When you take an accounting of your life, what do you consider is solidly part of the core? Versus what you SAY vehemently is a core part of your life, but in truth its sorta, kinda involved, but not really? As in, what is your commitment to people, places and things that decorate your existence?
I like quotes. Sometimes they resonate with a state of my being and other times these statements remind me of a way to change my perception (at least momentarily). Many people live on these “inspirations” as a mantra, or as I like to say applying perfume on “poo-poo”. They figure the positive affirmation will outweigh any negative feeling that may be have a stranglehold on their well-being. And usually they find, it is pretty ineffective as more than a soother for the moment.
Many quotes/statements in actuality are taken out of context of their original format. Why do I bring it up?
Well, in our society we like things fast and furious.
We like immediate gratification without much commitment.
Not to say people don’t make commitments, but most of the time its the one foot in, one foot out type.
Quotes are immediate gratification; they don’t say much in the way of commitment to greater well-being all the time. That resolution would require one to dig below the surface and greet all the negativity stuffed into already over-filled boxes and closets inside of a person.
How many commitments do you have one foot in and expect good results?
What do you have two feet in and your commitment is solid? Your kids? School? What about your job? Your friends? Your love relationship? How often do you agree to anything without second-guessing yourself?
What is the difference between appearing to have interest in something vs. being 100% whole hog into that thing?
Appearing to have interest, so you seem “at times”, as though you are engaged is not a commitment. You can feel the difference. Do you think if you go through the motions that you are convincing someone “you are all in”? The truth is they know as much as you do that your not truly participating with both feet in place.
People become afraid to invest all the way, because they don’t trust themselves to make a solid decision that will keep them from being disappointed. Some individuals like to keep their options open in case a better job or mate comes hopping along.
Maybe you just dislike something so much that it pains you to think of being wholeheartedly committed, but yet too afraid to leave it…and therefore you stay half-heartedly in a job, relationship or other “stated commitment”.
Fear does amazing things for us. It holds us back from success. It also holds us back from putting both feet in even when it is something we really, really want….such as love, a new job, an interesting hobby, learning a new skill, finishing a degree, an exercise routine, creating deeper bonds in all areas, so that we feel connected, maintain well-being and have a sense of belonging.
If you are not 100% committed to your job, as far as putting effort into being fully present and connected to what you are doing, and seeing yourself successful, then you are doing yourself a huge disservice. When you are not fully committed to your job, you cannot be successful. You may get by or do the minimum of what is requested of you and in some cases you could do enough to receive some accolades, but it will never feel fulfilling and successful.
Why do people just show up for the paycheck? Because we are afraid. We are afraid to shine, we may think we’ll fail and we better play it safe. We all are afraid and there are situations for many of us in which we do one foot out the door and another on a banana peel.
And there ain’t nothing in this world that is worth having without risk. No risk, no reward.
What about in relationships? Married, dating someone, friendships, and even parent/child relationships.
Just because you physically show up or say the words, “I am in”, does not necessarily equal two feet in the relationship. Many times we think lip service followed with no action is enough to keep the relationship going and again we “appear” to be towing the line. But are you? How successful are these relationships where you don’t show up for important people in your life?
We notice who shows up when the chips are down, not all relationships stand up to crisis. Or how about when that person stands you up for any occasion. When somebody does not show up for you whether it is a friend, parent or lover, you feel disappointed and abandoned. If you have issues with self-worth you think you must deserve to be treated poorly or you feel angry, maybe adding on to years of resentment.
And the person who is not in with both feet, that person you feel abandon you when you needed them, they are NOT off having a party thinking you deserve to be treated that way. Instead they are either numbing out so they don’t have to deal with themselves, overcome with daunting guilt or handicapped by their own fears of being ineffectual or engulfed by you or the situation.
People who are committed to their own well-being, want to help maintain it in others not subtract it from a person they care about in any capacity. It makes for “happy and healthy”. When you care about yourself, you are able to say “yes” to life, not run and hide. Both “feet in” means courage, living full out and riding wild unicorns! It means success guaranteed! Why? Because you are “living in the present”, when you give it your all, you are fulfilled.
So in what scenario would having one foot in a relationship ever have a pay off?
You are ensuring the end of the affiliation. Being partially in is not giving it your all….so how could you expect a positive outcome?
You are killing it slowly with false promises, not participating fully. Giving excuses wears thin.
Why would anyone want to live SO SMALL? FEAR. It is a four letter word.
What can you do with a one-foot in person, even if it is you?
In long term friendships there is a choice, communication that is open and honest to get to the root of what is going on for each person. At least armed with information, a decision to invest in the friendship or move on can be made clearly. either both feet in or you could decide it is best to move on.
As a child and this is your parent who continues to abandon you or say they are in your corner, but you can never find them physically or emotionally; it is a much deeper issue then just deciding to move on.
In living together or a marriage it takes honest communication or counseling to determine what both partners are truly committed to creating in their lives. They may decide to jump out or jump in to it all the way. Honest communication makes a difference for a person exclusively dating a commitment-skittish person.
If you have one foot in with your job it’s a matter of asking “why” you are there. Are you doing what you love? If so, how can you commit fully? And if not, commit to an exit strategy.
I know for myself that I am both feet into what I have said “yes” to at this time.
My decisions have more focus, because I don’t want to commit half-way to anything I choose.
I want success, happiness and fulfillment, so my commitments are based on my 100% motivation in understanding why I want to engage before I take the leap off the cliff.
And trust this statement, I have been taking all sorts of high dives without a parachute and I cannot wait to see where I land. Taking risk is the quickest way to change your life.
And the biggest risk I can think of is to be fully on board with both feet in to whatever you endeavor to do!!