“I just step on whatever gets in my way.”
“I’m tough, ambitious and I know exactly what I want, if that makes me a bitch, okay!”
“I’m in control! I’m a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man!”
“The more people you love, the weaker you are.”
Just a few random quotes I picked up from women, about women to women (and men).
My question is….
Does living that way, actually bring a sense of happiness, joy, peace and love inside of these women?
Yeah, I remember when I thought strength was being tough, bitchy, and showing the world who was boss. How did I feel at the time? Anxiety-ridden, stressed, depressed, devaluing my value, always working on some imperfection, LONELY, never felt like I was actually in my body…more like I was trying to prove something to someone…..maybe to myself?
The image of strength in our society keeps many women from really discovering who they truly are and what they really want. Our conditioning, whatever circumstances, existed as a child, which told us we needed to shut down, shut out, or create battle lines where, what we carried forth as beliefs about this world and our place in it seemed to be rule in our minds.
Many of us women subconsciously picked up cues as children, which impacted how safe we felt in the world emotionally.
Some of us felt we were all alone on this journey, so we packed our bags and made a pact to DO, GET, FORCE, MAKE, RUN AFTER, DRAG and so on, to build a life that might look good on the surface, but didn’t feel too hot underneath.
True strength is not a teflon coating. Nor is it the ability to put someone down, in their place or appear superior through bitchy behavior. True strength is tougher than that for most of us to live in all the time.
True strength is our vulnerability; our authenticity.
False strength is showing others that we’re impenetrable; tougher than men! Hell, so tough, we don’t need any help!
But we do.
And if we’re really honest, we don’t feel too great when we’re stepping on others, or pushing them aside to ‘get’ what we want–even if what we want is love.
Many of us learned that passivity brought no results, and frankly, that’s a dead state. When we’re passive we’re lacking confidence. But, when we’re relaxed, authentic, trusting and creative, we’re on fire—confident, connected and happy!
So what’s the deal with women who have donned the clothing of an Alpha Male?
For many it was a way to survive, to turn hurt and anger into motivation, to live according to the standards in society that are set for male accomplishment.
Is it to say we cannot enjoy the same accomplishments as men? Hell no. We can ENJOY all of our accomplishments, but when we go about ‘getting there’ as men do, are we actually enjoying it?
To me its about the inner journey, it’s not about what we show to others, being someone who doesn’t take any shit, or that we go after what we want; it’s about how we feel inside and the results we create when we’re disconnected from our truth.
We will attract to our lives energetically that, which is subconsciously under the surface. For many women who are alpha males, the kind of men that come close, are ones who aren’t sure of who they are either.
When as women, we’ve adopted a way of strategizing through our lives and sticking our emotions in our back pocket, we’re aren’t connected to what is authentic. And so how can we expect who we attract to be any different?
Now this isn’t about self-improvement or changing the men in our lives.
It’s about finding our deeper truth, our real pleasure and trusting that the creativity, passion and untamed flow of life can be a choice to live from rather than one based on a model of strength, which doesn’t belong to us.
Being closed off to our truth will never bring us closer to a happy journey or destination. How do we start to break free from this tamed position, where we’ve domesticated ourselves into believing it’s a man’s world, so we have to be men?
The first step is to connect to our emotions. How do we actually feel when we’re being bitchy? When we’re going after something, because we think it won’t come to us? Or we’re attached to someone who won’t give us what we want and we’re trying to force it anyway?
If that all feels good to you, then you’re not who this post is for, but if this at all feels crappy, heavy, provokes anxiety, fear or inflates your ego (not your confidence) then start somewhere….start to find the true essence, the untamed real female inside of you. She is there. I promise.
If you are interested in gaining more insight, please visit my home page and click on either the button for women or men, read through the pages provided for a deeper understanding of what it is I am talking about here.