I am now in the driver’s seat of how I spend my time, what I allow to control it, and how I choose what I do from minute to minute.
I am erasing that “sense of obligation”, it is actually dissipating quite naturally, on a daily basis.
I am no longer concerned with being accepted as “the favorite”, “the best” or showing up as“the most responsible, so I take everyone else’s stuff on as my own.” It has been happening in pieces over many years, but I would say in the last week it has become my new way of happily greeting the sun each day.
There is a solid feeling of “no more settling”, an actual, undeniable deep, peaceful part of me that will not dally in situations that don’t fulfill or satisfy me.
It resonates at the core of my life both personally and professionally; I usually want to help people, yet ONLY if I am genuine in that effort. My favorite economics term sums it up; the cost vs. benefit analysis, when the cost outweighs the benefit–I am compelled to make a decision in favor of me. When I slow it down, I can spend time pondering what my gut is telling me to be true.
And if I am inclined to help, I make sure I am clear and ask myself: is it for approval, being a “nice” person, or because it is an expectation, as the person asking feels entitled to receive the help?
I share this topic; many of us feel inclined to help people when it is at a cost to ourselves.
The problem with the “cost” is in helping the person, you may end up quietly resenting the individual. And if you don’t help them; you can feel incredibly guilty. The best scenario is put yourself first; I put the oxygen mask on before I help someone else. Once I have enough air, I can be of service.
In slowing it down, I don’t feel rushed to make a decision or show up for any other reason than I genuinely want to be there.
Whether it is a job, my business, dinner, a relationship of any nature: romantic or the one with my kids…
If I am not happy to go along; I slow down to notice if my inner climate is changing, and if the temperature is rising; I ask my motivation and may make an unpopular decision.
I like to please people, yet if I am not pleased….I am soooo not a pleasant person to be around, I’d be a cranky crocodile. And the only person responsible for me achieving “cranky-hood” is me and what I allow by the choices I make every time.
Slowing down means less compromising of myself, because I have the time to see the bigger picture.
Slowing down, is a more peaceful place to live from…there are not many things I “genuinely” have to do.
I get to make a choice every moment of every day; some days I change my mind and yet most days, I am inclined to be of service to people. I find slowing down brings a definite up-liftment, a sense of shared happiness and if we can lift each other even with a smile during our daily excursions, it can change a mood, improve demeanor and energize an individual, just like that!