usually switch points, sometimes we’re rescuer in the same situation or persecutor with the same person.

Unfortunately, living as a victim is something many of us do unconsciously. 

It shows up insidiously.

In deriving a strange pleasure from someone mistreating us, we get oddly excited (if we’re honest), because we’re getting our power back from them.

We induce guilt. Guilt is a master manipulator. Manipulation gives a false sense of control. Next time, pay attention to someone ‘fucking-up’ and how we now feel we can punish them for what they have done. Sound familiar?

It’s really a painful way to live, usually we’re completely oblivious to this being a pattern…we think it’s just ‘how we feel.’

It’s a cycle, in which, we think, ‘if only they would change, or I’m always waiting for them to do blah, blah, blah,’ except, we don’t really want them to, it would defeat the purpose of us being able to stay as a victim…‘poor us’ against this brute of a human being.

Being a victim is a strategy. We learned it when we were young. It’s a way of getting something, attention, or blaming someone (or something) else for how we feel. If we hold something outside of us accountable, we falsely believe, we’ll feel better than if we take responsibility.

As a kid, it helped in getting love, attention, value, or to not be abandoned…though, these were just strategies, GIVING the ‘appearance’ of having power.

Many of us still use the same strategies, we had as small children…we’ve had years of re-affirming beliefs about ourselves, which keep us locked into this victim dynamic.

In reality, we should not try to wield power over another.

Empowerment doesn’t come from others being accountable to us or being locked in a power struggle. We never do have power over anyone or anything permanently. Ever.

Perhaps, we get an apology, or someone tries to make up for being a jerk….we still never really feel fulfilled and the other person, more than likely is sitting on a land mine of resentment toward us. It’s an inauthentic way to live, which means we will always feel shitty and as though, something is missing, almost all the time.

Who does this triangle actually work for and how do we get off?

It works for those who see no other way. And by ‘it works’ what I mean, is they continue to survive their lives, never really living. Their voice is null and void, unless it’s whining, complaining, manipulating or looking at us as though we just beat up a puppy. This is not happiness…and it’s not the road there either.

The first action is to hold ourselves accountable. Screw holding anyone else (even if they do what we want today—tomorrow they can do something else-WE CANNOT CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE) accountable. Look at where we blame someone else for a shitty situation. What is our part? Why do we allow it? What are we really trying to get? And what do we want outside of us to change?

The second action is to ACCEPT. Look at everything as it is, good, bad and ugly. Just say OKAY, because wishing it or someone would change–is like staring at a mountain and wanting it to be a moose.

The third action is keep trying to accept and notice where the resistance inside of us is located. What don’t we like about the situation? Where is that reflected within us? Find the pain. The outside is a reflection of our inner world…whatever we resist, persists…so we start loving ourselves as we are and we feel more peaceful.

The fourth is to see our truth. Where do we lie to ourselves? What makes us think this is the way to survive? Can we see another way by taking responsibility and making choices, in alignment with our heart? Love is always there—the more we love ourselves, the more we can actually listen to our truth.

Fifth action, comes from knowing number 4, 3, 2 and 1. Set boundaries. Decide what is acceptable to us and what we want our life to look like…then, WE MUST LIVE INTO IT. It’s not up to others to respect our boundaries first, it’s up to us. And boundaries are NOT walls or something to beat others up with, boundaries are a statement of our standards for living. Period.

 

5 Ways To Empower Your Life For The Better

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Relationships rule our lives.

We may get out of bed each morning, dreading interaction with someone during our upcoming day. We may spend time ruminating over the negative feelings and feel uninspired to believe we can actually change something in the communication or our feelings toward them.

Thinking of the “what ifs,” can disempower us from making any decisions in our daily lives and therefore, we can stay stuck in a monotonous circle.

The only power to change anything in our lives resides within us and requires a shift in our perception of reality. How easy is it to do?

It is only through our deepest desire that we can sustain the energy it takes to empower our relationships and our lives.

Wanting to empower ourselves for a better life takes the following:

Step #1: It takes commitment; we must first understand our level of deserving, before we can truly commit to the process of creating a better life. If we do not feel deep inside (based on our beliefs) that we deserve more than settling or struggle, we need to be aware that we’re in a state of resistance to good ‘easily’ coming our way.

