Sounds like an oxymoron, right?
Most of us think there is nothing powerful about insecurities, in fact most of us want to hide them.
We go to great lengths to cover up the less than the desirable in ourselves, only to have those insecurities finding their own weird way to be expressed. When we ain’t looking or wrapping ourselves tight enough, an insecurity might slip out the back door!
Unfortunately, when the insecurity is unleashed in this manner….it tends to be an extreme or come off in a way that makes others want to run far away from us.
Feeling needy and insecure is not a bad thing. Hiding is what makes it an issue.
There is power in sharing our insecurities and how or why, we feel needy.
Every human being on the planet has insecurities. It’s part of our make-up to varying degrees. Those who have felt the most shame about their insecurities, tend to not only hide them more often, but overcompensate or under-achieve in just living their lives.
The most obnoxious or forceful person in the room is not at ease with his or herself and therefore will make someone else the object of negative attention. If they take the attention for themselves it’s to boast of their accomplishments or to point out how others do not measure up!
We’ve met people like this or perhaps, at times we’ve been this person. There is nothing powerful about the position, because it never fulfills us. It never can bring a sense of connection and happiness inside of us, when we are so disconnected from our truth.
When we connect to our truth, which is, each of us has insecurities, then the power is in accepting them; it becomes an invitation. Other people do not connect emotionally to our perfection and “no problem,” persona. They may keep us at arm’s length. Most of us are attracted to people who have issues too.
This doesn’t mean it’s time to throw all of our insecurities on the table and complain about them. On the contrary, it gives us and others’ the opportunity for our insecurities to not make out lives so complicated.
When others who know and love us are aware of our insecurities, they can make it easier rather than more difficult. Wait, what am I saying? Yes, I know some people think their insecurities can be used as a weapon against them, right?
Well, it’s not true when we accept our insecurities, first. If I’ve no problem with feeling a lack of confidence or trust in myself in certain areas, then it won’t matter if someone else minds. Why would it?
We cannot change our insecurities by force. Through accepting them, they become less toxic and problematic in our relationships.
If we’re lucky to have a partner, who is in tune with his or herself, then we can help each other to become more empowered with each of our insecurities.
Just because we’re told someone has an insecurity, doesn’t mean we solve it for the other person.
If we try to fix the insecurity of our partner, then two things are happening…the first is we are focusing on them, not our own stuff and this can become a problem in the relationship. We may take a superior stance or by making them our project, or trying to please them, so they’re okay. Our partner is not helped, because they will become reliant on us to provide that missing ingredient.
And what happens when we’re too tired to fix them or they want too much? All hell breaks loose, right?
Secondly, it’s not the eradication of insecurities that creates a healthy relationship with others. It’s the acceptance and ownership of our shit. If I can own that I’m provoked at times by my insecurities, it means I’m responsible for me. I’m not denying it or blaming someone else, I’m understanding my triggers and why I feel the anxiety or neediness. And of course, having a partner who is mindful, helps too.
If we know each other’s insecurities, it can be a place to grow.
We can be supportive of each other when we need to and yet, we don’t have to tell someone what to do or how to feel. We can offer our silence, our love, our words of encouragement. We can be genuine and have a conversation about it, without giving up our power to our partner to make them feel better.
If you’ve missed the first few posts on this series, here are the links: