We can be in a relationship with someone: friend, or mate and find ourselves really tired. We may be tired of the same ol’ thing.
The same person or that no matter how hard we try to “make” this into a fabulous relationship…..it stays the same.
What is it we actually believe we’re doing differently? Do we think that getting someone else to do our bidding or fill the picture in our head is the answer?
That would be called manipulation. Anything we TRY to change outside of us falls into that category.
Is it a dirty word? To manipulate circumstances or another person, so we have the outcome we desire?
It’s not a dirty word, but the outcome we desire is never achieved this way, because in the end it feels dirty, contrived or forced by our hand. It is unfulfilling even if we win.
When we take all this energy focusing it outside of us, we are tired.
We fall into the role of “When will the beatings stop?” “When will I get a life preserver?” “I’m so done, I’m on my way out!”or “I’m so sick and tired of this s***, They’re never gonna get a clue!” And so on.
This is placing ourselves in the victim role, everything outside of us controlling our decisions, feelings and actions.
It’s also a comfortable place, because we can use that wonderful weapon in this battle to win. What is the weapon?
Growing weary and tired of someone else’s stuff or things remaining the same in a relationship are actually where we grow numb. Numbness comes from all that is unspoken in us, because fear has held it back.
And when we grow numb, we think we’re finally getting control of the situation. We think we’re now gonna teach them or leave them.
In actuality it’s a weakened position.
It’s concealing anger and other emotions. It is like ice on the lake, it can be pretty thick in parts. We’ve found a way to not react to our emotions, because we’ve separated from them…we create distance in ourselves.
When I ask a client how they feel and they say numb, I know the cycle they’re in will repeat itself. The reason is that no work on the inside has happened. It’s like going through the car wash and getting a wax sealant; consider numbness a wax sealant. 🙂
When we are just receiving information outside of us instead of understanding what s really going on inside of us, we lose our power.
We have given our power to the other person. How can we tell? When our thoughts are about the relationship or the other person and we want it to change, but feel powerless to do so….we’re not empowered.
We may believe we find empowerment through going numb. “Ahhh, I feel free!! He/she means nothing to me.” “I don’t care anymore and I am glad!”
“Mmmm…not so fast pardner!”
All we’ve successfully done is buried our emotions, become worn out from trying to change things outside of us and now is a perfect opportunity to look within.
And this is tough.
There is resistance from ourselves to drill into that smooth icy numbness. And it’s also the time to discover why we are…where we are in a relationship.
Look beneath and you’ll find pain. You’ll find anger and unresolved feelings that if we don’t deal with now…will come back to haunt us in a future relationship.
Yep, we carry it forward, because no one outside of us can fix us or make it better, if we’re not willing to feed ourselves first. We will always feel incomplete when we don’t become familiar with why we’re compelled to find a person who creates a certain reaction in us.
If you’re in a state of numbness, it’s an opportunity. Take it and change how you perceive, decide and act in your relationships today.
Want to discover how to uncover the key to a happy relationship (with yourself and others), then join me in my new coaching program starting in August. In the meantime, stay tuned as I will be launching a few new items on my website all meant to help with relationships.
If you have any relationship questions or topics, please email me, I’d be happy to write about them or offer a free teleseminar. Tracy@tracycrossley.com