Step #2: It’s not all about us. The thoughts in our head rarely have anything to do with another person’s perception of reality. We assume, we know their intention and why they do what they do, but in reality we don’t and we never will…. even if they tell us.

Why is this the case?

Think about how often our mind changes, how skewed our intention can be from one minute to the next, when emotions influence many of our thoughts. Many people lack the self-awareness to understand that half the stories they tell themselves are b.s. and the individuals with self-awareness need to understand that assuming anything about anyone is just a way of avoiding ourselves.

Step #3: Take responsibility for all thoughts and actions we initiate. This means we have control over our lives, when we place blame outside of us, we become a victim who doesn’t have the tools to ‘create’, because there is always something stopping us. Freeing ourselves from what we try to manipulate or blame will result in an opening of our heart and mind to possibilities (rather than living in the belief that what we want is impossible).

Step #4: Get clear on what we actually want. This comes from knowing who we are, which is actually a question most people cannot answer about themselves. Many of us have been conditioned to believe we are someone else, through whatever strategies we identified with as a matter of survival or gaining attention as a child. We have forgotten what we actually love, where our joy is ignited and may not trust the desires we have are nothing more than a passing fancy.

Showing up in all parts of our lives as the same person, rather than in different roles to suit the player, will bring about a dynamic potency to our vision. The clearer our intention, the better our life will become.

Step #5: Be in the present moment. Not only do we need to know who we are, so we can be clear on what we want…we must also bring our entire selves into the moment. When we’re checked out, we are not empowered and we’re not actually engaged in what we’re doing, how we’re interacting and therefore unable to feel connected.

Removing the compartments and accepting what currently ‘is’ in our lives will allow us to be authentic, to make decisions from a clear, connected and centered place within us. It gives us the opportunity to empower ourselves with our action, words and choices in the current moment—when we are “wholly” present.

It’s Tiring To Write People Off…

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I get tired of people writing other people off.

I listen as they speak volumes on the negative qualities possessed by the person who apparently tortures them.

Why can’t he or she act right?

If he or she would just do the right thing, then everything would be okay!

As though this is somehow a solution to anything. We may get to a point where we write them off, as just badly damaged, beyond repair or broken…and I say, “Why do we speak of people as though they are a non-functioning old TV set?”

Who are we to place the responsibility of any situation entirely on the shoulders of someone who has clearly shown they’re not capable of carrying the world on their shoulders?

Did we select them? Did they choose to be responsible for our happiness? Our success? Our anything?

How does one go about making sure they are chosen for the job of most shamed?

And on the other side of the coin, we don’t want our issues resolved, because then we’d have to take responsibility.

Could it be that…

We want to be disappointed.

We want to be victimized, we like having no power–so then there is nothing, which happens, which is our fault.

Our issues have nothing to do with anybody, but ourselves.

We are our own issue.

And every single person has value. Even people who we keep trying to devalue, blame and place responsibility for things falling apart onto….it has to be someone’s fault, right?

When it comes to people who seem to consistently disappoint, it’s really a matter of how they see their own value.

How they see themselves may be skewed–so they don’t see their truth, and instead, act in ways to support their belief that they’re unworthy, et al.  Often, we see these as the people we want to write off, because of their inconsistency, withdrawal, laziness, stonewalling or any sort of negative mood or attitude that pushes other people away.

I know, because I’ve been that person. I’ve also been on the receiving end of it. Most people who show up that way, are not horrible people (excluding abusive individuals).

They want love as much as the next person.

They may lack the awareness about their core belief in believing they deserve love,  goodness and acceptance. They just stand in their own way.

Can we fix them?

Convince them?

Give them self-help reading materials?

Paint an arrow on the road, leading this way?

No. Not really.

First, all any of us can do, is to take care of ourselves.

Second, if someone wants to open up and recognize their value, it’s not an overnight thing. It wasn’t for me or anyone else I know who believed they were unworthy of love. I had to stop setting up the situations, which would leave me abandoned or feeling bad, so that the crappy belief I had about myself was proven true.

