Rear View Mirrors

While driving, someone I know was busy looking backwards, in his rear view mirror and literally, rear-ended the car in front of him.

It’s kind of a funny thing, when you consider he believed he knew the road ahead.

Guess he thought it looked like the road he had already driven down many times.

Memory lane is great for a few laughs and warm tinges of sentiment. It is definitely not the way to live in the present or create a future that is full of opportunity.

Saying we want peace, happiness, love and success in our lives requires a level of truth within oneself.

The truth as I have stated before is not a story of some past woe or success.

Seeking the truth is easy, it is that whisper or maybe a nudging from your heart. It is being in the present moment, almost as a newborn child. A clean slate, not encumbered by baggage or a slanted perception. Stepping forward into the unknown.

I have spoken about the unknown in previous posts.

As much as we say we want different, when the opportunity to experience new comes skipping along, we turn to the nearest tree and hide behind it. We don’t know if we can trust this interloper, because we are not familiar with the feeling.

Meaning, the feeling of “discomfort”, due to change or something different than our usual menu of the “known’. If it feels comfortable, please interpret this as… the same present, just re-gifted with a pretty bow.

When we look to the past to go forth, we seek what is familiar. We look for the ties that bind us to the past, even though we could swear our binoculars are set in front of us.

My favorite game of name that past pattern, is when we meet someone that we think is different.

We exclaim to ourselves, this person is nothing like our ex-mate or date, past mean boss or backstabbing friend. Only to find out that comfortable feeling we had when we met and it appeared to “click” is the “pattern” vacuuming us into its black hole of anti-matter.

The pull to the past can be incredibly strong.

We may not even be aware we are sucked into its vortex.

And we are the common denominator in our sad story. We were there for past events, present moments and the future to be determined.

Some people never leave the past AT all.

They have one foot in old relationships, old paradigms and old beliefs, which are ALL way past their due date.

This poor individual is holding on and afraid to let go, because that would require taking action and stepping into the unknown.

This person CANNOT tell themselves “truthfully” that this part of their life is over and no matter how long they hold on, they cannot revive a dead guppy. They don’t want to quit or fail, but maybe they could ask themselves: if the audience has long gone home and you are the only one standing there waiting for the trophy, maybe the fight is over?

Or maybe this individual in their fear of moving on ….  is holding out for a miracle and hoping something will change?

Their fantasy could be hoping the other party they hold onto will finally wake-up or have a personality transplant or see the light as to how awesome this individual is and “silly wabbit” they should have never dismissed this person from their love, life, business or friendship….

Miracles don’t come for those who wait with their backs toward the future; miracles come to those who participate in LIVING their life no matter what condition they are in mentally, physically, financially or emotionally.

An ending, emotionally, to an already over and done relationship, is a great way to step out of the past.

Make peace with it and see the relationship as an experience, in which you learned about yourself and allow it to propel you toward something different, healthy; a new beginning.

You can’t invite in the present or future until you appropriately put the past, well, in the past. Move on. Your dreams are not found looking backwards, they are only in front of you or beside you as you start to live into them.

The past can be insidious in keeping you stuck.

You could be having a conversation with someone and a “feeling” comes out of left field hitting you in the gut.

All of a sudden your demeanor changes as you relate that feeling to a past event with someone else. Now you don’t even realize you are “literally” in that past moment as you are relating to the person NOW in front of you. And you are now acting like you did in the past, instead of seeing if the situation you are NOW participating in will have a different outcome.

I can tell you, IT WON’T.

Why? Because, by your reaction to your OWN feeling you are going to create THAT same outcome! Yes, you have that much control!

Hallelujah! The past is repeated! You say to yourself, “See, nothing ever works out!” Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

And then your “story” grows.

Now you have more ammunition to load into your new “promise” to yourself. You promise to have more control over your life, what you do and who you let in….an air of suspicion, as no one can be trusted.

Instead of opening yourself more to the unknown and opportunities you have yet to experience, you create the “tv set” for more soap operas to emerge.

As your “story” unfolds from the past moving forth; you spend hours, days, weeks strategizing the “what ifs”.

All the different scenarios that could possibly happen to you are analyzed; you are prepared for anything to come up–all surprises accounted for and nothing slipping in the back door, oh yes…you got it covered!

Or do you?

99% of the time all the scenarios you created in your head, never happen.

And as you were busy thinking of all the possible outcomes, all that time strategizing a future that never came to be, you weren’t even living in the present moment. You were living in the past, because all of those scenarios were based on things that had gone wrong in the past.

It is almost feels like the Universe does it on purpose, all that mental prep work and viola! Nothing happens.

Another favorite “name that past pattern game”, is the one in which you meet someone new. And this person is actually different than others in your past.

Yet, you are bound and determined to ensure this relationship will fail too.

You remember the feelings you had in the past when you trusted another person. You were disappointed, disillusioned and hurt. You find yourself in an odd place with this new person, because they don’t seem to be responding to you as others did in the past. They seem to have different qualities….but you tell yourself the three-headed monster will emerge soon enough and prove once again that no one can be trusted….not even you.

You see this is the crux of what I discuss with my clients.

It is not a matter of you trusting others.

It is a matter of you trusting “YOU” to handle the disappointment when things don’t work out how you wanted; it is your fear of your own inability to handle your own emotions when it doesn’t go your way. We run through life avoiding that which may cause us to possibly be hurt and disappointed, because we may be overwhelmed by our state of mind. Unable to function. And again, our world grows smaller and smaller.

If you can catch yourself running from situations and people which elicit a feeling or a memory from the past…

Catch it with your butterfly net…..and hold it for a minute or two. See what that feeling tells you rather than you just succumbing to the fear it brings you. Look at it closely and see that it is harmless. It always was harmless, its only potency was the “power and energy” you gave to it and now in the present moment, you have a choice. 

Will you carry that past feeling you are experiencing into the current situation, so you can repeat the past?

Or will you choose to recognize it and realize it has no power in the present, unless you allow it to take over. Yes, you are in control and resilient even if things don’t go your way.

You see the more honest you are with yourself the more “whole” you become.

And the more whole you become, the more resilient you are to handle disappointment.

And then you are able to see the future as a newborn, knowing that what happened in the past does not need to be recreated unless that is what you choose…so look at every road as untraveled, even if you have been down it a million times. You never know what new opportunity may be coming after that next green light.

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