Break Up or Make Up? Be on YOUR own time!

man looking at watch

I was thinking about how we’re all in a rush to EMOTIONALLY move on from things.

We feel compelled to show our strength by making a premature decision when it comes to SO many things. 

  • We kick people to the curb prematurely.
  • We quickly end relationships and begin relationships without being emotionally present…we’re living in the past or future.
  • We’re stuck in a relationship and feel like a complete ass for why we can’t extricate ourselves on the timetable others’ expect.
  • We say and do things FAST, which show we’re strong, but not necessarily courageous (courage means strength of heart in Latin)
  • We want our fast food, our business, our soulmate, our vacation and everything else in a hurry and on our timetable too. (Thought I’d mention this last point, but in this post let’s just focus on our emotional speed)

Most of the reason we’re in such a HURRY, is not from the timetable within us, but the one outside of us. The expectations of others, be it society, friends or family. We feel like there’s something wrong with us emotionally, when we lag behind.

We watch other people who seem to handle their relationships and life quickly and easily. Friends who move on from relationship to relationship seemingly unscathed and here we’re feeling like we just performed HaraKiri on ourselves.

Of course, when we act without having an emotional connection to it, we run the danger of never understanding why we’re in the place we’ve chosen to be….

We do choose everything we do, but WHY do we?

It’s not about a deep analysis, it’s understanding our belief system. Our belief system is always operating, it creates the scenarios we need to keep proving it’s truth over and over.

We spend way too much time intellectually paying attention to what those around us do, and to what they tell us to do in our situation. We never have the full story, because as much as people can give advice they may have trouble following their own.

Even if they appear to have it all together…if we took a peek inside we’d find a different story.

When we’re so “outside of ourselves” as to the appropriate time to break up with someone, for example: “If I don’t have a ring on my finger after 18 months in a relationship, I need to dump him”….who’s happy with that outcome?

Why do we need to set these timetables and expectations around moving quickly in and out of relationships? Every time we do it, we hurt ourselves more. We DO IT to ourselves.

What also develops with each break up that doesn’t come from being emotionally complete, is a sense of LESS emotional presence (more protection and limited vulnerability). We want proof. We’re not living in the moment, we’re living in a fantasy of what each new relationship will bring.

We have an expectation that the next guy/gal is the cure-all, because it’s about finding the perfect person, not self-acceptance.

When they’re not perfect; we may find ourselves ACTING, BEING and EXPECTING in the same ways we have in all of our past relationships…what then?

We may either blame the other person or feel a deep sense of shame for not being able to get it right once again!

We may also be shamed when we tell others, because we feel they reflect back to us our inability to do it RIGHT. We’re just so inept, right?

Just get over it! Move on! Or stay put and work out that hopeless relationship…can we do a collective UGH?

When we give time, space and opportunity for our own growth in a bad, good or indifferent relationship, we can find out WHY we’re here.

When we’re in a hurry to show everyone that grass doesn’t grow under our feet or to please them by following their words of wisdom, the only person shortchanged is ourselves.(and perhaps the mate we’re affecting with our externally directed choice)

Relationships aren’t fast food and neither are our feelings.

Take the time to find our own speed.

Slow down enough to find out HOW WE FEEL AND WHY. Thank everyone around us for their opinion, but let them know it’s not necessary…we’ve everything just where it needs to be right now.

Place awareness inside rather than outside, make friends with the parts of us in painful spaces and honestly place awareness to find the origin of the belief.

Then it’s time to make a completely new choice, which can be scary, but it allows us to release the negative belief and takes us in the direction we authentically want to go…when we’re ready.

One thought on “Break Up or Make Up? Be on YOUR own time!

  1. Such a good article!!! It’s a great reminder. For me it’s the biological clock ticking. So it takes extra effort not to feel rushed in relationships….always worrying if I will still have a chance to have kids. It’s hard. But it’s still really important to not rush….no good comes from rushing. Been there done that. So really working on taking things as they come and being ok with things as they are at any given time.

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