It takes a lot of awareness and actively getting uncomfortable by taking action, which we’d normally never take in a ‘given’ situation.

Third, it’s really about taking emotional risks, which create an emotional experience (which is the language of our subconscious) to change lives. It’s their choice, not ours.

Many of us feel like we’re not good enough. Our actions support it–think about when we feel bad–do we withdraw? Act in an off-putting way?  So, it’s the same for others too.

If we make someone else’s actions about us, then we’ve become a victim….we want something from them to make up for what we feel they ‘did’ to us.

An apology or acknowledgement or something to say they screwed up, they’re mean, etc…and while we ‘wait’ in resentment, because they have our power until they give us back what we think is missing…all it shows is we aren’t taking care of ourselves.

We may get so pissed off, we want to write that person off. We build a case against them; we tell stories of their savagery–gaining sympathy for our victimized state and in the end, if we have enough ammunition and kick this person to the curb…what did we win?

We still haven’t resolved our original issue.

The one we’re avoiding by blaming someone else for our problems, or focusing on why they show up the way they do….or anything we give our power to showing us how little we value ourselves.

Next time you want to write someone off, ask what “you’re” taking personally, that they do.

Find out why you are there, what did you allow when you should’ve had boundaries and what are you trying to get? What validation do you think you need?

Keep asking yourself questions and when you have clarity–start admitting YOUR truth to yourself and then others…it is freeing and it will stop you from wondering if you should write people off.

Why?

Because, your focus will shift to your happiness, and making choices for yourself for your fulfillment.

Power of Letting Go

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Anyone heard the term “Conscious Uncoupling?”

The first time I heard the statement was from my original coaching mentor. She had been interviewed about the concept, which she had developed a program based on her own experience. It’s an interesting idea, in terms of how we can learn and grow through our separation from someone we love.

Most people either learn and grow through letting go, or become bitter and angry in the process. No matter what, we have a choice in where we direct our anger or hurt. In conscious uncoupling, depending on what definition someone subscribes to, we can keep a person in our life that we are now no longer with while we both evolve in a less dramatic (loving) fashion by recognizing our patterns that create toxic or unloving situations.

In my book this is not entirely letting go.

Meaning, all of that is fine and dandy, except the part about keeping the person we’ve just broken up with and no doubt have strong emotions for in our lives.

To let go in terms of it’s power is so much more than walking away, or shutting a door, or saying “I give up.”

The power in letting go is to turn toward a new paradigm for the self. To free up space, allow a flow where it was stopped, understand attachment vs. love, and to give oneself time to heal.

The danger in conscious uncoupling is to not give it the time, and also to not honor our own feelings.

I’ve watched it happen, where both parties agree to it, and show everyone they are still loving friends. Unfortunately, at the same time one or both of them are not really done, and are struggling to move on in one or both of their lives. Their behavior and actions on their own do not support the image that all is well. And if one moves onto a new relationship too soon, while the other is still pining for their old relationship—that is just asking for a plate full of pain.

This isn’t healthy and it’d be far less hurtful, respectful and loving to be authentic and state how it doesn’t actually work with the ex-mate to have a continuing presence (aside from kids with shared custody) in each other’s personal lives. Giving space and shifting focus away from the past (since this relationship is over) is to be in the present.

Letting go comes in stages.

Raising of consciousness can come as awareness steps in to light. Let’s face it, when we have old beliefs about our self-worth and relationships, snapping our fingers and saying poof those are gone is just not that simple! It doesn’t happen that way.

Letting go is surrendering to the greater love, pain, conflicting emotions and the unknown.

Conscious uncoupling if used correctly, is about separately opening up oneself to a deeper understanding of how we show up in relationships and why we have the needs we do. It is not something done as a team, together. It’s to step up, let go, accept, wish the other one well and truly embark on a different leg in our journey.

This becomes a huge quandary for many of my clients.

They find themselves months and even years after a relationship has ended in just as much pain as if it happened yesterday. I often find, as long as they’re also in a state of resistance to their true feelings, “I don’t want to feel anything about him/her!” they find the letting go process extremely difficult.

Whatever we resist, persists and when we don’t want to feel something for someone we are no longer with, we have a battle inside of us, having nothing to do with the other person.

