When you communicate do you do so authentically? In essence, do you say what you REALLY mean? Not many people do with the understanding of WHY they are feeling a need to communicate, connect, and belong, or in opposition act out and have their way.
We say things to get a reaction. We feel a need but often we can’t recognize the seed of that need…. we just want gratification; fill the empty hole that is crying out. We may be living in a future moment anticipating what we are afraid will happen, with little thought that we are creating that exact outcome.
We communicate or withhold. Sometimes we don’t do it “on purpose” we are stuck in a subtle habit or pattern “making” us take action or run and hide emotionally.
Authenticity with communication allows for humanness. It says “okay” to how I feel: “disconnected” and “why” I feel disconnected, invisible, unworthy, not important, etc.
Authenticity with communication opens the door to bonding not distancing or separating; it says what “your” truth is even if you aren’t clear… being authentic can mean saying “I don’t know” or “I’m scared”. It means becoming vulnerable.
Vulnerability is not a weakness its true strength; it’s the opportunity to say what is authentically true for you…even if your truth changes in the next moment. Many of us have been taught to refrain from speaking our truth,does this ever lead to inner peace and happiness?
It gives you insight into yourself rather than building walls keeping you in unsatisfying patterns. Walls have nothing to do with who you truly are and what you truly want.
On my own journey to vulnerability, I have to unlearn a lot of things, which punish, self-protect, separate and make me destroy situations and cut people off.
Getting to the authentic place requires me to go against this huge force within me that keeps me unhappy by operating in this manner. It’s self-defeating to wear emotional armor. Being authentic can feel like swallowing your pride, but in actuality you are exhaling untruths about yourself; you release yourself from being the “bud” to blossom.
As you trip, wobble, fall down on the path to authenticity you receive the ultimate pay off: Well-being. Even if you are ill at ease in stating what is true for you, because it is not in agreement with others… you’ll start to notice that respecting, valuing and honoring yourself by authentic communication provides well being.
Someone recently said, “The way to keep things simple without drama is to shove it under a rug. Don’t analyze or talk about it, pretend it doesn’t exist.”
Unfortunately, that doesn’t lead to peace and happiness. It leads to numbness or drama in ignoring the underlying truth. Nothing is clear; it is inauthentic when a pink elephant is in the room…energy goes to hiding it whether we realize it or not.
This person was correct in stating analyzing leads to drama; it leads to a disruption of inner peace.
The key is to speak about things clearly before there is a need to mentally agonize. “Feel it-speak it.” Create clear boundaries of treatment and what you need…. even if it changes.
Being authentic in communication allows truth. Everything else is B.S.
B.S. is a story we tell so we don’t have to look at the roots of our discontent.
Look at the roots of your suffering not to analyze, but to recognize…. So you can take different action in line with your truth. It frees you to see clearly the “why” of your perception based on your beliefs and the defeat you feel by your own inability to know what is true for you.
I love the work I do.
I see how recognition works in action.
My client last night had been humiliated, shamed and treated in a very unkind manner by a sitter when he was five. We didn’t spend time analyzing the situation…. Instead I asked, “What did that situation make you believe about yourself and the world?” “What strategies did you create then to make sure you weren’t hurt in this way in the future?” He said, “Adults couldn’t be trusted; his strategy became to keep quiet and never say things to people which would humiliate him.” In that instant, he saw how he carried that strategy into adulthood. This truth remained buried for years. He never knew why he was on guard against anything, which could possibly humiliate him; therefore he trusted no one and it was reflected in all of his relationships.
My client has made many of these discoveries about his conditioning, which aren’t authentically him. In the process, he’s learning to authentically communicate what is going on for him no matter the cost. He has found instead of the cost being painful, speaking his truth has drastically improved his relationships, relaxed him, and allows him to live more in the present without worrying about the future. Sometimes he forgets to ask himself why he feels a certain way and he doesn’t communicate; he falls back in a pattern of blaming, punishing and distancing…yet he doesn’t stay there anymore.
Clarity of communication will stop most drama in its tracks.
Vulnerability provides the opening for AUTHENTIC COMMUNICATION. When you are afraid inside and don’t know why, “express it!” Why? Because when people are afraid and don’t communicate we do weird crap. We do everything in complete opposition of what we want, which is to be loved and accepted for who we are and are not.
When you say I’m scared, someone will want to be closer to you, hear what you are afraid of even if it is unclear or has to do with him or her, because we ALL have fear….
Communicating fear authentically creates bonding and allows another to speak their truth too.
Honest dialogue is true strength, rather than putting up walls that hurt yourself and another. If your truth is something hard to say…. often by saying it, it loses its power within you. You released the fear by communicating it authentically and now you are free to move about your life with ease and lightness.
And by being “real” with someone else, you allow them to be recipients of authentic communication; we all get to relax into well-being. We are seen and known for who we truly are… and accepted.