I meet quite a few people looking for their purpose; the meaning of life or why the hell they keep getting stuck in some sort of purgatory either thru situations or relationships, over and over again.
The feeling of unrest, depression, anxiety and whatever else we want to throw on top this cornucopia of muck is enough to drive a person to drink, sleep hours away, exercise excessively or some other extreme leading to numbing out.
The problem doesn’t go away and change needs to happen.
Why do we hold onto crap that just doesn’t work anymore?
- It’s comfortable, even though we suffer.
- Change is scary, what will our lives look like?
- We’ll upset the world around us.
- What if we fail?
- What if it’s the wrong choice, career, relationship, etc…?
Sometimes people get to the point where they can’t take it anymore, so they do something drastic. The issue with “drastic,” is that it may not last. If we’re not truly ready, there’ll be some falling off, moving backwards, sideways and a repeating of old patterns.
Drastic can work if you have been focused on making change for a long time. If you’ve been readying yourself to get a divorce, change careers, get married, commit to a cause, volunteer your time, take on a new hobby, etc… and usually, it isn’t really all that drastic in hindsight.
Usually, when one looks back, they realize they made small changes whether in perception or action all along the way. It may look drastic to some, especially to ones who are affected in a negative sense when a dear one makes a huge change. BUT in reality it’s what we need to do when we wanna take different action or choose another path/plan altogether.
It’s where it’s at, but before we take baby steps, we need to get clear on what we want.
When we look for our purpose or the meaning of life, we can feel desperate, anxious or downright upset that we can’t figure out the whole picture.
Baby step # 1: Sit for a moment. Think about a place that you are happy being in, don’t limit it. Let your imagination flow. Get in touch with that feeling of joy within you. In your mind, where are you? Now what are you doing that is giving you joy?
Keep that vision, that joy and recognize it whenever you feel it in your life. That is your purpose. Seriously, it’s your purpose to feel the joy and now that you are aware, it can expand. Watch what opportunities are available when you connect to that part of you. Allow them, you have nothing to lose. Truly.
Baby Step #2: Stop beating yourself up for not knowing, not quitting, staying in purgatory. If you can catch yourself a few times a day deleting the negative self-talk and instead saying it’s okay, you’re okay and accepting you where you are, it’s a baby step that will expand, once it becomes more familiar. Then you can do baby step #3.
Baby Step #3: take a very small risk. Teeny tiny. If you feel creative, but have spent time beating yourself up (see #2) then get your derriere to an art store, or dust off your painting supplies, or clay; perhaps you want to sing, dance, etc… now take “10 MINUTES” that’s all and do it! 10 minutes and create.
Do it once a week. And increase in baby steps. Make the time you do it short, so you don’t feel it’s an obligation, overwhelming or find a million excuses not to….be kind to yourself and do what you love.
Baby Step #4: You end up in crappy relationships. You don’t think it’s the same person, but it is, just a different costume. You want to break up with them, run away and yet are stuck. This is just a beginning baby step…but promise yourself, you can say one thing to the other person THAT IS YOUR TRUTH–YOUR FEELINGS, which scares the crap out of you to this person, this “month.” Start small.
Every time you hide your truth, you do no one a favor, because sooner or later it will come to the surface and there will be more anger, more pain and more of a feeling of being stuck in crap.
Every time you state ONE truth, you get closer to clarity, confidence, and breaking a pattern of attracting ill-fitting shoes to dance in…
Baby Step #5: Now, take baby step #1 and put ONE action toward that joy. I know someone who found her joy to be making pillows and building furniture when she realized baby step #1. She was then able to realize a joy that could lead her in a direction to fulfill her. Baby step #5 would mean it’s time to go buy some fabric for the pillows. Just get the fabric today. Next week, get the stuffing. The following week could be to pick up a sewing machine, etc…
As long as it’s baby steps when we look back in a couple months, it’ll look like drastic change, but in reality we did it at a pace to assimilate it into our lives.