Got a complaint? See the round file to the left.
Words used to convey displeasure with no solution, become words with no meaning.
It’s almost like the drone of ocean waves on your radio, lulling you into a coma. Except when you complain with the hope of change happening, the drone upsets and creates “defensive” drama rather than calm.
Don’t like drama?
We create it by our response to it, even if it doesn’t begin with us.
Many of us find ourselves in situations at work or our personal life in which we feel confined or flat out, we feel miserable. Sometimes we feel the only strength we have is the power to complain.
And stay stuck.
And continue to teach people it’s okay to treat us in a certain way, which may be disrespectful of our needs, our time or our value.
And no amount of complaining to the source or our friends or family will change the dynamic.
We find these scenarios over and over again, until we take responsibility and say STOP.
We stop ourselves from the din of our own voice repeating the same thing over and over.
We stop moving backwards and we stand still.
The realization has hit us between the eyes.
Today we understand how much power we have been giving away.
This dawning allows us to see clearly.
We are aware of three reasons we are so angry. The first reason is from our own expectations that a situation or a person should change without us changing too.
And the second reason we are angry, is that it doesn’t change. Our belief that if we were nice, accommodating or silent it would get us what we want; except it NEVER DOES. And so that anger we have basted, stewed and have trouble containing is turned inward on ourselves.
And anger at the self is manifested into some lovely habits of denial, compartmentalizing and numbing out. Some activities, support the numbing, whether it is over-eating, drinking, gambling, shopping or anything which becomes unhealthy, because of the reasons behind it.
And all the while, you may have the veneer that you are just fine. Except you are not.
The third reason is we’re completely lost as to why we allow this dynamic to keep happening in our lives (Part of my job is to help others see the pattern within clearly).
When we allow behaviors, and negative situations to happen, but wait for a miracle, we are abusing ourselves in anticipation of, again, something outside of us changing.
There is no empowerment in trying to control what you CANNOT in your external world.
There’s always a choice, sometimes this choice makes you the most uncomfortable. It’s the one that you put off, put aside and try to avoid and it’s the one you need to choose for your own welfare.
Today you begin. You connect the dots; you see your part as the lead actor in your own play. It is sort of exciting, because it’s a major opportunity.
You get to change your mind, make decisions and do the right thing for you.
I’ve learned in my own life that even though I may be in a precarious position, one in which I need money, love, friendship, work, etc….I have to GIVE UP the need that is killing me!! If I stay ALLOWING my feelings, boundaries, wants and needs to get trampled, I am stuck!
Even though standing for myself is SOOOO hard, it’s actually simpler and happier in the long run.
Everyone is then clear on what I accept, when I act respectful toward myself.
When I do make a different decision, sometimes loss is inevitable. Other times, I receive a major surprise. When making a decision for ME, I’m prepared for there to be a loss and to accept whatever the outcome is in the situation.
When you stop accepting shitty behavior, which doesn’t happen through your words of complaint, people either go away or start to treat you with respect.
Your external actions, non-engagement and change of attitude are what lead you out of this crapp-a-licious pattern.
Your internal recognition of you are the creator of your Universe is important to embrace. It’s up to you, to look at the “feelings” and “emotional obstacles” you’ve placed inside your mind, which make you BELIEVE you DESERVE misery and not happiness.
We tell ourselves some mighty fine stories as to why we stay in a victim or martyr position, thinkin’ we’re doing the right thing for ourselves or someone else…we think it’s the ONLY way.
It’s the choice we’re used to making in our lives. When we don’t look inside , but stay focused on the problem outside of us; we don’t get to the root of the issue. This causes pain everyday. EVERYDAY.
I work with clients all the time, who cannot seem to get a handle on a situation. They look at the problem rather than how they are the common denominator in the recurring theme.
Once they start to see their part in the soap opera, a change happens. They see their “story” that they created to keep them living in this limited world.
It’s always an old story from the long ago past.
When teaching people how to treat you, it comes from you treating yourself better. There is no need to be protective or manipulative or victimized.
It’s your change of perception, which changes EVERYTHING.
You no longer see the world through old filters from the LIMITED old story.
You start to set boundaries down with people, even when you’re afraid they can abandon you….and AMAZINGLY, instead of it harming you, it creates confidence and self-esteem.
Well-being becomes the norm for you, when you stop participating in a drama that harms you. If you are interested in chatting with me about this topic, please email me at Tracy@tracycrossley.com