Relationships and that voodoo called ANGER.

angry

“WHATEVER.”

Does it feel happy? Is it positive?

It means either hurt or anger. The person stating it means to hurt their mate, as though they don’t matter.

Someone may also use it to show they don’t care anymore and are moving on…..

We say things to appear to feel better than we do, but really it shows a loss of power; we’ve given it away to another. When someone has disrespected, neglected, ignored, or trounced on our feelings, if we’re not careful…we look for the quickest form of recovery.

WHATEVER… puts it all in context.

Instead of saying, I’m hurt or anything resembling the truth of our feelings: by detaching in this way, we protect, SHOWING we’re not affected.. It’s total BS.

We’re angry.

We do care and yet, we’re not owning our boundaries or who we are and our truth.

It happens when we WAIT too.

Waiting for someone to change; to give us what we want; to show up, to be who we want them to be for us….it pisses us off. Because they don’t do or say what we want, they don’t show up…..they just keep doing what suits them, right, wrong or grey.

We give our power to waiting ….. to the whims of another human being.

BELITTLING. Great incentive ,right? Our truth is heard, right?

It’s a powerless stance.

We’ve given our power to someone and want it back.  so making them feel like crap will wound them enough; they’ll give in or engage in battle!

It’s an angry space.

IGNORING, POUTING or saying everything is FINE.

Nothing is ever resolved by ignoring or pouting…we’re trying to seek attention from a place of victimization. Poor us, no one cares..waah!!! It never works out how we want and it’s not the other person’s job to fix our emotional state.

It’s a power play meant to grab back that imagined loss of power. We feel this person holds our life in their hands, we make them suffer until they take care of our  inner world. “You’re responsible and therefore, I shall pout, ignore you or tell you everything is fine, until you develop ESP to know exactly what my issue is and FIX IT!!!!”

It feels bad, doesn’t it?

Giving our power away sucks.

It’s amazing how we learned to believe it’s the norm in a relationship. As though it can ever amount to happiness in interactions and feeling a state of love in the relationship.

None of these states supports love for another or ourselves.

Each state says, I’m unworthy. 

These positions of anger, all stem from an unspoken and un-acted upon truth.

We allow ourselves to be in a state to wait, or we GIVEin hopes of a return; we want our way, our picture and when we don’t get it, we resort to expressing anger in unclear and damaging ways.

It’s okay to be angry, but first get clear on why we’re mad.

We can then take responsibility for being in this space.

It’s not to blame someone else, it’s about how we didn’t act in our own interest…we left it up to someone who is also struggling to act in their own interest and therefore it’s a set up for anger. Some of us are comfortable with this pattern; it’s what we know relationships to be….we’re not aware there’s a different perception available.

It’s also a really wonderful way to beat ourselves up to….”I shouldn’t trust her” “I’m so stupid for believing this person,” etc…

it’s a point of recognition not destruction that can take place. A realization that the way we operate doesn’t feel good.

Next time we say: WHATEVER.

Stop.

Check in with awareness, what’s really going on?

Say it.

Know it, understand it.

Start stating the REAL truth; feel better.

Once we own our feelings, sharing them…grows confidence. Even if we were taught to not trust our feelings, once we get the only way to FEEL GOOD, is to acknowledge our feelings and not manipulate a hoped for outcome-WE HAVE FREEDOM.

When we find ourselves waiting…

Here’s an exercise I do:

I write down in a column everything I’m waiting to happen–some of its insidious, so I really ask myself. Then in a second column from an objective stance, I write a different decision or action, taking me out of waiting and in control of my own life.

In the midst of putting down our partner?

STOP.

Say nothing, until clarity comes as to why we’re in this space, then state that truth…

If we’re expecting someone to clean up our emotions, becoming our own parent is key….what do we really need right now? And give it to ourselves.

These small steps can add up to a huge shift in perception and being way more confident, happier and successful in our relationships.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s