When we can feel our feelings of love for them, and realize we actually generate those good feelings, it’s an opportunity to shift and learn how to create those feelings without the object of our desire. When we can do that, we’ve found the answer to letting go and conscious uncoupling; we’ve found the space of unconditional love to pay ourselves respect, as we grow. Not only can we become a better partner, we also fall more in love with ourselves too.

When I hear, “Why Am I So Stupid”

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I say, “It’s because you want to be.”

I’m not trying to sound jerky. The truth is, WE look for situations to fulfill our rather unhealthy beliefs about ourselves, when WE choose not to practice self-awareness.

It’s a choice, because when I hear this statement, it means the ENTIRE focus of my client is clearly on someone else; a person they more than likely care about, in a situation, in which their needs either aren’t met, or their head is played with…not just once or twice, but repetitively.

It comes from believing the opposite of what is actually being shown to them in reality.

When an axe-murderer shows up with an axe….we know that’s an axe-murderer. When the axe-murderer shows up without an axe and roses instead….we may think, “Hmmm…I know this person is an axe-murderer, but gee…they have a dozen roses! Perhaps they’ve changed overnight and are no longer an axe-murderer? Or maybe I’m the only who loves this person enough to change them from killing people to loving people?”

Or whatever crap we feed ourselves.

None of us are really stupid in these instances. We just have some really crappy beliefs about WHO WE ARE that we wanted validated. It’s like saying to the axe-murderer–“Please show me how bad you are, so I know how stupid I am…and at the same time I can blame you for being an axe-murderer, BUT I want you to tell me I’m the only one you’ve ever loved, because I wanna continue to ignore my own axe-murdering tendencies.”

Huh?

When we are attracted to an axe-murderer–perhaps we’re attracted to the numbness in this person which matches our own numbness? Or how about the self-loathing one must feel to be an axe-murderer…..how much self-loathing would we be feeling dating this person?

Now I am using a really far-fetched example, but the truth is when we state how stupid we are…we are looking for validation that we are stupid!

We purposely make the decisions based on this belief and our patterns (which have been years and years in the making) take over keeping us in a cycle with someone that makes us want to scream!

It is not the axe-murderer’s fault. We CHOOSE to keep allowing this person in our lives, because we won’t look inside of ourselves to figure out the connection. We refuse to learn anything, which would help us grow and feel better…we look to this individual who’s clearly incapable of helping us, as our savior.

I hear so often, ” I heard from him/he, after months of no word, what do I do?” or “I heard from him/her, and I answered–why does he/she always do this–why doesn’t he or she just go away?”

 

In the first instance….there’s nothing to do outwardly unless we choose. Meaning, what does it feel like to hear from a person either we’ve put into damnation or placed on a pedestal? It was the other person’s choice to take action by contacting us. We didn’t make the choice….and therefore, unless we feel a need to respond, we don’t have to….we’re not being mean or ignoring them we’re making a choice to not engage, because we weren’t engaging with them before they made contact. Whatever we do–we should always kindly honor ourselves.

And usually…when I hear the second statement…there is no honoring of anyone in it.

In the second instance…..we are playing the game again. The one of strategy. The one to get the crappy belief we have about ourselves validated by someone who clearly cannot even validate their own existence. We have now engaged as the reactor. The person who sent us a message took action they wanted to…and because of that, we feel we must respond….and usually it is calculated. It’s because…. if we don’t we’ll become anxious, obsess about it and doubt ourselves; our value.

If we don’t respond, somehow the value this person is giving us by reaching out, has now vanished. We feel we’re being jerky. Or we still want something that this person refuses to give to us.

None of these statements will ALLOW us to respond in an authentic way…we will manipulate and strategize to get our way. We’ve fallen right back into the cycle again. Nothing has changed. We find the same false hope leading us, which has to do with the other person changing, not us.

If you have uttered “Why Am I SO Stupid,” to yourself this week….email me for a quick 10 minute evaluation consultation–so you can get a few tools to help you to NOT fulfill this cycle again.

 

 

You Can Speculate About Him Or Her….

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Until the cows come home.

Mind reading 101.

