We human beings have a thing for choosing sides.
Just because someone doesn’t agree with you, doesn’t mean you have to draw a battle line or change anything.
Accept their point of view.
You don’t have to convince, coerce or hate em’. Just let go of trying to control.
This is a process I go through when I feel a battle line drawn either inside or outside of me.
I don’t hate and if I get angry it doesn’t stay a welcome visitor inside of me… I let go. I am not here to solve all the problems I see with the world and everyone in it, I am here to rock my experience of this life. Let’s face it, solving one’s own problems is sometimes the best opportunity to lay down your weapons.
Sometimes we just don’t know what is best or right. And that is okay. What we do know is how something feels to us through our own perception of life. And all we can do with that feeling is make choices to take action or not. Happiness and change come when we get out of our head and into our heart. When we become vulnerable first to ourselves and then the rest of the world.
Vulnerability is the only true strength, everything else is a posture.
And a posture is empty.
When we have NOT checked into our heart and we are in the midst of reacting, hating, being self-righteous, childish, disconnecting or playing games to win; we are truly weak. We are not in control, but trying to find the magic button. There is no winner when we use these ploys to feed a hungry inner child, who must have been starved at some point along the way.
Awareness is the first step.
What are the thoughts you have most of the time? Angry? Happy? Vindictive? Serene? Most of us have a mixture of those thoughts. And what you find through awareness is the feelings you attach to those thoughts. If you pay close attention you can usually find the thought that leads to the avalanche of negative feelings before it starts its downward slide.
And you can stop it in its tracks in a few ways:
1. Change the thought, realize a thought is just a thought-think about something else.
2. Remember it is just a thought, it doesn’t necessarily require action.
3. Ask yourself where that thought came from, especially if it is a recurring thought. A recurring thought is usually from some misaligned belief you have about yourself and the world. And with deeper awareness, it will probably show you the door back to an early time when that thought first occurred to you. And from that point you can see how that thought became a belief and how you have gone about re-creating it over and over in your life, to prove its truth (this is what we spend time coaching on in my sessions). Once you recognize the existence of it, you can now take different action in the present and create change in your life–no more hatin’.
Hatin’ takes up energy and space.
Some people create a life’s campaign out of hating something in this world.
And all that hate is really a distraction from looking inward at themselves. In essence, you could say this person is bringing the self-hatred outwards to the world. World peace starts with the individual. We can’t expect it on a global scale when there are many people who don’t love themselves and take action against their own well-being.
Lovin’ is a much better goal.
Lovin’ feels like breathing.
It doesn’t take up space and energy like hate.
Love lets each of us be who we truly are and be okay.
No one else can make a judgment about you and turn it into anything, which influences you. You get to make that choice when you always dive into love.
Love with vulnerability is true strength. A disagreement doesn’t become a battle line. You can let the other person win. It is probably the happiest and healthiest thing you could do for yourself or another.
Let everyone have their way. And as you let go of having your way, you find peace. Peace comes because you stop the battle of hate. You laid down your weapons and said “okay.”
You then ask yourself what would “love do” right now?
I find I let go and give it to the Universe….and I get a pretty quick answer, maybe even having what I want from a different source (and that’s totally cool), because I am no longer attached to the outcome.
Hate creates the impossible.
Love creates possibility.
Ego needs all the air in the room and a team of people to say “yes, you are right.”
The heart says “all is well, if that’s what you need, so be it.”
And with the heart you get to discover other things to focus on that bring you what you are putting out there, love. We can’t control others, only our actions and reactions.
You don’t have to personalize another person’s baggage, EVER. You don’t have to get rid of it or react to it; compassion is necessary.
Many people are seeped so deeply in their boxes and suitcases that they have no realization that how they are acting or speaking is based on something that has “nothing” to do with the current moment and the person sharing the moment.
And when that is the case, there is nothing you can do, except to not react.
If you react, you are helping this person to recreate their past drama and therefore become a part of their play.
And once again, an opportunity is lost for change.
Whenever we hate or put up a wall to changing our stance, we have moved straight into ego. We are not in the present moment. And we usually are not happy.
I vote for the heart each time.
And I will share that the most amazing things keep happening to me.
I carry far less stress than I used to personally and professionally.
I feel more whole, happy (even giddy) and that I do the best I can each day (which is NOT perfect and some days still have sucky parts), which leads me to a way of being that is far more relaxed.
I am able to forgive myself easily and others, because I don’t hold onto what isn’t real (most drama is not from the present moment–its just a recreation of the past–so how could it be real?) and I let go.
I let go often and when I become unattached to the outcome, sometimes I find I get my way.
And if I do get my way, it is much sweeter and feels in alignment with how this Universe works (rather than me pulling, pushing or forcing, which always feels like shit).
I would love to hear how others live from love too, please share. Tracy@13degreez.com.
Please check me out on elephant journal too.