Is paved with potholes, hills and valleys; bridges broken down leaving a rope to hang onto to as you swing across the gorge and of course, flashing lights telling you to go back the way you came! All choices, will inevitably have potholes. As we get older we realize no decision we ever make will be completely pain free or without challenges, such is life. The choices made from the heart and not the head, at least those provide a sense of fulfillment and happiness–no matter what the outcome! Why? Because you did what you really wanted to do at the time–you decided what was true for you. Heart decisions may even provide a deeper sense of happiness, or let’s call it “joy”. If you would’ve asked me 15 years ago if I made choices from the heart, I would probably have given you a puzzled look. I had no IDEA there was a difference. I made decisions in logic and facts or what I perceived was the correct thing to do based on any of the folowing: my expectations, others’ expectations, society’s dogma, and the list goes on… nevermind though, that I had no clue as to what the right thing was for ME! And honestly, I was pretty darn miserable.
Fast forward to the present time.
I wake up everyday pretty much ready to greet the day–a sense of joy, giddiness or peace is how I pop out of bed! This is in contrast to the many years spent waking with the twinges of anxiety, overwhelm and stress, dreading what the day may bring me; that foreboding feeling of the other shoe dropping out of the sky. I share the difference, because what I now experience is a sense of well-being, what I call “happiness” and I know one thing that is very true…. it has very little to do with your external circumstances.
I have watched clients of mine experience the same transformation. Many times they have wanted to quit on this journey and take a detour; me too! Happiness is a major commitment, but the rewards are the sweetest fruits of your labor.
Happiness comes from authenticity.
Knowing yourself, trusting yourself, loving yourself, being completely bare-boned honest with yourself (illusions aren’t allowed), valuing and honoring yourself…..and then knowing your truth and communicating it to yourself and others. All this culminates into ACCEPTING yourself–the good, bad and the ugly–warts and all. What is true for you, may not be true for someone else…and that is okay. The key is to get past all the “shoulds, coulds, woulds” and get to know the desires, wants and dreams you hold deeply somewhere inside of you. When you live in a place of authenticity, you live in happiness.
No longer do the things that used to completely rock your world or devastate you have the same impact, you will find that another beautiful gift has arrived with your happiness… emotional resiliency. The inherent ability to be able to sustain a sense of well-being through almost any event in this life. The circumstances that in the past would have kicked your butt, may not even register much of a blip on the radar screen. A break up with a significant other that may have sent you to set up camp in your bed for a week; hugging your balled up tissue and empty pizza boxes for comfort, engulfed by depression and unable to just plain cope…..may be quite a different experience when you have resiliency. You may find yourself feeling like you are having an out of body experience as you realize you are able to keep on trucking on down the road. And its not because you are in denial or unconcious; oh no, no, no…in fact you find you are allowing emotions to come up and visit. It’s also not to say that you aren’t sad or experiencing very strong negative emotions; the reality is you may have just lost someone very important to you. What I am saying is… you have the inner resilience, the feeling of your own value, making your perspective quite different than when you depend on your true sense of happiness to be fulfilled by another human being (which is an impossibility and will be addressed in another post).
When we are unaware of ourselves, much of our beliefs about happiness may have much to do with our early belief systems. What we expect or think we need from others in regard to happiness may stem from childhood, IF we again, are not operating from “who we truly are” and what we want for ourselves (not for others to give to us). Our inner happiness, the sense of constant well-being will NEVER change because of another human being, its a huge responsibility to give to another and still, it cannot be accomplished regardless of how much someone may want to give happiness to you. People can definitely add to your sense of happiness; but it is not up to them to fulfill it, it is as a job doomed to fail. Our happiness only changes with us first and last, when we make the commitment to giving ourselves the authentic presence of true happiness.
If you have a suggestion for a topic, please feel free to email me at Tracy@13degreez.com.