It is a complete and total waste of time.

Dealing with someone who doesn’t speak truth or who’s actions don’t match their words? So, tiring.

The entire situation, in which, we feel we’re always left scratching our head, when it comes to someone we love, who practices no consistency, shows up and ships out, or isn’t honest about their intentions….can make a person feel crazy!

Why do people come into our lives who say they love us to pieces, give us words as a lifeline, but then do a 180 degree turn and disappear for days/weeks/months or put major distance between us?

It’s called emotional unavailability.

FEAR is at the base, but it goes unrecognized, even with all the anxiety or panic brought on when someone gets too close … the person who is outwardly unavailable isn’t examining why they are pulling away…they just need to go!

You or me, we are inwardly unavailable. We feel this is as good as we can do, or this is our value…what we deserve based on fear related to a belief, which we’ve probably had for many years.

Whether it is someone who we have a revolving door relationship with, or a yo-yo, or some other toy description…this relationship feels toxic.

There are warning signs in the beginning, but we often miss them. We may not want to be alone, we may have low self-esteem or something, which makes us susceptible to the charms of a person who cannot emotionally commit.

We analyze the crap out of what the person says, what he or she must be thinking and of course the un-matching actions. We ask our friends, neighbors, relatives. We look online, pick up a ton of books and spend way too much time thinking about it.

We need help here, don’t we?

The issue in having a relationship with someone who is a yo-yo, they come close and then they back off, or out and we take it personally. We think there is something wrong with us.

And yes, there is something wrong with us (and it’s not what you think), we’re looking in the wrong direction or at the wrong characteristics to get to the root of the issue.

The place to look is in the mirror. When we focus on their doing or lack of doing, coming and going, saying words that sound like a commitment, but are only meant to keep us hanging in the balance…we can get caught up in it, so we stop looking at ourselves.

When this person returns (again) into our lives, after vacating the premises momentarily or for a long period of time, we may become easily convinced through their renewed presence that there is more meaning to it than actually is shown. We may be given breadcrumbs, but look for the deeper meaning, after all they keep showing back up!

The situation we’re in is not easy to break. We may romanticize the dysfunction and take responsibility for the fact that the relationship falls apart, but that is not the place to find out truth. The truth is in our “why,” we may be so convinced that no one will ever love of us more, or at all. We may be convinced our needs are excessive, because we weren’t valued when we were younger.

Now we must find our truth, and re-focus.

Take our focus off this person who rips our heart out each time they go, and learn what it is that keeps us attached. Sit with the anxiety, the unease–the auto-pilot thoughts which tell us we aren’t worthy…what is underneath it?

As we focus less on the other person, more on ourselves and opening our heart….truly moving away from the emotional unavailability within us and recognizing our fear, we start on a new journey leading us to having the relationship we truly want. It takes time, it takes effort–but it is all within us to change the trajectory.

You can email me at Tracy AT tracycrossley dot com or sign up for Complimentary Relationship Session. I am also having a free Teleseminar in August, you can get details and sign up here: FREE Teleseminar.

Power of Submission

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I thought the title was more catchy than the power of acceptance, but really….the opposite of resistance, is submission.

And in the context of power, the submission is not necessarily to another person, but to the circumstances as they are, and not how we want them to be.

What we resist, persists.

I speak with people all the time. many remind me of how I approached change with myself. I would seek out help, and then decide somewhere in there that I could just do it on my own. I could save myself time and money…and get there just as quick! After all, who knows me better than me?

Well…yeah. My resistance was not helping me, and as someone pointed out, if I went on my own, it would take me far longer to get where I wanted to go…and she was right.

I was still a bit of a control freak. I thought I was open, but I wanted it all to be my way. I thought I could immerse myself in books, here someone speak and change. Except, it took me a long time, because I was only grasping things intellectually.

To change our lives on a deeper level, we have to submit to change…to things being different than our familiar way of our patterns.

I can hear it when I am speaking to some people, who swear up and down, they cannot handle their circumstances anymore, but at the same time they want to defend their stance.They resist a different path.

Whenever we think of change, we want to be at the end result, the goal. We hope change will come in the middle of the night while we’re sleeping and we haven’t had to go thru any struggle or questions surrounding our actions….basically, we want change to just slip in the backdoor.

