Maybe you know it already?
And this may just be a small reminder, as I like to believe, we all need those once in awhile.
This is one of the biggest truth that I know in the name of TRUST.
When you say, I am going with the flow; I am allowing; it is out of my hands and I am along for the ride…
Are you really?
Have you let go of setting limitations (not boundaries), or are you saying something like this to the one you are in love with:
” I am in this relationship with you, and I am seeing where it goes, organically….but, I am NOT allowing either of us to force it or jump in head first. “
Sounds like a little policing activity, eh?
A little salt shaken, pepper ground and tossed with a bit of control.(or maybe a lot of control)
If you say your garden is free to manifest, grow and become a blooming Universe of delight, then you would allow it to do so…you would maintain its growth. All that is needed is to pull a few weeds, water, feed and nurture your garden, right?
If you trim your plants back too far, what happens? They wilt and die.
If you withhold water and care, what happens? They die.
Same thing with your relationship too.
And what does this analogy have to do with trust? Everything.
Trust is never EVER, EVER, EVER about the other person. EVER!
If you remember that statement and apply it to your relationship, it is half the answer.
It is NOT about trusting others to NOT hurt or disappoint you. BECAUSE I GUARANTEE AND PROMISE THEY WILL….“trust,” the day will come…..and it will pass…..and life will go on and so will you, hopefully still together.
And the thing is….don’t hold onto the disappointment and hurt, let it go for your own health and well-being. It doesn’t mean you are a doormat, it means you are showing yourself kindness and love, which in turn is given to your partner.
What am I talking about?
Everyday is an opportunity to learn.
Today is a great day to start TRUSTING YOURSELF.
The key isn’t again trusting anyone else. The key is to RECOGNIZE YOUR FEAR….and do it anyways!!!
You THINK your fear is something like the following: Will they lie, cheat, forget, dismiss or do something to hurt me?
When in reality, that is NOT the issue.
In reality, it is your fear that you are NOT resilient enough to handle the pain of disappointment and hurt.
You don’t TRUST yourself to recover and breathe in the next moment.
You feel this ONE for sure could take you out of the game permanently, so you think, “Maybe I’ll play it safe and put one foot in and keep one foot out,” which by the way insures the “demise” of your relationship.
Playing it safe, is NEVER safe.
It is just a way to give pain, punishment and suffering to yourself and the other person, because it is limiting–there is no freedom, no oxygen….no flow, its really just a trickle.
You are NOT allowing.
You are saying, “If I cut a hole in one side of the box I live in…I can say I am NOT truly living in the box.” yet, the box is still your home, even if you cut a window in the side.
People spend a lifetime protecting themselves against hurt and disappointment only to find it happens anyway.
When I have a client who is complaining about their partner, it is usually fear talking…fear that their partner is and will disappoint them. And fear that they can’t handle it at all….they want a GUARANTEE where there is only one truth…that is: get used to the fact that you are both human and will disappoint each other…ain’t nobody perfect here!
We want to make it about the other person and what they “are or are not” doing. And then we don’t have to focus on our fear of being disappointed, because once they “all of a sudden” become perfect, everything will be okay. Hmmm?
It will never be okay when you depend on someone else to do the impossible and that is to be perfect.
What’s the secret about trust of yourself, in becoming resilient, knowing you can handle hurt and disappointment and not running for the safety of your box?
It is all in taking RISK.
It is only by doing, experiencing and living in and through that which scares you, is how you find your own resilience. Be bold, be courageous and RISK IT ALL, everyday!!! Now you are really living!!
And guess what…when you live with risk THERE IS FAR LESS disappointment, than when you play it safe.
Not only are you happier and your partner too, but all sorts of things don’t seem to bother you so much, because you know you are resilient and will make it through!!!
You will stop taking everything the other person does personally. It is realizing you’re both human and will make mistakes and guess what? You will survive.
And if you are really interested in learning how to stand vulnerably with who you are and your fears, I guarantee you will come through your relationship with more INNER PEACE and stability than you have ever known in your life.
Trusting yourself does NOT lead to bitterness, it leads to openness, freedom, understanding and allowing love.
Trusting yourself means you give and receive freely with no thought to the dude from Halloween showing up to ruin your day.
And when your partner disappoints you? So the hell what!
Yes, it should be discussed and if action is needed, it should be taken, but honestly…you will survive and instead of being a fragmented, compartmentalized person… you will find yourself fully engaged, whole and stronger while being happily vulnerable with a NEW understanding of what true strength, love and trust truly are to experience.