We all feel inadequate at times.
Perhaps, we’re in a room full of people who appear to know more in some capacity than we do, or a job interview, or a date with someone we think is out of our league, or being caught making a mistake, and so on.
How we see our perceived shortcomings has an impact on our choices.
For some we shrink and hide, looking for sympathy, perhaps wanting others to commiserate with us. Others may love support, a kick in the butt or something, which gives them the gumption to rise out of the dampening effect inadequacy has and go after the life they want.
In having a real desire, we may find ways to tell ourselves, ‘we can’t have it.’ Especially, if it seems out of the realm of ‘our possibilities.’
We may delay, or disregard our desire, because we don’t feel good enough. It doesn’t matter what we’ve accomplished so far, it applies to all of us, in every walk of life.
Many successful people, aren’t following their deeper appetites. Others, who skim the edges of success, may not find the gumption to rise out of victimizing themselves, every time they fall down and just press ‘repeat.’
Who does it serve to allow our inadequacies to hold us back?
I played small, when it came to the truth of who I am. I could do well at certain types of jobs like sales, marketing and management, but to trust the deeper longing of what I wanted, was hard to entertain.
I lacked clarity around knowing….what was my deeper desire? Why did I feel so inadequate, when I saw my life played out in those brief moments of connecting to that desire?
We tend to do what comes easily to us, whether we love it or not. Many of us fall into careers without any foresight; a job was offered and we took it.
Feeling inadequate, leads to comparing ourselves to others; seeing them as more talented, better looking, excelling at something as we stand, not sure to trust our deepest truth.
I’ve written and edited most of my career for different purposes. Whether it was in school, on the job or helping someone out….I was always complimented on my writing. Always.
And do you know what I did? I blew it off.
I used to compare myself to others who appeared far more talented, and instead of compliments feeding me to do more, it made me hold tighter to feeling inadequate and hide.
It didn’t matter that I felt totally in sync with myself while writing, or that I could actually become giddy at the prospect; this freakin’ inadequacy made me feel small when I wrote….and controlled what I was willing to write about too.
Inadequacy leads to staying stuck in bad relationships, jobs, or other commitments, we’ve outgrown or we said ‘yes’ to out of fear. We can do this our entire lives.
Lately, I’ve been questioning what else hides behind any other perceived inadequacies.
Based on my growing unrest with having coached people in and around relationships; I see my own evolution. From the faintest stirring to the overwhelming pull within me… stay where it’s safe? Or, bust out of feeling completely inadequate, and step up to live out my aspirations?
What happens when we allow our inadequacies to rule?
We can keep doing the same thing over and over, hoping for a miracle or someone else to find us, dust us off and show us the way…
Screw the inadequacies and live an ass-kickin’ existence!
Who cares if we’re the best or the worst? In the scheme of things, doing what we really crave can make the opinions of others null and void….plus motivated by passion, people and opportunities come along that would’ve missed us, had we chosen to stay stuck hiding behind our shield of inadequacy.
For clarity and to create action, I’m writing a list of all that I deeply crave, but feels impossible and without rules, I’m doing it!
What about you? What are the inadequacies you feel hold you back? And what are you doing about it?
Please share in the comments below.