Instead, we resist the very things we want in life.

We say we want to be with our soulmate…

We say we want a great relationship….

We say we to understand ourselves better…

We say we want to be happy…

And so on.

As long as we do not submit to what is and accept it, whether it means we must forge ahead with change, or allow our circumstances to remain without trying to change other people then our resistance will continue and what we don’t want will continue……until we just can’t stand it anymore…

And then…we may be able to talk ourselves into numbing out to stay in a state of resistance. We can distract ourselves. We can numb out, or only express frustration and anger at certain moments…and then go right back into the state of quiet battle.

Sacrifice is not submission, it is another way of denying change. To submit is power. It says, my battle is not with life or someone, I accept all that is and hold myself responsible, so that I can create the life I want.

When we are not focused on the resistance, we can create. Our lives are a creation, so why not make our lives about being in a flow to go where we want?

Say “okay,” to what others want. It doesn’t mean, we do what they want or even think it’s a great idea; it just means we’ve acknowledged what they want and we are allowing them to do that without our resistance.

I spent a lot of time in my younger years helping people, who said they wanted my advice. I would get so frustrated when they wouldn’t follow it. I’d want to change their lives for them, or get them to do the right thing in my eyes….it took me a long time to understand, it’s not my decision…their life belongs to them no matter what my perception was of their actions.

When we perceive someone as wrong, or want to control another’s actions, we’re not living our life. We’re resisting our life, by ignoring it and what we need to do for ourselves. When we gossip, we’re in a state of resistance.

One way to tell, is the physical feeling that comes from the energy held in resistance. Everything feels tighter, tense and heavy. When we let go and submit to what is, we feel lighter, happier and able to see more clearly…so we can create our lives.

The more we submit, the more we create and the more we say okay to change. The inertia we feel or the walls we have around us, are meant to be broken through…if we allow them to remain, we won’t really change (or it may take us 50 years longer if we do it ourselves), we’ll keep doing things the same old way and read a book–thinking we now get it and we’ll continue in a state of resisting life.

 

 

 

Power of Happiness

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“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” – Dale Carnegie

Many of us think of happiness as a fleeting image. We are at an amusement park, on vacation or some other entertaining venue or event, which induces us to be in a state of happiness.

The power of real happiness has little to do with our environment or circumstances. It is a daily choice.

For years, I kept waiting for the day to come when I could be happy. I thought it meant clearing away all the heaviness inside of me. I figured I had too many “shoulds,” in my life that came before happiness, until I discovered that happiness is there even when life feels like it’s not cooperating.

In choosing happiness, it’s to choose well-being. It’s to acknowledge all parts within ourselves in harmonizing or at least, being copacetic with each other. The internal battle is not being fought, because one part of me is not trying to banish the other parts.

To get rid of any part of ourselves doesn’t contribute to wholeness. In happiness, it is to know things aren’t always in complete agreement, but it is to trust that they can co-exist without there being a struggle. Control is not necessary when it comes to the outside or other people, happiness is felt in letting go.

Even when I have things going on in my personal or professional life that I want to be more satisfactory than they currently are, I make a choice. I can either go down the road of feeling futility, disappointed or just wrung out. Or, I decide to focus on something that feels good, even if it is allowing myself to sit for 5 minutes and reconnect to me and what I want.

If we make our minds up to be happy rather than concerned about things, which are problematic, we may actually come out with better solutions when the time is right.

How many of us spend hours wasted on thinking of a future problem, something in which we currently have no power to change or solve, and come to find that it was all a waste of “thinking, or obsessing?” It pays off to set our minds to happier thoughts, rather than the familiarity of the punishment in our thinking.

Some of us feel we must only think of solving problems. If there’s not a problem , we’ll create one.

It’s something to keep us in our comfort zone of familiarity. Choosing to think happier thoughts, requires effort. It is not easy to shift, but when we start thinking we’re okay as we are, that life is okay as it is and that whatever happens around us is okay too, we automatically become happier.

