Live in fear.
Many unknowingly, stuff emotions, people or situations into compartments.
They focus on something else, whether it’s work, exercise or drinking oneself to death to keep these finely constructed walls in place.
The false sense of protection and strength of their compartments masks the weakness and true desires of a person.
Compartments affect a person emotionally, spiritually and physically.
No one is fully open as long as compartments are the daily operating system.
Joy is never fully experienced. Sorrow is consuming.
It seems safe.
A person believes they’re protected, not realizing numbness, anger or resentment are what decorates their compartments.
They live in a state of reaction about something, which hasn’t yet transpired. It creates the circumstances that a compartmentalizer most fears: LOSS.
It’s the weakest state of operating in this life.
This person cannot make an authentic decision, because they strategize the conclusion.
Their decisions are unconsciously based on the question: “Will I have to deal with disappointment?” Forget that! Their defenses are READY on warp-speed.
They won’t be fooled this time! When looking at the future they’ve a false sense of control.
They may not recognize their unhappiness comes from blocking love.
There’s a man I know who allows everything to distract him, on purpose.
If he has to do something he doesn’t like, or it makes him feel vulnerable, it goes in a compartment. Then a mindless task takes over his mind.
And when the woman in his life needs him, instead of being responsive, communicative and allowing himself to feel good participating in fulfilling her need, he does the opposite.
On purpose. Even though he loves her and says he wants to help.
Anyone who has a compartmentalizer in their life, probably feels at the mercy of the games this person plays, because their actions and words rarely match.
“I want to be with you, but I am going to treat you in a way that makes you leave me.”
This man wants to show up as a caring person; he just doesn’t trust himself.
It’s a byproduct of his fear.
He’s paralyzed by his compartments.
He’s too afraid of the relationship failing in the future. Once he’s invested himself fully, he believes she’ll leave him. After all, his marriage fell apart, his estranged wife hates him, so why would this last?
He can’t believe this woman, who he loves deeply, will stay with him. He thinks she’ll get sick of him, find all his flaws and abandon him or worse shut him out and treat him like she hates him.
So in response to a future that hasn’t happened, he fights with himself to keep the relationship from consuming him. Cutting off all actions, which would feel good to him too.
He feels if he complies with her wants and needs, he’ll lose himself. He finds everything available to distract him. Yet, he feels guilty and unfulfilled, all the time.
And it makes him even more distant.
More cut off.
He’s losing this love in his life for “no” current reason, except by sabotaging it to ensure he gets rid of someone who loves and understands him.
His compartments save him from fully feeling what he’s doing.
He’d rather think of himself as alone, instead of taking control of himself.
A person with compartments is outta control!
He could get out of his comfort zone and simply have fun with this love; uncontrolled, and unbridled with no limitations.
Instead, he lives in a constant state of anxiety, because compartments create a deep sense of unease.
The more compartments, the less settled and more isolated a person feels.
Vulnerability and being open create connection.
Compartments give a false sense of peace; it’s dead energy. It creates depression.
Compartments lead to repetitive thinking; no new thought takes place, because that means change would happen.
Remember as a kid, we ran free.
We didn’t have compartments weighing us down.
We were without limitations! We weren’t born this way, it’s something that can change.
Honesty is hard, because it requires vulnerability. And vulnerability is impossible to sustain with compartments. It comes in fits and starts and as quickly as it’s opened, it’s shut.
Single men and women who compartmentalize will attract others who cannot be fully vulnerable, open, trusting and loving too.
It’s a mirror.
It creates painful relationships, where one or both people feel unloved by the other. And again, the next relationship is over, before it’s started.
If you want love and HAPPINESS in your life; it’s time to drop the compartments.
What to do to stop the compartment craze?
As a recovering compartmentalizer and a coach, here are a few tips:
- Notice your resistance to another person. Why is it there? Is it something they did or something from the past?
- Evaluate your hypersensitivity to assumptions about people in your life or that you’ve just met. Are you already in defense mode, shoving your vulnerability into a box?
- Do you say “yes,” then something pops into your mind, scaring you and you quickly numb it out and change your mind? STOP. No second-guessing. When you say yes, stick with it even through the discomfort.
- Have you heard of emotional risks? Take some. You’ll survive even if disappointed.
- Communicate your numbness, aloneness, fears and areas where you ACT tough…being tough is not strength, it’s a mask for fear.
- It’s time to grow up emotionally. Hiding, numbing disappointment and hurt, blaming, disappearing or cutting off are child-like ways to deal. Face it head on; allow it. You’ll feel way more confident.
- Get out of your head, find the love in your body and take action from there. Let it scare you. Keep walking through to the other side…to where the living are having a good time.
- Be honest. Be vulnerable. Trust. Have faith. Remember life is an experience and if you aren’t getting back up and dusting yourself off to try again, you aren’t living your experience.
- Love, don’t fight it and invite it. Lose yourself in it.
- Control is fiction, compartments give a false sense of it, recognize the feeling. You can tell, because your reactions to someone or something are measured and controlled. Remember it masks weakness, so lose the control and aim for authenticity in all situations.
Email me if you’d like to discuss: Tracy@tracycrossley.com