Most of us live in stories.
Heck, as human beings, we love a good story! One we relate to in some fashion, whether it’s our own experiences or something fantastical making the impossible appear real.
The issue with the stories we tell ourselves is their limitations. We may not dare to stretch beyond the confines of it, because it’s scary, or we feel unworthy or somehow undeserving.
I had a multi-nuanced stuck story around dating, just like most of the b.s. we feed ourselves.
I always thought I was different, a bit odd–hard to love. In contrast, even though I was weird, I was special and unique. For years I thought I was perfect (measured in what I gave to others–not because I believed I was amazing), and on the other hand, I felt I was easily discarded and so on.
All the contradiction represents how I had a great deal of it in my self-evaluation. My story stemmed from a place of unworthiness, judging myself harshly (as I used to do); holding everyone and everything to a crazy-ass expectation!
Can you relate?
So… this story around dating.
A deep epiphany: People meet you exactly where you are with yourself.
I saw myself on a past first date. I was engaging, nice, interacting (Hell! I was in sales for years, I know what to ask.) and usually asked out on a second-date. It was my goal. Make it so they liked me…and then I’d hook em’!
Hahahaaaaaa…I laugh at this image now (I sure wasn’t honest back then)!
The b.s. here: I could show up as emotionally unavailable (It’s exactly where I was, ahem!) and lo’ and behold after the guy was done chasing me….it turned out he was emotionally unavailable too! What a surprise! Not.
That epiphany hit home on a very deep level, people meet you exactly where you are, so the next time you want to finger point, put your finger back in your pocket.
My story was based in fear.
The fear of engulfment, rejection, losing independence, not believing I was lovable (prove it!) and so on. Lying kept me stuck in this vicious circle for years.
I didn’t realize I was lying, it was just the story I always told myself. Until I came to realize how lonely, disappointing and draining it was to live and date this way.
Man, I was so scared!
It’s no wonder I talked myself into half-relationships, or soulmate situations with high drama! Staying in this heightened state of pain with few euphoric moments kept me in the biggest lie! The biggest story I could tell myself, so I was the victim and the heroine at the same time…
And the biggest lie was this is all I deserved.
It was unlike a movie with its romantic drama, it didn’t get tied up in a neat little happy ending!
It was an unraveling leading to an amazing awareness!
Until, I started to accept my b.s. stories around “I’m meant to be alone,” or as a friend said to me years ago,”I think you’re here on a spiritual journey and aren’t meant for a relationship.” (Um, our greatest spiritual lessons come from relationships–staying alone actually keeps us stunted in our comfort zone)
Do you get what I’m throwing down? Do you get our lives are based on our choices, our perspective of ourselves and what we deserve?
As I started working with my dating coach last week, I found I’d already moved into deeper awareness. Just the act of hiring her, committing to me, lead to this epiphany, (it was before my first appointment) something I heard a million times, but never really got emotionally.
The impact of being honest about my past way of dating, lead me to the discovery of choice, empowerment and re-weaving of what I thought was possible for me.
As I took more responsibility for my part and how I acted in fear, I could see the contrast of what is now feasible by trusting myself. Trusting the Universe with my conspiring feelings, lead to my visual: anything is truly possible!
Want to be released from the prison of limitation? Commit to changing your story! Find a way. Allow yourself to question everything.
Perhaps, like me, you’re ready to really do it honestly? Deconstructing the story? Scheduling a discovery session with me can give you insight into whether you’re really available to change or you want to stay stuck in your story a little longer.