“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.” – James Oppenheim

Creative thinking comes from letting go of the type of thoughts, which weigh us down. When we start to feel heavy, holding the reins emotionally, we can change the direction. We can acknowledge whatever is making us feel like mud and still choose to re-focus on creating more well-being.

If we want to manifest the best life possible, it pays to focus on what we want rather than on what isn’t working. The more creative we are, the greater our sense of well-being.

When we are in this lighter, more buoyant space with our emotional state, our actions can more easily match to carry us to the goals we say we want. Sometimes, our actions must come first and then the change of thoughts will follow.

For myself, it really is about shifting what I am doing. If I start to feel crappy for any reason, I ask myself do I want to dwell here? The familiarity of the old wallowing feelings start to surface and I literally have to disengage and ask myself, what would give me joy right now? What would be in alignment with my goals? And I shift into action first, I start writing or doing something creative. If my thoughts move first, I look at something, such as my vision board, or think of what I want. Anything to break up the downward spiral…and re-focus on my sense of well-being.

The more connected we are to all parts of ourselves, the less we lose touch with that sense of good feelings in ourselves. Even if we’re momentarily thrown for a loop, the happiness we have at the base of our feelings, never really goes away.

 

 

The Power of Abundance III

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The power of abundance would seem obvious to most of us. The more abundance of things we deem as good, would put us in a position of power, right?

An abundance of health, wealth, love, peace, happiness, friends, food, etc… is what most of us would find very satisfying, perhaps even fulfilling.

“Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns it calls me on and on across the universe.” ~John Lennon

As human beings, we always have a desire for more. More life, more love, more affection, more money, more laughter, etc…

We can deny the desires, but why should we say “no,” to what we really want? If we want to live in the country, travel, get married, etc….and we’re not doing it or moving in the direction of it, we have to ask ourselves, WHY?

Abundance is unlimited, scarcity is limited. Abundance breaks the rules, scarcity colors within the lines. Abundance is relaxing, scarcity is constricting. Some of us feel guilty wanting more for ourselves and others believe we don’t deserve our dreams….and as long as we live in guilt or undeserving energy….we will continue to set up situations, which highlight scarcity.

Abundance did not come to me easily. I was not brought up to believe love and money grew on trees (but they do provide for both) and that you had to work super hard to rub two nickels together.

“Not what we have, but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.”
~ Epicurus

Getting to a place of allowing abundance in our lives can feel like we’re breaking all sorts of rules.

We may abide by certain philosophies, which allow us to honor reasons to stay in scarcity. The power of abundance is scary, because it’s unlimited.

If the Universe is made up of a creative energy that has an intelligence, a sort of matching us where we are energy….and our energy is about manifesting through thought and action, wouldn’t the Universe mirror it back to us? As humans we have no control over timing or what an outcome actually looks like, but if we believe in the power of abundance we can approach it as a wide-eyed child.

Often life throws us a curve ball, but what if we approach dire or troubling situations from an unlimited, abundant perception? It could allow us to find the opportunity in a crisis.  

If we create rather than compete, we’re focused on the value of abundance–creating more rather than in scarcity, taking what someone else has in their possession.

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” ~ Albert Einstein

If more life is the goal of every living thing in the universe, we have to get clear on what keeps our “thinking,” in scarcity. Where are we limited and when did we come to believe this as our truth?

“Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.”
~ Wayne Dyer

The moment we engage in what we love, we are creating, when we’re creating…..we’re living in abundance. If we want to be in the Power of Abundance now, what can we do?

1. Believe there is more rather than less for everyone. There is no competition.

2. Find what you love to create and start creating, even if you think you are not any good at it, do it with love and do it often.

3. Once you are in the habit of creating with love, believe in the abundance of it, focus on it with a goal (even if the goal is just more time to do what you love) meaning look for opportunities to come from what you love. They will.

4. From abundance the opportunity to give and receive fully, becomes easier. We energetically connect to more when we get out of our own way and include others.

Watch life change, as you become more accustomed to the unlimited, the possibilities that may have seemed impossible in the past, are now your reality.

If you missed the first two parts in the series, please click the links below:

Power of Presence I

Power of Balance II

If you’re interested in upping your abundance level, please contact me Tracy AT tracycrossley.com